:o So much for good intentions. Wedding is over two months ago, almost three. No thank you notes yet for wedding gifts, people are starting to comment. I said something to my son about it. ???
I know it's been taken right back to my DIL, but you know at one point is it okay to call these "adults" on inappropriate behavior? I am so tired of this! Good morning ladies.
I agree with the title you gave this thread. For me, it was hard to get at first that it's their business and their reputations that are at stake. Mostly I don't call the other adults in my life on their behavior. If and when I do, I'm usually not seeing them as "adults." When people start to talk, I'd say, "Well, thank heaven its not my job to look into it. You may want to." Sending love...
yep, yep. Fortunately I said something like "Boy I know those thank you notes can be an overwhelming job." Then gently corrected his belief they had 6 - months to write them. Hard to get over the "kid reflects on me" mind set. "Sigh"
Yes...and eventually we don't "gently correct"...we step back and let go...unless they ask. (Oh, how I love it when they ask! :) )
We moms will probably always be on the hotseat for family issues such as thank you cards or whatever. Rude spoiled kid? Mom indulged too much. Shy, low self-esteem kid? Mom was too critical. Overweight kid? Mom's poor nutrition habits. Underweight kid? Mom stressed out the kid. Lazy? Inconsiderate? Mom didn't lay down the law. It's similar to housekeeping - no one is going to walk into my house and think, "Boy, DH isn't a very good housekeeper. Why doesn't he pick up a vacuum occasionally?" It's all on mom. Am I right?
But, we don't have to buy in! These people are adults now. It's no longer our responsibility no matter what others may think.
I thought current etiquette was 3 months for wedding ty notes. At least that's the trend around here. It seems premature that people are making comments to you, well I'd consider that to be more of an etiquette faux pas than not receiving a ty note in any case. It reflects more on them than on you or DS/DIL. I can't imagine commenting on not receiving a ty note.
There you go!
of course it was my MIL - LOL!
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents? I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
Quote from: 1Glitterati on November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 PM
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents? I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
LOL 12 months.. dang Glitter that would be stretching it.. by then some marriages have already ended
"To Whom It May Concern: Thanks so much for whatever you gave us at our wedding eleven and a half months ago. When we split, we had a gigantic garage sale and appreciate your contribution. Sincerely, BrideNoMore"
That would be it Luise, but at least they followed proper etiquette
;D ;D ;D
Quote from: 1Glitterati on November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 PM
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents? I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
I've read that the guests have 12 months to send a gift. If that's so, I guess that takes care of the "BrideNoMore" present, LOL. If you wait long enough you might not have to buy a gift! At any rate, Miss Manners says that TY notes are to be sent promptly, with 3 months being the absolute limit.
;D ;D ;D
I think I would have given my son's phone number to whomever was questioning me about the thank you notes. "Gee, I wouldn't know, why don't you call them and ask them if they got your present". Let the inquiring minds ask the people responsible for the process to make their own excuses.
A good friend of mine who was not invited to the my son's wedding, sent a gift to the Newlyweds. After 6 months she did approach me and asked if they had received it, since they did not show her an ounce of courtesy she had no option but to ask me. The sorry part, my dil spends literally hundreds each year on card making and stamping supplies. Shame on them for their oversight and rudeness.
TRUE STORY: I actually did receive a "thank you" note for a wedding gift.....many many months after the wedding, at the same time the bride wrote me that she was no longer married to her groom. I didn't know this couple well....but I thought that was great!! At least she still acknowledged our gift; however I felt really sorry that her marriage had not worked out....maybe the reason she didn't send the "thank you notes" to begin with??? I sorta wondered why she acknowledged the gift at all (from us) as we were pretty much strangers to her and her ex-husband (we were friends of her parents)....but that's what I thought of when I read this post. xox
Amazing Story!
Just "because"...I want to say that people who feel they have to ask if a gift was received bug me. If it wasn't received, it would have been returned. Lost in the mail? Not the issue. The issue is to point out that courtesy has not been practiced. I don't see how doing that can be construed as being courteous, either.
At age 21, I was very late in thanking my husband's cousin for a Revere Coffee pot. She wrote and asked it if had been lost in the mail? Pu...leeze! She was making a point of telling met hat I didn't measure up...(which I didn't.) :(
I never allow a man or woman for that matter to even hold open a door for me without me thanking them. If I can take the time to thank a total stranger for a small act of kindness, I can certainly thank those who have gone out of their way to give me a gift.
I can, now, too. That was 64 years ago and I was a slow learner...
Quote from: tryingmybest on November 30, 2010, 04:43:46 AM
:o So much for good intentions. Wedding is over two months ago, almost three. No thank you notes yet for wedding gifts, people are starting to comment. I said something to my son about it. ???
I know it's been taken right back to my DIL, but you know at one point is it okay to call these "adults" on inappropriate behavior? I am so tired of this! Good morning ladies.
Hi Trying My Best,
I may be able to offer some insight here. I'm young, but very old fashioned; it was a bit of an overkill, but my thank you cards go out within a week of a receipt of a gift (even for the honeymoon...haha). However, I've noticed that my friends don't really do the thank you card thing, and my BIL actually sent everyone a photo of him and SIL that said "Thanks for coming." I think it might be a generational thing. One friend sent out a mass facebook post, others have sent out a mass e-mail. I don't wonder if thank you cards are becoming outmoded; which is unfortunate...I like handwriting letters and putting postage on them. It is an easy way to say you were thought of.
Just remember, even if the thank you cards don't go out at all, your DS and DIL are probably still grateful. Also, if you're hearing comments, that is NOT a reflection on you. It took me a long time to realize that my mom was a completely different person than me (she also doesn't write thank you cards, which is why I'm over obsessive about them, I think). I thought it reflected poorly on the entire family, but it most certainly does not. If someone has a problem with it, their issue is with the person not writing the thank you cards, not you. Take that pressure off yourself right now, because it isn't going to get any easier the next time they do something out of the "norm."
Also, I never understood the comments about thank you cards anyhow, if you're going to give a gift, give it for its own sake. While it is proper in etiquette to write a thank you note, it is not something that one should automatically expect when they give a gift. Give the gift, let it go. Then, if you do get a thank you card, feel extra special about it.
Quote from: Pen on November 30, 2010, 05:13:29 PM
Quote from: 1Glitterati on November 30, 2010, 02:50:23 PM
Actually...aren't there 12 months in which a couple has to write thank you notes for wedding presents? I have no idea why I think that...I just seem to recall reading that somewhere.
I've read that the guests have 12 months to send a gift. If that's so, I guess that takes care of the "BrideNoMore" present, LOL. If you wait long enough you might not have to buy a gift! At any rate, Miss Manners says that TY notes are to be sent promptly, with 3 months being the absolute limit.
Maybe I have it backwards! Entirely possible.
ETA...I wrote the thank you notes from my wedding shower that night. I wrote the thank you notes for the wedding gifts as soon as we got back from the honeymoon.
You make so much sense, HB. Let it go and don't compound the whole thing with more bad manners. Sending love...
Shhhh, I'm in bed with my feet up...sleeping... :-X
:D :D :D Rest well tonight...
I'm picturing your sweet little toes all tucked in for the night. Glad you're back safe and sound, Luise.
Dear Tryingmybest, I think what you said to your son was appropriate and called for as well. Nothing wrong with a gentle reminder or tug... For sending Thank You notes is simply common courtesy as well as common sense and for some unknown reason I have found our younger generation is lacking in that department...
I am certain that DIL and Son have been busy and people understand that and they may have honestly forgotten...HOW??? I dont know~~ I have heard that out of my DIL at times (and I would think to myself--you are not that old yet!!) LOL....
And then on the other hand I have heard that when you verbally Thank someone for a gift that you do not have to send a Thank You note...Now, I am not certain if this applies to Weddings or not~~but I still do believe sending one is the proper thing to do.
If someone should ask you about this~~simply tell them, you are right, however you may want to ask them, for I do not have the answer...
Blessings and HUGS, Faith
Thank you ladies, for all the input. I'm looking at the lovely thank-you card that arrived yesterday! Yeah!!!!!! Even my MIL commented on getting hers. It worked out! ;D
Glad to hear it Trying, and I'm happy that they took the time to let others know that their thoughts and gifts were greatly appreciated.
I was at my MIL's the other day and had to get something from her closet.. there on the shelf was a thank you card that my son had given to her when he was probably 8 or 9, she had given him money for his college acct and on the card he drew a picture of money falling from the sky. I thought it was sweet that she kept it all these years, but it goes to show that a simple thank you can make for a cherished lifetime memory.
so so true laurie, i was going thru drawers yesterday and came upon little thankyou notes, and i love you mom notes from my children. soooo prescious!
i think i kept them all! ;D ;D ;D
YIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!!!! Glad to hear this... :) ;) :D ;D :-*