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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: jdtm on November 04, 2011, 08:29:31 AM

Title: A Question to MILs
Post by: jdtm on November 04, 2011, 08:29:31 AM
I'm wondering how others deal with this situation.  We live minutes from our son's homes so "what do you say when asked to babysit".  For years I said yes to our elder son's wife - only once I said "no" and she stopped speaking to me - it's now been over six years (for the past two years she is now our Ex-DIL).  Our younger son's wife does not ask me as much to babysit (about once a week or so) but I am so afraid of saying "no" that I always say "yes" even if it means rearranging my life/schedule.  I just got off the phone and committed one day this week-end to babysitging when I had hoped to spend it with my husband.  I'm scared to say no when I know they are aware of my "free time".  What do the rest of you do?  And, does no one hire babysitters any more?  (Oh - we're moving several miles away by the end of the year - can anyone guess why)
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: herbalescapes on November 04, 2011, 09:04:30 AM
Your post convinces me God has a sense of humor and deliberately lines up inlaws to promote clashes - kinda like reality TV.  I got in trouble w/ my ILs for not asking them to babysit enough, which of course I did because I absolutely hated them and had nothing to do with the fact that they both worked full-time and were unavailable when I most needed sitters. 

To your question, yes, people do hire sitters still, but around here it is $5/child/hour, so it does get pricey.

Do you have any reason to suspect DIL #2 would react the same way as DIL #1 did?  I think since you've already agreed, you should go ahead this weekend, but maybe sound out the situation later on, as subtly as possible?.  I know I've had a variety of people decline my request for babysitting and I never thought any less of them.  Hey, no one needs to rearrange their schedule for my convenience (except my spouse, of course). 

Good luck.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: FAFE on November 04, 2011, 09:48:45 AM
So far, when my DD has asked me to babysit and I had other plans, they rearranged their plans.  I do go a lot and there are times when I'm not available, but they will ask DH to watch her - and he does and loves it.  I don't think SIL's parent's have been asked to babysit at all.  But, usually when they ask us, it is a matter of convenience, i.e., they're coming to our town to shop or see a movie.  The other GP's live out in the middle of nowhere.  But, they do see each other as much as they see us.  Other GM HATES squalling, dirty diapered babies, so she will do more interacting with GD when she is older.  Matter of fact, other GP's have a 4/5 month old baby that the GD keeps for 2 hours every day.  GM is not involved at all. 

We try to get our GS for at least a week in the summer (sometimes that is a nightmare - making the arrangements, as DS is very controlling).  DIL is fine with whatever happens.  They will be here for at least a week at Christmas.  We get along pretty good - as I told her to start with, at least listen to what I've got to say, but do exactly what you want too and that has worked out pretty good. 
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Pooh on November 04, 2011, 09:54:20 AM
I'm with herbal.  Any reason to think they wouldn't be understanding?
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: momof2 on November 04, 2011, 11:34:09 AM
This isn't your old DIL, it is your new DIL. If you already commited to watching the child, I think it would be bad to back out now. Next time tho, tell her the truth. You already have plans. I don't think it is a big deal. I wish my parents would watch my kids for me. You wanna be my Gma? lol
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: pam1 on November 04, 2011, 03:05:22 PM
Haha herbalescapes, I had the same thought too.  I rarely ask anyone to babysit, I just don't need it.  We usually rotate with friends to take date nights, we watch their kids one night, next night they watch ours etc. But my MIL really, really wants to all the time. 

Anyway, jdtm can you clarify how often both are asking you?  I think once a week is a lot to ask someone to babysit if that's not their job.  I can't imagine what she needs it for. 

I have a SIL like this and she's a stay at home mom.  She wants to go to the salon during the week and have someone watch her kids (I work at home so of course it looks like I'm actually doing nothing of importance LOL.)  Anyway, I ask why she can't just do it when her DH is home, like on the weekends or evening and she says so she has more time with him.  Um...ok, we all have that issue.  I just don't get her.  She wants to go to friends weddings without her kids (even when they are invited) so she can kick back and have a good time but then waits two days before the wedding to ask anyone to watch her kids.  I think it may be a cultural thing, maybe it's normal in her family, I don't know.  We take kids to things like weddings (when they're invited) so they learn how to behave themselves in all types of social settings and situations.  She just doesn't do that, but nothing I can do but tell her no.  She must ask me at least 3 or 4 times a month and my flabber is usually gasted as to why, she's having a yard sale and needs babysitting....um ok.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 04, 2011, 06:48:18 PM
I am very bad example here....horrid, actually. When I was initially asked to babysit I said, "No...been there, done that...got the T-shirt"...and I didn't. I watched my eldest grandson alone one evening of his whole life and then one weekend he and his little brother. That's it. They both turned out to like me immensely. Go figure! I have never watched my great granddaughter, now 18. But I did crochet a baby blanket for her when she was a new born and I was in my crocheting-period. (She lucked out there because it only lasted about 6 months.) She actually still has it. :-)

When my granchildren were born I was in marriage number three (of five) and having the time of my life. What can I say?
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Pen on November 04, 2011, 11:53:05 PM
I'm always amazed at parents who assume the GPs will be available anytime for babysitting duties. We paid a sitter or traded with friends; my kids GPs didn't offer and we never asked them to sit.

If your x-DIL is no longer speaking to you because you dared to say no to her request (demand?) to sit, she was probably looking for an excuse to cut you off anyway. Is your younger DS's wife of a similar nature or is she easier to get along with? Perhaps you could be honest with her regarding your feelings...but only if you think she'd be understanding.

I understand how your experience with x-DIL has made it difficult for you to say no to your other DIL...my experience with my DIL has created a lot of doubt and insecurity in my life!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: jdtm on November 05, 2011, 06:57:09 AM
QuoteI'm always amazed at parents who assume the GPs will be available anytime for babysitting duties.

You hit the nail on the head!  Sometimes, I just want to read or watch TV or putter in my house/garden - as I get older, I find I need a lot more "down time" to re-energize - a lot more.  I would not have understood this when younger and I know my children also do not "get" this.  They don't see my "down time" as re-energizing and necessary time - but then again, I didn't see this with my own parents, either. By the way, I rarely asked my parents or ILs to babysit - we seemed to understand to not infringe upon them but those of us born after the second world war (and I blame our generation and not our children's) have been too quick to jump in and solve their problems - money, housing, schooling, parenting, social, etc.  We could "help" and so we did - too much.  Then, when we get on in age (and most of us look/act younger than our parents did at this age - well, I think we do), our children expect our actions to remain the same (and so do we).  It's a catch-22 situation and it is not working. 

Luise was right - been there, done that (and even more so for those of us who are retired teachers).  I love my grandchildren dearly and I love spending time with them but after a couple of hours, the energy is gone.   i am totally wiped; my husband is asleep on the couch and I try to struggle onward.  For every hour I spend with them, it takes about two hours to recover.  So, an afternoon of watching grandchildren (and I have four) means not one afternoon out of my life, but the next day as well.  My friends get this; my children and grandchildren don't.  Luckily, the grandchildren will soon be too old for sitters (and I've already decided I will not babysit great grandchildren).  I feel that my second DIL is the most wonderful DIL in the world and I do not want to jeopardize that relationship in any way.  Being "ousted" from the lives of our elder son and now ex-DIL and children nearly killed me.  I could not endure that again.  Thanks for your answers ...
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Doe on November 06, 2011, 06:41:21 AM
Quote from: jdtm on November 05, 2011, 06:57:09 AM
I feel that my second DIL is the most wonderful DIL in the world and I do not want to jeopardize that relationship in any way. 

Maybe this is handled for you but I thought I would throw in my 2¢.  If I were you I would just have an honest talk with DIL and tell her what you said here (above) and that you are nervous about the whole thing because of what happened with ex DIL.
Main thing, imo, is to move you out of the being scared about the situation and into some other emotion.  Like cheerful, for example.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Sheen on November 06, 2011, 09:30:08 PM
I love this topic,  at least makes me feel that I am not a horrible person for not wanting to babysit all the time.  My situation is a bit different as, daughter and gs live in upstairs apartment .  It is way too convienent for dropping downstairs, and asking could you watch him while I run to the store, visit a friend etc.   Most of the time I really don't mind but like many here have said, sometimes I just want to do what I want to do  and that does not involve playing trucks lol.

When I say no, I get this whole guilt thing going on which I must admit has gotten better lately but it is just conforting to know that I am not a horrible person because I don't want to babysit all the time.  When i think back, I know I had four children and the only time I didn't take the kids was when I worked or at an adult get together at night once in a great while.  I always tell her that she only has one child trying doing it with four lol
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 06, 2011, 09:35:23 PM
I love being human and getting I'm doing a great job of it. Trying to be perfect was such hard work and the more I put into it...the less perfect I became.

Whew...
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: jdtm on November 07, 2011, 04:25:48 AM
QuoteWhen I say no, I get this whole guilt thing going on

Do I understand this - last night my DIL again asked me to babysit (third time in five days but this really is unusual) and as I had a dinner date tonight with five friends I have not seen for several months, I said "no".  Guilt - she has to now cancel her dentist's appointment and I could have "worked around it" ....  Didn't sleep too well last night but I'm not going to call and "work around" it ....

QuoteTrying to be perfect was such hard work

No, I'm not trying to be "perfect" - just trying to make things "easier" for them because when things are "easier" for them, it is "easier" for me.  And, I'm not just referring to our DIL; but also to my husband and sons (who are farmers and whose lives revolve around the weather - literally).  Frankly, I would just like to be "retired" - I wish my husband would retire - I'm getting too old for this ...
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Pen on November 07, 2011, 07:37:56 AM
IMO, if your DIL had a previously set dental app't she must have had time to find a sitter. To ask you at the last minute, thus having to cancel her app't, is completely on her. Quote from a sign: "Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 07, 2011, 12:03:40 PM
I think we sometimes forget who we are. There is a person inside us that was there before we married and before we had children. That person gets to have dinner with friends...that person needs to do that.

Guilt is an interesting thing. Lots of ways to look at it and define it. I read one time (100 years ago) that we create guilt so we can do what we want to do. 'Suffering' guilt is the price that makes it OK. I always liked that because it seems so honest. Whenever I see myself as an individual and see a situation where that is an inconvenience to someone else...I smile and get that my identity isn't being a convenience.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: jdtm on November 07, 2011, 07:10:30 PM
QuoteGuilt is an interesting thing. Lots of ways to look at it and define it. I read one time (100 years ago) that we create guilt so we can do what we want to do.

Interesting concept - but I don't believe it.  I think "guilt" has more to do with our genetic personality - some of us are born "takers" and others "givers".  My Dad seemed to be able to live his life without much concern for others (even though he was a kind person) while my mother seemed to be unable to relax until everyone else was taken care of.  I feel that I have inherited my mother's disposition/temperament.  I really believe the majority of our physical, mental and emotional makeup is DNA-based; not experience or environmentally based.  Research is actually tending to slant in this direction. 

Interesting concept, though ...
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Pen on November 07, 2011, 07:50:33 PM
I've read somewhere recently that there are people who feel more "guilty" than others (finger pointed at moi.) I remember feeling horrible in first grade about something that was missing off teacher's desk. I knew I hadn't taken it, but my face burned with shame as if I had. Weird kid!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: themuffin on November 14, 2011, 12:09:29 PM
LOl, this topic brought back memories.  I adore my MIL, more so now then when we were first married.  Anyway, hubby and I had our three boys very early and close together.  They are now almost 21 (in 3 months) 22, and 23.  And you know what? She only kept Jr. overnight twice in his entire life.  The other two never spent the night.  She NEVER babysat for us.  EVER.  My mother was better at watching them and having them over, but not that much.  They were always with us.
I remember this one time when I really needed MIL to watch two of the babies while I took the other to the doctor. She apologized and said that she couldn't do it because she was getting her nails done.  Sure enough hubby and I talked about her, but we didn't harbor any ill feelings. We also never asked her again, nor did she ever ask. 
I just learned that DS and FDIL are expecting.  This is the GC that I have been told by FDIL I will never see, DS says otherwise, but unless a miracle happens I don't imagine a relationship being allowed with this child.  I'm not happy about that, but what can I do.  Forgive me for what I'm about to say, as it will sound terrible, but at least I don't have to worry about having to babysit.  I don't have the patience anymore.  My neighbors son came over for just a few hours.  He wasn't a bad kid, really. But I'll tell you those were the longest hours of my life!!!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Nana on November 14, 2011, 01:51:21 PM
I also believe that guilt is on our personality.  As true as that some people dont care what others think or do. while others (as me) are always questioning themselves", "Did I say ör do something wrong?" or such things. 

The Muffin...I was laughing when you commented that at least you dont have to worry being asked to babysit lol.  It is the bright side.  I love babysitting my gc and would probably be very sad not to be able to.  But after some hours, I feel truly exhausted.  Nature is so wise...we become parents when we are still young and full of energy. 

Love
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 14, 2011, 02:57:48 PM
Muf - You are so refreshing!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: pam1 on November 14, 2011, 06:52:42 PM
TM, you crack me up.  At least your MIL set a good example for you, your nails will always be nice :)
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: themuffin on November 14, 2011, 07:09:27 PM
LOL, Pam.   ;D
You are so right Nana!  Nature is wise.  I sometimes wonder how I was ever able to be a mother to three young children full time!  I know I could never do it again.  Not even for one!

Oh, thanks Luise.  It's good to be visiting here.  You and this site welcomed me and supported me when my world seemed broken.  I received so many wise words of wisdom here that I'm truly enjoying my life again.  Thanks!

Goodnite WW!!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Keys Girl on November 15, 2011, 06:25:19 AM
Muf, you are so right.  I don't have any patience any more for little kids or babies, I remember my mother mentioning this when she was about my age, I think it runs in the family when your birthdays have had a few too many "0's in them.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: lancaster lady on November 15, 2011, 07:39:13 AM
I am the other end of the spectrum ...I adore my GD , she is sooo special , I could spend all day and every day with her .....
she melts my heart ....x
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: justanoldgrandma on November 15, 2011, 08:20:22 AM
Quote from: jdtm on November 07, 2011, 07:10:30 PM
QuoteGuilt is an interesting thing. Lots of ways to look at it and define it. I read one time (100 years ago) that we create guilt so we can do what we want to do.

Interesting concept - but I don't believe it.  I think "guilt" has more to do with our genetic personality - some of us are born "takers" and others "givers".  My Dad seemed to be able to live his life without much concern for others (even though he was a kind person) while my mother seemed to be unable to relax until everyone else was taken care of.  I feel that I have inherited my mother's disposition/temperament.  I really believe the majority of our physical, mental and emotional makeup is DNA-based; not experience or environmentally based.  Research is actually tending to slant in this direction. 

Interesting concept, though ...

I was born shy from day one; my brother, not.  So genetics there; also, he was the boy, firstborn, passing on the family name, given more stature and independence, so environment helped that along.  So I am the guilt-ridden one, bro is not.  I read an Alanon co-dependence book and I am co-dependent (not happy unless everyone is happy and it's my responsibility to make it so ((wow!)) ).  Explains my agony over OS's ex-wife and other dil's canny knowledge that I want to make her and all happy at the expense of my self-esteem.

Good that we have Luise telling us to live for ourselves (but of course she helps us, too!  but not guilt-ridden.....keep talking, Luise!)

JDTM, although this is the "good" dil, she is mistakingly assuming that although you live close by and love the gc that you want to drop all activities and rest to babysit.  She should in no way make you feel guilty that she had to reschedule dentist app't.!  Yep, good that you are moving and won't be so convenient!  (I honestly think she is just not aware..... and she doesn't sound like the type to drop you when you say no and why.)

Let us know how it comes out!  All the best!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 10:24:45 AM
(Mounting Soapbox)I

wonder about guilt, seriously. As I approach (but will never reach) maturity...I think guilt is just an adjunct to judgment. If we weren't judged or didn't judge ourselves...I doubt guilt would be a issue. I feel that we are who and how we are and at any given moment we are doing our best. It isn't anyone else's best and it often isn't the picture of what we think our best should look like...none the less...it's our best.

I don't feel guilty that I still lack some skills and may never achieve them. I don't feel guilty that I do better sometimes than I do at other times. I don't feel guilty that I am not "more." This is where I am and who I am and perfection is an illusion. Why in the heck would I feel guilty about being human and on a never-ending learning curve? Why would I lay such a trip on anyone else? Does my humanness inconvenience others at times? Of course. Does theirs bother me? Certainly. Welcome to " Life."

(Off Soapbox.)
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Doe on November 15, 2011, 10:29:19 AM
You make a lot of sense, Luise.

I don't spend a lot of time with guilt either.  My sense of it is a feeling of needing to make something right or re-pay a debt.  I just do my best to make it right or repay the debt generally and keep moving forward. 
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 10:33:49 AM
D - Yes, we can't rewrite history. 
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: justanoldgrandma on November 15, 2011, 10:52:10 AM
Guilt:  something instilled in me by genetics and mother; self-instilled, too, as i allowed myself to be instilled with it!

So easy for some to recognize this tendency is someone such as I (while realizing I need to be self-confident) and use it to comply with his/her/their agenda.

When a child has difficulty, so easy to look back and say, "well, must be my fault..... i did my best, but still....."

This is when a loud voice must yell in the cortex, "STOP THAT!" 

We do the best we can and that's all we can do.  Guilt is a martyrism (is that a word?) that is harmful to self and does no one any good.  Am working on reducing it, greatly.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 11:01:04 AM
Wonderful point...it's useless!! When someone says to me, "I feel guilty," I think..."OK, that's about you, don't lay it on me." LOL!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Begonia on November 15, 2011, 01:28:12 PM
On the guilt topic:  I grew up with it too and tend to take on all kinds of problems in my family...but not so much at work, I can draw a boundary there pretty easily.  So here is one for ya:  I have been agitated over not going to visit family over Thanksgiving.  Just don't want to go, gut says so.  Have no excuse so what do I say?  Today my kitty got sick and is on medication so I really can't go.  Now I feel guilty about THAT!  Omg, I do have to laugh at myself ;D ;D  I guess the universe watches out for us~~~~~
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: justanoldgrandma on November 15, 2011, 01:37:22 PM
Hey, Begonia, sounds like you have a good out there!  You have to take care of your kitty and you don't have to confront family and tell them why you don't want to go (I don't know your history, been off for a while); but you don't owe any explanation, I imagine, so skip the agony and don't feel guilty!
I'm the Queen of Guilty Feelings and even I wouldn't feel guilty about telling them you must miss the Tormenting Dinner!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 05:40:12 PM
Thanksgiving - OK, I am going away for the first time in many years because Val has gotten to where he has no sense of time. When i was so sick in Sept./Oct. , he never realised I wasn't coming to see him every day. Also, last winter when the nursing home here on campus was quarantined, I worried like crazy but when I was able to get back in, the same thing happened...he didn't know I'd been gone.   

So - with much encouragement from our doctor and my 'family(and with some fear and trepidation on my part) I am venturing forth for a whole week over Thanksgiving. My sort of daughter ((she is one of Kirk's "exes"...is that cool or what?) lives on the other side of the Cascade Mountain Range and is just completing a 1 1/2 year remodel and addition to her house. She designed it with a room in it for me that I have never seen and has had my bedroom furniture in storage over there for that long. (I now live in a studio.) The whole project is being signed-off this week by the building permit folk (bow your heads and let us pray) and we are all converging there for Thanksgiving. I am taking a little hostess gift from Figis and my appetite...and they all swear I am going to be waited on like a goddess. LOL! I am even being driven over and back. I will be here at WWU, though, because Kirk got me a Mac Notebook before he left for Kauai that I am to leave over there. (All I have to do is learn to use it!)

In my family we never let go of "exes", the family just gets larger. When we have a summer "do", my 'ex" and his wife (the other woman and my good friend) are there as well as Kirk's "ex" plus her "since-ex." My deceased son's "ex" is always there with her new guy. She is the sister of one of my "exes". (I have many.) Do you get all of that? There's going to be a test. "All In The Family" takes on a whole new dimension...doesn't it?






Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: PatiencePlease on November 15, 2011, 06:13:14 PM
Just my two cents .....

In my husband's family, they don't let go of the ex's either.  :)   It's actually kind of neat to see that many years post-divorce my MIL is just as  close to her ex's (my FIL's) family.  My MIL is a very cool lady -- I often thank her for bringing my H into the world -- I wish more women would remember that simple fact when they speak negatively about their MIL's.... their husbands wouldn't exist without her.

Anyway, getting back to grandparents and babysitting......   I'm not there yet, but when and if that time comes into my life, I will babysit because I will be delighted to do so -- not because it's my obligation -- because, quite frankly it's not my job. 

I didn't have the luxury of available grandparents to help me out with the kids.  My appointments were scheduled on weekends so my husband could watch the kids.  And we didn't have enough money to go out for dinner and such, so babysitters weren't necessary.  We used to treat Friday nights as our "date night."  The babies went to bed by 7:30 and hubby and I would enjoy a quiet candlelit dinner in our tiny dining room.  It was cheap and very effective. Sorry...... drifting off topic here.  My point is that I never resented the fact that my parents or my husband's parents were not available to babysit.  I don't anticipate that someday my kids will resent me when I have to tell them "no." 

I've seen friends of mine burn out from allowing themselves to be burdened with babysitting.  Their own priorities are pushed to the back burner to accommodate their adult children's whims.  Sometimes I bite my tongue -- other times I gently suggest to my friends that they need to start thinking about themselves.  Sometimes our adult children need to be reminded they are adults.   If we as parents don't remind them of this fact, who will?
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: PatiencePlease on November 15, 2011, 06:15:34 PM
Oops!  I just realized the question was asked of MILs and I'm not one yet......    ::)

Also, Luise, enjoy a most wonderful trip.  :)  (and thanks for creating this wonderful place)
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 07:30:46 PM
Nice to hear about your "exes" being included and loved, too! And you can respond to any topic...it's a forum..."no experience necessary." :-)
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: justanoldgrandma on November 15, 2011, 08:21:11 PM
Luise said, "Whenever I see myself as an individual and see a situation where that is an inconvenience to someone else...I smile and get that my identity isn't being a convenience."

Wow!  I was taught to be seen and not heard, never argue with authority figures, not be a burden, not to spend unnecessarily, work hard, put others first.  I don't know how many people have told me to put myself first except for a counselor.  And to be reminded that what I do or say may be an inconvenience to others, but that's just fine because my identity is warranted even if it's inconvenient to others at times; thanks, Luise!
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 15, 2011, 08:47:26 PM
Yup, you're just fine exactly the way you are...without apology, explanation or change. So is the other person. No one is here to meet another person's expectations unless it matches their own.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: PatiencePlease on November 16, 2011, 02:14:37 AM
I also keep this in mind:  Before you can take care of someone else, you have to take care of yourself.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: Pooh on November 16, 2011, 07:06:15 AM
I have decided Luise should have her own TV show.
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: sesamejane on November 16, 2011, 08:34:03 AM
 ;D

I agree Pooh!


;D
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: lancaster lady on November 16, 2011, 09:04:27 AM
she's already a star ....... ;D
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: luise.volta on November 16, 2011, 08:51:23 PM
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: JudyJudyJudy on November 29, 2011, 07:53:22 PM
I might be wrong about your problem, but it seems to me that you are being manipulated because you are afraid to say no.  Let me tell you from a lesson I learned in the school of hard knocks, if you are being manipulated, you must plan a strategy to deal with this before things get out of hand because once tempers start to flare, people cut off communication.

I actually like your idea of moving.  Hopefully, it is out of the way and not so convenient for them.  Also, it might also be a good idea to hide your free time.  I don't see any reason to tell your children everything you do and when you are free to do what they want you to do.  Also, I learned that the selfish people always get their way but when you need something, well usually they are too selfish to help out.

Honestly, if I were in your situation I would talk to a counselor about learning how to set appropriate boundaries without making anyone angry.

Good luck! 
Title: Re: A Question to MILs
Post by: phillek on December 05, 2011, 11:55:09 AM
I love this!  I am made to feel like a monster because I don't want my MIL (or anyone else, really) to babysit my children, especially when they are babies and young toddlers.  I prefer to spend time together as one big happy family (including MIL), but MIL thinks I am being selfish by not giving her adequate alone time with GC and getting out of her way.  If she had her wish, I would jump off a bridge, signing my kids over to her on the way down.

Maybe your DIL and I can trade MILs???