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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: LadyStar on March 18, 2013, 06:13:36 AM

Title: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 18, 2013, 06:13:36 AM
I am new and not really sure where else to turn maybe someone here can help.  I have a really hostile, angry daughter in law.  I made the mistake of allowing my son and his wife to move in.  It was a bad move and I acknowledge it.  She tollerates me as she does most people.  I know her background and understand that she has never had any security in her life, if what she says is true.   I also understand to a point how hard it is to be raising three children all under the age of 4 and from what she says has horrible pain for the past two years, but Dr. cannot seem to find the cause.   WIth that said I think there is something more to this.   Her anger can escalate if you say anything that she takes the wrong way.  I have text message from her that most people would have thrown her out of their home, but I cannot do that to my son and grandchildren. So I tollerate her.  But lately it is effecting my health and I am becoming extreemly depressed.  She can be violent in fact at one time she got so mad at me she my son had to step in.  Once she gets mad she just looses control.    I know I need to make a decision, and that they need to leave, but what that will probably mean is that I will never see the grandchildren again.  Betweeen she and my son they are bankrupting me.  This probably sound silly but I am afraid to push them for fear they will make my life even worse and I must keep my job.   At this point in time she is not talking to me after I would not do something she wanted.  I don't know what to do, I need them out of my house and I am afraid to take the steps I need to take.   Can anyone help?
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Pooh on March 18, 2013, 08:37:48 AM
Welcome pj.  Please take a moment to read the posts under "Open Me First" that explains the forum rules and the way we flow.  Nothing wrong with your post, we ask all new members to do this.

It sounds like you know what you need to do.  You have to take your life back and they need to be out on their own.  If it's beginning to affect your health and well-being, then it's not good for anyone.  I know you love your GC and Son, but it's not going to be good for the GC to see the tense situations.  Yes, your fear is well founded that they could take the GC and you could never see them again, but you deserve some peace in your life.  You've done for them and it's time they do for themselves.  Since your Son stepped in, can you communicate with him?
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 18, 2013, 09:00:34 AM
That is good advice my only probem is not sure how to do it.   I am not mobile as in physically challenged and I have asked them to leave more than once, but in anger and then things blow over and we move on.   My son I think is afraid to move out becasue he may not be able to make it and my fault that he relies on me as a back up.  But it has to change as I want my own life.   His wife and I will never be close as all her life she has simply used people to survive, and I have accepted that after this past weekend that no matter what I do I am wasting my time.

I hate to loose my son, but I don't see anyway around it and I just cannot continue to support them and myself.  I am retirement age and cannot keep on working at this pace.  Problem is if they don't want to leave then I will have to evict them and honestly not sure I will survive that.  Also it would be very difficult to just put them on the street with 3 GC.

But the daughter in law needs professional help, it is all the yelling and screaming that goes on.  And the two older ones are a handfull

They need their own place but cannot afford it that is why they are here.  I need all the advice I can get.  I am going to start saying no to my son, and if he cannot afford something then he will just have to do without.  He and I were close and still are to a degree, but I also support that his first priority is his wife and children and not me.  I also don't want to be in the middle of them.  I wish she would just go live with her mother and them them all with her.   
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Pooh on March 18, 2013, 12:36:09 PM
It's so hard when you have them living with you.  I'm not sure your position and can only answer for my own personality.  I would sit DS down and give him a date to be out by, explaining your health and finances can not support them any longer.  Sometimes the hardest love is tough love.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 18, 2013, 02:17:41 PM
You are absolutely correct.  I am hoping there may be others that are in this postion and can give suggestions.  As it is right now she has decided to keep the grandchildren away and is not speaking to me for the simple reason I was really depressed and made reference on how I sometimes did not want to even be here anylonger.  Did not mean I was going to do anything rash, but her response was if I was to do it quickly so as not to waste time.  I feel sorry for her as she is so young and her attitude will only hurt her as she goes forward in life.   
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 18, 2013, 03:17:14 PM
Hello,  This is a sad situation.  You have shown great love for your Son, DIL and GC.  It appears clear IMO that your DIL needs to seek proper treatment to deal with her pain issues as they are boiling over and she is allowing herself to take it out on you, whether she thinks that is right or wrong - it is unacceptable.  You need to look after yourself so that you are well set up for your retirement.  My humble suggestion would be to talk to a counsellor or unbiased/reasonable family member about the situation and get some assistance in your area to help you also with the nuts and bolts of the process to put a plan into place.  You deserve respect.  Your Son and DIL are adults and I know you love them, however, they really should be looking for treatment options and housing options for themselves.  This is not your responisibility.  Look after yourself first, then if you have energy left, maybe you could give them some brochures or something if you think that they won't take it the wrong way.  I wish you all the very best.  Good Luck! xo
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: FAFE on March 18, 2013, 04:11:45 PM
They're in your house and she is keeping the GC away from you and not talking to you?  Excuse me but that would start WW3 with me and mine if they were doing this to me.  The best thing to do for them is to let them go.  They created their family and between the two of them, they should be able to maintain it.  I know this probably sounds very harsh but your health and peace of mind should count for something.  Hope y'all can work it out.  hugs!
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 19, 2013, 05:05:47 AM
Thanks folks, your responses really are helping.  I have tolerated the situation for the GC and my S's sake, but you are absolutely corrent, this is my house, and I deserve respect above all.  I have decided that if she does not want to talk to me fine, and keep the GC away, OK but then you will not live in my home.      As it is now I am doing the cooking, buying all the food, paying all the utilities, etc., enought is enough.  And as for the attitude enough of that also.  If you cannot be respectful then keep out of my way.   I will miss the GC's a lot, and I know once I put my foot down I will never see them again, that is just the way she is, and I have to live with that, but then so does my S because I will not be there any longer as his go to gal. 

Thank you all for the support please keep it coming, it is helping me every day to be able to come here and vent/discuss.  All suggestions comments are really really welcome.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: FAFE on March 19, 2013, 07:45:16 AM
Sweetie, what have you done for yourself today?  I would suggest you do something that you would not ordinarily do.  Instead of making lunch or dinner for everyone, tell them you have plans and if you don't do anything but go to McDonald's and get your self a hamburger or somewhere for coffee, don't be there for a meal.  Someone will have to feed the family.  Maybe do this a few times a week until they've moved out.  Pack a sandwich, go to a park, read a book.  Just be "unavailable" to be their caretaker, cook, laundress, etc.  And, close the bank!  Hugs!
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 19, 2013, 02:41:11 PM
That is a good suggestion.   Once I get taxes done (mine) and some other stuff, that is exactly what I am going to do.   They can fend for themselves.   I just asked when I was going to see the GC's and was told we have been busy, fine, and going forward I am too busy to cook, order groceries, run you where you need to go, etc.   Now it is my turn to make the excuses and just not be available.

I am not going to play the game anymore, and it took coming here to really realize that this is what it is, a game that is called take-away.  It is a cruel game and one that only hurts people, if you let people play it with you.

So no more you come up and be nice when you want something, or need something, but then when you don't get you way you pout or get angry or take away the GC visitation.   It is baby steps, but with each one I take I get more and more determined to take back ownership for my life and my home.  And yes they will be advised they need to move on little by little.  Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow but everyday with the support here it will happen.   Llike having HUD send them information, etc.  Like talking to Social Serivces about how they can get help.  And I made the blunt suggestion that they move in with HER mother, you know get a fresh start.

Keep that support coming, I so need it right now, and having all of you ladies means more than I can say.  Tt is going to be rough, they live here and they will make it horrible for me I know that .  I have let the situation go for way to long.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Beth 2011 on March 19, 2013, 05:58:49 PM
Welcome Ladystar,
I am sorry to hear you are going thru so much turmoil with your AC and DIL.  You are in the right place for positive feedback as well as moral support.  We all have had similar experiences and I believe the common thread here is learning how to cope and accept what you cannot change and move forward with your life.  It's not easy.  I am in a better place now than I was 4 years ago.  Is there maybe someone that can come and be with you when you talk with your AC and DIL about them moving out?  Maybe even stay with you until they have moved out? Wishing you peace.   
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: luise.volta on March 19, 2013, 07:21:07 PM
Good for you for aligning with self-respect. You're a role model...and that's an important lesson to teach!
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 19, 2013, 09:01:12 PM
I am beyond thrilled to be watching this process with all these ideas forming to take your life back for YOU!  I have an idea: Set your alarm earlier and pre-prepare all of your meals/snacks so that you don't have to eat in the house and so that any groceries that you buy for YOURSELF are already used up.  What about some volunteer work or the library for the days when they expect a ride?  Also, don't keep cash, leave it in the bank.  That way you have none if they want any - show them your empty wallet.  I hope that this works out for you, I really do! xo
Title: Update: You all saved my life!!!
Post by: LadyStar on March 20, 2013, 10:24:19 AM
UPDATE!!!!
You all really don't know what you mean to me.  Let me share with you something.  This past weekend was the lowest point in my life I have ever faced.  Honestly I was praying that the Lord would just take me and end this all, as I could not go on.  And the message from the DIL when I tried to share was basically die and get it over with.  Sure so you can get insurance and my house.  Well Ladies that is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Then in desperation I found this site, and I thought maybe, just maybe this will work.  I had prayed harder than I ever have, and here you all were.   Not a gripe site but an actual caring group of people.

For the past two nights I have been able to sleep, I am focused back on my job, I am actually cooking (which trust me I love), what I want to cook. I am not so tired that all I do is watch TV, and best of all I have been able to say NO, NO, NO, NO.

NO I will not stop what I am doing to do an errand.
NO I will not take care of your responsibilities.
NO I will not tollerate screaming, foul language, etc, in my home.
NO I will not continue to cook food that is not eaten.  If you don't like it cook it yourself.

YES my job will come first.  It pays the rent, cars, etc. and it is a very demanding job.
YES what I need to take care of will come first.
YES this is my house, I own it I set the rules.
YES I will love you all and be there as much as I can but not to the detriment of my health and life, but that is up to you. 

Each time I say NO I find is like a weight lifted.  That does not mean that I may backslide, or that somethings I am not ready to face, but it is a huge step for me.

Please just continue to be here so I can share my progress, it means so very much. 

For me this is a big step,  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: luise.volta on March 20, 2013, 10:31:50 AM
:D :D :D
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: nikncon on March 20, 2013, 11:54:03 AM
You go girl!
8)  8)
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 20, 2013, 01:15:37 PM
Thanks Ladies!!!!!!!

DIL is not speaking to me and I guess I am not permitted to see the GC's which is ok for now whatever the excuse.  However I have decided that if by Sunday I have not seen them, and the situation has not changed, then I will take the next step and advise it is time to move out and find their own place.   My S needs to set some rules, but I think he does not want to deal with what the fall out from her will be.

I realize that it will be horrible to not have them in mylife, I do love the little guys, and I will miss my S we are close, but I am not going to take this attitude in my own home nor am I going to be part of these types of reprisals.  I am not going to beg like I have in the past, it is a loss to everyone, but I do need to protect my health.

Anyone who would keep GC away from their GM unless there was a serious reason needs to search their soul and it will come back.  No matter how much I disliked someone I would never do that just to get my own way.

I am also not going to be around much of the time.  I do need to get out and around others and build my network of friends.

Also the way you all have helped and supported me I can now share this which is healing as well.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: herbalescapes on March 20, 2013, 04:50:57 PM
LS, can you research the local laws around you regarding putting someone out of your house?  You probably view your DS and his family as houseguests, so you can tell them to leave at any time.  Even without paying rent or the like, though, it might be that they actually qualify as tenants.  I had a sib who worked at a law firm that specialized in real estate law including landlord issues.  She had some whacky stories about legal requirements regarding tenants, and in some of those your average person on the street wouldn't see the situation as landlord and tenant. 

Good for you for standing up for yourself and good luck in resolving the situation.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 20, 2013, 05:14:50 PM
Good for you! xo
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: FAFE on March 20, 2013, 06:41:08 PM
Another, you go girl!  Stay strong and remember they need to R E S P E C T YOU!
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Pooh on March 22, 2013, 05:24:14 AM
Here's a third "You go girl!!!!!!"
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 22, 2013, 07:30:01 AM
There is an old saying, "oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we do deceive" or something to that effect.

Yesterday I finally got a visit and it was good to see the GC.     I am apalled to find out that my S and DIL have told everyone in her family that they are in their own home.  It came out in a conversation yesterday that her M and family think they have a house.  Why would you not tell people you are living in my home. Am I making too much of this?   Sorry but I just don't understand the need to not be truthfull about this.

The DIL's family is coming to visit very soon and i don't expect I will see them.   I will not support this fabrication so I am sure I will not be invited to tag along.

I am so disappointed in my S, he never used to be like this, he never would lie to me in this fashion.  I guess I cannot trust either of them.

Still saying NO, and more and more determined that they need get out on their own.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: freespirit on March 22, 2013, 08:33:13 AM
...and a fourth "You go Girl!"...You sound stronger  and stronger in every post!
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 22, 2013, 09:19:01 AM
Thanks all.   

This is so hard, I have to fight to not jump in an offer my help.  Then I remind myself that I have been lied to, had my GC kept away, put myself in financial difficulties, opened up my home, and ended up with no respect, used, lied to, and only communicated with when someone needs something.

I reminded myself of how many time have I gone to the hospital in the past and had to drive myself, or call an ambulance.  Then I remember the times when S has been here, and it is so confusing.  One minute he is right by my side and the next he is cold and just does not care.   

I caught myself today almost offering to help, and instead shut my mouth.   It is so hard as I do care, but I come here each time I feel weak and your comments bolster me.




Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on March 22, 2013, 03:50:01 PM
Will this ever stop?  I don't know how long I can take the yelling and screaming all the time.  At some point it has to stop.  I lost it tonight and yelled at the top of my lungs Enought, stop this, when I heard slaming of doors and stuff being thrown.   I don't want to live this way. 

Sorry folks but I am really trying to get through this. I pray every day for the S to find a job somewhere else, or the DIL to decide to go live with her family.   It is not fair to the kids, it is not kind of environment for them.

Don't they realize what kind of an example they are setting, children memic what they see.  If they see yelling, and swearing, that is exactly what they will do.  If they see agressive behavior they will be the same.  Don't these two get that.  What they see they will memic.

As for me at some point my health will just give out.

Sorry but not all days are going to be positive.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: luise.volta on March 22, 2013, 04:17:49 PM
It sounds horrible. You can't change them...that's for sure...or make sense of any of it including their lack of parenting skills...and now you are screaming, too. All that can think of is that when you get in touch with valuing your self...you will set boundaries and maintain your sef-respect. That's something you have a right to take a stand on. And you will set an example your GC may well remember. Sending love...
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 22, 2013, 05:48:21 PM
So let me get this straight - DIL's family are coming to visit; they are of the impression that your guests have their own home; you are probably not supposed to see them.  Are they going to be visiting your DIL's 'home'?  My suggestion (and it is just a suggestion) is that if you spoke to your Son before hand, their visit would be a good opportunity for your guests to ask them nicely if they could come and live with them instead and finally tell them the truth.  I'm thinking of you! xo
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Monroe on March 22, 2013, 11:06:59 PM
I'm missing something.  Your son and DIL and GC live with you but you are not allowed to see the GC?  How is that possible if you are all under one roof?  I don't get it.  I must be missing something.  I think it would be impossible to NOT see each other all the time.  Can somebody please clarify for me?   Thanks
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 23, 2013, 12:02:32 AM
I just read my post back and I want to clarify that I mean for your son and DIL to tell DILs parents the truth.  I hope that didn't come across the wrong way. xo
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Pen on March 23, 2013, 11:26:38 AM
Wow, and I thought I'd heard it all. It's great to see your progress, LS. When GC are involved it sure complicates matters, but you wouldn't want them to grow up seeing their Ps treating you badly would you? Our self-respect is so important, I'm glad to see you reclaiming yours.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Keys Girl on March 24, 2013, 08:01:38 PM
Quote from: LadyStar on March 22, 2013, 03:50:01 PM
I pray every day for the S to find a job somewhere else, or the DIL to decide to go live with her family. 

As for me at some point my health will just give out.

LadyStar, prayer IMHO doesn't work on these situations, but you do have options.

A. Sell the house, with a 30-60 day closing.  Get a 1 bedroom apartment and don't worry about anyone else.  Move at least 300 miles away from them.
B. Cut the cable TV and internet service, go to the library and enjoy the peace and quiet there, you are paying the bills but you don't have to.  Go to a hotel once in a while with the money you save on the cable bill.
C. Leave the fridge empty.  If you like to cook, do so at a hospice or shelter in town
D. Go on vacation for two weeks to help your health, get away from the chaos and turn off the electricity for the duration.  You won't be home, so why bother paying for it.  Your son and DIL can go stay at her place if it's cold in yours. 
E. Contact the Dr. Phil show and ask to be on the "freeloading adult children segment".  "Kick 'em out" is usually his advice.
F. Don't get me wrong, I know it is a heartbreaker to have a son treat you like that, but if you wind up in a hospital with tubes out of your chest that will be even worse.
G.Change the locks when they are out some day and "forget" to tell them, just for the fun of it and to remind them whose "turf" it is.  Talk to a lawyer and the Police as to the legal requirements to get people out of your house who are verbally abusive.  Get a hidden camera and video and type of verbal abuse.  Make it as unpleasant as possible for anyone to live in your house.  I hear that shrimp shells inside curtain rods give off quite a stench after a week or two. 
H.Make a list of what you want in your life, and what steps exactly it would take to get there.  Knock 'em off one by one and get going.  You are not making too much of this.  It's YOUR house but the kids appear to have assumed that it's theirs and the sooner that you kick the bucket the better according to the DIL if I read the previous posts properly. 

Get ready for some heavy duty tantrums, if you pursue any suggestions but remember you don't need to leave anyone your house in your will.  You are wise not to trust your son, I would tell him and anyone else absolutely nothing.  You don't owe anyone the time of day or anything else. 

You will need the strength and determination of someone who can hold up the Brooklyn Bridge with one arm to wrestle your home, and peace of mind away from the adult bullying brats to protect your health, but you're a woman, you've got the strength of 10 men.   

Good luck,
KG





Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: fangle on March 24, 2013, 09:14:05 PM
Wonderful ideas, keysgirl and i love your tag (Control your destiny or someone else will).  Why should your house be pleasant for them, if it is unpleasant for you?  Your home is your sanctuary. xo
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: FAFE on March 25, 2013, 12:18:36 PM
LS, did you do something good/fun for yourself this weekend?  I hope so. 
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Didi.lost on March 25, 2013, 02:22:30 PM
Love your posts Keys Girl.  You'd tell them

Congrats Lady Star for taking your life back and stop being a doormat for them, especially such an
ungrateful DIL  Reminds me of my DD.  Use and abuse anyone who she can and get away with. I.m not
taking anymore abuse from her and she doesn.t want anything to do with me.  That's fine, I'm getting use
to it.  Hurt like crazy but I now have peace and quiet and can enjoy my other child without guilt.

We all deserve respect.  Respect given is respect taken.

Good Luck and hang in there.  Take care of your health and wishing you the best outcome.  This is about them
NOT you.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on April 01, 2013, 04:36:31 PM
Thanks for all the advice this such an up and down situation, it got better, I stood my ground, and then today another blow up with the DIL. 

Maybe I expect too much in hoping my S would put his foot down, I guess I have.  But I made it very clear that I would not take this abuse anylonger, and they need to get out ASAP.

Time will tell, and yes I could make it horrible to live here but in the end I will be the one in the hospital, so I am taking small steps.  I am afraid of the DIL, trust me you have not seen her tantrums when she starts throwing things.  But that is why we have 911.

Anyway, told him to find a place immediately.  It will be followed up with an email of the same advising they have X time to move out.  They have no where to go, but that is not my problem.

I just want my life back, to be relatively happy and not get into a shouting contest with the DIL as no one will win, and my health will not take it.

As for the will etc.  that is being changed, you can bet when DIL finds that out she will leave.  I am not stupid she knows I have a heart condition, and is hoping I go so  she can get the house, wrong not going to happen!!!!!!  Once that is known these is no reason to stay.

Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Keys Girl on April 01, 2013, 06:23:17 PM
Don't be foolish enough to tell anyone about anything in your will.

That's like adding 100 gallons of kerosene to a camp fire.

KG
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on April 02, 2013, 05:37:52 AM
Unfortunately I was ill with cancer a while back, before the DIL and made my S POA in the event of my inability to make decisions from a medical perspective.   That will be retracted immediately, it was not done before an attorney, I did it myself and then had it noterized.   It had to be done quickly.   But it will be changed effective today and filed with an attorney. 

I never thought for a moment that the S would ever mention it, or use it, but with the DIL in the picture that is exactly what has occured.  Infact he mentioned it a while back in front or her.   

I am honestly beginning to think that their moving back in here was the DIL's doing.  DIL is street smart, has had to survive anyway she could and  it is survive at any cost.  So do I think that the DIL is banking on my going yes.

I have screwed up but not because I wanted to but because I thought I could trust my S, and always have before his involvement with the DIL.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Elise on April 02, 2013, 09:21:31 AM
Ladystar - I am so sorry for your troubles.  It must be so hard to do what needs to be done now to preserve and restore your peace of mind and health. 
Once you do change the POA and your ds and dil have moved, it might be a good though difficult idea to inform ds by registered mail that his POA has been revoked.  Your attorney will probably advise this as well. If a 'crunch' time comes and ds still thinks he is POA he may take that poa paper to a bank or medical facility to prove his right to act.  Such entities normally do not do any kind of search to verify the POA was not changed since its execution originally.  If however the POA ( in this case you ds) has been notified by registered mail that he is no longer POA, it acts as a deterrent as there are severe penalties for acting illegally on a revoked POA.
Given the terrible treatment you are enduring with them in your home, I hope you do not tell them of the change until after they have moved and your home is secure from them.  I would fear it blowing up further if you told him now, though I do hope you change it now and tell him later.
This happened with my mother, who changed her poa for medical and financial from a daughter who lived far distant to those closer to her location. When she notified the daughter of the change, that daughter completely blew up at her and only once in the final years even talked to her again.  An ugly outcome, and one that proved she needed to make the change, hard as it was. Valid reasons ignored by unreasonable people often point up dissonance between what is in an individuals best interests and someone else s interests IMHO. Just saying...
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on April 02, 2013, 10:56:14 AM
Excellent advice.  You are so right, I have no intention of telling them anything none of their business.  Changing benif's on life insurance and pension as well.   Going forward my business is my business and I am purchasing a safe for important papers, jewelry, etc. 

It is sad and not a very pleasent living environment, but I have to stay focused.  I do not speak to the DIL, and honestly unless she speaks to me I will not.  DIL can stay in their area and do whatever she wants.   But there will be no more food cooked, etc.   Heck if I am going to buy food, her cook it and then not bother to even send me up any, yet you expect me to buy it.  Heck no.  I think as I stop providing it will push the situation to a head, I figure at some point my S will get very tired of it.  Heck why would you move if someone was doing everything for you, paying all the bills, buying all the food, why would you move or make any attempt to?   I call that having it made.

Maybe when her M comes to visit soom she will discuss moving in with her.  Although according to my S they fight and yell at each other constantly. 

Honestly don't care anymore, this last set of nasty grams she sent me pushed me over the edge.  Not my problem, but the will and POA are being changed and filed.  I will also send a copy to the local Dr. office, and Hospitals to keep on record. 

You all have no idea what it has done for me to be able to come here and vent/share.  I think I would be loosing my mind were it not for this outlet.
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: luise.volta on April 02, 2013, 11:11:05 AM
 :D Atta' girl!  :D
Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: Keys Girl on April 02, 2013, 01:57:19 PM
Hang in there, LS, slow and steady wins the race, and glad to hear you are going to keep all of your business to yourself.

I came close to giving my son POA about 5 years ago before he got engaged.  I dragged my heels on getting it done and when the fireworks started with the DIL it made my life so much easier that they didn't didley squat or have access to anything.

It's sadness beyond belief to have to go through this set of circumstances, but that doesn't mean you can't keep your own best interests close to your heart. 

KG

Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on April 02, 2013, 02:49:42 PM
So fun stuff this weekent.

Yes, I went out and bought a new bedset, new rugs, and this weekend is time for new hair do.   I plan on not being around that much now that summer is close at hand.   

Plan on being arond less and less once I get stuff locked away.



Title: Re: Angry and Hostile Daughter in Law
Post by: LadyStar on April 03, 2013, 05:50:03 AM
Thanks Keys Girl. :)