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My son and dil, have been married for almost 2 yrs. and lived together for 2 yrs before that. She's always favoured being with her family for occasions and reading alot of stuff tells me that is common behaviour for many dil's. Thinking back I remember that I would have rather been with my family, but my mom was always the one who pointed out that I should spend time with his family because it was the right thing to do. My mil was awful to me, and used me alot, but I never would have treated her the way I am being treated. I also vowed that I would be a good mil when my time came.
My dil and her mom are best friends. I was left out of bridal shower and wedding planning, even though I contributed financially to the wedding and paid for half the shower. I had some input into the baby shower (I'm a new grandma) but I wasn't allowed to have more than 10 people because she wanted to keep it small. As a result, I didn't invite my cousins because I would have been over the "10", so I had a total of 5 people attend including myself( there were about 30). I paid for half the bill.
Fast forward, the baby is born. I take a back seat because I'm the mil. I never dropped by unannounced, I call ahead to ask when I can visit. Brought homecooked meals and groceries over to their home for the first month or so, helped with the housework, etc., I offered to go stay with the baby so she can get out of the house. She takes the opportunity to spend the time with her mom shopping, having lunch , taking yoga classes, etc., I don't mind because it gives me time with that little bundle of joy.
Holidays are spent with her family, and we get a little time slotted in. This past easter, (I host easter every year), I invited her parents, brother and his girlfriend. It was baby's first easter so I thought it would be nice if we all had it together, and, since her family was here , she wouldn't want to rush off like she always does to be with her family. I was wrong. I had barely finished putting the food away after dinner, and she announced that her and the baby, as well as her parents , were leaving. Her mother and her had been having conversations in their language here and there. They always do this. I think it's rude since they both speak very good english, but I let it go. Her and her mother decided it was time to go home. Baby had napped, was changed and happy, and fed. She used the excuse that the baby was fussy. My son asked her not to go. I practically begged them to stay. I had all kinds of desserts and fruit to serve after dinner with coffee, but they declined. I was very hurt. I walked them to the door and thanked them for coming and reiterated that I wish they'd stayed for dessert and coffee. After they left, I sat on the porch and cried. I work full time and had worked so hard to make a big meal for all of us and make the holiday special. My son said he would have a talk with her. I asked him not to say anything because I didn't want to come between him and his wife. Well............he must have said something because neither one of them have talked to me in almost 3 weeks. I texted and phoned her, but she doesn't reply. I did the same with my son. No reply. Just that they're "busy". Not sure how to proceed. Do I apologize to her for God knows what? Go over there and ask if I can come in so we can smooth things over? My heart feels like its breaking. And to you dil's out there, if you're going to reply, your help or insight is appreciated, but please remember that one day you too may be a mil, and also ask yourselves, if this was your mother, would you want your husband to treat her this way?
My dil and her mom are best friends. I was left out of bridal shower and wedding planning, even though I contributed financially to the wedding and paid for half the shower. I had some input into the baby shower (I'm a new grandma) but I wasn't allowed to have more than 10 people because she wanted to keep it small. As a result, I didn't invite my cousins because I would have been over the "10", so I had a total of 5 people attend including myself( there were about 30). I paid for half the bill.
Fast forward, the baby is born. I take a back seat because I'm the mil. I never dropped by unannounced, I call ahead to ask when I can visit. Brought homecooked meals and groceries over to their home for the first month or so, helped with the housework, etc., I offered to go stay with the baby so she can get out of the house. She takes the opportunity to spend the time with her mom shopping, having lunch , taking yoga classes, etc., I don't mind because it gives me time with that little bundle of joy.
Holidays are spent with her family, and we get a little time slotted in. This past easter, (I host easter every year), I invited her parents, brother and his girlfriend. It was baby's first easter so I thought it would be nice if we all had it together, and, since her family was here , she wouldn't want to rush off like she always does to be with her family. I was wrong. I had barely finished putting the food away after dinner, and she announced that her and the baby, as well as her parents , were leaving. Her mother and her had been having conversations in their language here and there. They always do this. I think it's rude since they both speak very good english, but I let it go. Her and her mother decided it was time to go home. Baby had napped, was changed and happy, and fed. She used the excuse that the baby was fussy. My son asked her not to go. I practically begged them to stay. I had all kinds of desserts and fruit to serve after dinner with coffee, but they declined. I was very hurt. I walked them to the door and thanked them for coming and reiterated that I wish they'd stayed for dessert and coffee. After they left, I sat on the porch and cried. I work full time and had worked so hard to make a big meal for all of us and make the holiday special. My son said he would have a talk with her. I asked him not to say anything because I didn't want to come between him and his wife. Well............he must have said something because neither one of them have talked to me in almost 3 weeks. I texted and phoned her, but she doesn't reply. I did the same with my son. No reply. Just that they're "busy". Not sure how to proceed. Do I apologize to her for God knows what? Go over there and ask if I can come in so we can smooth things over? My heart feels like its breaking. And to you dil's out there, if you're going to reply, your help or insight is appreciated, but please remember that one day you too may be a mil, and also ask yourselves, if this was your mother, would you want your husband to treat her this way?