March 29, 2024, 07:12:14 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - CDNgranny

1
Dear Bamboo,
I'm very grateful for your wise and supportive comments; looks like you have some psychology courses behind your belt. I spoke to my son-in-law again last night; he claims that he still loves my daughter and it's obvious that he's suffering her loss as well as the greater loss of their son. My daughter has now threatened to withhold access to their son in one of her oh-so-familiar blackmailing moves. My son-in-law is broke, obviously because he was denuded of all he possessed by my manipulative, scheming and highly intelligent daughter. I offered to give (not loan), him whatever it took to defend himself in court in the absolute belief that he is the better parent. Dang, this whole situation reads like a soap opera, does it not?
The bottom line, as you say, is to protect myself and my husband (he has a triple bypass in his not so recent past), who are undeserving of this dramatic nonsense. Your belief in my grandson making his own choices about hubby and me has really lifted my spirits. The boy, like his parents, is highly intelligent and may well decide to reengage with his grandparents. Grandpa taught him how to skate, ride a bike, build a bird house, so much more, while I spend hours and hours with him, playing games, baking cookies and just talking.
I am so grateful for having found this site! There is no substitute for flat-out common sense.
2
Dear Pen,
You are very correct in stating that support helps a lot. Regardless of my daughter's diagnosis of bipolar syndrome, I still feel  that I could/should have done more to maintain that relationship. The problem is, that pandering to abuse only enables more of the same; at least that was the result with my daughter and me. She has alienated her entire family, maternal and paternal so that she is left with no support during her recent separation from her husband. I no longer love the woman but it saddens me to see my grandson embroiled in the drama that's taking place, with no recourse to his loving grandparents.
Your words of support and Luisa's recommendation of looking after my own well-being have done me a lot of good; I thank you both.
What is DD? I was unable to locate a legend for some of the abbreviations here.
All the best,
CDNgranny
3
My daughter suffers from bipolar syndrome; her symptoms were kept under reasonable control while she was taking the drug Zoloft, but she discontinued its use some months ago and her life has taken a big turn for the worse. During her last big fight with me, over my lecture regarding her continuous use of marijuana, particularly when driving her child and those of her friends since I viewed her irresponsibility as a recipe for disaster. She was furious with me, lashed out into a hysterical tirade and insisted that I would no longer see my grandson. For years, the lad had spend 2 weekends a month with my husband and I because my daughter was experiencing child care problems and we formed a deep and mutual bond of affection. I haven't seen my grandson in 8 years. My daughter is imaginatively vindictive and wrote letters to both of my sisters, outlining my faults and claiming that I had been verbally abusive towards them, behind their backs. Fortunately, my sister are aware of my daughter's flights of fancy; gross exaggerations and outright libel so they paid little attention to the diatribes, nasty tho' they were.
After several month of my daughter's, frankly, insane behavior, her husband, a recovering alcoholic, fell of the wagon after 16 years of sobriety. My daughter robbed him of his inheritance so that she could move into a new home of her own, along with their teenage son. She wasted no time in beginning to alienate and brainwash the boy despite the fact his father is one of the finest men and invested fathers that I've ever met. My daughter had also begun beating her husband; kicking him, throwing things at him and several times hitting him over the head with various objects. She has also contacted several of his relatives to spread slander.
I feel guilty for my lack of love for my daughter but she has been so vicious in her attacks against me and so cruel in keeping our grandson from us when it's damaging to all involved that i'm unwilling to provide any support towards her. In fact, all my sympathy and support is for the good man that she's deserted. He has phoned several times and both my husband and I have been not only supportive but have related some damaging situations from our daughter's past that will help in his future lawsuit. A mother's love DOES NOT last forever. After enough damage, all relationships can founder.