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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 12:29:19 PM

Title: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 12:29:19 PM
I could just cry~I deactivated my account on here thinking..okay,dil and I are on a fresh new start,I really don't wanna have something bad out there,you never know..a fresh start,slate wiped clean. I sent this long message taking all the blame,even apologizing for what I don't know..all to keep the peace. I have been posting to dil all info I can find about my sons return from deployment,I had not had a set date given to me,so today I spend all morning e-mailing phone # to dh becouse my cell phones broke,we found the info we needed,I right away send message to dil,an hour later I get a message from her saying oh yeah my friend sent me all the info yest,hers and mine were the same,so I think nothing of it..come to find out she spoke to my son last night and never bothered to mention it,posted on reg fb..feb is gonna be a good month,then on her military site yay,spoke to hubby last night,its official..let the count down begin!! I was like..aaaahhh why would you not let us know,I never heard word until I contacted you,nothing added up...honestly I could scream,,,still manipulative..so now I need advice,taking the high road will not work for me..I get the whole wanting to see him,but to hold info like that from us becouse you act 12 is just mean...there is a big get together for the troops and their families when they get home...I guess we are monsters for wanting to see our son to,it's not like there won't be other ppl there,close to 200.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 12:35:07 PM
I don't tend to hear squat from my dil concerning my son during his deployment.. If it wasn't for skype I'd be clueless.  Penelope you are going to have to accept the fact that at this point of her life she does not respect you enough to include you in any information... maybe one day.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 12:50:39 PM
Penelope,

Take a deep breath, and DO NOT deactivate your account. Just b/c it's perfect one day doesn't mean it's going to be perfect the next. I thought about taking mine down too...but you know what? The only thing here is my side of the story and my feelings; pretty innocent I think.

I post things all the time on Facebook before I tell anyone--even DH. Why? B/c my smartphone is right there...and it's easy. Facebook is part of my identity. It might be wrong, but I know most of our generation is doing the exact same thing.

Is it possible, that she just hadn't had a chance to call before you contacted her? You went through a lot of work to find out all of that information. If I knew my MIL was contacting everyone to find out when DH came home, I wouldn't have called her. She hadn't asked me for the information and was obviously handling it herself. 

Also, I think your DIL was okay with you going down there right? If she said that try and believe her. I didn't even let my MILs visit my DH in Baltimore as he was passing through to the West Coast. Why? B/c I wanted ME to be the first person he saw from home after his deployment. Ridiculous, I know, but I think if she wanted to fight you on this, she would be...deployments are a HUGE deal for spouses.

She seems incredibly young and isn't doing what an at home spouse should be doing. On the other hand, you're taking care of his laundry, his things, finding out when he's coming home. Is it likely she thinks you had it all taken care of?

I know you're in a hard spot right now, but I think handing control over all of those mential things to her completely might be the only way she's going to get it together. Let her flounder if she doesn't. I'm not sure, but maybe she needs a BIG wake up call. And, if she doesn't want the responsibility, your DS needs to see that.

Just focus on seeing him again and be thankful that you can see him (b/c my DH wanted NO ONE around after his deployment). I don't think any of this has any hope of moving forward or getting brought to light until your DS comes home.

I don't think it's b/c she thinks your monsters; I think she's very immature. I think she's behaving like a new girlfriend, not a wife.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 01:16:25 PM
I can see that Holli.. if you are still living at home while your dh is deployed and your parents are still grounding you as punishment.. she hasn't been able to step up..  I do agree, let your son see things for what they are, not how he imagines.  But like I said before it's hard to let the insurance lapse, the bills not get paid, his credit rating getting raked over the coals.. but you know if he is adult enough to marry then he's adult enough to figure out what he needs to do next.

I do still wish that my dil would at the very least drop us a line occasionally if she has some 'news' concerning our son.. of course we are on heightened awareness the entire time he's gone.  I think if she had more respect for our feelings and concerns she would think to take that step.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 01:19:51 PM
I didn't mean to make my post so long. Sorry.

I definitely think DIL should've contacted you with the information. It was the first thing I did, which was how my MIL's "we'll-go-to-Baltimore-and-get-to-see-him-first!" idea came about. And yes, she said it just like that.

But, I'm also on all of his paperwork to be told that information. It sounds like this girl found it through a friend. I'm confused about that. She's lucky to have found out through a friend, but there are better, more legitimate avenues to go through.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 01:26:36 PM
I did not think it was our place to be there as he is leaving or coming home. A week before his deployment and a couple of weeks after is when I think his extended family should be given some time. 
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 01:46:13 PM
thats whats so annoying,she has not given us any info..not once the entire time,anything we found out was on our own,including wether or not he was killed inthe crash a few months back,she found out and said nothing. I spoke to F.R.O today,she said there are alot of familie members attend the homecoming,I had asked being parents is it best we wait until leave,she said no,she's a Marine and a mom and said come see your son:) my friends at CLJ said same thing,the wife said heck no Ma get your butt down here:) I didn't go to her site,I was chatten with my sis when the post came across the news feed on Fb,I was like WTH!! time lines show she knew early yest,and had made several posts so she was on,why not drop a line to us,I've sent her messages letting her know what was going on and to keep her informed if I found out anything. She said I avoid you guys becouse I don't know you so I don't know how to act,I thought about that,I worked with her for the first year and a half of our store opening,c'mon,we both worked full time,yes she was quiet,but she seen I got along with everyone:) I think I'm staying clear,go see my son then stay away until next visit,then hold my breath until they leave and then breath,I'm not going to get anywhere~I was excited about it being worked out to~
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 02:06:02 PM
~dh hubby and I aren't the type of parents who try and see him first,honestly I could be last,we just wanna hug him,see him and tell him to his face WELCOME HOME and WE LOVE YOU~I forgot to add that,I was busy eating chips and trying to type:b
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 02:20:18 PM
Penelope, I am so sorry about all of this. I think she's lacking something. I hope she gets it. Go, see your son and enjoy yourself. You did everything right on your end.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 02:29:00 PM
Penelope you are dealing with a different situation then I am.. my son was married for 3 years when he first deployed.  Also I think he may be a little older then your son. By time he deployed he was a pretty independent individual who had come into himself years before.  This time he is coming home to a pregnant wife.. it would be criminal of us to be there taking away from that homecoming. 

If your son needs you there then by all means be there for him.. all these guys are so very different and we won't even count what they just lived through on their deployments.. you know your son well enough to know which is the correct direction. 
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 03:20:05 PM
Thanks girls~my dh was just crying,he's so excited to see him,they are having a ceremony right after the guys hand in their weapons,so we will see how he is,stay for that then leave,we may not see him the next day before we go,I told dh he most likely will sleep in if given the chance~I would never take his time away from his wife,I just wanna hug,I know it sounds silly,I don't expect a 3 hour visit,I know he needs down time,we never have been a in your face family when he comes home,we like to relax,I do plan on Christmas dinner when he's on leave,I love him but am getting tired of vacuming of the Christmas tree...MAN I WANNA SEE IT GONE!!! lol Laurie,how nice for your ds to be back for the birth,alot of guys miss it due to deployment~my oldest baby turns 23 Thurs,he's OTR trucker so he'll be in the lovely snow storm we are getting hit with~I usually do ice-cream cakes,this year I'm thinken not such a good idea:b lol 18 inches of snow,I love that when they are gone to work...the toys are still here!!! this morning I pumped gas wearing my entire snowmobile  gear,I couldn't bend my legs to get back up in my truck!!! hahahaha
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 03:24:41 PM
I think I can be so much more relaxed over his coming home because unlike your son, mine doesn't get to carry a weapon.  So in my  mind that makes him safer.. I asked what if.. he said I run like hell.  There was a reason why he was in cross country track.  Also my son is only deployed for 3 month stints .. last time out he was stayed in a mansion inside of the Embassy compound.  It was almost like saying Hi I see you're back from vacation.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: tryingmybest on February 01, 2011, 03:28:06 PM
I am so happy for you! I am in awe of the strength military families show when their loved ones are deployed! It's a joyful fragile time for all of you, be gentle with yourself! {{{    }}}
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 01, 2011, 03:28:48 PM
I too think it should be up to the returning Son or Daughter, who they want there.  My YS isn't married, so I don't have this problem right now, but if he does marry, I would totally expect his Wife to have first dibs.  That's how it should be.  If he was and only wanted his wife there, then I would abide by his wishes and see if there was another time they could come visit.   But if he wanted us there and she didn't, I could see where that would cause some major controversary.  I do think the priority should be on what the returning Soldier wants and both Parents/Wife/Husband etc., should try to set aside their own personal feelings to honor them.

This coming from the Mom who adopted another Soldier after basic graduation for the day, because no one came to see him  :(
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 03:34:42 PM
Pooh! I did the same thing! My brother is is a DI and one of his recruits was standing there all alone. So sad.

Penelope,

Again, I think you've done everything you could; you know now he is coming home, so that is the best part. Maybe once he is home (and for goodness sakes, OUT of her parent's house where they can no longer "ground" her!) she can start to take on some more responsibility. They'll work on it together.

I think a big part of it could be the type of transition you guys are going through. She's here, he's there. She's in her parent's house, and you're near by. They haven't made a go of it on their own yet. I can't even imagine. I thought just packing up and heading overseas leaving my family all of a sudden was hard--but it doesn't sound like it was as hard as it could've been.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 01, 2011, 03:42:13 PM
Isn't it sad?  I am ashamed to say, I never even thought about that when we were at my YS's grad.  I know this sounds bad, but I never would have imagined these men and women standing there with no one there to congratulate them.  Duh!

I finally looked at my YS and asked him why there were a bunch of them still standing in formation after they released them to the families.  He explained that was the Soldiers that didn't have anyone there and had to wait until they were officially released back to their barracks.  I couldn't help but cry and then he told me we could adopt one of them for the day!  YAY! Then....Only one?  So he pointed to one that he really got along with during training and we asked the DS if we could have him!  He was so grateful and polite all day and I will never forget the thank you he gave us later.  He hugged me and told me that he very much appreciated letting him be part of our family that day.

Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: luise.volta on February 01, 2011, 04:16:11 PM
I can see how hard this all is and don't have anything to add except to send love...
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 04:38:03 PM
Pooh that made me cry ...

We just watched a documentary called "The Way We Get By", here is the description.. it was rather touching, we had rented it through Blockbuster

Synopsis of The Way We Get By

American service men and women are a frequent sight at the Bangor International Airport in Maine; many troops returning from overseas assignments pass through the airport as they make their way home or to their next mission. Since the United States invasion of Iraq in 2003, over 800,000 U.S. soldiers have arrived at Bangor International, and nearly all of them have been met by Bill Knight, Joan Gaudet, and Jerry Mundy. Calling themselves "the Maine Troop Greeters," Knight, Gaudet, and Mundy are three senior citizens who see to it that every soldier returning to America is given a warm and encouraging welcome, a hug or a handshake, and the use of a cell phone so they can call their loved ones, no matter when their plane touches down. While the Greeters have their own troubles to deal with -- failing health, the loss of loved ones, loneliness -- their work with the soldiers gives them both a sense of purpose and a perspective that makes their own troubles easier to bear. Joan Gaudet's son Aron Gaudet is a filmmaker, and his documentary The Way We Get By chronicles the work of the Maine Troop Greeters, the story behind the three tireless volunteers, and how their project has touched the men and women they welcome nearly every day. The Way We Get By was an official selection at the 2009 South By Southwest Film Festival. ~ Mark Deming, Rovi

Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 06:56:57 PM
well chatted with my ds tonight via FB,I asked him "quick question,honesty" so he knows answer the truth no matter how harsh,he said "okay" we do this and if he doesn't wanna answer he just says no,I said i've done alot of reading and asking others,when guys come home they don't wanna have alot of ppl there,alot of times it's just wives,if you don't want us there it's fine,we'll see you when you come home~he said mom you have no idea how excited I am to see you guys,do I want a bunch of aunts and uncles there,no, but I do want you and dad and would love my bros to but I understand they can't,then told me he loved me,I teared up:b so I will go down,smile ,HUG my ds and Thank them all for what they do~his unit is in an extremely violent part of Afghan,one of the units fighting with him have lost 24 Marines since Oct~I have had the honor of meeting so many Blue Star and Gold Star parents~when I hug my son,it will also be for all those who are awaiting the arrival of their sons/daughters and those who will never beable to hug theirs ever again~I seen a qoute once about military parents "we didn't choose this,we were drafted" lol Thank You ladies for adopting a troop,alot of them truely have no families,alot go from foster care to service,I do alot of charity work with the troops and these guys deserve the best homecoming ever~and BIG HUGS to all who have loved a service member and ones deployed in time of war~it's hard to explain what it does to you~I met a parent whos son was missing for years over there,they finally were able to lay him to rest~19 yr old kid~I hope I can truely get past this with the dil,but to know how much we just wanna welcome him home and be silent on details is harsh~ ladies if your in a place waiting on the big snow,bundle up and have a great day~
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 01, 2011, 06:58:15 PM
laurie,I will rent that doc,we enjoy that stuff~
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: luise.volta on February 01, 2011, 07:14:14 PM
His choice. That's wonderful an dhow it should be. Good for you for getting the straight scoop. Sending love...
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 07:19:45 PM
Penelope,

I can't go back and read your old post, but if I'm not confusing you with someone else...he wanted you to be there. Isn't this his second deployment? Last time you didn't have a big to-do and he was disappointed, right?

You already knew all along he wanted you there. That's all you need. No matter what happens, please remember that. You're doing this for him...to me, you don't need to worry about anything else.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Rose799 on February 01, 2011, 07:48:55 PM
Quote from: penelope on February 01, 2011, 06:56:57 PM
I will go down,smile ,HUG my ds and Thank them all for what they do~

I haven't posted but have been following your posts, Penelope.  This one brought tears...  To you dm's with sons in the service, please thank them on behalf of family, as well.   I live near a base but am far enough removed that I don't know anyone in the service personally.  If you have a suggestions as to what those of us like me can do to help out, please share.   Penelope, I hope you greet your son wearing bells & screaming like a crazy woman.  You may opt not to, but I'm going to envision it that way.    ;D ;D ;D

Hugs,
Rose





Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 01, 2011, 07:54:48 PM
Rose,

I can go on and on:

1. If you see a USO (airports, main cities), donate a dollar. Those senior citizens running them are ALL volunteer and have usually served themselves. Better yet, spend a few minutes in there talking to the volunteer and the servicemembers that come in there. It's amazing who is passing through there.
2. Donate old books to the base...they ship them overseas.
3. Send anonymous care packages: socks, underwear, dryer sheets, toilet paper
4. If you can, spend some time at a Veteran's Office and spend some time with the servicemembers in rehab.
5. Send Christmas Cards and a letter about yourself overseas; there are men and women over there with no family back here to write them.
6. If you live near a base and know of a spouse of someone deployed...offer help; they probably won't take it, but it is nice ot know it's there.
7. If you see someone in uniform, thank them. They don't even expect that, but it means more than all of the above.

There's tons more you can do.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Rose799 on February 01, 2011, 08:08:01 PM
Thanks for the suggestions, Holliberri,

Just maybe I can adopt some "ds's" like Luise has "dd's."   ;D 

...and thanks to your husband for his service, as well!

Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 01, 2011, 08:27:36 PM
The evening my son was commissioned we went out to dinner afterwards.. Five different people approached my son and a friend to shake their hands, one saluted my son said no sir, it's you I owe this honor.  In this world where we've become so afraid of interacting with strangers, I found this to be incredibly touching.  I've seen little children approach him at their father's encouragement to ask him about when his dream of being a pilot begin. He always replies the same way.... when I was your age. 

I can not listen to the National Anthem without a tear any longer because it seems so unfair to be standing at some pleasurable event knowing that someone lost their child so I can enjoy whatever I choose to do.  I've been crying at the playing of the Anthem for years because I always knew that at least one of my kids would be heading this direction.

I always try to keep in mind that these are not all of our heroes .. my dd is dating a police officer.. talk about a high risk, under appreciated job.. no one ever thinks to just shake their hand and say thanks.

Your list was wonderful Holliberri.. I"m sending my son a package this week with some items he requested.. I think I'll put something in the box for his temporary roommate.. who knows maybe he hasn't gotten anything from home.

Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: luise.volta on February 01, 2011, 08:59:21 PM
Great Idea!  :D
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pen on February 01, 2011, 09:02:00 PM
Quite awe inspiring. Thanks to all who have sons, daughters, spouses, and other loved ones in the service. Thanks to all who serve on our behalf.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 05:06:05 AM
Holliberry,very well put~on the carepackages,you can contact the chaplins and they can give them to the ones in need~we always sent 3 or 4 at a time,my son and his guys would dump it in a pile and share,so no one was left out,I would send all kinds of things,but you cannot send,pork,cigerettes lighters,anything with women on it,magazines(porn) a big no no,no fresh produce,no greenery,you can go on sites and get the lists,on my sons base if they were cought recieving things on the No list they could lose mail privilages,they have all that stuff there,someones getting it to them:) I have been involved with groups(moms) of all branches,but I'm more involved with the Marines,once your loved one is in,they take the whole family in,we have a weird bond,i meet so many wonderful people,hugs galore:) I make sure I Thank everyone~when I worked I waited on officers daily,what a great group of guys,they do tend to get overlooked for their service and sacrifice~@ Holliberry,my son does love the Marines and did wanna be deployed,this is what he's trained for,he has his days tho,a few weeks ago he said doing my 5 years then done,last night he said he didn't mind being in Afghan~the USO is the ones doing the ceremony dinner when they come home,I've never dealt with them so I'm excited to meet some ppl and see about helping out in my area:) I hate to ramble on,sorry,but I'm very into helping,I have also worked in soup kitchens~so if ever a way to help someone in any situation it's appreciated more than we ever know~also,there are young kids in bootcamp not recieving mail,my son said it was the only thing to look forward to,I found some names of kids who weren't getting any mail...sent out info via FB and from what I gather my friends came thru:) or the VA,we were told here cards and letters were no longer allowed,ppl were sending hate mail,can you imagine how that would feel~but other VA's allow mail I'm sure. The troops love getting letters from the schools,the younger grades are so cute,I can no longer read the older kids letters,I would spend the entire packing party crying:b hard candy,their mouths get really dry so they like that,pack stuff in zip lock baggies,sand gets in everything...okay,sorry for going on and on:) oh 1 more thing,most ground units have bomb sniffing dogs,so a pack of dog treats is always good,we tend to forget the 4 legged troops:) make sure no pork in it tho,who knows how strict they'll be~
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 05:22:31 AM
Laurie, that is an amazing story.  I need to watch it if I can get through it without tears.  Penelope, kudos for asking straight up what your Son wanted.  I'm with Holli, since he said he wants you there, go and don't worry about the rest.  Just remember if DIL is there to let her have first hugs and the first little bit.  Let your DS decide when to come to you.  Rose, I am with the others.  My YS said his favorite thing is receiving letters, cards and gift packages.  Check with someone there on your base as to what they can get.  I have found that each base is different with things they can receive, and will get punished for the wrong things.  Every time my YS is transferred to another base, we go over what he can have at this one.  Also, it depends on what stage they are at.  During basic, they could not receive anything except what he asked for.  One of things that he asked for, that I never thought, was knee high panty hose (black).  During long hikes and such, they wear them under their socks to keep from getting blisters from the boots.  He went through tons of those, but I found if I went to our local dollar stores (you know the chains) I could get a six pack for $2.00.  And chapstick, lots of chapstick.  Now my YS is at a point right now that he can get almost anything, so check with your local base.

Laurie, you are right about Law Enforcement.  Very rarely do they get thanked.  My DH always says, "Everyone loves a Fireman."   ;D
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 05:45:32 AM
I think Fireman are amazing,I could never rush into a burning home,I rented Backdraft once,good movie~how they manuver with all the gear on in those conditions~when my son was in bootcamp,he couldn't have anything but mail,so when one kid somehow got gum they were all geeked,but affraid to chew it...lol if one gets into trouble,the whole platoon is in trouble,my ds would say SEND NOTHING,PLEASE NOTHING!! haha poohs right,alot of chapstick,and foot powder for athletes feet:) when my ds came home once with gear,we were like WTH!! we thought something died in the house..lol his boots!! if kids are in basic training or bootcamp,you can also check with a local recruiters office,they have all the info,just don't get conned into enlisting:)
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 05:57:12 AM
They are amazing.  My DH was the youngest Fireman in our area back in the 80's.  He joined at 14.  Of course now, that's not allowed, they can be "explorers" but insurance will not allow anyone under 18 to actually do anything but observe.  But in the 80's, they could.  He tells me stories until I am crying about how he was the only kid allowed to have a pager in class, and when it went off, he got to leave.  But the funniest thing is when they had a fire at night, his Mommy had to drive him!  ROLFL

Then he decided around 20 he wanted to be an EMT.  So he went to school and switched over, doing that for a few years.  He never really liked doing that so he then went into Law Enforcement where he has been for 18 years now.   He said when he was Fireman and an EMT, he was constantly thanked, now it's a rarity, but he says he finds it the most mentally rewarding.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 06:14:32 AM
well,please tell him I said THANK YOU~ love that mommy drove him to the fire..lmao!! just like my ds and buddies having mommy pick them up from the bar!!! I was chatten with ys the other day about something,he said I'm almost 17,I said why is it you guys say don't treat us like babies but then you ask me to do stuff? I said I'm confused,he smiled and said I love you mom,we wanna be babied on some things,it makes us feel good:) WHAT?!?!?!?! okay,how does baby like the feel of the back of my hand!!! hahaha I love how you said in a post he got his butt spanked,my 2 older ds got spanked when they were growing up,the ys once,he thought the world had come to an end,not beat,spanked!! hahaha I think he's always been so good becouse no one to fight with,big age gap between him and his bros:) as for career in med field,I give them all credit,I could never do it,nope,never,I quit working at our store,being a vegetarian and seeing all the blood and the smells of meat was a nightmare:b i could not imagine having to help a person and not freak out~or chasing a bad guy and when catching him not letting mom mode kick in and giving a huge beat down!!! I'm almost always calm,happy go lucky,but when I snap...look out!! lol
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 07:33:47 AM
OMG!  A vegetarian working in a store with meat?  Oh lol....that had to be a nightmare!  Oh, both of my boys were spanked.  Luckily, it was nothing more than a butt swat when they were little, and maybe 3 or 4 good spankings when they were a little older.  After that, I didn't have to.  Just knowing I would was enough to keep them from doing too much.  But when I was little, my Mother says I was....I believe the nice word was "holy terror" and I remember having to walk to the same snowball bush my Mom did as a child and get a switch.  Longest walk of my life and I learned quickly to pick the bigger round ones, cause the thin ones hurt like the dickens.  I was obviously a slow learner, because I remember many, many spankings when I was about 8 and below.  I don't remember any after that, but I was a nightmare child.  Mischievious, sneaky and always into something, with a Grandpa that put me up to no good.  Good times!
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 10:01:30 AM
Sorry Courtney, but I don't know the offical answer to that.  I have always asked my YS for someone in his class that isn't receiving anything and he gives me their name.  And I now include extra "goodies" for him to share in care boxes.  I don't write as much as I used to, right now, because I can call or text him now, just couldn't during basic.

Since you don't know anyone in there personally, I would call your local Armory, USO, Base or Recruiting office and ask them about who to ask or contact.  If you don't have a local base, most of them have a website now with phone numbers to their "Soldier Relations" departments.  They could probably advise you of who to contact or reputable groups.

Thank you so much for thinking about all of them!
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 10:22:29 AM
oh pooh,we are so much alike,I lived with an aunt and uncle for a few years,she would make us pick weeping willow tree switches,becouse when they hit your legs they wrapped around it,,,,ouch! between her kids and my siblings and I we had 8,when 1 did something bad and she didn't know who it was she whipped all 8 of us,so when the rest of us found out who the bad one was,we kids handed out the second beating!!! by the time I was 16 I was like ADIOS!! lol Courtney,due to security reasons I'm not sure anyone will give you an address, you can contact a chaplin who will forward the package for you,or most all states have a Blue Star Mom chapter,if you get the letters to them,they will put them in carepackages,try the places pooh suggested to,I wouldn't take the last letter personal~who knows what his situation was,I'm sure he appreciatedit,after going thru what these guys do,things are dif for them when they return,what may be a big deal to us is so petty to them,my son described Afghan and Iraq like going back in biblical times,he said it's unreal,we can't even begin to imagine unless we are there~Pooh,yep,the meat smell was gross....and I'm married to a meat man!!!! talk about opposites attrack:b and I'm 5'2" tall and he's 6'4" tall,and all my ds are over 6' hahaha they have to reach down bowls and stuff for me from the top shelf...lol
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 10:29:55 AM
Ha ha!  We are alot alike.  My DH was a closet vegetarian when we met.  He grew up completely vegetarian, but in his 20's, discovered he liked hamburgers and steaks.  So he would sneak and eat them.  Now I have corrupted him completely because I am a carnavore.  Ok, not completely...he still will not touch anything pork.  But his entire family is vegetarian, and when we go there, I take vegetarian dishes.  When we got out to eat with them, I will order meat, and they do not mind, but my DH will not!  That's why I call him closet vegetarian.  His family knows he eats meat, but as long as he doesn't do it in front of them, in his mind, they don't know...Lol.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: luise.volta on February 02, 2011, 10:46:18 AM
We are omnivores.   8) And with his parents your DH is a Vegetarian Chicken.  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pen on February 02, 2011, 10:48:10 AM
Good one!
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 10:50:29 AM
Luise thats funny:)
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 10:51:39 AM
Ha ha ha....good one!  I will have to call him that soon!!!!
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: LaurieS on February 02, 2011, 11:56:24 AM
Quote from: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 05:22:31 AM
Laurie, you are right about Law Enforcement.  Very rarely do they get thanked.  My DH always says, "Everyone loves a Fireman."   ;D
Except a cop :)
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 01:05:26 PM
Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2011, 11:56:24 AM
Quote from: Pooh on February 02, 2011, 05:22:31 AM
Laurie, you are right about Law Enforcement.  Very rarely do they get thanked.  My DH always says, "Everyone loves a Fireman."   ;D
Except a cop :)

Hee...except Cops that haven't been Firemen
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Rose799 on February 02, 2011, 02:12:09 PM
Thanks for all the suggestions on how to help the troops!  Below are a couple websites that may be helpful also.

To send letters:
http://www.opgratitude.com/from_iraq.php

You can also contribute by signing this petition.  I got the website after hearing the story on MSNBC earlier today.
http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/6676/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=5226

Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 02, 2011, 04:43:10 PM
well,the DIL leaves in a few hours,still no contact about the bills or clothes..posted I have my stuff,jerky and ipod,all I need,time to hit the road. I am an awe,how do you not think of your dh things,it's not vacation,your moving.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 05:30:41 AM
Courtney that is a very good idea.  I bet the school can get you in touch with someone.  I love the tea-bags and can just picture one of the Soldiers having a relaxing cup of tea.  I do remember when we were collecting for our troops that were deployed (from a small town), some group took up a bunch of things and the bank shipped them for free.  Some of the things the Soldiers were asking for was: disposable cameras, chapstick, paper, envelopes, stamps, cards and batteries.  I had never thought about the disposable cameras, but they use them, then mail them back home to someone to be developed.  There is so much sand, that real cameras get ruined quickly.

Penelope, have a very safe trip and thank your Son for me for everything he does!
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 06:27:01 AM
awww Thank You pooh I will,we are leaving Mon evening. If you buy supplies for troops,if they are deployed don't send stamps,they get to ship mail home for free,check with post office tho,I've always dealt with iraq and Afghan,I'm not sure how it works in other places like Okinawa and such. One year Blue Star Moms sent out over 200 beannie babies,they hand them out to kids in exchange for info leading to where IED's are hidden,the taliban are using the children as human sheilds,it's crazy when you think a beannie babie could save lives, my ds always requested candy and protein bars,as the food in Afghan is gross..oh and gum,they always want gum,depending on the season,certain chapsticks hold up better,summer heat melts alot of stuff in the carepackages,I found chapstick brand to hold up really well, if sending chocolate in warmer weather,remove wrapper and put in zip lock baggies,when they get it,it's a big glob of goo,they snip the corner and squeeze,for some reaso tho M&M's do not melt,I was told they were invented for troops in WW2,how cool is that. Our group learned not to send hyeigene and food together,even tho it was in zip lock baggies,the guys were saying the food had taken on the oder,I still did for my son,I just didn't send soap or laundry soap with food,I think the best thing I sent was fresh cut grass clipping,pine tree branches and leaves,I told the post office cuz our ladies here are awsome,they said well,we didn't see a thing,my son said they passed it all around taking turns smelling it,he thought that was fun~Thank You so much for helping them out,I have read so many Thank You letters from them,they appreciate it so much:)
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 06:31:02 AM
oh,and packages can take anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks to get to them,if warm weather they sit in extreme heat during shipping,some foods could spoil:) and if sending to Iraq and Afghan,if sending something of value be careful how you word the shipping forms,theft is an issue:)
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 06:38:19 AM
Great, great, great ideas Penelope!  I love the grass clippings one.  I never thought about something like that, but I bet it was wonderful for them!  You are so creative.

My YS's favorite thing I ever sent him?  My YS loves his Church, so I found him an Army Bible in a metal case engraved with the Army insignia, at a major bookstore chain.  It has not only a regular bible, but is interlaced with Army codes, chants and prayers as well.  It's small and the metal casing allows him to toss it into his bag and not worry about damaging it.  And it is one thing that the Military allows them to take, no matter where they are going or what they are doing.  I wrote in the front of it, how proud I was of him and how much I loved him.  He says it is his favorite item.  They had them for all 4 branches of the Military with their own codes and prayers.  I know that it is not for everyone, but if you know a Soldier that is religious, they are wonderful.  And they had a big selection of various bible versions.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 06:59:08 AM
Pooh,I teared up at your post:) that is the most beautiful thing a parent can give~ we bought our son a celtic cross,but when he flies he cannot wear jewelry,so he had the cross tatooed on his arm,and a St.Micheals medal,dh explained why that one,I forgot tho,I tune him out alot!! haha I was told where my son is,they are not allowed to recieve religeous articles,he use to go to church in bootcamp,now only when home on leave,we try to go to at least 1 mass as a family:) last time we went all the boys and gf's were sitten there so I get up and pull out my camera!! lol they were like OMG!!! mom what are you doing? I wanted a pic,so they keep telling me its a sin to take pics in church,we were there early and noneone was there,so I get ready and...ckick..nothing,my battery was dead,the boys bursted out laughing,they said God did that:) I told them,well God knows I'm a sinner and not perfect,next time I'll buy disposable..lol
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 07:23:38 AM
Ha ha ha...don't you love those moments.  Me and DH gave my Son a St. Michael medal when he graduated on a beatiful chain.  At that time, he had thought he was going into law enforcement and they consider it the guardian angel of law enforcement.  He wore it solid for almost two years, until he enlisted and couldn't.  We found it ironic, because he is also considered the patron saint of the Army of God.  He gave it to me before he left for boot camp and asked me to put it up for him.  I have it safe in my jewelry box. 
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 03, 2011, 07:25:09 AM
Pooh,

That was the only type of jewelry we were allowed to wear in boot camp, I believe. As long as it was a religious symbol, that was okay. I'm sorry to hear that they changed that.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 07:29:58 AM
I think Holli, they can still have them, but they just can't wear them on a chain due to safety of getting choked during exercises.  And I don't know how it was when you were there, but they had to guard themselves against theft in the barracks (sad).  I think, they can still carry them in their pockets.  But this was a large charm and I had to buy a pretty thick chain to hold the weight, and had a jewelry shop rework the ring so the charm would fit.  It's permanently on there, so he couldn't remove it to carry. 
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: holliberri on February 03, 2011, 07:33:20 AM
Theft in the military...an ever present problem apparently. A girl lost her engagement ring out of her locker when we were in. Oops.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: Pooh on February 03, 2011, 07:44:04 AM
Yep.  Someone took my YS's outside weather jacket that had been issued to him, right before graduation.  Disappeared out of his locker.  Before he could graduate, he had to buy a new one to replace it at a cost of $120.  I thought it was very unfair, but the rules.
Title: Re: snapped olive branch~
Post by: penelope on February 03, 2011, 08:24:52 AM
Holliberry I'm sorry,I overlooked where you were in,Thank You for serving~I thought it was dh only in~I was told by my ds friend the other day,almost all of her skivvies are being stolen,she said I arrived in Afghan with more than enough,now I have almost none!! sad isn't it,they are trained to be brother/sister in arms and have eachothers backs and they steal from eachother. My son carries a tiny little siver cross in his wallet,given to me by a stranger to give to him...and a little card with a four leaf clover and an Irish blessing. i bought ds and dil a St.Micheal mizpah coin necklace,it has a prayer for a married couple on the back,so when apart they would still have a little peice of something:) isn't it crazy how they have to buy ALL their gear,and it's not cheap