I guess I'm just venting. Really, does the pain EVER go away? I get to have our one 11 year old granddaughter every other weekend and her little brother who is 5 now and then too. But what is so difficult is having that sweet granddaughter and hearing about her mother, who totally betrayed me, her husband and then blamed all of us for it. It's all I can do to not cry or just get angry when I even hear her mentioned. I'm beginning to think maybe I should not exercise that visitation for a while until I have more healing. I know my GD needs me in her life, and my little GS too, but I need something too.....distancing so I can stop exposing myself to the still very raw feelings.
If I tell my husband that I feel this way, that I want to take a break from our GD visiting us, he will throw out the guilt of how much she needs us. Yet really, her mom is who she looks to at the age she is, even though her mom is not a good role model at all. I'm in such a dillemna as to how to handle it all. Most the time I just want to move away so I never have to be exposed to them again and can have the remainder of my life somewhat peaceful without any chance of more hurt.
Well, enough of my rant. I have to add that my husband is not their real father. Their real father was abusive and I divorced him when they were all very young. But oh...now they all are in touch with him and it's great. Go figure. I did the work, I get thrown under the bus, and the guys (another husband, father of my oldest) that were never there reap from the work and love I put into all of them.
Sad and I don't think a broken heart can ever be mended.