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Pooh,  I am planning to take the shrine room and replace it to be an everyone guest room too.  I am going to keep a few toys for the children who visit in boxes in the basement.

I have been giving some of the toys away as surprises to neighbors children already!  Kids who do not have much:)  I do not let them know where they came from.  Just a gift from a stranger!  Makes me feel great:)  I love to play santagrammy all year, LOL!

I am so glad I found you folks here!  <3  My DH recommended the scrap book idea too.  He really is the calm in my storm<3

It is a great idea but maybe not for me?  IMO, it is hurts too much to keep the shrine thing going.  To look at all the missed events and lost time, memories, dunno if I could stand it!  I am prob wrong in my instinct to pull off that bandage and move on.  I already have a shrine that is a bedroom in my home for the kids who never visit.  The toys that are waiting, the craft projects undone, the electronic junk saved for my engineer GS who may just want to take it apart to see how it works?  Stop looking at kid stuff, stop waiting for the phone calls, stop waiting for these people to see the error in their ways?  STOP WAITING!  Move ON, Footloose

I look ahead at the chance visit w/ one of my grandkids, who never knew me or forgot that i even existed.  If he/ she is like my DS/ DIL, will he/ she even care?!

I think if my son was presented with a box of missed visits and attention from his absent father, he would scoff and say too little too late.....flipping past the sentiment and looking for the checks/ presents/ money/ keys to that new car...  The blame is on the absent person.  Right or wrong.  It just is.

I suffered the death of my only child, my NPD son, on several occasions and with each undeserved and cruel time out, I just don't know if I will be open to allowing for the next rejection, the next slight, the next painful situation that I am unable to control or even be understood.  Come close,  go away!,  OK to come close, never mind, I meant GO AWAY!!!

Now, I stay hurt and angry.....for now.  At some point, these love emotions will subside as time does heal.  Then i will be left with apathy.  No more love/ hate just the absence of any emotion at all.   

I look forward to the freedom from drama and hurt.  All I want is to be at peace with those I love AND who love me for who I am!  No more toxic relationships!

Doingmybest, Facebook, YIKES!  The most sophisticated way to be excluded and ignored and a true sign of these times.  Electronic voyeurism!  Yes, I have fired FB for the 4th time at least! (on a 12 step program as we chat)  mmmmm"let's see what the kids r up to..." only to find more detail on my exclusion from the day to day stuff.  How bout all those self portraits w/ the iPhone.  Where the heck do ya think they call everything "i" something?  (innovation is not part of the acronym) Should be called "me" phone, "me" pad, "me" everything.  U, oh u r not special,  ONLY ME! I must share every insipid detail about my day! I am just that important and I know all my 9999 "friends" must know that I burnt my pinky on that elusive slice of toast, stuck in my toaster. As if anyone REALLY cares?!  I found out my GS1 lost his first tooth via FB.  God forbid a direct convo!  Nope FB is another tool for check the box.  MD card mailed, check, obligatory "how ya doing" phone call, check, obligatory answer, "fine and you" check...Small talk of the smallest form!  My DIL lists all "family" (FOO ONLY) but not the groom's family, not me either! Just so hard to speak over the phone!  Cannot check the box that way.  May mean some direct interaction and accountability?  "so much easier to text" is the excuse.  REALLY?!  Talking is just about as challenging as breathing!  It's those dang convos that make me uncomfy cuz maybe someone will ask me to spend a sec on something for someone else.  Gosh, i might feel something?!

Thanks for our words of reality.  Not too encouraging but it is what it is!  I have a full life already and am actually going to take my open water certification in SCUBA this weekend.  Have to stay busy!

Today is my 2nd grandson's 3 yr birthday

I miss the babies so much! If it weren't for them, i would have distanced myself from my son's drama when they got married. She has a son fr a prior marriage who my son adopted.  I fell in love with him from the start! He was under 2 when they married so I was an insta granny and loved it!

I was in GS1 life on a weekly basis at the beginning.  I had him often and later found out that it was only because they needed a sitter.  Now she is ft mom and no longer works outside the home so I am not needed so they have decided that none of the kids will spend the nite over anyone's home.   I kept him for a week when they honeymooned.  As each was born, I saw them less and the more strained the relationship became.

My son actually said to me with cold eyes and an authoritative tone, "Mom, somehow you believe that watching GS is a favor to us.  We look at it like a privilege to you."  Almost bit my dang tongue off but kept my trap shut.  Talk about differing perceptions, huh?!

They have 3 boys now and a baby girl, due next month.  I believe I will not even get notified when she is born. 

Hallmark Holiday!  Hate it!  but,  I'll get something on clearance afterwards!  LOL!

Hi there my sister from another mister! (or a dysfunctional family like mine)

It is very possible that you have grown out of your families dysfunction and you no longer fit in because you have become more healthy!  God bless you for focusing your good energy on those who can appreciate it and you.  I wish you peace during this trying time.  Maybe take a vacation in person or in your mind away from it all and act like it is not happening.  It really is not happening to you if u are not there.  You are free from all of the drama and bullying!

Sometimes families are like rotting flesh on the body ad the only life saving measure is to amputate.  it is not the end but the beginning of healing and wellness!  I am looking forward to a preview of your heartfelt painting:)   Hugs <3cu

The past 3 generations.......I agree.  We have raised a bunch of LOVELY INDIVIDUAL SNOWFLAKES.  The whole boost of self esteem thing has gotten to the point where we have raised a country of many narcissists!  While our country currently falls behind the rest of the world in actual accomplishments, we remain number one in self esteem.  Nice!  Go YOU!  Special Snowflake!  YAY! You got up and dressed your 27ryr self!  Oh, good boy!  You are such a smart and pretty girl, I love your hair!  Oh, we don't like grandma cuz she's old and her teeth are getting brown and her hands are wrangled and she looks like.......

Look at the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder NPD. LORD knows, there's plenty of info on the web.  It explains why we go thru these issues and why we end up thinking WE are the ones who are nuts!  No, we are the ones who get trapped and mistreated by the ones we raised.  Makes u understand why some animals eat their young?! LOL!

I raised my only son since he was 15 mos old.  i did not have much support but managed very well as I grew my career (no college, just life/ work)  so I could support my little family.

We did all the mom and dad things together and have many fond memories. I always put him first and that was a mistake.  Somehow I managed to raise a narcissist! 

My latest issue is that i was told that their family needed a time out and I was to give them space.  that was 2 mos ago.  i did not get invited to my GS Bday, no calls on Easter and u can forget about Mothers' Day. I hate the holiday!

I kno he and his wife are a NEW family and they are always busy! I get that!  But why do these people think it is OK to be hurtful and rude by shutting out positive people from their lives and the lives of our grandchildren?!

It does not take too much effort to JUST be kind and respectful.  We parents forgive all our children's' trespasses but why not forgive ours now that we r older?  I have read many situations here JUST like mine.  The MILs are ONLY trying to be helpful and belong.  They are not criminals or molesters and treat the children kindly and If DILs have issues, why DON'T they just say so?  We walk on eggshells ALL the time and do not DARE to step out of the invisible/ unknown lines, our DILS place in front of us.

I finally get that she hates me and my whole being.  my presents alone upsets her. i get all the issues but I do not get how our children could be so cruel as to abandon us and prevent us from witnessing our own legacy.  WHERE IS THE PARENTAL RESPECT?  I do not get it?!