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General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: Glenda on December 06, 2011, 05:55:28 AM

Title: Sad news.
Post by: Glenda on December 06, 2011, 05:55:28 AM
Have had a very hard week.  My Dad passed away last tuesday.  He has been sick this last year,and we had recently put him in a home.  He suffered a major stroke on Sunday, & was gone early Tuesday morning.  Now that the wakes & funeral are over, & we are not busy, it has really set in that I will not hear his voice again, he will not ring my doorbell when he is out for a drive & decides to pop in.  Watching my Dad go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life.  We, (my Mom, siblings, & I), were all with him. 
For the last year my Dad had told my Mom & I, "I'm not going to be here for Chritmas, you know".  Somehow he knew he was going.  The last two weeks leading up to this stroke, he had been sick, throwing up, feverish, he was cranky & stubborn, & oh so lovable.  I visited him in the morning, the day he had his stroke, & he gave me this big, long, silent, look.  Now thinking about that look, I know he was trying to tell me he was leaving.  I wish I could bring him back, I wish I could stop these tears that forever fall from my eyes. I wish, when I say I love you Dad, I could hear him say, just one more time, "I love you more!!".
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Pooh on December 06, 2011, 06:21:45 AM
I'm so sorry Glenda.  I'm sending healing and comforting thoughts your way.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Glenda on December 06, 2011, 06:31:37 AM
Thank-you so much Pooh.  :)
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: RedRose on December 06, 2011, 06:40:23 AM
I am so sorry Glenda. He STILL hears you and loves you even more.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Glenda on December 06, 2011, 07:09:52 AM
Thank-you RedRose, you brought a smile to my face.  Knowing my Dad he does still hear me!  :)
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: pam1 on December 06, 2011, 07:28:08 AM
I'm so sorry, Glenda.  You're in my thoughts
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Doe on December 06, 2011, 07:34:06 AM
Oh ((((Glenda)))), nothing prepares you for that first parent's death.  I'll be thinking about you today.  Mama and my MIL both died in December and it can really wreak havoc with your emotions.  I'm glad for you that you were able to be with him and help ease him out.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Scoop on December 06, 2011, 07:40:08 AM
My thoughts are with you.  My Dad died a few years ago and it gets easier, but you will never stop missing him.

Tell us about him, what was he like?  How are you like him?
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: lancaster lady on December 06, 2011, 10:51:49 AM
aww Glenda

bless your dear heart ,
I still miss my dear father and he passed many years ago .
I know he's thinking of me when he sends me certain songs in my head , he was a great singer , then I know he's watching
over me . Also watch for a stray feather , then you know he's paid a visit .
Some people think that strange , but it's such a comfort when you are missing someone, and you'll always
be his little girl .........sending hugs ...x
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Scoop on December 06, 2011, 10:55:58 AM
LL - for us it's "Pennies from Heaven"!  My Dad used to do metal detecting as a hobby, so whenever we find a penny on the ground, we know it's from him.  One time we found several dollars worth of change on the ground and we figured he wanted to treat us to a coffee!
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: luise.volta on December 06, 2011, 11:03:54 AM
We have no place to put such loss. There's no "User's Manual" to walk you though what has just happened. When I lost my mom, I had to "do something" and the fact that there was nothing I could do left me feeling lost. So, I started writing to her...several times a day at first. I poured out my anguish and my anger...my fear of the empty landscape she left in my world...my sense that I should have, could have done better. Whatever surfaced, I wrote. Little by little without realizing it, I shifted to writing about memories and eventually found myself even smiling at times...even if through tears. I don't know when I started doing it...and it may sound nuts...but the day came when I began writing answers back to me from her. No, there were no voices...I knew I was initiating it...but/and I also knew what she would say to me. I still write at times and so does she...and she died in 1954. Sending love...
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: lancaster lady on December 06, 2011, 11:08:09 AM
Dear Scoop :

Isn't it a comfort ? I truly believe we will see them again .

I will share with you one of my strange stories . While in a hospital waiting room while undergoing tests
you can imagine I was quite nervous .
I was sitting about 6 feet away from a window which  was open horizontally , a feather flew in horizontal
and landed in my lap , my worries flew out of the window .
Weird , buy hey if it works for me , that's fine .
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: luise.volta on December 06, 2011, 11:45:19 AM
LL - Beautiful!
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Doe on December 06, 2011, 11:47:15 AM
When MIL died, she called out to us in the middle of the night after not speaking for weeks.  We went into her room and had the honor of being with her when she passed.  It was midnight, all dark with only one small light in the room.  At one point, DH and I both noticed the room brighten up and we both were infused with a sense of gratitude from MIL, thanking us for taking care of her when she wasn't able to.  We both got the distinct feeling that she (the being) was fine and off to where ever she was going.  This was after years of the real MIL not being there fully, just the remaining body that was finishing its time on earth.   
It was an experience I'll never forget and it made me feel a lot better about the process.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Pooh on December 06, 2011, 11:52:01 AM
I love all of these reminders.  For me, it's butterflies.  When my Grandma passed in 1984, a dear lady at her Church sent me an arrangement of flowers that had a silk butterfly in it.  The card said, "Your Grandma was like a beautiful butterfly that spends a limited time on earth but touches everyone and everything in it's passing."  I think of her every time I see a butterfly and when my Grandpa passed in 2003, I looked over and spotted a butterfly flitting around his flowers and I knew it was her telling me it was ok.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Scoop on December 06, 2011, 12:42:38 PM
Butterflies!  I've had several occasions since my Dad died where we were doing something fun as a family and a butterfly came and fluttered around us for a bit.  I still think it was him checking in on us.

I also think that the saying "What the caterpillar considered the End, to the butterfly, was only the Beginning" really applies when a loved one dies.  We can't wrap our heads around what happens after we die, in the same that a caterpillar can't fathom being a butterfly and FLYING!

Glenda, I hope that you don't think we're hijacking your thread.  I hope that you feel that you're in a community here, that understands what you're going through.

I had a friend who's Dad died just about a year after my Dad did.  We went out for lunch and she was comforted by the fact that I was STILL sad about my Dad.  I hope you feel the same comfort.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Pen on December 06, 2011, 10:41:25 PM
Glenda, my thoughts are with you. My mom passed away 30 years ago, and I still want to call her with a funny story or anecdote. The raw pain subsided, but my memories are still clear and she feels close at the times I need her most. (((hugs)))
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Chrisky on December 07, 2011, 09:38:32 AM
I'm sorry for your loss Glenda.  My Mother passed away 8 years ago at the age of 90.  I still miss her very much, and once in a while when something happens I'll think to myself that I have to call her and let her know.  When she first passed away, I would talk to her every day and I always felt that somehow she was listening.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Gidget on December 17, 2011, 06:42:49 PM
Sorry for you loss Glenda.  My dad passed on Christmas Even many years ago and I still miss him a lot.  One of my friend told me a story about finding dimes when you think of a dear departed person and everytime I miss my dad I keep finding dimes.  I now have a little pile of them.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Elise on January 01, 2012, 01:17:54 PM
Glenda - I know it had to be a difficult Xmas for you without your beloved father. I read how much you loved him and your eyes and hearts spoke lots. He was blessed to have his family with him through his passing. While we can never know on this side just what the next transition of our spirits and souls is exactly, I feel strongly we all have the loved ones gone ahead with us in our hearts so often. Listen for the ittle nudges and voices or happenings that let you know he is near.

My mom passed in March 2011, and it was so peaceful.  For me it was a relief as she was suffering and there was no possibility of improvement.  It made it easier to let her go, the suffering was very hard to watch.  When my dad died in 2003 , he and I knew he was going soon a few months before he died (medical stuff he didn't want shared with anyone else) and we had lots of time to talk together alone, him expressing his concerns for my mom and asking me to take care of her.  He was also so peaceful, though not suffering.  Before he died and because I believe in the whole quantum physics thing, I asked him to turn out street lights for me when I was driving at night.  The first weeks and months after his death, while I shuttled back and forth the 15 miles between my mom's and my home, I many times watched a streetlight go out  just as I would be getting to one.  At one point there were few left lit those weeks on that road.  Must have kept the street crew wondering what the heck?

Peace and love to you in this new year.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Ruth on January 01, 2012, 02:15:19 PM
Dear Glenda, I send tender and caring thoughts to you.   My father died on Dec 7, 23 years ago, but those final memories are burned into my memory.  Grief is a dastardly thing to go through.  It feels like a surreal experience, it is hard to believe that people are still driving around in cars, shopping, going to movies etc.  Since that first really piercing grief in my life, there have been others, but never never does it become manageable.  It is something in our human experience that we have to pass through.  It is unique to all of us, and at the same time common to all of us.  --I just talked to my mother, its her 86th birthday, and she had gotten a letter yesterday from her physician stating that they had found a cyst on her liver.  Now my first response is to panic, but as I was alone today and the house was warm and comforting to me, I withdrew into myself and talked to God about it instead.  This is a part of my personality undergoing great construction - not flying to fix all problems and living in panic and fear. 

My father also knew he was not going to survive the surgery, he told his minister so, and he told all of us goodbye and told us he was sorry for failing us as a father.  I'm sure you're confident you will see your father again, but that doesn't ease the sorrow of this present separation.  I am sorry, and we are all here to help you along.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: luise.volta on January 02, 2012, 01:41:28 PM
W - I will never pass another flickering streetlight without wondering who is saying "Hi!"
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Glenda on January 09, 2012, 10:03:17 AM
Hi Everyone, & thank-you all for your warm, comforting thoughts.  We made it through Christmas & the New Year.  My Mom spent the Holidays with us, & we only had a couple of melt downs.  I miss my Dad every single day, & as I'm typing this, tears.  I wonder if the tears will ever stop.  My Mom is doing ok, but I know she misses Dad so much.  She puts on a brave face, but I can see the sadness in her eyes.  We are all trying to keep Mom busy, inviting her places, taking her out, etc. 
I made a special Christmas ornament, with Dad's photo in it, for my Mom, all my siblings, & all the adult grandchildren.  Every year, at christmas, my Dad's ornaments will be hanging on all of our trees.  We won't ever forget him.  I hope he sees those ornaments every year, & smiles!!  When I put my ornament on the tree, it wouldn't hang straight & kept turning toward the door, just like my Dad, always has to see who's coming in.
We told stories about Dad, & laughed at some of the memories.  I know Dad was there laughing with us.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Pooh on January 09, 2012, 10:04:12 AM
That's great Glenda.  Love the ornaments!
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: Pen on January 10, 2012, 08:33:16 AM
Glenda, thanks for posting this. The ornament idea is very nice.
Title: Re: Sad news.
Post by: CityGirl on January 14, 2012, 10:08:24 PM
Glenda, I am so sorry for your loss.  But your post has resulted in some lovely and comforting replies.

My mother died in September and I still can't believe it.  She was a terrible mother and caused me much anguish throughout my life (even her death and funeral were huge family dramas and traumas, all initiated by her while she was still alive!), but at the end of the day, she was still my mother and she wasn't all bad.   I have been feeling especially sad this week, my granddaughter is turning one and I know my mother would have enjoyed her.   

You and your family are in my prayers.