I'm very grateful for your wise and supportive comments; looks like you have some psychology courses behind your belt. I spoke to my son-in-law again last night; he claims that he still loves my daughter and it's obvious that he's suffering her loss as well as the greater loss of their son. My daughter has now threatened to withhold access to their son in one of her oh-so-familiar blackmailing moves. My son-in-law is broke, obviously because he was denuded of all he possessed by my manipulative, scheming and highly intelligent daughter. I offered to give (not loan), him whatever it took to defend himself in court in the absolute belief that he is the better parent. Dang, this whole situation reads like a soap opera, does it not?
The bottom line, as you say, is to protect myself and my husband (he has a triple bypass in his not so recent past), who are undeserving of this dramatic nonsense. Your belief in my grandson making his own choices about hubby and me has really lifted my spirits. The boy, like his parents, is highly intelligent and may well decide to reengage with his grandparents. Grandpa taught him how to skate, ride a bike, build a bird house, so much more, while I spend hours and hours with him, playing games, baking cookies and just talking.
I am so grateful for having found this site! There is no substitute for flat-out common sense.