I haven't written a post for awhile, so I thought I would just throw it all together! My life has been kind of a whirlwind lately and things have happened very quickly over the last few weeks. So I'm just going to write you a list!
1. I have an autoimmune disease that attacks my left arm muscles and tissues. Been under control pretty well, but started having issues a few months ago with some additional pain, numbness in my fingers and started dropping things. Long story short after multiple tests, my ulnar nerve (your funny bone nerve) is being squished in my upper arm. Probably scar tissue from the disease, and really is just a progression of the tissue damage. So I'm having surgery tomorrow. They are going to go in and "unsquish" the nerve. (Got to love my medical terms!) So I'll be out of commission for a couple of weeks with one arm, but the good news is: HUBBY MUST WRAP ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS THIS YEAR!! WOOT WOOT!!
2. YS decided not to reenlist, so they moved back to our area last week (staying with her family) and they are trying to get situated. Looking for work, housing, etc. Don't know where they will eventually land, depending on where he finds a job, but I'm excited to get to see the 3 Grandchildren more for now. Growing like weeds. Kept them one day and evening and then saw them twice on Thanksgiving. Once at my DH's family meal and then my YS and DIL cooked Thanksgiving and invited us over that evening to eat. Ended up going Black Friday shopping with them for hours and had a blast! Grateful for his years of service...but grateful to not have to worry about him being in harm's way any longer.
3. Ran into an old friend while shopping that lived in my old hometown where my OS/DIL live. Now, I am one of these people that do not advertise family drama, don't post anything on Facebook about family issues, etc. So for most people, they either think everything is OK or don't pay attention that they never see pics of me and OS any longer. So, this person (who is an extreme gossip) immediately goes, "Oh my. Did you hear about DIL's Mom and Dad getting divorced? Apparently, he had a heart attack (he's always been very overweight) and decided he had to lose tons of weight or was going to die. So for months he's been dieting and working out and lost over 100 lbs! So now he wants to go and do things and she got mad at him because she doesn't like him out running around so they are divorcing after all these years! I guess she will move in with OS/DIL." I just smiled and said, "I'm sure they will figure out the details, good seeing you!' I got away quickly. Oh My! Well, I hope OS has fun with that!
I'm telling you all this to say this. I know many are just starting with the issues with your AC, and I know some are still in the middle of dealing with it. I remember during those times thinking, "I'll never get over this. I'll never stop crying. I'll never stop thinking about this." I wanted you to know that isn't true. When you get to the place where you decide for yourself that you are the only person that decides your worth, it gets better. When you get out of the mindset that you are the Mother, and a good Mother would never stop trying with someone she gave birth to...you will get better. When you figure out that you, and you only are responsible for your happiness and others just choose/or don't choose to be a part of it...you get better.
Everyone's time table is different. Mine took a few years, but I can honestly say that when someone mentions my OS now, I just redirect and go on. I don't stew about it. It truly doesn't cause me sadness any longer. I couldn't help but laugh thinking about him having to move his MIL in with in! He's choosing his path...I get to choose mine.
So stay the path Ladies. Stop beating your heads against the wall and remind yourself that you were a good parent. You did things to the best of your ability and there is absolutely no shame in that. Loving a person we gave birth to but not liking the person they have become, is perfectly fine. Go out and enjoy life, because guess what? They are. I can look back now and see how much time I wasted during those years and I have no one to blame but myself. I promise you, once you make those decisions and start doing things you enjoy and spending time with those that want to spend time with you...it gets better. And then you can giggle because your Son/Daughter is going to live with his MIL!