I used to be in the thick of it. What happened? It was close to impossible for me to get that as a young adult, it was my son's job to learn via trial and error and face the consequences. And further that it was literally none of my business. I have to say, it was trial and error for me, too. It took years before we were able to transcend the parent-child thing but eventually, we made it and are now friends.
You can do it, too!