March 28, 2024, 03:16:26 PM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - FDIL

1
My son is getting married this October, after a 5-year relationship and 2-year engagement. He is six years older than she is.

I feel really selfish and I hate that I feel this way but I keep hoping he changes his mind and calls off the wedding. I want to be happy and if this girl makes him happy I want to learn to accept it. I don't want to be the reason for any of his unhappiness.

There isn't anything particular to justify how I feel. IT's purely selfishness or reasons that shouldn't matter but do. My future daughter in law comes from a poor background. She grew up with a single mother, and from what I have gathered spent a lot of time taking care of her younger sister, while her mother worked a lot of jobs because she had no education.

While my FDIL finished a two-year program trade program all on her own, which I find impressive since she had very little parental support. My son helped pay off her ten grand student loan, which could have been money saved for his future. We managed to pay for his schooling so he wouldn't have to struggle. But he seemed to make someone's else problem his.

I've nice to her and treat her with respect but I do think she senses I'm not warm and super inviting. Recently I met her mother, at my son's request because it was important that I at least get to know the "other" grandmother. Her mother is nice but I think "redneck" and I can't help but judge.

There isn't really any reason despite just thinking that my son is settling, that I can say that could justify why I don't want him to marry her. They are paying for their own wedding, he is independent, and they both recently bought a condo together. I just need advice on how to go forward with this.