March 28, 2024, 01:08:20 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - luise.volta

8371
What a beautiful exchange. Lovely...
8372
A trusting, loving son is the key to disaster? I'm not quite following, since in my instance my eldest son was distrusting and unloving and found his perfect match. And when my trusting and loving younger son misread his former wife and found himself locked into her pathology, he ended it. Not for me...for himself.

In the situation I just wrote about, I don't think my boyfriend was even worried about taking me home to meet his mother because he was used to his mother's antics. I was the trusting one that gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and trusted one and all unless I was given reason not to. But when I found reason not to trust, I acted in my own best interest.

It seems like sometimes our sons, back to the other side of the coin, see their best interest as disconnecting from their families of origin because they didn't detect the fly in the ointment, (the wife's insecurity or whatever), until it was too late. Leaving is not always the solution, just as staying isn't always the solution, either. It's their issue and we ofter suffer what is now being called "collateral damage." (Heartbreak.)

8373
Truth be told, we have met some really great DILs on this site who gave their all to their MILs and were still shut out and put down. It happens.

I remembr 100 years ago when I was was still in high school and accepted my boyfriend's fraternity pin. I lived in Michigan, he lived in Illinois. (Long story.) He was in pre-med and eventually became a doctor because his mother wanted him to be one. He wanted to be a writer. My aunt introduced us because she was his Creative Writing teacher in high school and liked him a lot. He took me home to meet his mother and she walked into the room and snarled..."Well...I don't think we need to be introduced, do we?!!" It was all downhill for me after that. Not for him...but I simply couldn't cope with that kind of person. I'm sure glad she showed her colors early on. 
8375
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: The Latest
August 05, 2009, 10:01:40 PM
Every time I get the planets all aligned, I go to sleep and they get all messed up again! :D
8376
And you did it! What a great sport you are!!!! :D
8377
Well, if 8 bothers you...give me one more and I will have 9! Do you like that number better? ::)
8378
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Bridges
August 04, 2009, 05:36:20 PM
There's a lot of that going around..."what-in-it-for me." If you get a chance, under the Stories heading, read my story about my mother-in-law. It was the 1940s and I was dumber than a post.
8379
Are we doing good cop/bad cop?  ;D
8380
Well, twenty years later he thinks he invented me probably because he doesn't have to deal with his aging parent but maybe he just figured out that I'm wonderful! More LOL!  :D
8382
I would give you a whole string of pluses if I could but my webmaster told me, since it is my forum, not to do pluses or minuses. I suppose he's right. I can give you kisses and hugs, though! XOXO!

Try not to let the minuses get to you because you are the backbone of this forum and as such, a handy target. You are outspoken...as in someone who has spoken out. Long live Prissy!!!
8383
Well, if there was that mind-set, to already not like you even before they met you, what a bummer. I'm sure that happens.

I was just as innocent at age 62 when I married my now-hubby and made the same assumptions. But his son and DIL were terrible to me. I thought if I made his dad happy, that would put a star in my crown. Not even close. I was much younger, so I must be after his money. What money! LOL!  ;D
8384
Good point...a huge difference between smothering and mothering! And probably all about unmet needs. Sometimes they may even be unconscious needs but they can sure wreck havoc.  :(
8385
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Bridges
August 04, 2009, 01:58:50 PM
Not all of them, No, not all of them! Some are lovely. Precious. Respectful and fun. Yes!

Others temporarily say and do what they think will "sell." Then, when they have what they want, they lower the boom.

It feels like a lottery. Who has a winning ticket? We never know...