March 29, 2024, 07:21:39 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - MammaT

1
hello everyone. I stumbled across this forum this morning. I have been searching for ways to help the relationship between my dil and myself. I will try to give a quick short version of my problem because we all know there is so much to a situation like this it would take me forever to write down everything.background of family is my exdh and i are divorced and remarried. Stepmom and i have had issues. I try to stay away from her because she will twist stories, lie, and always wants to " up one me with my kids". My dil through the years has been hot and cold with her relationship with the stepmom, always coming to me to get advice , talk, diss the stepmom, and for a listening ear. So i have always felt we had a good relations etc. I've been aware that dil and stepmoms relationship has been hot and cold. Then the weddingvprep came along and i was somewhat blind sighted by my dil having stepmom as her wedding coordinator. Other than payingfor stuff i wasn't asked to do anything forthe wedding. When i asked to participate i was ignored. Or toldit was taken care of. This was the start of having a difficult relationship with dil. Although hurt i kept quiet. After I've continuously try to engage dil but she is quiet doesn't talk much. Answers a question but doesn't try to have a conversation. Basically this is how my issue's with my dil started. My son and dil married almost 2 years ago.now, dil is pregnant. Barely 3 months along. I received a text from smom talking about getting things together for dil's baby shower. Again dil asked stepmom to do the shower. I dont want any part of it due to how the wedding went. I am only asked to help pay for it but am not asked to be apart of giving the shower. This has caused huge problems. And I'm not sure if i should've kept my mouth shut and just helped pay for it or if bringingthis up to ds and dil was right. Regardless i brought it up. Saying if stepmom was in charge or part of it, then i didn't want to be. Explaining what happened with the wedding. Well now I'm the huge problem. Why can't i just shut up and do what they want. Just put my feelings aside etc. I might have but then stepmom started texting me thati was being selfish and horrible etc. Sm even gotdils mom involved aNd i am sure she didnt shine me in a pretty light. So my ds and dil invited me to come over so we could clear this up and find solution. I went and found out that my dil feels i am to hard to talk to therefore thats the reason we dont have a relationship. Of course i listened and cried and because i was crying i didn't ask for specifics. I just wanted outof there as soon as possible. I hugged both of them ( my dil reciprocated with a half hug) and left. Now i dont know what to do. Any thoughts or ideas. I love my dil greatly. She makes my son a better man and he loves her so much. I have always wanted to have close relationships with my dil's. It's something I've dreamed of. And i always looked at it as gaining daughters. Since i only have 1 dd. Now things are a mess. I want desperately to fix my relationship with dil. I'm not sure how to? Thanks for reading this. MammaT