OMG this sounds so much like my situation. I am also tired of walking on egg shells around the GF. My DS told us when he first met her that she was raised by nannies and not very socialized. But I never realized how unstable she is. This has been going on now for over 6 years and I am done. My DIL says she looks down on us because we are not college educated. But stupid, we are not, considering my DH and I started our of life journey together with basically nothing. We have spent the last 35 years climbing out of the holes we were in when we met and have made ourselves quite comfortable. We did this by educating ourselves about money and real estate. My DS says we do not respect the rules. Well I feel that she does not respect us and take us for who we are. Our family has been very close until this girl came into it. Every past GF ended up calling me mom and has stayed in contact with me. This time he picked a doozie. I just found out that on Christmas she was sitting in my driveway and would not come in because my son did not answer his text message. He was peeling potatoes for me and was not fast enough. She started driving away and he had to talk her into turning around and coming back. She would not come over on Thanksgiving with my GD and I later heard through DIL that my DS was mad about it.
I have never in my life been stuck in a situation like this. But I observed something similar when I was much younger. Children should not be used as weapons and held back from their family because someone is not happy because they can't control your every minor movement. I feel like she is doing it to punish me because I broke the rules, of which I have apologized and she said she accepted. Obviously she wants some blood with that apology. I have pretty much told them both take it or leave it, the next step is theirs. Her mother waltz's in and out of their house like she lives there. I have to give them several days notice. When they come to my house they waltz right in. No warning or anything that they are even coming. Of course I can count the number of times I have seen my GD the last 22 months on my fingers, maybe less if that tells you anything. They have come over several times and left her at the GF's mothers house. I really am beginning to feel like the GF wants all the control and is using my GD as the bait for the control. Unfortunate for her, I will not play this game any longer. It is hard on us and it is not good for my GD. I think if I just stick to my guns and not call that my DS will cave in and try to make things better. I know he loves me and wants us to see my GD. I just don't think he has been able to figure it out yet where the GF is concerned. Is my heart breaking, yes. But I truly am tired and think the GF needs to get back on whatever meds she took before she got pregnant and I and my DH need to put all this heartbreaking turmoil behind us. We plan to concentrate on our older grandchildren of whom we have total access.