March 28, 2024, 11:55:21 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - momofthreesons

1
Hi everyone thank you so much for all your input it is wonderful and so kind.   I can give everyone an update.  As the argument progressed my DIL keeps posting on F/B which I can't see because she defriended me.  People are calling me and telling me what she is saying so I am kept abreast of her antics.  It is so childish what she is doing and very horrible to my gs.  I still talk with  my DS and he is talking like nothing is wrong.  When I say I want to see the gss he says it is not good.  He said they are telling my gs that I am too busy to see him.  This breaks my heart so much.  They don't realize the damage they are doing to him with all of these lies and I can't seem to make DS see the harm it is causing his son.    I lost my first DH (the DS'S father) and my parents within 6 years.  The DS's who were 13, 10 and 3 and I have remained extremely close as we learned that life is short and we value our relationship that family is most important on earth.  My DS having knowing this confuses me with his denial of the situation.  He believes in time it will get better however, I will not tolerate her insolence any longer and definitely will not apologize as she is the one that started these raves.   It all could have been handled so differently and this was what she choose.  Really to throw away your entire family all because I would not babysit.  The agreement had been broken and she had to learn the hard way.  She clearly has taken this to another level and I believe that there is more going on in the family dynamics than what I am aware of.   I have faith that I will see my gss and I am not giving up.  I believe that in time they will divorce as he will continue to see what she is about and get tired of it.    I feel like I have been so naive about her and her ways.  With the holidays fast approaching my DS will be at a loss without his FOO and I am sure things will start to turn around.  I will not accept her any longer in our family and my DS will have to learn to deal with this fact as I have had to deal with no interaction with my gss. 
2
For the past 4 years I was actively involved in my DS and DIL lives.  I watched my 4y/o gs for 2-1/2 years 4 days a week 10-12 hrs. a day for free while they worked.  I had left my family owned business to help them.  I was asked to babysit again this year so my DIL who had my 2nd gs and left her job,  could attend college 2 days a week.  This time we talked and I said I would come to their house to help them as it would be easier on her,  however I wanted $20. day to watch the boys for gas money.   They agreed.  I only got about 1/3 paid and my DS said it was tight for them.  I waited patiently for them to catch up and they never did.  My DIL and I are not very close.  I sense a have to put up with you attitude from her, however I have always been kind and loving to her nonetheless which she accepted.  About 3 weeks ago my DS and I had a birthday dinner where her FOO and DS family were invited.  When I arrived I was placed about 15 seats from my son and his family was all around him celebrating.  We, DS family were basically ignored.  I was very upset however DIL got mad at me for being upset and has not talked to me since.  The last time I watched my gss, the older one said that his mother said she hates me and is never going over my house again.  I comforted him and said it would be ok.  I had a talk with my son he said they argued and that my gs was crying that he wanted to go to my house and she said that to him and he told me they were working on not saying things like that to him.

On Halloween, I had a gathering instead of trick or treat and they all came.  She sat with the baby in a car seat, never talking to me or anyone for that matter.  When I went to see my youngest gs she abruptly covered him with a blanket and would not let me near him.  I was so hurt but did not want to make a seen in front of my guests.  I never heard from them since that night even after they new I had fallen down steps and twisted my ankle and pulled my right hip out.  On Tuesday I was to watch the boys and decided that I was tired of being used and disrespected so I did not show up.  My son called and asked if I was coming to babysit, was I hurt or something and I said I was but I would not be over as I was tired of the money issue, the disrespect from my DIL and the feeling of being used.  He hung the phone up on me.

My DIL posted on f/b " A big thank you to my so called "mother in-law" for NOT watching the kids this morning and trying to screw me over. Haha it didn't work and If anyone sees her tell her "have a nice life" from me and my family!????  Everyone in her family thought this was great of her as she should not have been treated that way.  My friends on the other hand said she was disrespectful and should just hire a babysitter and grow up.  Needless to say it got ugly so very ugly in other posts that she told me she wanted me dead. 

All of this for not watching the boys. My son has apparently sided with her trying to make it equal in saying that we are both wrong and should give it some time to settle down.   Yes I handled it wrong however she is being extreme to a fault.  To date I am not allowed to see my gss and it is killing me since I have spent so much time with them.  My son is now contacting his brothers to see which side they are on and they are not on either.  I am at a complete loss as to what to do next.  I am thinking of waiting a week and calling him if I have not heard from him and telling him I want to see my gss.  Any thoughts?

Thanks for letting me tell my story.  I have read through hear for a while and see a lot of good advise.