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Hi E & H60, I am so glad that your have shared your stories with me - It has made me feel better about a number of things & I can see that beating myself up over this is useless. I am taken aback with the number of people that experience something like this in their life - I had felt alone & wondered if I cut it as a mum - I realise that you cant control everything in life - especially emotions & I have reached the conclusion through reading your very hearfelt comments that the best thing for me to do is leave the door open for both DS & DIL - I will hope that in time they will want to see me & we can all begin as you stated "a different path" together
LOL Wendy

Dear Homely 60, thank you for sharing your experience with me - how it rang true !! I have had a great relationship with my DS & to be cut off like this has felt like a death in the family. I know I must move on as I have been literally been making myself sick over this - WHY?? WHY?? so I think it is time to try & let go a little & look out for me. My sister & her daughter have been a huge support & we have all be waiting for this nightmare to end - they both attended my DS wedding so they are as confused as I am.
I know that my DS & DIL want to start a family fairly soon, so hopefully the penny will drop for him once he if a father - I think their is "old baggage" for him re the breakup of his father & myself - he has not wanted to talk about it for years & always said" it all ok Mum" - I now think there is something that needs to come out & perhaps in time it will.
I did call him a couple of weeks ago - he did not answer so I left a nice message - "Hi its Mum - would you like to catch up & talk" but unfortunately there was no response - not even an SMS & I usually got 3-4 sms's a day all about not much but just regular contact.
Hopefully it wont be forever, so I will leave it be for now & hope he comes to his senses.
Thank you again Wendy

It is great to get feedback from everyone. I think one of the "difficulties" for the day was the fact the my ex-husband didn't want to speak - our marriage break down was due to violence etc so there is absolutely no relationship between him & myself. I am not that bothered that I didn't make a speech - more the fact that my DS & DIL told me one thing & then another unfolded on the day. I can see that my DIL may have be thoughtless in the matter - as she constantly referred to the wedding as "my wedding" & it appeared that nothing would get in her way come hell or high water.
I did not raise this matter with DS until 3 days after the wedding - I just "sucked it up" as they say & ensured their day went smoothly. Unfortunately 3 hrs prior to the speeches being made I went to where my DS was staying prior to the wedding ceremony ( wedding held 200kms from home) to have a couple of Mother & Son photos & my DS refused to have any pics with me. I guess that was the start of the hurt which left me devastated & then the speech thing just added to my pain. As they are not speaking to me I do not know what is at the core of the matter.
I was included by DIL to go to Melb to look at wedding dresses & then went another time to a Bridal expo - this was great & I repaid this inclusion by making 35 cushion cover, turned three picture frames into blackboards, made 110 rose petal cones, made a sash from a piece of material from her Mothers wedding dress to be wrapped around her bouquet, collected all the wedding bouquets & transported them to the where we all stayed but still I am in the wrong??? I cant see why I would receive this treatment & why they have shut me out.

My son recently married - his father & myself have been divorced for 23 yrs. His father did not want to make a Father of the Groom speech at his wedding & my son and my daughter in law to be did not ask me if I would like to speak at their wedding (I was the Mother of the Groom). In fact when I asked about the speeches in the mths leading up to the wedding both my son and his wife to be told me "there is only going to be 2 or 3 speeches - we don't want too many - we don't want to bore our guests with heaps of speeches". They told me that the Father of the Bride, the Best Man & the Groom would be the ONLY ones to speak.
On the wedding day when it came time for the speeches the Father of the Bride spoke 1st, then the Mother of the Bride spoke, then the bride's sister (bridesmaid) spoke, then the Bride spoke, then the Groom, and then the Best man delivered the last speech!!!! I was embarrassed and hurt as their wedding guests asked me why I didn't give a speech as NO ONE spoke on behalf of the Groom ( no parent is what I mean). I got upset with this & when I told my son & my new D-I-L how I felt (very upset no yelling just heartfelt tears) they got angry with me & now they haven't spoken to me for 4 mths. Can someone pls offer an opinion - an I in the wrong??? I cant believe what has happened & they have made me feel like I did something wrong.
Wendy