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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - pam1

1
Grab Bag / Gift Ideas
September 28, 2012, 08:16:29 AM
It's getting to that time of year of gifts at holidays.  To take some of the stress away, I've been buying/shopping now.  (There are also a ton of birthdays surrounding the holidays too!)

And now I'm running out of ideas for people, so I thought we could start a thread for the holidays and cool gift ideas we've found.  I know last year we talked about how hard it is to buy for some people.

Anyway, my favorite I've found so far is a beer holster for my brother.  It looks like a pistol holster but it will hold a beer instead, he likes to play darts and pool, now he won't have to put down his beer!  LOL

What about you guys?  Any gifts you've given or received that you really liked?  All ideas welcome!



2
Grab Bag / Daddy don't play that
February 11, 2012, 05:24:31 PM
Since this youtube is such a hot topic, I thought it might be interesting to get your takes on it.  Short story, daughter ranted on facebook...Dad found it and launched his own youtube right back.  Now it's viral and made headline news.

http://youtu.be/e745UJgBv5I

3
Elsieshaye is now part of the Mod Squad!  Please give her a welcome!
4
Grab Bag / Miracle Lists
January 01, 2012, 10:15:12 AM
This is Luise's explanation and background of the "Miracle List."  (Luise, I just copied and pasted from your post on the holiday thread, I hope you don't mind!)  Since it's generating a lot of interest we'll get our own topic going on Miracle Lists right down here!  I'll have to take a minute to compile mine but I'll be posting it soon.  Please feel free to post your own.


Luise said  "For the last two-plus decades, my sort of daughter, Sonja, and I have done what we call Miracle Lists together on New Year's Eve. (We define a Miracle as anything totally wonderful!)

We write a list of all of the Miracles we got in the last year. (Val used to always do it with us.) When we both finish, we take turns reading them out loud to each other and sometimes we add to them. Then, we both make a list of the Miracles we are willing to have come to us in the coming year. Again, when we are done, we share those, taking turns. The last thing we do, is read last New Year's Eve list of what we were willing to have come our way this year...and we check them off. Usually it's a lot! :-)))))"
5
I'm fairly certain I've made a long time boo boo.  Just not sure how to rectify it, I grew up calling everyone Mr./Mrs.  So when DD (child from previous relationship met the in laws, she did the same.)  When we were engaged the parent in laws started referring to themselves as Grandma/Grandpa to DD, so that solved that.

It's also in my culture just to call the in laws Mom and Dad or whatever version of Mom and Dad they use.  However, my SILs firmly do not like this and stated so early on.  Since they were family I felt awkward calling them Mr./Mrs. so I call them Grandma and Grandpa.  (don't laugh at me! I didn't know what else to do!)

So, the other day I caught my MIL giving me a strange look when I called her Grandma, and it hit me like a ton of bricks....I've been probably insulting her for years.

What's your take?  And what would you prefer your children in law call you?
6
Grab Bag / Calling Sassy
December 18, 2011, 10:22:59 AM
Hey Sassy, can you check your email?  Thanks :)
7
Grab Bag / Funny Youtubes - laugh for the day
November 10, 2011, 08:42:24 AM
Jimmy Kimmel segment where he asks parents to tell their kids that they (the parents) ate all their Halloween candy.  Hilarious!  The two kids at the end were my favorite :)

http://youtu.be/_YQpbzQ6gzs

9
Grab Bag / Calling Pooh or other cooking afficiandos
November 02, 2011, 09:55:07 AM
I bought a corned beef brisket for DH and was going to stick in the crock pot, but my luck, crock pot is kaput.  So on the directions it says I can either simmer it or roast it.  Which is the best way?

I really want to make a fab dinner for DH tonight, since DD's medical issues I've only been cooking her fav foods and tonight is clam chowder....DH will try to eat it but I know he's got to be getting hungry for some of his style of cooking.

Help?
10
This topic has been moved to Grab Bag.

http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php?topic=3610.0
11
Ok, so we've talked a bit about gifts to the in laws -- lots of strings attached to their gifts, heck they might as well be ropes lol.  DH and I both have different values that we want to represent to DD, we think Xmas is about charity and kids.  DHs siblings think it is about them and carrying out their childhood traditions -- going to MILs at the crack of dawn to pretend Santa came etc.  Its chaotic and a fiasco every year and all the kids get lost in the mix, it truly is a tradition for the adult siblings.  It's sad IMO. 

Anyway, we've managed to break with tradition and have Xmas morning to ourselves but after last year (some of you might remember) MIL and FIL accused me of faking a miscarriage to get out of their holiday tradition.  And this was after spending Xmas Eve and Xmas evening with them.  MIL had set up a third day of Xmas b/c she was upset that she didn't get Xmas morning.  And I had the nerve to miscarry on her third day of Xmas.

So, DH and I have no interest in participating in anything Xmas with them.  They still don't understand, no apology, nothing.  I'm beyond that but now we've come to telling the sibs.  Some of them know but not all of them.  We want to send out an email to all of them but I can't figure out how to word it properly -- hmmm....guess I'm not really beyond what happened last year after all.  Food for thought.

Anyway, help?  I stink at these things.  I want something short and sweet that they can't bother me with later lol.
12
Grab Bag / Whatcha reading?
September 29, 2011, 07:58:27 AM
I think my kindle is being delivered today or tomorrow and I'm out of book ideas LOL.  So, you guys read any good books lately?

Anyone try the kindle before?  I must say, I think I will miss holding a book :(  But I'll save trees
13
Grab Bag / DD and friends
August 30, 2011, 03:45:12 PM
Well, it's a little off topic but I couldn't think of a better place to ask advice! 

DD had a neighborhood friend, a boy a year older than her, who came over to our house every day to play.  Actually, most kids in the neighborhood come to our house at different times during the day,
which DH and I both love.  We usually have a houseful of kids when school is out, a few kids stay for dinner.  It's fun and it's nice that they are coming here and I can keep an eye on them.  Some of the
other parents don't seem to keep track of their kids and actually when I've sent some home, their parents wouldn't even be home.  Neighborhood boys parents have done that a few times and I
wonder if he might be neglected, I dunno.

Anyway, the neighborhood boy in question was caught abusing one of our dogs.  I spoke to his mother and explained he wouldn't be allowed over anymore, this was about 2 months ago.  So, like
I said most of the kids come here and he will stand outside of our fence staring in.  I started feeling bad so I told DD she can only play with him in our front yard.  Well, that has lead to him coming in
our backyard again, I tell him he has to leave (my pug is still scared as heck of him) and he says he doesn't understand why and stares in through the fence again.  Errrr

Now, I do feel bad for the kid but I also think the other kids and DD have such a good time and it's not fair for them to be under this kids microscope.  He's much bigger physically and he intimidates
them.  He has issues with a lot of the neighborhood kids (and this has been explained to his mom) but it doesn't seem to get through.  The kid likes to punish people and dogs for really weird things
and he says this as his excuse when he is caught doing stuff.

Now, I know I should talk to his mom again but I don't even know how to broach it.  I've been around a lot of kids before and his behavior is not anything I've ever seen, he gives me the willies.
I guess I don't even know what to say to her, he is making us all so uncomfortable and I understand how difficult it would be for her too.  Any advice?
14
If you request your membership to be deleted, your request will be complied with along with permanent banning from WWU. If you need a break from the board, by all means take a break.  In escalating your personal situation into a public announcement to revoke membership is pot stirring and unneeded.  You are responsible for your posting habits and comfort level.  Not Luise, not the Mods.  *You* 

Should you resign up under another username we can't stop you.  However, if we catch you it is automatic banning. 

Second, emails.  It has come to my attention that emails off board have been used to intimidate and harass posters.  Please be aware in posting your email for public knowledge that this could happen -- it is the internet after all.  If you do find this happening to you please contact a Mod to rectify the situation.

Any questions?
15
Ok, so most of you know that I've been struggling with fertility issues.  To compound that we have had a lot of insensitive issues going on with the ILs.  Repeated intrusive questionings, accusations of making stuff up, insinuations that I'm a faulty woman...eh, the list goes on.

I've had a heck of a time trying to juggle a compassionate detachment stance with them and taking care of myself.  Most of the time their antics just roll off my back, like water off a duck.  It's really very rare that I as a person generally get hung up on something so I'm having just a really hard time with the latest stunt. 

BIL decided to inform us his wife was pregnant.  Ok, fair enough.  But she's not due until Feb.  For some reason it just struck me as so callous and rude to call DH up and tell us, Sunday night...out of the blue.  And they are not due for a loooong time.

I know that they don't have many social graces, I know that many people have so many issues with them and their rude behavior. I know that they don't have very good boundaries and can't keep somethings to their selves and think of others.  I *know* this but I can't stop taking this personally. 

I really can't bring myself to say congratulations or really much of anything.  I don't even know if I can be around them for the rest of the summer.  I am proud for how I've handled them so far, I just can't keep it up.

16
With all the talk of babies and I just got an invite to another grandma baby shower....I'm wondering what you all think of these things?  I already RSVP'd no b/c I don't do showers anymore lol. 

But I can't help but feeling this is a strange thing to do and honestly, it leaves me with a negative impression of this particular Grandma.  I don't really understand a lot of stuff people think they need for a baby, I found that babies use way less and showers aren't typical in my growing up culture.  But I realize that we aren't so mainstream sooo

Your thoughts?
17
DILs -- do your parents say anything about your in laws?  Have their been issues and how have you handled them between the 'rents?

18
Grab Bag / Help! What to get SM for Mothers Day?
May 05, 2011, 06:11:05 AM
I have no idea what to get my Stepmom.  She's just ok with flowers, it doesn't rock her boat or anything.  She's not a girly girl and is not into spa/mani/pedi type stuff.  She's on a diet -- so gourmet food is out.

Help!!!!  I really want to get her something nice this year and it is *Thursday* yikes. 
19
Grab Bag / What's for Dinner?
May 01, 2011, 04:44:14 PM
We're having apricot glazed cornish hen.  Ok, well really DH and DD are having it, haha.

What you havin?
20
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Gifts
April 28, 2011, 11:03:06 AM
Hey all, so as DH and I our working out his extended family problems -- we keep bumping into one issue, GIFTS.  We have a total of 17 siblings/siblings in laws combined and hardly any on my side are married yet.  So the number could get up to 24.  And this isn't counting nieces/nephews either, that number is still growing.

I come from a background that gifts aren't a big deal.  I exchange with my parents at XMas and do a name exchange with siblings, I also buy for my grandparents.  So about 5 gifts total.  My siblings and I don't buy birthday presents for each other, we all just get for our parents.  I have no idea when my grandparents birthdays are, they just don't celebrate them.

DH's side are gifts every time you sneeze. His siblings to this day throw fits over birthday parties and birthday presents.  When all they do is buy each other the same dollar amount gift cards to different places  ??? His parents have a totally different outlook on this than any I've ever met.  They are well off but will send out wish lists of things they want.  It really boggles my mind.

We tried over Xmas getting his siblings to do a name draw exchange for gifts -- no dice.  Two of them had meltdowns over it and then proceeded to give me some outside tool that I would never use at Xmas.  lol  As of now, they also are "punishing" me for the Xmas thing by not acknowledging my bday.  Which is fine, believe me.  But I've had it up to HERE with their craziness over presents and holidays.

Alright, so ladies who have been through this blending family/extended family stuff -- how do you deal with this?  As time goes on in my family we've had to change/adapt/be flexible and his side just won't.  So how do I?