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Wonderful news Whitney. I am so glad you will be able to attend the wedding. It will be a great opportunity to get to know the Bride's family and make new friends.
I know we will all be thinking of you on June 1st. Love Evalyn xxx

Whitney, the real issue is that you desperately want to be at your DS's wedding. It seems to me, reading through your posts again that it your DH that your ex has a problem with, not you.

With that in mind, the solution could be to ask your DS to be responsible for your safety. Surely he would be willing to do that by ensuring people are around you. Or hire a bodyguard for you.

The RO is not likely to be in force after 11 years, if it is, you can have it altered for the wedding to allow you to attend. The last thing your DS wants is for your ex to make a scene. If the ex attempts in any way to harm you, he will be ejected from the wedding so fast his feet will not touch the ground.

He is the one who has everything to lose by behaving badly, I am sure your DS will make it very clear to him that any nonsense will result in him being ejected from the weddng.

It would be a wise precaution to inform the Hotel that the number of your room is NOT to be given out to anyone.
For the sake of future family harmony and your own happiness, it might be worth being really brave and attending the wedding.

If your ex does make a fool of himself I doubt very much if he will be invited to future family gatherings. Your DIL and her family will make sure of that.

I say these things because you have a good relationship with your DS. I can tell how much you want to be at the wedding.

By attending the Wedding you could save yourself a lot of heartache in the future.

If, however, your DS refuses to take responsibility for your safetly, the answer is clear. Don't go.

Hello Marilu, I am sure you will find the love and support you need her.E

Whitney, Scoop has some great advice. It sounds to me as if your DS is afraid of upsetting his father in case he causes a scene at the wedding. If the RO can be amended so that your exH can attend the wedding but still giving you protection, that sounds reasonable to me.
Could you compromise by only attending the actual marriage ceremony? If you avoid the party your exH won't be able to make a scene. I imagine he would at least stay sober for the actual ceremony. It is, after all, the marriage vows that are the important thing in my opinion.

I just don't understand why some kids turn their backs on their loving parents. In my experience it is often the kids whose parents have done a lot for them and made sacrifices who do this. While kids with parents didn't try so hard seem to stick around. Why this is so I just don't know.

It is morning here, I am going to sit in our back yard and admire the new hanging baskets for a little while. Then I have work to do.
I like playing Candy Crush and Pet Rescue on Facebook. Trouble is they are so addictive.

Lovely photo. I am glad you had a good time.

It is wonderful to have a daughter who wants to stay in close touch. My DD does a disappearing act when she has a new man n her life.  She comes back when things go wrong. Three husbands, and now a live in boyfriend. I think we aren't grand enough for her.
Why do some kids want to go off on their own and forget about loving parents while some want to be in touch?
It is a mystery to me.

Hello Jane You have had such a rough ride. I do hope the Social Services will drop the idea of reconciling the boys with their parents. I don't know how old they have to be, before they are allowed to have a say in what happens to them.
I hope and pray the right decisions will be made. Your grandson deserves a bravery medal.
Love Evalyn

Good for you fangle. I am really happy for you and your DH.

Quote from: freespirit on April 24, 2013, 11:35:59 AM
If you can't decide something, toss a coin and while it's in the air you will discover what side you are hoping it will land on .

What a great idea Freespirit. Personally I would go along with Luise's suggestion.

Quote from: Beth 2011 on April 24, 2013, 04:59:41 PM
Lady Star,

I have read your threads and it is very difficult to realize that our children are not what we have in our own minds to be.  It is very hurtful and shocking at times.  But you sound like a fighter.  I know you're tired but you have still pushed through and are seeing that things may not be as you thought.  Maybe a good nights sleep somewhere else and a couple of days to think about your plan of action might help.  Wishing you peace.

That is such a good post, Beth is right, some time away from your home, if only for one night would be helpful.

Hello LadyStar,

I replied to your other post which had less detail.I suggested that consulting a lawyer would be your best option.It may be possible to come to some arrangement that would be agreeable to you.

Just being curious, I wonder how it came about that you have to pay all the bills and buy the food? As your son works it would be perfectly reasonable to ask for a contribution.

What is about your DIL you are afraid of? Surely she would not resort to physical violence as this would make her guilty of assault.

Do please let us know how things are going and feel free to share your feelings. There are wonderful ladies here who will also listen and car. You are not alone.

Evalyn

Dear Lady Star,

You have every reason to feel upset. This is very difficult situation indeed.  First of all, if you can afford it, it might be useful to consult a lawyer, or find out if there is a free support service.

the UK we have the Citizens Advice Bureau, I don't know if there is one where you live.

There may be a way out of this situation you haven't thought of. Perhaps there is enough money in your house to buy you a small retirement place, with enough over to give your DS a deposit to get a mortgage.

There are some very helpful caring people here, who will know much more than I do.

Please do feel free to come here, to share your feelings, we do care and will listen, without judging in any way. The lady who started this site, Luise, will, I am sure, have comforting words for you.

You are not alone LadyStar.

Love Evalyn

Quote from: ladybugez on April 08, 2013, 09:21:10 PM
JShe only talks to me when she NEEDS something. She never discusses anything of substance with me, nor does she ask me for any advice on anything! She never asks me how I am, (and I suffer from frequent migraines), is just totally unconcerned , and it HURTS so much. Her dad and I have devoted ourselves to both our daughters, and it just seems so futile that all that love, attention, concern that we have always shown her is not appreciated or returned in any way. I cry myself to sleep so many nights, because I MISS being close with her. Is that what life is? Is that the reward of (especially) a mother? All I want is for her to show her love, to ask me how I am once in a while, to include me in her thoughts, to share things with me. But she doesn't. If I try to share my feelings with her, because she is so oblivious, and she says that I'm trying to make her feel guilty. She doesn't comprehend that what  I'm doing is trying to WAKE her up! Life is so short, and she doesn't realize that her dad and I  won't be around forever. Only another mother who has gone through this can understand how I feel. Another sad night for me.

My four kids all did this, once they reached their teens.It sounds normal to me, although 20 does seem a bit old to still be behaving like this.
The good thing is, she talks to you when she needs something. It means she knows you care. You say she doesn't ask for advice, is it at all possible she doesn't want to worry you? She knows about your migraines so that is even more reason to try and spare you from the details of her own worries.
As for discussing anything of substance, it may be there isn't anything to tell you. 20 year olds, in my experience, including myself at that age, tend to be mainly concerned with their looks and clothes. They live in the moment,  rather than look ahead. She stated that you try to make her feel guilty, this tells me that she does feel guilty.
She deals with this, by avoiding you. All she wants to know, is that you are there for her, which you obviously are.
In a way, her independence is a compliment to you and her father. You have made he feel confident and loved.
Kids tend to be terrified of contemplating the loss of their parents.
Have you considered inviting her out to dinner, at a fashionable restaurant, with you and her Dad? Once there, you could compliment her on how well she is doing and how proud of her you are? Just have a nice time, live for the moment and don't ask questions or tell her about your migraines and general feeling of sadness. That would kill off good feelings engendered by the dinner.
What she wants from you is appreciation, to be told what a lovely girl she is. Treat her as an adult. You might find this really helps. Just an idea that has worked for me in the past.