WiseWomenUnite.com

Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: Meryl on March 11, 2010, 03:02:58 PM

Title: Father in law
Post by: Meryl on March 11, 2010, 03:02:58 PM
My father in law died this week and we are having a memorial this weekend. This is the first time my mother in law told me she was glad I was there, that I'm family!
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Marilyn on March 11, 2010, 03:13:13 PM
Meryl,I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL. :'(

And so glad your MIL acknowledged you as family.That has to make you feel very good.

Have you totally recovered from your surgery?
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 11, 2010, 05:52:52 PM
Isn't it amazing what it take for someone to be nice? Why, I wonder?

Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: 2chickiebaby on March 11, 2010, 06:24:26 PM
Luise, it's because they want control and they can't have control if they are being nice.

I want to be like them.  I don't want to be nice anymore.  I want control.  I have tried to have a mean look on my face, I just can't do it. 

How do I do that?

Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cocobars on March 12, 2010, 05:49:58 AM
Good morning, Chickie, you are precious and I couldn't imagine you being mean at all.  I don't believe control is really something anyone has - I believe it's an illusion and one that may come back to haunt the women that use it.  After all, they will be MIL's some day too.  Time does that.

I'm happy you are who you are!  This place wouldn't be the same without you being "you!" ;D

Hugging you! :)
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: 2chickiebaby on March 12, 2010, 06:00:22 AM
Thank you, Coco....I needed that today.  I am really caught with 2 very controlling DILs.  It must be a horrible thing to know you must be in control at all cost.  That's who they are.

The last time our son/dil came here to spend the night, they wanted other DIL and son to come over (we live in the same town). They said they would but never came.  That's the way DIL is, trying to control.

The children ran after cars that passed by that they thought were their Uncles and Aunts.!~!.  It was so very sad!!

Oh!  How can you treat kids like that and be human.
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Meryl on March 12, 2010, 06:03:56 AM
I have to say that  my MIL is nice. Problems we have had in the past were mostly my fault. I had an expectation of a close family that interacted often, and my MIL and FIL were basically hands off people. My own family is close, and probably would be considered enmeshed, and I was just used to people being around. My husband's family came off as cold to me and I misunderstood it. Once I got I couldn't change anyone, just myself, it became better.

Thanks for asking about the surgery. I have about 4 months of PT ahead of me and it's improving, just very slowly.
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cremebrulee on March 12, 2010, 06:37:02 AM
Quote from: Meryl on March 11, 2010, 03:02:58 PM
My father in law died this week and we are having a memorial this weekend. This is the first time my mother in law told me she was glad I was there, that I'm family!

awwww, that is wonderful Meryl...
I'm so sorry for your  loss...God bless you and yours...

Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Marilyn on March 12, 2010, 06:51:30 AM
Meryl,I'm glad your MIL is nice.And things always seem to get better once we can accept thats just how they are.

Good to hear your improving from surgery,some times it's a long slow process.
Hope you'll be able to post more often soon :)

Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 07:34:43 AM
M - Thinking of you and sending healing Pings. I'm still recovering from the orthopedic surgery I had on Dec. 1st. I honestly believe that the love that came my way from this site...is helping me heal.

Creme - How wonderful to be acknowledged, however overdue that is. I got a birthday card from my step son thinking me for what I am offering Val at the end of his life. It's taken 20 years for him to see my value but what the heck...better late than never.

Coco - I so agree that control is an illusion...and it can look so real. No one can control how we feel or react...nor can anyone control what we think and believe. Probably the most inspiring writing I have ever read is by St. John of the Cross and he was in prison and being fed only bread and water at the time he wrote it. There are so many ways to perceive the situations in our lives. Perhaps the only time we are "in" control is when we learn that we can't control...or be controlled. The bully's tools disappear...and victims are no more. (Unless we forget...)
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 07:36:58 AM
Chickie - Not only would WWU not be the same without you...it wouldn't exist, if you hadn't seen the need for it and spoken up. I love you!!! :-*
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Marilyn on March 12, 2010, 07:53:41 AM
Luise and Chickie,I would love to hear the story of how WWU came about. :)
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: 2chickiebaby on March 12, 2010, 08:01:08 AM
you go first, Luise.....if you want to. 
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 08:12:57 AM
Well, lets see... Chickie and I met and became forever e-friends on my counseling website: www.MomResponds.com .

It doesn't lend itself to dialogue because the venue is questions and answers. She did create dialogue there with others and with me but it was cumbersome. She said there was no place on the web to dialogue without rage, judgment and accusation being involved and every attempt she had made to be heard there had been met with rejection.

So, I gave her my email address...which was a first for me...and we brainstormed on what her vision might be. We got Kirk in on it...my webmaster son...and he worked with us.  I created the design and picked the graphics and wrote the vision statement (in the upper corner of the Home page)...and Chickie was given the honor of writing the first post when we launched last year on Mother's Day.

Chickie?
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: 2chickiebaby on March 12, 2010, 08:28:05 AM
That's right, Luise except you and Kirk did all the work and emailed me to say, "Happy Mother's Day!!"

What a wonderful day that was for me.  I was in a state of such confusion at the time and trying my best to comfort other women in my situation on her site.......anyway, thank you, Luise and Kirk for what you've done.  It is a blessing to many.  I am really not shocked at how many lives have been touch.  I am overwhelmed, though and so glad.  There was no place for people with DILs and MILs who we didn't understand.  I had hoped for some place where our heads wouldn't be bashed in the minute we walked in the door.....and here it is.

I have sometimes taken some of the comments the wrong way by the DILs and I am sorry about that but it's hard to distinguish who is my DIL and who's nice ;D
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cocobars on March 12, 2010, 08:30:11 AM
I agree, it is hard to distinguish comments, and I've done the same, Chickie!

You and Luise have created a wonderful place for all of us to be understood!  Thank you both! ;D
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Marilyn on March 12, 2010, 08:38:09 AM
Thank you Luise and Chickie for sharing that!And thank you both, and Kirk too,this site is by far a very treasured gift for us.The three of "you" have made that possible!
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cremebrulee on March 12, 2010, 08:44:24 AM
Yes, what a great story...it seems as if your paths were meant to cross, not to mention
just look at all the good that came from it....

Hugs to you all
Creme
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 02:08:41 PM
And if we'd had to pay our worthy webmaster, Kirk, his going rate of $200. an hour...oh, dear...when would we have ever launched? My multi-site "bill" is up over $30,000. That's pro-bono with a capital PRO, right?! Every Mother's Day...he just writes off whatever he's done over the year! He smiles when I thank him and says, "Glad to able to do it for you, Mom." And that always goes for everyone here! You guys *are* WWU! :)
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: 2chickiebaby on March 12, 2010, 02:12:50 PM
Lord!  We're expensive to keep aren't we Luise?  We need to start advertising books we like when we get really popular and ask the authors for money.  YIKES!!   :P
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 02:58:31 PM
Well, it's all free so why should be give a rip?  ;D ;D
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Marilyn on March 12, 2010, 03:05:52 PM
Luise you did a great job raising Kirk.

He has your big heart,and compassion.You have to feel so proud!!!
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Hope on March 12, 2010, 07:16:49 PM
Quote from: 2chickiebaby on March 11, 2010, 06:24:26 PM
Luise, it's because they want control and they can't have control if they are being nice.

I want to be like them.  I don't want to be nice anymore.  I want control.  I have tried to have a mean look on my face, I just can't do it. 

How do I do that?

Chickie - How do you look mean?  I hope you don't figure it out - I like smiling people and I like YOU!!!  I believe that controlling dil's turn into controlling mil's some day.  Sad.
Keep smiling..........
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Hope on March 12, 2010, 07:31:20 PM
Quote from: Meryl on March 11, 2010, 03:02:58 PM
My father in law died this week and we are having a memorial this weekend. This is the first time my mother in law told me she was glad I was there, that I'm family!

Meryl, may I offer my condolences to you and your dh on the loss of your fil?  I can understand how difficult it must have been for you to try to adjust to your dh's family since it is so different from yours.  I would choose the close knit family any day.  It was a long time coming, but it must have felt good to hear your mil's kind words.  Wanting the best for you.......
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Hope on March 12, 2010, 07:35:18 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 08:12:57 AM
Well, lets see... Chickie and I met and became forever e-friends on my counseling website: www.MomResponds.com .

It doesn't lend itself to dialogue because the venue is questions and answers. She did create dialogue there with others and with me but it was cumbersome. She said there was no place on the web to dialogue without rage, judgment and accusation being involved and every attempt she had made to be heard there had been met with rejection.

So, I gave her my email address...which was a first for me...and we brainstormed on what her vision might be. We got Kirk in on it...my webmaster son...and he worked with us.  I created the design and picked the graphics and wrote the vision statement (in the upper corner of the Home page)...and Chickie was given the honor of writing the first post when we launched last year on Mother's Day.

Chickie?

The three of you (Luise, Kirk, and Chickie) make this world a better place.  Thanks for giving of yourselves and caring about others - even people you have never met!  You are an inspiration!
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 12, 2010, 08:50:45 PM
Mominwaiting - Thank you for those kind words regarding how I raised Kirk.  :D

And for the kind things you wrote about the work Chickie and I did when we partnered with Kirk to create WWU. More  ;Ds
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cocobars on March 13, 2010, 04:47:34 AM
Meryl, I hope things go well for you today!
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cremebrulee on March 13, 2010, 06:44:49 AM
sheesh, this thread has made me so thankful to Luise, Kirk her son and Chickie, who'd have ever thought?  Not to mention, your time, advise, Kirks expertise....yes, Luise, you did a fantastic job, Kirk is an amazing son...thank you to all of you...if it wouldn't have been for this site, maybe my DIL and I wouldn't have reconciled...? 

I am so appreciate to all of you, including the caring women who come into this site...your all very special. 

Hugs

and BRAVO!

Creme
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 13, 2010, 09:47:15 AM
What a lovely post! Thank you from all three of us. And, yes, we are seeing miracles coming out of this site. Isn't that amazing?

When you create a forum...it's a blank sheet; a nun-hypothesis. It's like giving a party and then wondering if anyone will come. Countless hours of work to get to the place of a launch...and then you hold your breath....
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: Pen on March 13, 2010, 10:10:17 AM
Meryl, my condolences on the loss of your FIL. I'm heartened to hear that you and MIL have a relationship due to your insight. What a comfort during this time!

To Luise, Kirk and Chickie, thank you for the hard work and expense of starting and running this site. I'm forever grateful.
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: luise.volta on March 13, 2010, 10:55:07 AM
Pen - Thank you for coming on board and giving of yourself so generously. A forum, as I have said, is just a blank sheet otherwise.
Title: Re: Father in law
Post by: cocobars on March 30, 2010, 08:02:52 AM
Checking on your Meryl.  How is your phsyical therapy going?  Did you make it through this funeral and come out the other end?  I know your MIL was happy to have you there!

Thinking about you and sending you hugs...