Some of my expectations are so deeply ingrained from the way my parents raised me, it's hard to let them go. I always treated both of my parents with love and respect, and always with civility. That's just the way it was, and the way I still believe it should be. I moved out of state and across the country with my first husband when I was in my 20's and I never forgot birthdays or Mothers Day or Fathers Day - always sent a card and/or a phone call. It just seems odd to me that we, as mothers, should not expect our children to regard us with even the minimum of respect. Mine can keep the gifts and the cards (I don't get those either anymore ). But I expect them to treat me with respect; I don't assume that they will, and I can't demand or force them (which would be disrespectful to them). I know in my heart that I am not undeserving of their respect. But I have reluctantly accepted that they don't have the same respect for me as I did for my parents. I wonder what are we teaching their children and the rest of society if they see us accepting their indifference and abuse? They don't have the guts to tell me, but I assume my two AC blame me for their failures and have estranged from me because I refuse to live by their rules of "entitlement". I also uphold the role of being their MOTHER, not their "friend". So - it is what it is. I can't change it.
DM, I'm glad to hear you're seeing a therapist. Your post sounds like you've been "wading through the muck" and now setting foot on firm ground. (((hugs))) LP