I went to my friend's house and she showed me a TV show she recorded. My friend and I talk about family relationships and ILs regularly, so she wanted me to see it. Wow. It's a "reality show" about family, but not family friendly (it's on basic cable, language is bleeped out). Its called The Real Housewives of New Jersey. There is a young, beautiful, and painfully insecure sister-in-law on the show who is a living breathing example of a "Cut From The Herd" SIL. She appears also to be a DIL like that, though all that was shown was some time between her husband and his father. The CFTH SIL tries to make her husband jealous of his own father's relationship with his sister's husband. The rivalry and competition CFTH sister-in-law positions against her husband's sister is jaw dropping. The list of injustices the CFTH SIL seeks out, she and her husband keep and nurse. Some of them are invented. (The sister's husband turns down a shot of vodka while explaining he hasn't eaten yet, and it's taken as a hostile gesture). CFTH SIL tries to place multiple wedges between her husband and his sister, tapping into old sibling rivalry. The set-up the CFTH SIL and her husband arranged to intentionally humiliate the sister. (Inviting someone to a Christening with the intention of ignoring them as revenge for the times he felt ignored). The scapegoating when it backfires. The CFTH SIL's husband is not a strong or secure man, and is easily angered. He loves his wife and believes her woven and repeated stories of victim-hood. Yes there are two sides to every story. This is only part of the story, and filmed for TV. Several grains of salt taken! But if there were any doubts a young woman can and will sometimes intentionally drive a wedge between a man and his family, watching this will remove the doubt. (It is not for the faint of heart). If anyone else has seen it, I would be interested in discussing it in terms of In Law relationships.
I haven't watched the new season of Jersey housewives...is this Teresa we are talking about?
I know for the new season that they've added her sister in laws to pump up the drama. And she's bankrupt so the show is her money, to stay on these type of shows they have to manufacture a lot of drama....
I think of these reality tv shows as I used to think of wrestling when I was younger. I knew much of it was fake but it was very entertaining to see what people would go through for money.
Yes, Teresa is name of the sister. I guess she's been on the series a few years. Teresa's brother's wife is the CFTH SIL (can't remember her name). Also there are some of CFTH SIL's sisters at the Christening. Teresa and her brother's first Cousin (name?) is a cast member. The Cousin tries to appear like she is a mediator who wants to bring the family together, but her own resentment of Teresa comes through.
My friend said the show has made mention of Teresa's problems with her brother and SIL in the past, but this is the first time they joined to be on the show.
Yes it is like wrestling! My heart was racing. She had to rewind a few parts more than once, so we could figure out who actually started what ruckus.
Quote from: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 06:33:55 AM
I think of these reality tv shows as I used to think of wrestling when I was younger. I knew much of it was fake but it was very entertaining to see what people would go through for money.
I don't know who any of that can be interesting.. I'd rather watch the Dog Whisperer
Quote from: Laurie on May 18, 2011, 09:24:40 AM
Quote from: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 06:33:55 AM
I think of these reality tv shows as I used to think of wrestling when I was younger. I knew much of it was fake but it was very entertaining to see what people would go through for money.
I don't know who any of that can be interesting.. I'd rather watch the Dog Whisperer
Well you know me, I like Wipeout, American Pickers, Pawn Stars, American Idol, Glee....I'm entertained easily.
Quote from: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 09:27:26 AM
Quote from: Laurie on May 18, 2011, 09:24:40 AM
Quote from: Pooh on May 18, 2011, 06:33:55 AM
I think of these reality tv shows as I used to think of wrestling when I was younger. I knew much of it was fake but it was very entertaining to see what people would go through for money.
I don't know who any of that can be interesting.. I'd rather watch the Dog Whisperer
Well you know me, I like Wipeout, American Pickers, Pawn Stars, American Idol, Glee....I'm entertained easily.
Glee was interupted for us last night. Guess I'll have to see what I missed online.... And Pawn Stars is addictive! Tivo decided that I would like to watch it. Well, Tivo was RIGHT!
pawn star is that code for porn star?
Shhhh! Luise isn't supposed to know that! lol
People seriously take their stuff and try to pawn it at this huge pawn shop. They bring in outside sources to authenticate it and everything. it is really cool because it gives you a LOT of history and random facts that might appear in trivial pursuit... lol
isn't that the same as antiques roadhouse
Yes, but in the same way that Sons of Anarchy is like Dynasty. :)
Quote from: elsieshaye on May 18, 2011, 09:46:41 AM
Yes, but in the same way that Sons of Anarchy is like Dynasty. :)
Ha ha ha ha!
I guess I need to get off the computer and watch more tv
With Hulu.com and Netflix, your computer can -be- your TV! Which, actually, is probably worse since there's no real excuse then to go do other things, lol. I don't have cable, and haven't turned my TV on in about 3 years (I only know it still works b/c my son's game console is hooked up to it).
Finally got caught up on RHONJ...what can I say? I am a bit of a voyeur...
Everyone seems equally culpable in that situation. At times, it seems like the SIL, and then it seems like Teresa is the issue. Then, time goes on and it almost seems like a brother/brother-in-law issue. For as much as they talk about how they love family and "blood first," you would think they all would know how to let things go. I saw a couple themes:
1. Rules/expecatations about what another person's supposed to because of their title (sister, brother, sister in law, etc).
2. Assumptions about what you couldn't possibly know (she wanted to make me late, she went home to fight with her DH, he turned my father away from me).
3. Reading way too much into things. (He turned away from me).
4. Competition (which I'm guessing was totally baited anyhow), but I imagine that goes on in some families.
5. Zero ownership of what one did to contribute to the mess in the first place.
6. Grudges. OMW. Grudges. Total inability to move on.
7. "Done me wrong" mentalities....ugh. These people seem like very "me" people...as if the world owes them a favor.
8. Exaggerations. Yep. Gross exaggerations at that.
In fact the brother and brother in law are almost one in the same, and the sister and sister in law are almost one in the same too. Maybe that is a big part of the problem. My favorite housewife even said that (and yes, I think she has a heart of gold but will likely make a very interfering MIL someday...haha...I still want to be adopted by the Manzo family!).
Add a total lack of consideration for all of the other family members they supposedly "love" and voila. They spoke so many times of unconditional love only coming from family...and looking at this family...I don't buy that. With "family" like that...who needs enemies? There was no love there. Except for self-love. This family seems like it works much better when everyone is on a break from one another. I can see why cutoff may be the only alternative for some.
Vapid to boot. Ick.
I had a couple takeaways...I'm going to stop drudging up all of the bad stuff that happened. If I really do move past things like I say I do, I think I'd stop talking about them. I'm not sure I had much expectations to begin with, so I can't change that. Competition was never my thing...so that's a relief. LOL. I'm always trying to work on not reading too much into things. I've gotten better, but man, I don't know that I'll stop that completely. That has been tough. Assumptions...that's a biggie too.
What I would give for an independent third party to just monitor my interactions with MIL so they could give me the unbiased version of what is really going on. I watched tonight and all I thought was, "No, that didn't really happen...you're saying it happened like that, but how could you believe it happened like that?" It wasn't just one person...it was all of them...each played an equal role.
Eek...OMW that was long. Sorry for making you slog through that. Brevity isn't my forte when I talk about a subject I know a lot about...and I know about my RHONJ!
I feel another field trip to Franklin Lakes coming on....panini anyone?
Thank you Holly! Just what I was looking for! When I watched the show, I kept thinking of WWU. Wondering what WWU would make of it. My friend said Teresa got the "Sweetheart Edit". I forgot about the part where Teresa was paranoid and accusing that SIL was using the same, or rather "MY" hair stylist. Apparently Teresa has suffered a fall from economic grace compared to the previous seasons, and she's supposed to be "humbled" now. I chose sides. But you're right, it is equal, and they all played a role.
Your 1-8 nailed it. Wow. Competition, Grudges, Zero ownership, everything you said. "Done me wrong" LOL. Woah is them. I had trouble telling the people you mentioned apart at first.
One exaggeration that we kept rewinding SIL claiming that T's husband "charged" T's brother and that he caused all the fights at the whole party. After the brother called Teresa garbage (or was it trash?) , Teresa's husband did go towards her brother. But (this we paused, lol) husband's hand and finger was pointed. Not balled up or pulled back like he was going to strike. Index finger out, like he was going verbal, to the person who just called his wife garbage.
As T's husband points, some big guy physically holds the (short and small) brother back. The brother was either pretending he would if he could, or really going in for the attack. Brother was being held back by multiple men. During the entire brawl, only a woman was up against T's husband. We decided if anyone actually thought T's husband was going to strike someone, wouldn't at least one man try to hold him back? T and husband just left the room and other brawls broke out. Which SIL also blamed T's husband for.
Then T's brother runs after his ill and elderly father and starts screaming, yelling and crying at him, for getting along with T's husband. Howling even. I thought T's brother was so insecure and Napoleanic, just lashing out at everyone in blame for his own misery. CFTH SIL kept repeating how wrong it was of T's husband to spend so much time with T and her brother's father. The brother was jealous of BIL's relationship with the father, but CFTH SIL seemed to either create or really feed it.
I guess here I am looking for blame again. And taking sides. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. AND what you took away. Assumptions are a biggie for me to watch for to. . "This must mean that." Nope, this means this. I had a boyfriend when I was younger, and we both realized always got in the same fight. Once we videotaped it. We watched it afterwards. We broke up a week after that. We realized the issues that kept coming up were always there, and weren't going to change.
Thanks again for a WWU take on lifestyles of the vapid and resentful.