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I am a gm who babysits gc full time, while parents work.  One works shifts, (days, afternoons, weekends), the other days, Monday to Friday.  I don't charge anything cause the parents cannot afford daycare, but do need to work to pay their morgage, & their bills.
If you were the full time caregiver, going into their home, would you want to take your gc out during the day?  Not far, like the local grocery store, donut shop, (they have healthy alternatives to donuts), park, etc, if they were within a 5 min walk from their house?  (I walk them to & from school, which is further away then the above mentioned places).  Am I being unreasonable for wanting to do this?

I don't think 'reasonable' comes into play here.  I think it depends on the parents.  If they don't want you to, you shouldn't.  If you were a paid caregiver and they told you not to do it, you'd have to listen.

What reasons do they give?

Because maybe it wasn't "NO" to a walk to the donut shop, but it was "No - to donuts on the day after Hallowe'en".  Maybe it wasn't "No" to a walk to the grocery store, but it was "No - we don't need/want any of *whatever you were picking up*".

Maybe it was your timing?  If one parent works shifts and "expects" the kids to be there when they get home / wake up and they're not, it could be a problem.  Particularly if that was their only time to see their kids.

I agree with Scoop that you have to abide by their wishes, but no...I don't think that's an unreasonable request to take children on outings.  I would consider that normal.  But is that the parents' idea of normal?  What's normal to me and you, may not be what they consider normal.

Hi Scoop, If I planned an outing I would be home before parents got home.  I always ask first.  I texted my son that gc asked if we could go to local store, about a three minute walk, and would that be ok.  Son texted back, sure have fun.  When dil got home & found out, she flipped out.  Started yelling how dare I, I'm the blanking parent, etc....  I did ask permission, I asked my son, he said yes.  We were gone a total of 20 minutes.  it didn't interfere with anyones schedule, not even my gc's.  They had fun, but then had to listen to their mom berate me for taking them out.  Dil told ds straight out that he is not allowed to give permission where "her" chldren are concerned.  Ds is the biological Dad.
There is a long history of problems with dil.  I handle dil outbursts much better now than I did years ago.  I still struggle understanding a Mom who wants her children to, literally, go nowhere & do nothing, when she is at work, but hey, I'm getting used to it.  lol.
Sometimes dil won't even let me take gc out into their backyard to play, yard is totally fenced in.  Her reason?  "Cause I said so, they don't need to go outside today".
Pooh,  Believe me I do abide by their wishes, & dils are very constricting, no room to grow.  I thought it was a normal request.  So did my ds, but of course I raised him. 

The kids are the ones who really suffer when this stuff goes on. Sad.

I think reading your story, the only reasonable theory I can come up with for DIL's behaviour would be if you'd taken them out and there had been some incident or accident which causes her to not feel comfortable with your taking them on outings.

However, if she trusts you to watch them IN your house all day, then she trusts you. So its odd they don't go in the backyard.

Have you tried talking to both of them and asking if its ok for you to tak them out? You need your exercise and to get things done to. Maybe ask what issues or concerns they have and if you can find a compromise.

My friend's mother took care of her girls for a while when she went back to work (Friend, after a few months, realized she couldn't handle being away from them when they were so little all day and eventually quit) - friend would get all upset nearly everytime she heard her mom took them someplace. She didn't argue with her mother as she was grateful for the free day care, but she was upset that it wasn't HER taking them out. Just honest emotions.

My X-dil used to do that, too. I didn't babysit on a daily basis, but enough that having to sit in the house with them all the time was difficult. I started to tell her I couldn't watch the kids because I had to go to Target or grocery shopping, etc. She finally said I could take the kids with me if I needed to go somewhere. Apparently having a free babysitter meant more to her than me sitting in the house with them constantly.  ;D

You are asking us what we think is reasonable? You know you are right but she is how she is and she isn't going to use logic or make sense. Sad but true. What we think (I think) is that you are going the extra mile and are being treated unfairly, unwisely and unkindly.

Glenda, I do not believe that what you're asking is unreasonable.  I'm actually kind of shock they rely on you this much without some form of payment back.  It doesn't have to be monetarily but I don't believe that relationships remain stable when the effort is only one-sided. 

Hello Glenda :

How old are the kids ?
Also , how would she feel cooped up in the house all day with the kids ?
If it;s a nice sunny day , you mean they are not allowed out period ?
Sorry , but I find this very strange , unless you live in a very dangerous neighbourhood .
She obviously likes the power she has over you ...''Cause I said so '' ...what are you , the hired help ?
I understand ...she is the Mom , I have been well trained ....but you are the grandma ...c'mon !!
Are you elderly , or infirm in any way . If you are well enough to look after kids all day , all week ,
I'm sure a trip to the park , on a nice sunny day , isn't going to harm anyone !
Sorry sore point ...been there , got that T shirt !

My mother looks after my little girl at times and as far as I am concerned whilst she is in her care she does what she feels is right.  I am just grateful that I can leave my baby with her.   Have you ever thought of saying 'find yourself another carer'    She might just reconsider her behaviour.  Sounds like a bit of an ingrate to me. 

I also babysit 2 grandchildren, I am able to take them places...shopping, park, zoo. They trust me and know I am saving them money and appreciate that I have the time and really want to babysit for them. I do try to follow what they ask me to do about food, snacks, naptime.

I, too, think your dil may feel a little jealous of you and the fact that you have her children all day and she has to work. She probably misses them and wants to do the fun things with them. She has to work and would rather be home.

If they brought their children to daycare, they would not be couped up all day either.  Maybe if you ask your son to talk to her....she needs to lighten up.

wow.  DIL isn't putting her kids first, plain and simle. Unless there's a true reason, like already mentioned, she's being selfish. Either it is jealousy, control(just because), or she doesn't like to take them places and doesn't want to "have" to do it because GM does it.  This is how my ODD is, and the things she does to me and GC doesn't make sense.  She works more and more hours(not necessary)so I can't see them lots of times, because she doesn't want to get them washed and dressed if she doesn't have to! How about that? She sounds familiar to me, so I would be careful of saying "find someone else", she may ban you for good!

Yup, the kids are the ones who are missing out. I loved it when my kids got to experience all sorts of enrichment activities, with me or w/o me.

Thank-you so much for all the responses.  I am seriously considering not babysitting anymore.  Tired of being unappreciated.  Dil acts as if she's doing me a favour by allowing me to watch her children, my gc. Yes, I want to babysit, but I don't have to.  I have been babysitting for 5 years, gc are 1 to 6 years old.  Dil just recently went back to work after last maternity leave.  I know she resents having to work, & I think she blames me?? 
My sil, (sister-in-law), said she wouldn't tolerate being treated the way I am, & would not babysit for her ds & dil if they did that to her.  She can take her gc anywhere, anytime. Her rule is, when I babysit you trust me to make decisions for your children, or you don't.  If you don't, get someone else!  Maybe I need to get tough, & say enough is enough.
Someone mentioned that maybe the kids had something happen to them while in my care.  No, not even once!  They have actually had more mishaps while in their parents care, lol.
Again, thank-you all.

she's darned lucky to have you Glenda , and appreciation is long overdue !
I wonder who the father is of ''her'' children !
My DIL didn't let my DS look after ''her'' DD until she was 18 months old !
She somehow persuaded my DS that she alone was the caregiver for my GD !!
I must have gone through more duct tape than our parcel depot ! On my mouth !
Your SIL has the right idea ...I often wonder how we ever brought up our own kids .

After our grandchild was born, our DIL figured that her mother and I would split the babysitting while she returned to work.  Well, her mother said "no way" and I said that I would be the "backup babysitter" any time the regular childcare person was unable to do the job.  The end of the story - our DIL did not return to work but is a stay-at-home mother.  I still babysit - but not very often.

Good on you, Glenda!

If you want to start out slowly, I'd say tell them that in two weeks you'll only be available two or three days a week.  And then a month after that you'll be moving on from babysitting completely.  It'll give them sometime to find a sitter and be a little more professional :)  Not like you need it, but at least they can't come back and say you left them hanging. 

I know you love your gc and would hate not to see them , but to be undermined every which way us very belittling for you and to be chastised in front of them , even worse ! Try and have that talk out of earshot of the kids . She knows how much she needs you time for her to show it .

I cannot imagine sitting in house day after day with kids!!  I certainly did not do that when I was a stay at home mom those many many years ago!  I considered it important for the children to get fresh air every day -whether playing in the yard, taking a walk, going to the Y, window shopping in town, going to the park, going to friend's houses who had kids for I guess what they call nowadays "playdates."  Oh no, that's not for me. 

I think you are a very nice gm to babysit every day and deserve respect, kindness, and a thoughtful attitude.  I agree with all who also mentioned that they dynamic between dil and you is unfortunate and especially if it is in front of the children. 

My goodness! ???

Dear Glenda

I agree with Luise...it is not fair..., etc.   Yes it seems as if she is doing you a favor permitting you to babysit her children.  It happened to me when my son/dil had their first baby...I would babysit but had no voice or rights.  Walking on egg shells all the time.  Ok, we cannot change who she is (dil) but you can also make your own decisions of babysitting or not.  Her rights end where yours begin...... I did have to say enough is enough...because I was feeling sick and unappreciated.....long story...but now they have three children, I babysit and am treated as a real grandmother.  I still follow their rules over snacks, bed time and so on....because they are the parents...but I do take them to the store, to the amusement parks (of course always asking my dil/son's permission).   

Remember Glenda....we show people the way we want to be treated.  It worked for me and we are all happy now.  Phew! hope you can confront this situation as soon as possible...Dont let them take you for granted. 

Hope everything works out for you whatever you decide.  Good vibes going your way.

Love

Hi everyone & thanks for all the words of encouragement. 
Yes Nana, it happens to me as well.  Dil tends to forget that I am a grandmother too, not just the babysitter.  While on mat leave I was thought of as Nana, but once dil went back to work, I suddenly became just the babysitter, a free one at that.
I have decided to wait & see how it goes now.  Still babysitting, & loving the time I'm getting with the gc, but still feeling unappreciated.  One of the things dil said in her anger is, "you never do anything for us", which, of course, prompted me to start listing everything we have done, loaning money whenever needed, loaning vehicles for months, (using our vehicle right now), babysitting for free, buying groceries, etc..., list goes on & on, then dil said I throw it in her face....um no, only when I'm defending myself after being told we do nothing for them.
I really don't like being drawn into discussions with dil, & I try hard to avoid it.  When ds gets home I leave, cause when dil is acting the way she is right now I really don't want to be around her, then when we are not around her, she gets upset & says we are avoiding her.  lol.  It's that darned if you do, darned if you don't scenario.
Sigh, I am at the point now that things don't bother me as much.  I remember a time when I cried for days over things dil has said or done.  Now it tends to run off my back, like water off a duck.  I feel I have gotten a little harder, a little less sympathetic. 
Ds tried to guilt us yesterday cause he has to buy a clunker for a car, & that's his Christmas present, a few years ago we probably would've went out, bought a car, & let them have full use of it.  Our vehicle, the one they are using now, is getting put away for the winter next week, so he has to find something to get to work in.  Dh will be driving him back & forth till they find something.
I don't know what my breaking point will be, but I am so close to not taking this anymore, that it could happen sooner, than later. 

Glenda,
It also sounds as if much that is happening with them and much that they say really has nothing to do with you.  It is all their stuff, and their own unhappiness.  Yes, I would let it "run off my back," and do reconsider your role in their life.  Sounds like they are doing a lot of whining and losing a very important part of life: gratitude!!

I wish you were my grandma/mom!   ;D

Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies.  You have made me feel so much better.  I know that dil has a lot of issues that she must work through.  She is insecure, worried that her children may love someone else more than her.  In some ways I feel sorry for her, she's always trying to be one better than someone else.  It must be exhausting for her.  If she could only really relax & just enjoy her children when she is with them.  I too have disengaged,... a lot.  Her outbursts used to upset me for weeks, I had sleepless nights, would cry at the drop of a hat, etc., but not anymore. After being the full time babysitter for over 5 years though, it does get a little tiring.  Still hoping for that miracle, when dil will actually show some gratitude towards me for the excellent care her children get.  Lol.