WiseWomenUnite.com

Good luck keeping a happy outward appearance.  I think that is essential for not escalating a holiday disagreement into an actual rift.  Maybe to your DS and DIL getting together the weekend before TG is just as good and they would be truly baffled if you complained.  Maybe there are bona fide reasons for them to favor her family for the holidays that you are not privy to (someone has a mental illness).  Many times when a couple marries, both extended families expect things to be split evenly or as close as possible, and that doesn't always work.  If you've raised more than one child, you know you can't treat them exactly the same.  How do you pick out Christmas presents fairly?  Do you spend the same amount of money on each or does each child get the same number?  Either way you do it, one child can claim the other method as proof of favoritism.  Married couples have to compromise on many things.  Maybe spending holidays with her side was a compromise for something else (you can go to your fraternity reunion on MY birthday, but then we get to spend Christmas with my family or you can spend the tax refund on your expensive hobby, but then we get to spend Thanksgiving with my family).  It may seem to an outsider that the DIL is excluding her ILs, but there could be more to the story.  My own friends would mock me no end for advising someone else to assume no insult is intended, but that is what I would suggest.