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« Last post by Bamboo2 on January 21, 2019, 10:11:50 AM »
Sorry for your down day. I've had many of them myself with my own daughter. She loved spending time with BF and his large extended family, and BF's mom, who she ended up living with for a year, could do no wrong. I did everything I could do court DD's favor. It was only when I saw her treat me and DH with contempt that I finally decided I deserved better and wasn't going to stand for her nasty treatment of me. I guess that, like some other moms I've read about here, I didn't really like the person she had become, so why was I chasing her so much and trying to get her to do things with me? It sure wasn't self-respecting or a good example for her. Plus it made DH miserable, too. I stopped doing things for her that she had come to rely on, seeing that she had taken our relationship and my presence in her life for granted. DH and I started some new hobbies together and I intentionally became more active and engaged in my own life, and realized that there were and are others who care about me and want me in their lives. It was a looooooong process, with steps forward and backward, like you are experiencing. (You'll see some of those documented in my posts here). I just didn't want to be held hostage to the hurt and pain.
I read something here on WWU once where a mom mentioned putting the hurtful relationship with her adult child "on the shelf", acknowledging that right now a break is helpful but might not be permanent. She still wished the best for her AC, but didn't want to participate in a relationship that was not healthy. For me, that seemed like a way to think about that difficult time in our relationship and how to not let it overwhelm me. If our relationship is put on the shelf, then it can be taken off when there is mutual respect and a willingness to have an adult-to-adult relationship. In the meantime, there is a freedom to focus on creating my own joy and healthy relationships. That has really helped me to remember that what's happening now may not last forever and that I do have choices about who I engage with on a daily basis.
Wishing you better days ahead. (((Hugs)))