March 29, 2024, 08:04:23 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - BoxofChocolates

1
Thank you everyone for caring words and advice. I'm feeling better about it all, was at such a low moment when I wrote. I know it's going to take time, but all in all, I do love those grandkids too much to let them down. Yes, I need time for me but I can do that during the week and I started meeting up with a knitting group today and loved it! What I feel about my DD is just general disgust and the other oldest daughter, right on....let her father have her! I'm done with the toxins they have put in my life and yes, my hubby is a great support even though he is so tired most of the time and we get very little time to really talk. But he IS THERE for me. And day by day, I'm counting those blessings!

I'm free. I don't have to take anymore from those girls and I won't. They will have to face their own demons, so to speak, when all is said and done. One day if they realize they really want their mom again, well, no guarantees I'll let them back or even be around anymore.

We must, indeed, move on to make lives for ourselves that are filled with more good memories and a new perspective, new people, etc.

Love and hugs..........thank you so much!! :)
2
Hi everyone. I haven't posted in a couple months. I have finally been seeing psychologist to help me deal with all my losses and the betrayal and estrangement from 2 daughters and a granddaughter. I'm still having such a hard time getting through the anger and hurt. I'm alone so much of the time, I do get out and am starting to meet with a knitting group so hopefully that will help with the loneliness.  I just feel so empty, lost, like my arms were cut off when I lost those girls. It just doesn't seem real that your children can turn on you when you were the center of their lives, always there to help or listen.....how in the world do you mend a broken heart?

I guess I'm just venting. Really, does the pain EVER go away? I get to have our one 11 year old granddaughter every other weekend and her little brother who is 5 now and then too. But what is so difficult is having that sweet granddaughter and hearing about her mother, who totally betrayed me, her husband and then blamed all of us for it. It's all I can do to not cry or just get angry when I even hear her mentioned. I'm beginning to think maybe I should not exercise that visitation for a while until I have more healing. I know my GD needs me in her life, and my little GS too, but I need something too.....distancing so I can stop exposing myself to the still very raw feelings.

If I tell my husband that I feel this way, that I want to take a break from our GD visiting us, he will throw out the guilt of how much she needs us. Yet really, her mom is who she looks to at the age she is, even though her mom is not a good role model at all. I'm in such a dillemna as to how to handle it all. Most the time I just want to move away so I never have to be exposed to them again and can have the remainder of my life somewhat peaceful without any chance of more hurt.

Well, enough of my rant. I have to add that my husband is not their real father. Their real father was abusive and I divorced him when they were all very young. But oh...now they all are in touch with him and it's great. Go figure. I did the work, I get thrown under the bus, and the guys (another husband, father of my oldest) that were never there reap from the work and love I put into all of them.

Sad and I don't think a broken heart can ever be mended.
3
Grandchildren / Re: Torn how to help my 2 GC
August 21, 2012, 08:17:32 AM
Good idea Doe! I'll talk to their dad about the school knowing about the clothes...hopefully they will be decent there and not inform their mother??? I'm so mistrusting anymore.  >:(

And yes, telling my GD to 'lay low' and all, I have. She's smart as a whip! When all is said and done, that little girl is gonna give her mom a run for her money because she knows she can run to her Grammy and Papa! LOL.
4
Hey kids....

Yes, I'm still around and kicking up my heals with freedom! Oh...forgot to tell you I am spending ALL of the inheritance you expected so you may want to wash some dishes for a little extra.

We changed our phone number, unlisted, and also our address, unknown.

Keep up the good work of being selfish and ungrateful snots.  I'm enjoying my quiet and a clean house....and with two little Yorkies that know more than you do. Now it's your turn for the reality check.

All done 'in love' as you say?

Used to be your Mom.
5
Pooh you crack me up!! I was an Eagles freak too, still am! And Jackson Browne...who wrote a lot of their stuff. I saw Jackson Browne in a small Ohio town before he hit it big, awesome! And my late brothers and I used to sit with their guitars and sing all those songs together. What great memories....and I miss them so much. But day by day there are less tears of grief and a few more of laughter.
6
Hey Luise.....you danced to the jitterbug! Way cool....I was the Mama's and the Papa's generation but remember my parents doing the jitterbug and they taught me to waltz, etc.

So my question is....do you have one of the 'Jitterbug' phones now??? LOL....just teasing! I think I may need one soon myself!
7
Grandchildren / Re: Torn how to help my 2 GC
August 21, 2012, 07:20:38 AM
Thanks Pooh, I think I am doing the right thing. No one else is here to fight for the kids and that's the bottom line. My daughter may see it as me trying to hurt her but that isn't it at all. It may in fact be the only thing that finally wakes her up. She's a grown woman, to protect her is not my job anymore.

I see my GD getting into the 'tweens' and if she were to talk back to the boyfriend finally, who knows if he would hit her? It feels weird recording what she says, but it's the only proof I have of what is going on in that house. I tread carefully so as not to 'bait' her or influence what she says...I just wait for her to talk and then start recording. I have told her she is being recorded so her 'daddy' will know what is going on as she isn't as comfortable talking to a man as she is me.

I pray for wisdom and strength in all of this. And I firmly believe that Truth will prevail.
8
Grandchildren / Torn how to help my 2 GC
August 20, 2012, 07:51:25 PM
Here goes...I will try to make this short.

My middle daughter, 30, had an affair with her husband's best friend, and his wife was also my daughter's friend. The wife was battling cancer and has 3 small children. We didn't find out the truth until several months into it and then all he-- broke loose. My daughter had been lying to everyone, including us, and even wanted us to help her pay for a divorce. When I finally figured out what was really going on (very complicated) I got so angry I couldn't see straight! 3 times she left the boyfriend and asked her husband to forgive her and all the while my 2 GC (ages 5 and 11) were getting so confused, "is daddy here now? or is the boyfriend?" I had to confront her and she was demanding that I give her unconditional love and support. Well, suffice it so say I told her I loved her, but I sure didn't like or respect her anymore. "what are you THINKING? and what ARE you doing to these kids?"

Well, now the divorce is final, my daughter has moved in with the boyfriend (not divorced yet) and the house is truly, truly like a dump as bad as anything in the slums of L.A.

My 2 GC are very close to me, but we had to get an attorney to have Grandparents Visitation because DD said I could never see my GD again (she is not the natural child of the ex-hubby).

We won the case, yet now the drama continues as she does not take care of them as she used to, she deals with the boyfriend's 3 kids, and has my Gkids 3 days of the week too. My GD is starting to really open up to me about things, very angry with her mother, and now is revealing how the boyfriend yells at her at no more than a foot from her face. She says she doesn't go to sleep until 2 am many nights because of all the spiders on the walls around her bed. Her mom has bought her no clothes for school, she is wearing what she had a year ago and are very tight on her now.

Each year my hubby and I buy her new clothes for school as she never has had a real daddy and we did the same this year. However, we only let her have them at her stepfather's when he has custody, or when she is with us. I will not help my daughter when she has thrown so much away, treats these kids like they are animals now that the boyfriend is more important.

There is much more going on, but at this point, we are going back to the attorney with tape recordings and my ex SIL, to see what can be done before we go as far as CPS. I feel the BF is potentially abusive, obviously he is intimidating and verbally abusive. My GD says her mom doesn't say anything, just lets the BF do the bossing.

It breaks my heart, yet I am blessed my dear GD trusts to talk to me. So.....on to the attorney we go. At this point, I am disowning my DD as she has even called the police on us in the past for no reason and hauled the GD out of here with them. Later it was found she had lied to the police.

I guess I'm just venting...but if anyone has a similar story or suggestions, bring them on. I would like to see my ex SIL get full custody at this point. He has the home, cooks for those kids, takes them out to have fun and we all get together often just to hang out. He has been a son to me and we have helped each other through all this.

I do praise God for the blessings in spite of the hurt and stress. :-
9
Hey Ruth and Keys...I grew up then too! LOL...oh how I wish those days were here again. Not that I'd like to go through my teens and all again, but the simplicity we had. We always found fun outside near the river, in the barn, chasing the cows or spear fishing....sledding on a grain shovel or riding the trike down the hill. Our kids have no clue.  :(
10
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Intro post.
August 19, 2012, 07:56:19 PM
Welcome Capoly...so sorry for your pain. The truth you found has cost you so much, I only pray the other children will come to find it on their own and make amends with you at some point. You came to a good place, where you can vent and get some support and understanding. HUGS for you! :)
11
Hi there SCW! Oh my....I do not have the wisdom near what I would like, nor the patience! But it's better than it used to be, it HAS to be.

I still cry, have times I feel a lack of wisdom in what to do next, mainly where my two grandchildren are concerned in the one daughter's divorce. I know they are being neglected, but have to be patient in 'building' a case with their dad and just listening to them tell me things as they begin to open up is breaking my heart. But I pray and know that God will guide me and when we have enough to go on, then perhaps we can truly help the kids get out of that home and with their daddy where they can feel safer and happier.

In the meantime, I do my best to help the 11 year old with her homework and the little 5 year old gets tons of love from me and his papa...........MANY hugs and kisses, and we wait....at least I am blessed to be able to see them and they know no matter what, we love them and they are safe here.

This is indeed, a 'Box of Chocolates' !!

12
Grab Bag / Re: From Now On
August 15, 2012, 09:05:48 PM
 :P That's a great song!! Now I'm swaying in my computer chair!
13
Grab Bag / Re: Possible WWU Items
August 15, 2012, 09:03:02 PM
So glad I just found this thread! I just got off the phone with my best friend who lives far away now, she is familiar with the AC problems we all have had and she always makes me laugh in spite of my tears. So we were thinking I should start a 'group' for 'MOTHERS OF INGRATES'....LOL, I know it sounds awful huh? But we did laugh. And then we got on a creative burst and thought about the old bumper stickers that said 'I'm Spending my Children's Inheritance'. Another good laugh. I was glad to see someone here looking into Cafepress as that was my first thought too.

How about a T Shirt with something like SOUC (SurvivorOfUngratefulChildren)???

Yeah, I know, it sounds bizarre, out there. But hey, don't we think like that when we've had enough??  My creative ideas are on a roll...hopefully will find something tasteful.  :D
14
ROFL..............LOVE IT !!  ;D
15
Very true there LC ! I've had those moments for sure! Tomorrow may be a feeling of darkness again. Although today is very different for some reason that I can't put my finger on. So, I'll embrace it for now and let it soak SOLIDLY in my mind to remember the next time I"m down.  ;)