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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: Scoop on October 05, 2012, 07:17:29 AM

Title: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Scoop on October 05, 2012, 07:17:29 AM
We're heading out to the IL's for Thanksgiving weekend tonight.  Wish me luck & PATIENCE, I'm afraid I'm going to need it.

I can't even ask for advice on how to respond to particular situations, because my MIL always surprises me with the baloney she comes up with.

Here are my wishes for this weekend:

1 - first and foremost, that DD has a Happy Birthday
2 - that the IL's get her an age / interest / size appropriate present
3 - that MIL respects that DD specifically requested a pumpkin pie for her birthday "cake"
4 - that we spend lots of time with SIL, BIL & the DN's
5 - that MIL doesn't give us an anniversary present, nor a belated birthday present for me
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: elsieshaye on October 05, 2012, 07:33:34 AM
Good luck, Scoop.  I hope it's a peaceful weekend and goes smoothly.

I apologize for not remembering, but what is the issue with your MIL and gifts? 
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Doe on October 05, 2012, 07:42:14 AM
Here's to a good weekend and remembering that sometimes the best response is no response at all!

Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Scoop on October 05, 2012, 08:49:16 AM
Quote from: elsieshaye on October 05, 2012, 07:33:34 AM
Good luck, Scoop.  I hope it's a peaceful weekend and goes smoothly.

I apologize for not remembering, but what is the issue with your MIL and gifts?

Thanks Elsieshaye.

I had a whole list of present 'grudges' typed up, and it made me remember that my MIL is not evil, just clueless. She has definite narcissistic tendencies and thinks that everyone likes what SHE likes.  And it's not personal, because she can't manage to give ANYONE (but herself) good gifts.

As for whether she uses my birthday gift as a weapon on me, well, it's on her conscience, not mine.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: pam1 on October 05, 2012, 01:54:01 PM
Good luck, Scoop.  And Happy Thanksgiving!
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pen on October 05, 2012, 04:44:18 PM
May all your wishes come true :) Your DD is a girl after my own heart - I totally prefer pumpkin pie over birthday cake!

Lucky you, getting Thanksgiving over with. Think of all your pals south of the border who still have it looming ahead, lol.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: luise.volta on October 05, 2012, 06:45:39 PM
We're walking the walk with you, Scoop. You listed wishes, not expectations and that feels healthy to me. Sending love...
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: nikncon on October 05, 2012, 06:58:13 PM
Good luck Sco :)op.Happy Thanksgiving.I'm from Ontario so getting the turkey ready .
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: nikncon on October 06, 2012, 04:00:43 AM
?????
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: elsieshaye on October 06, 2012, 06:01:13 AM
Quote from: Scoop on October 05, 2012, 08:49:16 AMAs for whether she uses my birthday gift as a weapon on me, well, it's on her conscience, not mine.

I really like that approach, Scoop.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pooh on October 08, 2012, 07:17:52 AM
Just now catching up.  I hope everything went well and that you had a nice visit.  Happy Birthday DD!
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Scoop on October 08, 2012, 06:33:04 PM
Well, we're back home and we actually had an OK weekend (shocking, I know!)

It actually started off all wrong.  When I got home from work, the dog pooped and then was sick in her crate - it was disgusting!  Then in the car on the way to the IL's, DH passed another car on a double-solid line.  I was FURIOUS - seriously, over the top FURIOUS.  I waited until DD was asleep and then I 'told' him what-for, through clenched teeth.  You don't have to worry when I'm yelling, but when I'm talking quietly, through clenched teeth - WATCH OUT.  It brought up the fact that here I am, dreading the visit to his family, and it's in HIS power to make it easier, but what does he do?  A bone-head move like that, making me shakingly upset before we even get there.  (For the record, my education is civil engineering, I took the highway design course, I KNOW that the engineers who designed the highway, put the solid lines there for a reason - SAFETY.  If the line is solid, it means you can't see oncoming traffic.  For a double-solid, it means that oncoming traffic can't see you either.)

The good part of the weekend was that A) MIL did in fact give me a 'belated' birthday gift - it appeared to be from her 'stash' of 'extra' gifts, but I didn't care, I was happy to get it and I wore it all weekend.  And B) she cooked her turkey last week, but kept some out for me, because she knows that I like turkey on toast for breakfast.  THAT really touched me.  She's never remembered any of my favourites before.  I made a big fuss every morning about how lucky I was to get 3 days of turkey on toast for breakfast instead of just one.

The bad part was that MIL did not have patience with DD and other DGD.  They were just being squealing girls and MIL complained that they were too loud.  Instead of letting them play downstairs and the grown ups staying upstairs, MIL went downstairs to make a phone call!  On the cordless phone!

Unfortunately, it stressed DH out and he was 'hard' on DD, to get her to calm down and she ended up crying on her birthday over it.

The best part was when I took the kids to the park and BIL and DN showed up, he sat next to me and said "So ... is the MIL in a good mood today?"  And I realized that it wasn't just me.

It's over, it wasn't bad amd I'm considering another visit before Christmas, because DH's Grandma isn't well, and it might be nice to visit her 'one last time'.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: luise.volta on October 08, 2012, 06:39:08 PM
Fabulosa!!! ;D
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pen on October 08, 2012, 07:09:42 PM
Scoop, good job! I'm glad you are home safe and sound, and that your weekend wasn't as awful as you thought it might be.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: fruitlover on October 08, 2012, 09:25:03 PM
Good luck!  ;)
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pooh on October 09, 2012, 12:20:08 PM
Great job Scoop!  I know the DD thing wasn't any fun for you, but way to look at the overall picture and see that it was a good visit for the most part.  Yay!
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: constantmargaret on October 09, 2012, 12:29:18 PM
Did your little pumpkin get her pie? 
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Scoop on October 09, 2012, 01:00:25 PM
She DID get her pie and was VERY happy with it!

MIL was SUPER stressed because her pies cracked.  I thought all pumpkin pies cracked when they cooled?  I told her that NOT ONE of the people coming to dinner was going to say "I'm not eating THAT" because we all love pumpkin pie SO MUCH.  DH suggested she cover it with whipped cream and we joked that whipped cream was the caulking of the baking world and we all laughed.  She was still weird about it though.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: constantmargaret on October 09, 2012, 01:11:20 PM
I always thought the crack was to help you choose your half.  :D
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pooh on October 09, 2012, 01:15:32 PM
Ummm.....pumpkin pies aren't supposed to have that crack?  Ruh roh
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Pen on October 09, 2012, 07:17:10 PM
Scoop, I hope your MIL can loosen up a bit.

I'm not going near a discussion of the cracks... ;D
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Doe on October 10, 2012, 02:18:46 AM
Glad it went well, Scoop! 
Turkey on toast sounds delish!
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Scoop on October 10, 2012, 06:43:16 AM
Doe, for turkey on toast, it's just buttered toast, with shredded turkey in a single layer on it, salt & pepper.  It's not fancy, but in my family, that is the usual breakfast after a turkey dinner.  Personally, I'm convinced it's because we were just so pleased to have ACTUAL butter.

For many years, when I requested turkey on toast for breakfast at the IL's (it was no extra work for them, the leftover turkey was already out), they would NOT accept the fact that I ate it just like that.  It was always "are you sure you don't want mustard?"  .... "well, what about mayonnaise?"  This happened time and again, for many, many years.  To me, it was an indication that my MIL never bothered to learn what I liked.  So this was the first time, in 15 years, that my MIL made something (okay, saved some turkey) that was just because she knew I liked it.  And I have to say that I was impressed.
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: Doe on October 10, 2012, 07:14:19 AM
Ahh...I see. 
fwiw, I imagined it with a little gravy on top  (mouth watering for some turkey now...)
And kudos to your MIL!  She's a little slow, but coming around!   :D
Title: Re: Wish me luck everyone!
Post by: pam1 on October 10, 2012, 12:02:23 PM
I'm glad it worked out, Scoop!  And happy you got your traditional after TDay breakfast.  My folks did turkey on toast for breakfast too, it was open faced but with the extra gravy on top.