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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:03:06 AM

Title: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:03:06 AM
Hey all, so as DH and I our working out his extended family problems -- we keep bumping into one issue, GIFTS.  We have a total of 17 siblings/siblings in laws combined and hardly any on my side are married yet.  So the number could get up to 24.  And this isn't counting nieces/nephews either, that number is still growing.

I come from a background that gifts aren't a big deal.  I exchange with my parents at XMas and do a name exchange with siblings, I also buy for my grandparents.  So about 5 gifts total.  My siblings and I don't buy birthday presents for each other, we all just get for our parents.  I have no idea when my grandparents birthdays are, they just don't celebrate them.

DH's side are gifts every time you sneeze. His siblings to this day throw fits over birthday parties and birthday presents.  When all they do is buy each other the same dollar amount gift cards to different places  ??? His parents have a totally different outlook on this than any I've ever met.  They are well off but will send out wish lists of things they want.  It really boggles my mind.

We tried over Xmas getting his siblings to do a name draw exchange for gifts -- no dice.  Two of them had meltdowns over it and then proceeded to give me some outside tool that I would never use at Xmas.  lol  As of now, they also are "punishing" me for the Xmas thing by not acknowledging my bday.  Which is fine, believe me.  But I've had it up to HERE with their craziness over presents and holidays.

Alright, so ladies who have been through this blending family/extended family stuff -- how do you deal with this?  As time goes on in my family we've had to change/adapt/be flexible and his side just won't.  So how do I? 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 28, 2011, 11:13:01 AM
This makes me chuckle. DH's family is the same way (huge to boot). He tried talking to the extended family about the whole Christmas gifts and why don't we just get together for desserts and TIME together. Our gift was.... ANTACIDS!!!! And I missed my moment to open them quickly throw one in my mouth and go "Thank God! Every time I am around this family I need these!" ROFL...

Soooo, we haven't mastered this one yet. You could just stand on principle and tell them "We are not exchanging gifts"... Or "convert" to another religion where it is prohibited. Seventh Day Adventists? Judaism? Or WWUnitism where we worship the Goddess Luise???  ;)
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:16:41 AM
ADIL, thats a good point, I'm not religious at all.  So they tend to use it as a reason why DH and I should go along with their plans.  Yeah...

So ok, do you think I would be totally off base in saying we need a year off from holidays totally?  I'm really losing the holiday spirit with everything and they will not compromise.  The only thing I can come up with that is polite -- is opting out at this point.  I really can't deal with it anymore, DH never wanted to to begin with. 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: holliberri on April 28, 2011, 11:21:23 AM
Same conundrum, except DH only has 1 brother. But...we're supposed to get the Aunts, Uncles and Cousins (47 people) gifts too.

I never gave in. DH felt the same way I did. Persistence paid off then. His mom still cries that we don't get anyone anything...but I'm no longer crying over an empty wallet. She and FIL get a gift and that is that. We do buy for FIL's sister when we plan on visiting her as well, DH is very close with her. If we hear of something his mom's mom really needs...we give her a check to contribute just as her children do.

When I quit trying to play their game, I was able to be myself and buy heartfelt meaningful gifts for those closest to us. It's probably not enough for MIL, but the look of appreciation from the recipient is all I need.

Do not give up. That's all I can say.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: luise.volta on April 28, 2011, 11:21:42 AM
To me, gift giving is an art form some seem to be born with and some never develop. I just got the ugliest, cheapest necklace I have even seen in my life from someone who adores me and knows I don't wear jewelry. And no, it was not intended as a joke.

On top of that gift-giving can be a covert avenue for the passive aggressive to send out "messages."

There are people, too, who are easy to please and those who are impossible. (I'm one of the later and most of my extended family has given up and gives me Gift Cards.) Everything I gave one of my sons was cherished and used. Everything I gave the other son was sold , given away or tossed.

Go figure.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:26:56 AM
Holly & Luise, thank you.  I don't know why but I feel like I need permission to quit doing this.  It's horrible, I feel pressured to play along and I always want to give a great gift so I spend TONS of time looking for what I think they would love.  And then I'm irritated with myself cause honestly, I just don't want to give it to begin with.  They don't appreciate anything, they don't say thank you, they give you things that I don't know on who would ever think I would use.  Ok, you want to know what Xmas was?  A weed whacker!  A WEED WHACKER.

And I'm not a gift person, so I don't care what anyone gets me.  It just gets under my skin.

And I'm looking at Mothers Day now, hmm you want me to buy 5 gifts for Mothers Day?  What?  And I always get nothing.  Oh but I liked last year when SIL told DH that she should say Happy Fathers Day to him since he's a father now (this was a dig about my DD, they can't believe I'm a single mom) but since he didn't get her anything for Mothers Day...oh well.  Did I mention SIL doesn't have any kids????  What Mothers Day present?

Ugh.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Scoop on April 28, 2011, 11:27:33 AM
Mass e-mail to DH's family:

Dear family:

We just wanted to let you know that the gift-giving to the whole family has gotten to be too much for our budget.  From now on, we will only be buying gifts for children under 18 and for MIL & FIL.    We understand if you wish to discontinue gifts to our family as a result of this.  Hopefully by the end of the year, our bank accounts will thank us!

Love to all,
You and DH.

We ended up doing something like this with my DB & SIL and DH's DS & BIL.  Everyone was glad.  We still send cards and good wishes, just no gifts.  In time, and for significant birthdays we may change the rule, but all in all it's worked out well.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:28:41 AM
Wow that is a great email Scoop!

They'd have a fit but you know what?  I'm getting to the point where I don't care again.  This is sad.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 28, 2011, 11:29:22 AM
It would be soooo nice to just do away with Christmas/B-days and just do "whenever" gifts. You know. You are out and about see XXX and think of XXXX and buy it for them because you know they will love it.

I'm also one of those who doesn't do Christmas Gifts/B-day gifts for Friends (other than my BFF who is pretty much family). Why? Because I'm not made of money! lol
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 28, 2011, 11:32:16 AM
Scoop, that is awesome! I am starting to think I need to consult the site before I ever open my mouth because the ladies on here always have the answer!

Oh, and Pam, FIVE gifts?! I think that is weird. Why should you buy SIL (even if she had kids) a MD gift? That's her kids job (or DH if the kids are too little).

I'm boycotting DH's family get-together "Let's Worship Grandma" on MD. She's not my mom. She's not DH's mom. She can have GP's Day. :-)
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: holliberri on April 28, 2011, 11:33:20 AM
I asked DH what he wanted to do for Mother's Day.

He said, "What are you doing for your Mom?" I said, "Phone call."

He said, "Works for me, my mom gets the same."

I said, "Good, just make sure you call me too. I'll be happy with that."

I think we might sneak down to Washington to surprise his G-ma with a visit "around" Mother's Day...but I'll know when the time gets closer.

I love the "whenever" gifts; I do much better when I'm not under pressure. Plus, a surprise gift is 10x better than a gift received on the same day you received every other gift from me.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Scoop on April 28, 2011, 11:34:31 AM
If they have a fit, let them have a fit.  That's THEIR problem, not yours.

However, I'm SO hard-wired for fairness that it would trouble *me* to do something like this halfway through the year.  I even thought about telling you that, but then I thought, big deal, they're adults, they can handle it.

Good luck - be strong, don't be afraid to draw your boundary.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:36:59 AM
I LOVE whenever gifts.  Giving them or receiving them, that's the best I agree.

1 of the 5 gifts is a bday present.  Who in the heck knows why SIL thinks she gets a MD gift?  I have no idea, she's a doozy.  She thinks b/c she's 5 years older than DH that she parented him.  She's actually said this, so I assume thats the reason she was expecting a MD gift.

But that's my point, every minor holiday we are supposed to get all the participants a gift and every month there are at least 2 birthdays.  Just like in my family, but we aren't gifty.

Sometimes I just don't know if this is something I should just let slide and go along since my family is SO opposite.  But I really can't stand it, it ruins the holidays for me, it sends DD a horrible message.  And DH is always sitting pretty at holidays while I'm one ticked off monkey lol
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: luise.volta on April 28, 2011, 11:47:27 AM
"Whenever gifts" turn up when I am shopping for something else. An item jumps out at me and yells, "Sonja!" So, I buy it and put it in a drawer with her name on it. Then when an "occasion" arises, I give it to her and she says, "How do you do that?" I tell her my secret but it's just not her thing. Maybe she is more focused.

Some people head for a party and stop to "pick up something" on the way. Easy to tell!  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 28, 2011, 11:48:38 AM
Quote from: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:36:59 AM
while I'm one ticked off monkey lol

I am now picturing you as the Angry Monkey from the Family Guy show.... lol
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 28, 2011, 12:07:30 PM
She wants to be acknowledged on MD and she has no kids?  That is really bizarre. 

Okay, I have a mother- so Mother's Day is to celebrate me, right?  Everyone get me a gift!
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: LaurieS on April 28, 2011, 12:38:39 PM
OW you just got yourself a 55" tv and claimed it was for hubby.. no more gifts for you
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: SassyDI on April 28, 2011, 12:53:26 PM
Quote from: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 11:03:06 AM
Hey all, so as DH and I our working out his extended family problems -- we keep bumping into one issue, GIFTS.  We have a total of 17 siblings/siblings in laws combined and hardly any on my side are married yet.  So the number could get up to 24.  And this isn't counting nieces/nephews either, that number is still growing.

I come from a background that gifts aren't a big deal.  I exchange with my parents at XMas and do a name exchange with siblings, I also buy for my grandparents.  So about 5 gifts total.  My siblings and I don't buy birthday presents for each other, we all just get for our parents.  I have no idea when my grandparents birthdays are, they just don't celebrate them.

DH's side are gifts every time you sneeze. His siblings to this day throw fits over birthday parties and birthday presents.  When all they do is buy each other the same dollar amount gift cards to different places  ??? His parents have a totally different outlook on this than any I've ever met.  They are well off but will send out wish lists of things they want.  It really boggles my mind.

We tried over Xmas getting his siblings to do a name draw exchange for gifts -- no dice.  Two of them had meltdowns over it and then proceeded to give me some outside tool that I would never use at Xmas.  lol  As of now, they also are "punishing" me for the Xmas thing by not acknowledging my bday.  Which is fine, believe me.  But I've had it up to HERE with their craziness over presents and holidays.

Alright, so ladies who have been through this blending family/extended family stuff -- how do you deal with this?  As time goes on in my family we've had to change/adapt/be flexible and his side just won't.  So how do I?

My DH and his 3 sibs use to do birthdays and  christmas gifts.  They did for serveral years even after we married.  I only do a Christmas gift with my sister.  We stopped birthday first because well three sibs it adds up for everyone.  Then Christmas we started drawing names one nice gifts.  DH and his brother both had children the same year and from then on it was just the kids.  But we do give out pictures each Christmas.

Really is it making you wallet empty?  Can you really afford it?  If you can't afford it then you have to just ask about drawing names.  If they say no then you just have to say sorry but I am bowing out.  And let them continue without you.  Plus like you said the fam is still growing.  So is our so each year more kids to buy for.  We still do an exchange with my sister but I am sure once she has kids of her own we will do the same thing. 

I hope you guys can work it out.  They should never make you feel gulity for something you just don't want to do.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Sassy on April 28, 2011, 01:14:08 PM
QuoteAs of now, they also are "punishing" me for the Xmas thing by not acknowledging my bday.  Which is fine, believe me.  But I've had it up to HERE with their craziness over presents and holidays.

Well pam, it seems to me you have been given a pass.  They didn't acknowledge your birthday.   "I didn't think we were celebrating birthdays anymore."

Quote  And DH is always sitting pretty at holidays while I'm one ticked off monkey lol

Some couples find the "You do your side, I'll do my side" works because each best understands their own family's expectations.  Let your pretty DH handle his side's gifts for a year and see if that works for you. 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 02:20:19 PM
Thanks guys.  You all are giving me the strength to just cut it out.

DH won't handle his side without affecting me, unfortunately.  He wants to wait until the last minute as we're driving over to go stores.  It would be fine if it was just a couple gifts or one time thing, but it's not.  And he doesn't want to do it either.  So we are both little grumpy doobies when that happens.

Yeah, I know they gave ME an out on gifts.  See, they don't think this way -- they didn't give DH an out, so he still "owes" them a gift.

See how that works?  This is where women not mothers get a Mothers Day gift too  ;D

Sooo I'm just going to take my ball and go home.  Now I just have to figure out how to word it and when to send it.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 02:30:25 PM
We can afford it, I just don't want to.  Is that bad?  See, I really don't know b/c no one in my family cares.  And what I can't really afford is the time that is spent on all this.  Time thinking about it, time shopping for it, time wrapping for it, time spent watching people open them, time spent opening weed whackers and stuffed animals.

Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: holliberri on April 28, 2011, 02:38:02 PM
Time is precious and so is sanity. Also, I think an overindulgence of gifts for every occasion leads to that entitlement problem that comes up on here from time to time.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 02:49:40 PM
Exactly Holly!  Now someone tell that to my in laws.

I keep telling DH, do you really want DD and any other children of ours to turn out like crazy SIL?  Badgering their brothers for Mother Day gifts? 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Sassy on April 28, 2011, 02:51:56 PM
Quote
Yeah, I know they gave ME an out on gifts.  See, they don't think this way -- they didn't give DH an out, so he still "owes" them a gift.

How DH thinks is more important than how they think.   Ignoring his wife's birthday can be seen to give DH even more of an out than it does you.   I wouldn't like it if my parents ignored my birthday, but I would hate it if they ignored DH's.   Not that it has to be a call to war, not at all.  But if someone purposely sends a message about gifts and birthdays, I'd read the memo.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 28, 2011, 03:05:33 PM
DH said nothing to them.  I don't know what he is thinking on that one -- frankly, I found it amusing in general.  But on principle, I'm not very happy.  He knows that, so I'm assuming he thinks it's ok b/c I found it funny. 

He's the least confrontational person I know.  He's working on it, but it's like one step at a time. 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Sassy on April 28, 2011, 03:40:31 PM
I wouldn't confront anyone about not sending DH or me a gift, either.   Oh heavens, no.   Gifts not given are not meant to be received.   No demanding gifts.   But I would take a pointed "no gifts for you" message for what it is, and happily follow suit.   It's about as nonconfrontational as it gets.   It could be argued that it's rude and quite embarassing to give a gift to someone who does not want to exchange them.  (Well, as you know!)
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Pen on April 28, 2011, 04:44:34 PM
DH & I don't expect gifts from anyone, but it hurts when we give thoughtful gifts to my (wealthy) DF & SM and get nothing in return only to find out later, from them no less, that they've given very expensive gifts to SM's adult children and grandchildren. Needless to say I've stopped giving to them. If SM spins that into a scenario depicting us as unloving and disrespectful, so be it. I'm done. If I've not been cherished by my DF & SM in all the decades I've been alive, it ain't gonna happen now.

DIL's parents get spoiled by DIL & DS while we are either forgotten or tossed a bone well after the special day. DH lets it go, but it irks me when the man who sacrificed so much for his kid gets a last minute, inexpensive gift and DIL's (wealthy) DF gets expensive, thoughtful gifts. I've begun to dread all holidays and gift-oriented celebrations 'cos it hurts too darn much.

What really irritates me is that I am most definitely not a materialistic person who ordinarily cares about this stuff! The gift sitch brings out a side of me (neediness? feeling unloved?) that I do not like.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Nana on April 28, 2011, 05:33:49 PM
Yes Pen...even if you are not materialistic....it hurts to the core.  It is that we sometimes fthing they feel we are less worthy or less valuable than those who get expensive (thoughtful) gifts.   I think, I would want to spend a little more in those relatives (or love ones) that have less...makes sense to me.  Why should I give expensive gifts to those who can afford it. 
Feelibng Bad for your DH, the man who has sacrifice so much (as you said) hurts even more.   You are a kind-hearted person Pen...and so valuable -- dont ever forget that.  A gift doesnt determine a person's value...by no means....
People give more expensive gifts to the wealthy because they want to be up to their  standards. 

Now, related to your DF....  I dont think your Dad wants to be unjust.  Your SM probably is the one who does the buying.  Like say, my Husband tells me to buy something nice  for his mom, so I go and buy something nice (I really do) but if it was cheap and not nice...he wouldnt even notice.  He trusts me and if I say it is nice....he thinks it is LOL.

Love you Pen
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: SassyDI on April 28, 2011, 05:59:38 PM
I never liked getting gifts from DH's father and wife because they hold gifts over head.  The last gift they gave us as a family was a window in DD room that I did not want.  Told DH don't take it and let me tell you it back fired in DH's face just as I told him it would.  And I get blamed for being ungreatful.  DH told his father I didn't want it but he didn't care still blamed me. 

I have tons of gift giving stories being used against me DH is a slow learner.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Pen on April 28, 2011, 06:05:38 PM
Nana, thanks. Love you too!

SassyDI, that's the flip side of this gift-giving (or lack thereof) weirdness. At least I don't have to deal with people who give gifts to control me!
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: holliberri on April 28, 2011, 06:48:24 PM
Oh, I think the problem with the gifts like that is you know the amount of thought that went into. It could have cost $1.00, but if there was thought and goodwill behind it, it becomes priceless. That's the very point of gift giving.

I don't mind if you don't spend a lot on me. I won't notice if you get me nothing at all. A thoughtless gift says a lot more than nothing at all.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Rose799 on April 28, 2011, 10:37:06 PM
Quote from: Nana on April 28, 2011, 05:33:49 PM
You are a kind-hearted person Pen...and so valuable -- dont ever forget that.  A gift doesnt determine a person's value...by no means....

You're value is immeasurable to many of us here, Pen... 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 29, 2011, 07:43:03 AM
Wally Gator, that's it exactly.  I feel extorted for these gifts.  And I feel controlled by their gifts. 

Not pleasant. 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: stilltrying2010 on April 30, 2011, 05:41:08 AM
Such a loaded subject!
After much resistance in DHs FOO the sibs finally agreed to draw names for neices and nephews (if I heard one more time how bob wouldnt understand at age 12 why he wasnt getting gifts from Aunt & Uncle - give me a break.  Add in that we live away and dont see any of the kids but Maybe once every 1-2 yrs...
Birthdays are my nemisis.  We continue to mail cards with $ in them to all the neices & nephews.  Only 1 family every acknowledges even receiving the card with money.  I take that back my DHs Sister will write a mass email for the yougnest son acknowledging his favorite gifts among the people that sent things and will thank ONLY MY DH for the $ sent.  Umm, its clearly a womans writing and frankly, its my effort.  We've been married since before this kid turned 2... guess the apple doesnt fall far from the tree. Some of the "kids" are in their teens -and I have sent for the last 4 yrs and havent heard a thing even if they got it!  I told my DH perhaps we should write a check so at least I'll know if it were received.  He would stop it all - and sometimes I REALLY want to but I know GSIL would continue to send stuff to our DD making me feel guilty in accepting it (even though the 3 kids mentioned above are HERS).
Where does that leave us? Spinning our wheels & maintaining the status quo.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 30, 2011, 06:44:36 AM
Stilltrying, one time I thought I should just send blank gift cards, they would have to call me to activate them LOL.  Then I figured it was too much work.

I dunno, to me it seems silly.  Exchanging the same gift cards, the same amt checks etc.  When I think of giving someone a gift it's b/c I saw something I thought they would like  -- not just a bland acknowledgment. 

Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Pen on April 30, 2011, 08:40:42 AM
In a situation where you're sending gifts to a million unappreciative family members, why not gift a large donation to a charity in the family name, send out notices to all, and be done with it? Heifer International (heifer.org) has lovely cards you can download and print. I'm sure there are lots of charities that will be appreciative and might actually send you a thank you card!
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: justus on April 30, 2011, 12:56:21 PM
Nana, that was a huge assumption about Pen's SM. If it weren't for me, GD, SD and SIL would get horrible gifts for their special days. This year, I left SD and SIL's birthday gifts up to DH and they were awful and late. I did my own kids and they got nice gifts. Next year, you bet I am going to be the one to buy gifts for SD And SIL, because they deserve better. SD knows us well enough that she knows the gifts came from DH. I have been sending her little gifts since her Bday to make up for it.

Could be that this is the case with Pen's Dad. In their M, she gets for her side and he gets for his and maybe he is an awful gift giver, because it isn't important to him, or he is a cheapskate, and he doesn't know how much it hurts Pen.

I think we as women need to get away from thinking that it must always be the woman's fault. The evil SM/MIL/DIL is influencing the men in our lives to hate and neglect us should not be our default position. I tend to do this, too, and DH gently reminds me that the men in my life have choice and are not victims of circumstance.

If it were important to Pen's Dad that she get a good gift, then he would make sure she did. That he doesn't is a failure on HIS part.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: stilltrying2010 on April 30, 2011, 01:30:03 PM
pam1 - the adult siblings stopped exchanging gifts (gift cards) a when we began drawing names for the kids at christmas.  We choose to send money instead of a gift because a. we don't have regular contact with any of the kids & frankly dont know what they would like and b. when you buy a toys to ship the size or weight can nearly double the cost of the gift.  We figured we'd want THEm to have the $ versus the USPS. 

I guess for ME it comes down to lack of a real relationship.  We dont have one so we dont know them well enough to buy thoughtful gifts on our own or just send what they request.  The lack of acknowledgement, appreciation after the efforts we DO make are what get me.  I know that when you give something you're are giving it from your heart & those things shouldnt matter but after you select, wrap, and ship gifts for a slew of people on to hear crickets in response - it is disheartening.  I guess 50% of the blame lies with us (for the lack of relationship).  Yet we continue on giving & hearing nothing in return - futile.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: luise.volta on April 30, 2011, 02:17:04 PM
I know there is a lot going for acknowledgement and thank yous...but something I was taught beyond that by my mom was to give it...let it go...and not expect anything because the giving was/is the point.

Sometimes, I am able to follow her advice...
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on April 30, 2011, 02:26:13 PM
Luise, that's a good point.  That's how I've always been, until now.  The only thing I can figure is that my mind is telling me it's just time to stop.

Pen, I love that idea. 

ST, I know what you're saying.  Perhaps it wouldn't bother me so much if there was a relationship that goes with it. 
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Pen on April 30, 2011, 02:39:23 PM
Justus, you're right; it is my dad's responsibility. He made the mistake of turning over the financial reins to SM. She runs the show now; he has no $$ to call his own. She makes all decisions, financial and otherwise. He's been a weenie for years, even when he didn't have to be. Somehow he became convinced that she should be the financial manager. Now he's dependent due to age and infirmities.

Nana, you're also right. I think my dad thinks SM is taking care of us the way she takes care of her kids & grandkids, but she has never accepted us into "her" family. He can't get out to shop anymore and isn't an internet shopper. In fact, I noticed he had no foul weather jacket the last time I was there, so I bought him one. Apparently SM isn't shopping for him, either.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Rose799 on April 30, 2011, 04:31:58 PM
After discussions about entitlements, it's refreshing to know there are sensible dd's/dil's...  I'm happy to get gc' drawings for the fridge -- & ecstatic over handprints!   I still have dc' hand made ornaments (pretzel reindeer*)

Dd made calendars last year for gp's, listing holidays & b-dates.  Love it, love it, love it!
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: Pen on April 30, 2011, 09:12:27 PM
Rose799, I love handmade gifts as well, especially from children. I too have kept all the ornaments my kids made. Lots of glitter, LOL.
Title: Re: Gifts
Post by: pam1 on May 03, 2011, 05:56:27 AM
Quote from: Sassy on April 28, 2011, 03:40:31 PM
I wouldn't confront anyone about not sending DH or me a gift, either.   Oh heavens, no.   Gifts not given are not meant to be received.   No demanding gifts.   But I would take a pointed "no gifts for you" message for what it is, and happily follow suit.   It's about as nonconfrontational as it gets.   It could be argued that it's rude and quite embarassing to give a gift to someone who does not want to exchange them.  (Well, as you know!)

Sassy, I was thinking about this for a few days lol.  You know, if my siblings had demanded of my husband to first: buy them gifts for all holidays and then second: ignored his birthday....I'd have a cow.  I wouldn't care what's polite or not.  To me, it comes across as extreme disrespect.  It has nothing to do with the actual gift, it's the actions.