March 29, 2024, 04:01:12 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Sara_9548

1
My husband and I have been married for 2 months and 15 days, We have been together for 2 years. Problems started ever since we began planning our wedding and got married. My owe so enraging mother in law, has been striking a nerve more than ever for the past 6 months. I have brought the situation up to my husband but he completely blows it off like it is unimportant. My mother in law, I believe didn't really think we would go through with the wedding. She did not help out with any funds for the wedding except for 175 dollars towards the cake, that was 500 dollars. My grandmother paid for entire thing. they paid 400 for our condo for the honeymoon, expenses not included. Then she demanded all of her family members be invited to the bridal shower and wedding. To keep the peace we did and they all live far away. out of our 100 guest 14 people came from his side of the family out of the 50 we invited. 30 people said they would show. 4 people out of 25 for the bridal shower. Then when the wedding came around, she became offended when my bridesmaids for their speeches made "friendly warnings" to him. His mother found that inappropriate for a wedding. Now if she new her own son she would realize it was more than necessary, he has anger issues and always threatens to kill and maim people. Another thing, I'm pregnant right now, and my family does not want to invite anyone from his family to our baby shower. My grandma thinks that she should have her own shower for me because they live so far away. She does not offer any money or support in any way.  Our families are no longer getting along. Reason is my husband likes to cry wolf. We live with my parents currently because my husband can't save a dime to save his butt. He has a project car he dumps his money into, credit cards racked up, hospital bills unpaid and insurance, car payment, and phone bill through the roof, all mine are paid off. Im refusing to pay to help him because every time I do he just keeps doing the same thing. Anyway's their was an incident where things got out of hand and the police had to show up. I do not feel comfortable to oblige what happened because im currently still working on the situation with my husband. But in the end my grandma got hurt. He called his "mummy"  and cried wolf, said my grandma hit him. (which in fact was a lie) and his mother believes every word he says. So a few hours later there is so much drama from his mom posted on facebook. "nobody hits my son" Im going to beat this woman" Im an irish mother don't mess with me" number 1 highly inappropriate for facebook, our business is private and none of her business or the worlds. (just explaining to everyone here because in dire need of advice) Number 2. She did not bother to ask our side of the story. Never asked why it happened or why a man would lay his hands on a woman. Ever since then My husband and I have had a rocky relationship. I do not believe that a man should ever lay his hands on a woman, if he could do it to someone else he certainly can do it to me. There have been incidents in the pass where he lays his hands on co workers, 2 ex's etc. threatens to kill and maim. said his father who left him made him this way. His mother never said no, and never thought her son does anything wrong. Im currently working with my husband and his anger issues. We will be going to marriage counseling soon, and he will go on meds for his bi polar disorder. and see an anger management counselor. Problem is im afraid his mother is going to intervene because she brainwashes him thinks he is perfectly okay the way he is. He only holds a job, gf for 6 months to a year and a half because he wont get help. Im bi polar that is why im patient enough to help him. I learned from the best my grandma who isnt bi polar. Before I ask what should I do. His mother is obsessed with babies. I'm pregnant this is not going to end well in any way shape or form. His mother lives an hour from us. His cousins just had babies and she is up their butts every day. visiting asking to babysit. His moms house has mold in it. its behind the walls. She complains that their is always something wrong with her. Her husband aka his step father has been dealing with alcoholism on and off, active right now and im not sure how bad because I no longer go with him to visit. He since he moved in every other weekend sleeps at his moms. They always harass me to come too. I don't want to sleep on a couch. He is married to me and should not be leaving his pregnant wife to sleep at his moms, or to leave and sleep at his moms in general. He has lived with me since 9 months of us being together. a little over a year. She wants grandparents rights. I already made him aware of my dead decrepit body will i allow that. She can come visit. Or we will stop by here and there but this is our child and im not allowing that. he gave her a cell phone with a phone line through his plan which was so he and her could talk for free. she doesnt use the phone and continuously calls him from the house line, which in fact costs money. That he doesnt have. He doesnt find it important to keep reminding her to call from the cell. She posts nasty sayings and other things directed at me and my family on facebook. Another reason i wont go down, even to visit now is because im afraid they are all going to gang up on me at once and to be honest my baby deserves a peaceful gestation period. I'm almost to my limit with what I can take. If my husband does not do something or go to his counseling and go on his meds. I have no other options except a divorce. I do not deserve the abuse, frustrations, or anxiety, caused by his actions, or his families. I thought that I could help him through it. He is just very angry, his mother is very insane and he believes that he is not responsible for his own actions. Any advice. The thing is if divorce. I refuse to share custody and have my daughter corrupted by the insanity. I want whats best for her. please help?