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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: lovelymimi on May 02, 2012, 01:18:32 PM

Title: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 02, 2012, 01:18:32 PM
"little mommy".......


I have a 9 month old son. While I understand some GMs don't like the term "grandmom", am I wrong for not wanting DS to refer to her as "little mommy"?????

I'm not sure if she means anything by it, but it feels like yet another area she's trying to compete with me in... I hope my feelings aren't true.

BTW, I'm training my son to call me mommy.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: jill1963 on May 02, 2012, 02:06:47 PM
hi lovelymimi,

No you are not wrong in not wanting your MIL  to be referred to as "little mommy". I cannot understand why she would suggest that. there are many variations on being called Grandmom i would insist she think of one of them.
I myself am called Nan or Nanny which although Nanny makes me sound like a goat i prefer to Grandma, i am a relatively young GP at only 49 years old  :).
What does your DH think? and will he point out to his DM that she will have to pick another GP name?  ( am sure he wouldn't like it if his DF expected to be called "little Daddy")
Your son needs to call you Mommy and at 9 months he doesn't need more confusion with calling someone else that (be it with the little before it or not)
Good luck in sorting your dilemma out x
Jill
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Pen on May 02, 2012, 02:10:57 PM
Yikes, now I've heard everything! Unless it's some sort of cultural norm in GM's country of origin, I'd say the term "little mommy" for a grandmother is not OK.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: NewMama on May 02, 2012, 02:24:24 PM
I've heard a lot of terms for grandmother, but never "little mommy". My MIL will call herself mommy when talking to my son (and then look directly at me and go "oops, I mean Nana"). I'm not entirely convinced it's a slip of the tongue either...

Refer to her as whatever you think is appropriate for a grandmother name with your son. If she says anything I'd let her know "little mommy" is not going to fly and if she doesn't pick something else she's going to get stuck with whatever you want it to be. That being said, a lot of kids come up with their own names once they start talking. My dear GF was "grampy" til my brother started talking, then he was something totally different that came from a phrase he used to say to my brother (who is the 2nd oldest grandchild). It stuck and totally suited him.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lancaster lady on May 02, 2012, 02:50:21 PM
Little mommy will totally confuse this little boy .
She is not his mommy , big or little , just say NO .
She's had her turn of being a Mom , and being a GM is absolutely wonderful , why would
she want to avoid the title .
We have an Italian surname , so I am Nona and my DH is Papa , and we love it .
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 02, 2012, 03:04:24 PM
Yes, I have heard of cultural norms like "nona". I'm okay with that, and am also okay with names like "nanna" or "granny"... DH is not okay with it. I just asked him and he said he didn't like it either and already told her not to use that name cause it would confuse DS. Problem solved...

I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being overly sensitive about it.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: pam1 on May 02, 2012, 05:23:00 PM
What little baby is going to be able to say that???  What a mouthful!  I just cracked myself up with the possible things that a toddler might say while trying to say "little mommy."

IMO, I would have DH talk to her and try to direct her to pick a new name.  It's been my experience that grandchildren in the family usually pick the name, but I've learned here that it is not uncommon for grandparents to pick the name they would like.  DH should be able to take this one and handle it.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 02, 2012, 06:28:30 PM
Thank goodness DH already talked to her, and I didn't even have to say anything which is what I prefer. Now I hope that we don't have even more tention b/c GS won't be calling her little mommy....
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Doe on May 03, 2012, 04:00:49 PM
lol - I totally disagree.  I think the G'mom should be called whatever she wants.  I really doubt that your son will mistake who is the mom!

FWIW, I've heard of a southern grandpa called "Big Daddy" and there's always "Big Mama".    It'll be a while before it takes effect anyway (he has to start talking, right?). 

There are so many other things to fight about in families - I wouldn't put this one high on the list, myself.

Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Beth 2011 on May 03, 2012, 04:20:56 PM
I agree with Doe, really???  GM should be called whatever she wants to be called we called my DM Little Mama and DGM Big Mama for years.  We were never confused as children about who our DM was.   I don't think things have changed that much.   
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 03, 2012, 05:12:07 PM
Quote from: Beth 2011 on May 03, 2012, 04:20:56 PM
we called my DM Little Mama and DGM Big Mama for years.  We were never confused as children about who our DM was.   I don't think things have changed that much.   


Hi Doe,
I noticed you wrote "we called my DM little mama". I wonder if it would have made a difference to your mom if you called her MIL that name. LOL it might have made a difference. I also wonder if your DGM was your DMs mother or your fathers...and what kind of relationship they had. Not for nothin, but I bet that made a difference as well.

Anywho. different strokes for different folks... I'm glad I'm not the only one who found "little mommy" to be a little out there.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Doe on May 03, 2012, 05:19:49 PM
Actually, that was Beth who wrote that.

I'm a GM who asked to not be called one name (bad associations with it) and that's the one my DIL wanted to call me (good associations for her).   She would start to call me that name, then correct herself over and over and over.

I don't think the names are as important as the feeling behind them.  My sons called me different names as they grew up and one still changes it around - but whatever works in your family is most important.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 03, 2012, 05:39:33 PM
thanks Doe and Beth
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: pam1 on May 03, 2012, 05:43:31 PM
This reminded me of when my DD used to call me by my first name and the daycare provider (she had her own children at the center too) "Mommy."  It didn't really get to me, I knew DD was calling her Mommy because she heard the other kids calling her that.  And she heard everyone else calling me Pam.  I also have a twisted sense of humor so it would crack me up.

But that's true, Doe.  It is the feeling behind a family name that is more important. 

For me it's something I wouldn't like that someone was planning on being called but like I said above, if it happened naturally it probably wouldn't be as bad.  For myself anyway. 
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Beth 2011 on May 03, 2012, 06:00:33 PM
Hi Mimi,

It was my DM's Mother.  It was just something that happened naturally that we as children called them because we were calling them both Mama because we heard my DM calling her DM Mama all the time.  I didn't mean to upset you because it just struck me funny that this is an issue.  And my DM and my DF's DM always got along very well.  My DF's DM adored my DM.  I can't say how she would have reacted if it had been the other way around but I assume that it would not have been a problem.  I believe this came about because we saw our GP's all the time growing up and were always close.  My DF's DM lived out of state for awhile and then moved back and we had already set in stone what we were calling them.  Everyone on both sides saw each other all the time .  We were made up of many extended families too. 
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Vasilisa on May 03, 2012, 06:18:39 PM
"Big Mama" wouldn't bother me because that's basically just Southern-speak for "Grandma" -- means the same thing, right? "Little Mommy" is something else. I wouldn't like that. A large part of that is, I am sure, cultural, but I think the grandmother should be respectful of the mother's feelings in this matter.

As others have said, though, it probably won't matter because Baby will come up with his own name for his GM, more than likely, and his choice may surprise people.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: lovelymimi on May 04, 2012, 04:48:59 AM
Beth, thanks but you didn't upset me. I actually think you have an interesting point  :) 

When my niece was a baby, she was abandoned by her DM. My mom and I raised her. When my niece was a toddler she started calling me mommy. I always corrected her by saying "I'm not your mommy, I'm you aunt." Technically, I was like a mommy to her, but I'm not her mommy so I didn't allow it. That's the same feeling I have with my DS calling someone little mommy. Even though the relationship is important, the labels we use are important to me as well, which is why I would never allow my DC to call me by my first name. I know someone who calls does that...

PS
My MIL has agreed to be called something else. She only visits once a yr. (she's a 4 hr plaine ride away). I guess she didn't feel that this would be worth a fight. Not that she would have won, but I'm glad we're not fighting over it.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Pooh on May 04, 2012, 02:00:23 PM
Yeah, even though I don't think it would confuse a child, I wouldn't want any GP to have a "Mom-type" title.  I have to be honest....it would bug me!  Lol.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Princess Peach on August 01, 2012, 12:25:42 PM
I would be a little thrown off by my MIL wanting my son to call her "Little Mommy" or any variation of any "mommy" sounding words.
However, I am also thrown off by my own mother wanting to be called "Mammy" (My mother babysits a nephew often enough that I consider it co-parenting, and this is what he calls her)

Grandma, Gramma, Grammy, Gram, even Gammy are all perfectly acceptable names for a grandmother. Also, as the person that spends the most time with my child(ren), I teach him what to call whom.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: constantmargaret on August 01, 2012, 03:02:47 PM
Kids no more confuse Mommy, Mammy, Mimi, Momo, Memaw, Meme, or Moo moo than they do Timmy, Tammy, Tommy and upset tummy. I give kids a lot more credit than that. They can even keep their grandparents straight when both grandmothers are called Grammy, and both Grandfathers are called Grampa, like mine were. Kids just assign the names we give them, without any meaning or sentiment attached.  My GS would call me Cow Patty with a straight face if that's what he was told to call me.

But even I think little mommy is a bit much. ::)
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: SCW on August 02, 2012, 07:52:05 AM
I thought the request was creepy.

IDK about any of you, but in my community there are certain cultures who call their infant daughters and young daughters Mommy, or Mamma.  I find that a little creepy too.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: themuffin on August 02, 2012, 10:09:48 AM
LOL, SCW...I kinda agree with you there.  When DS, FDIL and GD came by to visit she kept cooing at the baby and calling her "momma".  I didn't find it creepy, it just didn't suit her at all IMHO.  But that's her mommy and she can call her whatever she likes.  She looked more like a Muffin to me. ;D

And, no...I wouldn't want my baby to call any one mommy but me.  That's my title and it's a very special one.  However, I wouldn't have said anything to MIL.  But I'm sure my hubby would have done the same as yours. 

I'm 42 years old and I have two grand daughters and I'm proud to say "Come to Grandma!" ;D
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: DivaGirlDIL on August 03, 2012, 05:00:03 AM
I call DD little mama all the time.  It's when she is playing babies or referring to her role in our new puppy's life.  I disagree about Grandma choosing a name and you have to go with it.  Grandma can choose a name but the parents have to agree.

You have to put your foot down on this one it's creppy. Where did she come up with little mommy that just sounds weird or she wants the mom role and is being sneaky.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: FAFE on August 03, 2012, 06:12:04 AM
Some children come up with their grandma name all by themselves.  A friend of mine starting calling her gm "Black Mammy" after seeing a picture of her grandma that was very dark.  All the GC picked up this name and there was never a problem with anyone about it.  I am called by my grandma name my DD picked out - it is after my childhood nick name and I am thrilled beyond words to hear GD yell out I luv my Fafe.  I have another friend whose GC call her little mama and she loves it.  GS started calling her that on his own.  My aunt's GC called her "other mama" and again no one had a problem with it.  That being said as other have commented, this is the South and using "mama" with various things before or after it is common. 

Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Doe on August 03, 2012, 07:23:59 AM
Quote from: FAFE on August 03, 2012, 06:12:04 AM
Some children come up with their grandma name all by themselves.  A friend of mine starting calling her gm "Black Mammy" after seeing a picture of her grandma that was very dark. 

LOL!!  I love this!
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Elise on August 03, 2012, 01:24:02 PM
From my perspective I will be happy to be called anything at all - just so I am called, full stop.
Title: Re: MIL wants GS to call her.......
Post by: Paca on August 04, 2012, 07:36:37 AM
I know it's not a funny subject but the little face used after "little mommy" made me lol! I needed that. We called our GM Noni, I dont know why,my mom and mil were GM. I know there are different names people use but I would not like "little mommy". Really I always thought grandma or grandmom was like an honor, it includes the word grand. A friend of mine use to call her GM just Grand, that was the name given to her. I thought it was sweet.