March 28, 2024, 05:48:07 PM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - muminlaw

1
Isn't it awful. Our son is 32, before he met DL he was in a 7yr relationship with a woman, they were both going to UNI at this time. We saw so much of them, I could call their apt. and suggest something and they usually agreed. We are 2 hours away form our son's residence. Ourr son was always popular growing up and brought a couple of other girls home for us to meet. Never have we had any issues. I was actually shocked to find out after our son married this DL how widespread DL controlling is. I come from a large family who are all very close, this is all new to me.
Our other son is 27 and lives with his partner who is very loving. Our DL tried to come between the two brothers also...our youngest will still not forgive DL for this..again though he is not rude to her 
Also a good friend of the family who lives close to our eldest son and before he met DL he and family friend went to the theater together, out to dinner etc. This is a woman in her 70s. Recently our son cut her off.
Tragic.
It hurts to the core dosn't it?
2
Hi can I reply back to this? Not quite sure how this works?

Yes my thoughts exactly on our son, he does things to keep the peace. We know our son loves his wife and she loves him too..but it has to be her way and her family first...our son was her prize, she got him and now she is happy. We have never done any thing intentionally to hurt her although in her mind she feels we have. We are polite and welcome her always with a hug etc. We do not play head games or such, we want our children to be happy. But she wants him all to herself. I am very conscious when he sees me he always hugs me for several seconds as we do not see each other that often and verbally expresses how much he loves me, all the time I am aware of his wife watching all this.
3
Ordinary mum with son married to a jealous controlling Doctor.
Hallo Everyone, this is my first time using a forum so not quite sure how to start? I am a mother of two sons, the eldest is a high achiever with a MA and is a Director of his company. He has always been a loving caring son, we have always been close. This year he married a controlling, jealous Doctor, who is used to having her way. It has not been easy. I usually take easily to people and have several good friends. My husband of 37 years is a great person and very supportive. We both do not know how to handle the situation. She insists they go to her family for Thanksgiving not ours...last year my son said he was coming to us for Christmas..i thought all of Christmas with maybe this year swapping with them coming here for thanksgiving and going to her family for Christmas. i was wrong...she went to her family last year then at Christmas they came Christmas Eve for dinner, then Christmas morning we opened presents which was nice until we were told they were leaving at noon to drive 3 1/2 hours to go to her family...the weather was bitterly cold and i worried about the driving. They were safe thankfully. I spoke to my son and told him that we did not want the stress like last Christmas with them rushing out and his wife eager to leave to go to see her family. I was not going to have Christmas this year which my son said was  choice, then i thought more about it and thought maybe if we have Christmas the week before, our son thought that was a great idea so they are coming to stay for 3 days. Don't get me wrong I appreciate that we will see them. But they made no effort to compromise, I know my son is governed by his wife and cannot commit to anything until he has her word. So Christmas day my husband and I will be alone. Our other son is going to his partners  parents. There is so much more to tell but as being new i do not know where to start.
4
Quote from: Siggy on November 03, 2016, 08:52:41 AM
Thanks for your comments.
When young I read that you want to marry a man who is good to his mother because that man will also be good to his wife.  Maybe maturity is needed for the DIL to realize that fact.  I have been in the middle of this disappointing relationship too long to think it will be turned around.
Hi Siggy, I always thought this too. It is a positive sign if a son loves him mother and is good and caring to her. But in my case DIL is jealous of his love for me...very difficult.