April 09, 2024, 11:04:23 PM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Beth 2011

1
Grab Bag / Re: Mother's Day is on it's way
April 28, 2014, 05:08:12 PM
Hi Cranky Pants, Hello Everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well.  I came by to see how you all are doing and I saw this from CP.  CP it has taken me over 4 years to accept that no matter how much I planned for the future with DS and DIL and GC, it's not going to happen.  We all live in a small town and everyone know everybody's business.  ::)  DS has since moved over 2500 miles away.  I believe this helped make it easier for him to continue with his own idea of his family's happiness and he doesn't have to answer the constant questions from friends and family members that he continued to run into at the store or restaurants, etc.....  He has moved several times with the company he is with and frankly, I have no address or any idea how to get touch if I needed to do so.  My DH said if something happens to him and this is still going on, do not try to contact DS.  I feel the same way and we have had to have wills drawn up since all this has transpired.  It opened our eyes to a lot of things.  I ask myself if this is how he always was and we ignored and DIL just brought it out more with her influence.  We were just baffled.  It is greater than I so I can tell you this, I sleep good at night and live each day as it comes.  I believe that I have to be here for me and my FOO and he is making his choice too as an adult.  Letting bygones-be bygones.  Wishing everyone Peace.  :)         
2
Hi Ladies,

I am approaching this year in a much better frame of mind than I have in the past.  Things are more or less the same but they are out of my control-so be it.  I am planning a dinner for a small group and I know we will also take care packages around again this year.  I am thinking positive which is hard when you have a lot of turkeys around!!!! ;) ;) ;)  I just can't believe that Thanksgiving is almost here!  I hope everyone here has a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving!  I am saying that just in case I don't get back here before Thanksgiving.  I am thankful to everyone here for the advice and time you take to listen and give feedback.  Ms. Luise, I am most thankful for you.   ;D ;D ;D  Happy Thanksgiving!  :)
3
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Our DIL
October 27, 2013, 06:35:18 AM
I agree making attempts but knowing when to let it go and not make yourself miserable and FOO is very difficult.  I had a very hard time with the part of letting go of the way it was and the way I thought it should be.  I still worry about my DGC and hope that DIL is giving him love and time he needs even though we have never been allowed to see him esp. after they moved across the country, further isolating themselves from everyone.  Realize it is not you.  Hardest part.  :-\
4
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
October 20, 2013, 05:46:25 PM
My DM is very ill, but today when my DD and I were visiting her she said something so simple but so sensible and I wanted to pass it along.  We were talking about different things that were going on in FOO and she said, "Yes, you never know about anyone except yourself, we don't know about all the entanglements of another person, not even with our own family members.  You just never know.  And I realized at that moment all the time that Ms. Luise has said more or less the same thing.  It really hit home and allowed me to release the burden that I was carrying and didn't realize it until today.  :o   
5
Way to go Ruth!!!  Another Champion!! 
6
Hi LC,

I have to comment on the subject because it all rings so true.  I had to come to terms with the fact that it was not because it was just me (personally) that if it was not me, it could have been another MIL of the man she married. We are his FOO and therefore we are the enemy.  Plain and simple, yet the hardest to accept.  If DS had intervened earlier maybe things would not have reached this point of no contact.  But I look back at her relationship w/her DM and there is really not one except what DS encouraged.  DIL is not close to her FOO either.  DS is obviously in agreement with everything she says.  The last time my DH spoke w/DS, DS sounded like a parrot.  He wanted to argue with DH until DH asked for some of the money he owes us.  Well, we won't have to worry about hearing him trying to argue anytime soon.  He blow that hot air back in her direction where it belongs.  LC, Karma is something else.  I have seen it too many times.  Be positive, and continue to be strong and think about that it may not be you at all.  It sounds like if it had not been you, it would have been someone else, it would have been the MIL of whom ever DIL married.   
7
Ladies,

Thank you all for your support and responds.  I would have replied earlier but have been without a PC.  I took it for repairs and then when I got it back home started acting up again and I had to return the repair shop PC in hand.  :( 

It does feel strange Ms. L., I can't even share this with DH because he is just going through the angry stage now.... I went through that a good while back.  He just keeps thinking that DS will change.  He just can't accept that it is what it is.  I feel like that is one of the most overused expressions but it does fit. 

There has been only a couple of phone calls made by DH to DS "this has been a one way communication" that were very short  and it sounded like DIL's mantra that he repeated to DH verbally and through text.  Like I told DH, DS's choice to move across the country, no one is twisting his arm to make these choices. 

I have made a conscience effort to not be sucked into their vast blackhole.  I feel that DIL is ready to blame us for everything and anything that is wrong in their marriage.  As long as we don't call or contact them, who can she blame?  If DS wanted to talk with us, he would call.  My DH just hasn't reached that understanding yet.  It is a process, and we all move at different speeds.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and make mine and everyone else's problems here disappear.

Finally, I believe that the reality of parenthood is finally sinking in for both of them....   


8
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
June 27, 2013, 03:51:14 PM
I got my PC back.  :D  It crashed and had to take in for repairs.  Happy Day Everyone!
9
A family member just showed me a short video of my ds and dil and gc.... this is the first I have seen of them.  I heard ds's voice and did not recognize it at all.  He doesn't even talk the same, it's like he is a totally different person.  Listening to he and dil was a very eye opening experience.  Just listening to them interact was like watching a performance on my ds's part.  I thought where did he go? I guess this is who he is now or always has been.  I was wondering what TV soap am I watching????....  The nice thing about the video was GC was totally adorable from what I saw.   ;D     
10
Grab Bag / Re: Having A Bad Day
May 25, 2013, 03:46:16 PM
Pen, I know what you mean, I find myself just looking at everything around me and everyone....living situations, health issues, family issues.... and it feels like weights pulling you down.  But then my eyes get watery or I have a good cry and I usually feel better because I know I have to keep going.  No matter how tough things get I just keep moving.  This is the toughest thing to do at times but we do it.
11
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
May 17, 2013, 05:24:04 PM
Ms. Luise, I love your quote, What you think of me is none of my business.  I always tell people at work if I don't need to know don't tell me, ignorance is bliss.  :) 

My ignorance was blissful this week. :)
12
I'm so ready for something tall and cold. :P  Looks like everyone has been enjoying themselves... ;D  It's been a rough week ladies and I missed the boat but I caught a copter courtesy of Ms. Luise and I am ready to rock and roll.  Oh, I see everyone going into the dining room.  Everyone looks so refreshed and relaxed in their tropical island wear!  See you all after I freshen up!!!  8)
13
Hi Jane,

You are in my thoughts, stay strong for yourself and GC after the dust settles, wishing you peace. 
14
Sounds wonderful Ladies, someone else waiting on me for a change, 24/7.... ;D Midnight buffets, dancing all night....  Where are my sunglasses and hat? I can see us all....we'll all be sitting by the pool recovering the next day.   
15
Lady Star,

I have read your threads and it is very difficult to realize that our children are not what we have in our own minds to be.  It is very hurtful and shocking at times.  But you sound like a fighter.  I know you're tired but you have still pushed through and are seeing that things may not be as you thought.  Maybe a good nights sleep somewhere else and a couple of days to think about your plan of action might help.  Wishing you peace.