March 29, 2024, 02:32:47 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - gettingoldandcranky

76
we are still in the same situation.  dil's mom is with them constantly - lived w/them for months.  she doesn't work, seems to just live for her dd and grands.  has taken over and we have even seen her tell my ds what to do in his own home!
so far, we have been allowed a visit for thanksgiving each year and every time are asked if dil's mom can come.  i am so tired of having her there - not only are we watched constantly by dil, but her mom follows the babes around and watches how everyone interacts w/them. they are like hawks.
my ds gets upset if i say, plse no mil.  once we said no mil and she came anyway.
know it would be bad if i say, no mil - if she is so important just stay at ur home and do holiday w/her.
what do u wise women think?
77
fantine - finding the upcoming holidays hard too.  want so much to have our "happy family" but it isn't working out at all.  dil is attached to her mom and we are completely left out of everything.  my grandbabes look at me as a stranger.  don't understand how or why - does she think at all how cruel this is?  she is civil to my face but does anything to block a visit.  what is the point of this?
trying hard to move past and enjoy my life w/other family and friends.  but the empty spot is always there and i am dreading the holidays. what little we will get will just leave me wishing for more.
78
going thru the same thing here.  tried to talk to son about my feelings on not being included in their lives - they have 2 lil ones who i miss all the time.  he doesn't want to hear anything - doesn't want to hear i luv u, i miss u, plse send pixs - anything is annoying to him. says to me that i am saying he is a disappointment to me.
so i have survived one wk of no contact. and he didn't contact me.  his wife must be dancing - she never liked me or wanted me around.
i can try to keep busy, but it is always on my mind and today i just cry  :'(
79
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: dil's mom
July 06, 2013, 04:14:49 PM
turn's out another family member asked ds NOT to bring his mil and she still came.
and, to top things off, they stopped and ate fast food before coming, didn't eat anything but fruit and, when leaving, made mention of how hungry they were (dil and her mom) and they were anxious to get home to have dinner,
rude, rude, rude.  hardly worth the fun time we had w/grands
80
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / dil's mom
July 05, 2013, 08:04:18 AM
my dil's mom is a major part of her life.  she stays with ds, dil, and gb's often and for long periods of time(weeks) in their home.  she is really like a 2nd mom to grands.   we live a drive away.  if dil's mom is there, we are told we can't visit she is there.

we are visited in our home maybe 4 - 5 times.  majority of these times, dil's mom comes too.  she chatters constantly and we don't get to visit w/ds and dil and kids the way we could if she is not there.
there is no "polite" way to stop this.  any suggestions how to deal with this?  tired of gritting my teeth and smiling....
81
so in your shoes.  thank goodness i still have a "relationship" - all looks well on the surface.  breaks my heart not being able to be close to grandbabe.  even if i am chatting with babe across a room, dil hears and comments.  always watched.  her mom is welcomed with open arms, friends are also.  just the way it is.  took many months to realize but still makes me weep.
when dil has bday, don't want to send card or present.  have lots of resentment.  but can't let it show - things would just be worse.
my mom always said "be the better person" and though she is gone, she is always w/me when we see the grandbabe and know my mom is enjoying each lil moment w/me (even when dil disapproves of my even breathing.)r maybe someday dil will understand, but it is already too late.  so sad and unnecessary