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Well, I finally blew my gasket.  This Saturday was the baby shower.  Now, the dynamics were that I did 80% of everything to prepare for this event.  My Mom did 50% of the cooking and I took care of everything else.  I had my two best friends coming early and staying late to help with everything.  FDILs Mom lives out of state and really didn't do anything.  We had her at our house all weekend, and she helped with decorating the cupcakes Friday evening.  None of this was an issue as I really didn't expect her Mom's help with being from out-of-state and everything was in order.

You all know the issues with my Ex's wife and how she has been to them.  One of the conversations FDIL had with her about 6 weeks ago was about baby showers.  She had asked if FDIL was having one and she told her that I was giving one.  So SM told her that she would do one for that side of the family.  Ok.  So I had invited my side and FDIL's family, which ended up being 65 invitations.  My Ex has a huge family and could have easily invited around 100 to theirs.  Ok, so I have proceeded with mine, not concerning myself with them.  In the meantime, of course the drama between FDIL/YS and SM/DF have gotten worse.  Not my problem as FDIL and YS have been dealing with it.  I truly have stayed out of it as much as possible.  The part I have been dealing with is the fall-out.  I'm the one having to try and keep FDIL calm and dry her tears.  I've not been flattering to Ex's family throughout this but merely telling her "That's how they are.  You are just going to have to make the best of it and not worry about them so much."  So I have in no way been holding up for them, but I haven't been trying to turn them away from them either.

So Saturday comes, I have her, her Mom, my DH and myself at the house.  We have the cars packed and it's about a 30 minutes before we have to leave to go set-up.  We're sitting, laughing and talking and FDIL is so excited.  Her phone goes off and she has an email.  She just sits and looks at it then I hear it "ding" and "ding" again.  She's reading and getting upset so we're just looking at her.  She looks at me and says, "It's Ex's sister.  She just emailed me and wanted to know why I didn't invite her Mother to my shower and why I am being mean to her Mother.  Then she follows that with why will I not answer her."

THAT'S when I finally blew.  My Ex's Sister lives several states away.  She doesn't email, text, FB or call FDIL and ask her how she is, how's she's feeling....nada.  I looked at FDIL and basically barked out, "Don't you even answer her!  I will!"

And I did.  I grabbed up my laptop, logged in and let her have it.  I told her that I was giving the shower, it was my decision who I invited and FDIL didn't have anything to do with it.  I told her I was tired of the drama her family was continuously creating for the two of them and how ashamed they should be of tormenting a pregnant girl and deployed man.  I told her SM had been creating drama for them for months and that I had hit my limit.  I told her that SM had told that they were doing their own shower and that was why I didn't invite anyone from their side.  I pretty much ranted for a while and told her she didn't have to like my decision, but it was my decision and I would appreciate it if she would stop emailing and getting on to FDIL

We went back and forth.  She said, "I'm just defending my Mom."  I told her there was nothing to defend her from and they needed to be taking their issues up with the people that were actually causing them instead of FDIL/YS and that I was flat out sick of it.   She then started backtracking and saying, "Oh I understand, SM is a big liar and we've all caught her in lies.  We don't like her...My Mom doesn't like and only tolerates her...blah blah blah."

I finally just said, "We're leaving.  Bottom line it was my decision based on what FDIL was told."  I logged off and left.  I can only say, if you have ever seen controlled rage...I was it.  I was shaking, I was furious and I was so angry they she did that to her a couple of hours before the shower.  She sucked the laugher and joy out of it for her for couple of hours.  Her Mom and I both told her to not worry about it, that I had handled it. 

We did have a great shower.  It went well, she enjoyed herself and they got so many presents that they could use.  But it weighed heavily on her mind because as soon as she talked to YS, she fell apart again that night.  I got on skype with YS and told him what I had done.  He was so mad at them.

What part of they are doing themselves in with them are they not getting?  When I checked my email yesterday, Ex Sis had left another email asking me to please call her Mom and explain why she wasn't invited because her feelings were hurt.  Then her Mom leaves a message on YS's wall telling him how much they adore FDIL and how excited they are about the baby......after not leaving anything on his wall since March?

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I'm on a roll this week finding crafts and such for all my various events, I had to share something I ran across.  I don't know if it works yet, but there were many people that swear that it works and that it is the best ever.

Thought I would share before I forget it!

They said to take an unopened can of sweetened condensed milk, peel off the label and fully submerge it in water, in a crock pot, on low for 8 hours.  Take it out and cool it in the frig.  They swear it turns it into the best caramel in the world!

Well, I got thrown for a loop last night.  Here I have been preaching about how holidays are what you make of them and to not dread them and now I have a big problem. 

History:  My Mother loves Thanksgiving.  She loves to cook and have us and any family over.  It was always a holiday that we had 15-25 people in the house for Thanksgiving, every year when we were younger.  As the years have gone by and family has grown up and spread out across the U.S., it has dwindled down to where it's been just my parents, me and DH and maybe one or two others at times.  I've tried to take over the holiday so Mom doesn't have to do it, but she will not give it up...Lol.  She loves to cook because she doesn't get to do it often any longer.  So me and DH make the trek (about 1 1/2 hrs) every year to be with them.  I love doing it for her. 

Last year, she asked me beforehand if it would bother me if she invited OS/DIL.  We had not spoken since the December before (11 months).  She missed her GS and wanted to see them.  I told her that was fine but not to get her hopes up as they were not interested in anything we were doing.  So she called OS, he told her he would love to come and amazingly, they pulled up as we were sitting down to eat.  It was hard on me, but it ended up being just fine.  Nothing was brought up and we spent about 2 hours with them talking and laughing about stupid stuff.  DIL was even friendly and when I left, I truly felt as if this might just be the "new start" we needed.  I thought that since it went fine, they seemed to have a good time and nothing was said about not talking for 11 months.   But then nothing changed.  Never saw them at Christmas, never heard from them again.  In the meantime, they are expecting.  They never called or told anyone on our side about the baby. 

Ok, I have resolved myself to all of this.  That nothing changed and life has gone on.  I will admit, I am deeply hurt over OS not telling us about the baby...although I know that's their choice to make, it still hurts.  That has been my final straw with them. 

Now, my quandary...or problem.  My Mother called last night.  She wanted to know if we were coming over for Thanksgiving again this year.  She wants to do it and I told her of course we were.  Then she says, "I want to invite OS/DIL again."  I know my Mom misses him terribly.  She was such a big part of his life for 20 years.  She said that maybe they would show up again.

Here's the thing.  I could do it again if it was just going to be OS/DIL.  My problem is that she is due the end of October.  I can not fathom them walking in with my GD and seeing her for the first time this way.   I could not sit and look at her across the room or even worse, if they did offer to let me hold her, I couldn't do it.  That may sound odd, but the only way I can reconcile not being in my GD's life, is not being in my GD's life.  The idea of holding her, seeing her and then having her ripped back away from me is beyond my abilities.  The only scenario would be them showing up without her.  That would also be a huge blow as it would be saying to me, Mom and Dad that they truly don't want us to to have anything to do with her.  I already know that, but having it thrown in my face that way would make me so angry.  The hurt is too deep for me to be able to sit there and play nice if they did that. 

So there's my quandary.  My Mom thinks this may be her only chance to see her GGD.  She is so sweet and she really wants to see OS and possibly GGD.  I can't tell my Mom if she invites them, we will not be there.  I will not make her choose between us and them.  She is not that way and I would never hurt her like that.  But I also can not go knowing that if they show, those are the two scenarios.  I'm not kidding.  If they showed up with GD, I would burst into tears and have to leave.  If they don't show up with her, I would open up a can of hurt and anger like you have never seen on them.  I know neither are productive.

The third scenario is that they wouldn't show up, which is what I would expect.  But I expected that last year and bam...they did.

What would you do?

I love these 8 things.  They are going up on my mirror to reread daily and remind myself.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/09/12/8-ways-youre-wasting-your-life/

So we all keep seeing something that a member writes that we really love.  Things we connect with and just makes sense.  I see them, love them and then totally forget where they are at or exactly how they went.  So I'm going to start this thread so when you see something that a member writes, that you totally love and want to remember, post it here so you can find it again.  I'm not talking about quotes that we find on the internet by other people, but by our forum members.  We all know that Luise throws out some good ones and I think if we have a collection of them in one place, it will be great to come back to this thread when we need a little uplift and read through them.  At least, that's what I plan to do.

I have received several emails asking me about my Zumba tapes, so I thought I would just post it here for anyone interested.

I use the Zumba basics DVD.  The first 30-45 minutes of it is individual trainers showing you some of the basic Zumba moves.  That is followed by a 45 minute workout that is broke down into around 5 minute sessions each.  Each 5ish minutes is a different dance routine, followed by the last 5 minutes is a cool down.  I only use the 45 minute routine and when I started, I would do 15 minutes for a week (3-4 times a week) and then I upped it by 5 minutes each week until I could do all 45 minutes.

There are some parts of it that are very fast and I can't keep up, so I slow down and do my pace.  Also, there are some moves that I can't do between having a bad foot (tore my achilles tendon twice) and a bad arm (disease), so I modify those as well.  For example, they do some lunges and I can do it to the right foot, but not so much on the left so I just bend that leg as much as I am comfortable with.  The whole point is to keep moving.

For anyone wanting to try it, my best suggestion is to get on youtube and key in "Zumba basics".  There are many videos out there where you can try them and see what you think.  You could even use them instead of ever buying the DVD.  It's fun, it takes a little bit to master some of the moves (I say master like I can do them all...ba ha ha) and I really don't get bored with it like I do other exercise videos.  You will feel quite silly when you start unless you are a direct descendant of Paul Abdul and inherited the dance gene.

Stick with it, modify and have fun with it!

Easy cheesie meal and really good.

I use 2 cans kidney beans, 1 can of kernal corn, 1 can Ro-Tel, 1 can tomato sauce, 1 package Ranch dressing mix, 1 package taco seasoning mix, and about a pound of beef (more if you'd like, I usually use 2 lbs), 1 1/2 cups water.

Cook your ground beef until brown (I usually add a little onion powder and garlic salt while it's cooking.)  Drain and dump in a pot.  Dump in everything else, juices and all.  Bring to a boil and let simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  (Or I dump everything in the crock pot and let it cook on low for a couple of hours if I'm in no hurry).

That's it.  I serve it will tortilla chips, crumbled up in the bottom of the bowl, soup over it.  Little shredded cheddar or your fav cheese on top with some sour cream.  It's yummy.

Hopefully, Luise will not boot me out over this.....   

Went to the high-risk baby Doc with FDIL Tuesday.  They did an ultrasound and the tech asked before she started, "Do you want to know the sex?"  FDIL said, "Yes, Yes."  Tech said, "Well, let's see if the bugger will cooperate."

This is what happened:

Tech immediately:  "It's a boy"
FDIL immediately:  "WHAT?" (Has been positive it was a girl)
Tech:                     "It's a boy"
FDIL still in shock:  "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
Tech:                     "Ummm......it has a penis!"

Me:  Falls out of chair laughing

When tragic things happen around me, I am reminded how insignificant my problems are.  Today is one of those days.  I may have problems, but I am blessed also to be surrounded by people that do love me and by wonderful people.  I am always amazed at the courage and strength that people show in the toughest of situations.  It is humbling to watch people set aside their personal problems to surround each other with compassion at the worst of times. 

Today, I am very thankful to see that compassion is still alive and well in others.  We lost an Officer last night.  He was responding to a call and wrecked.  He was so young and leaves behind a wife and three small children.  He was one of the good guys.  He would come in and sit with the dispatchers and it was important to him to get to know them all.  I have watched all morning as dispatchers have comforted each other.  I have watched as people have come in on their off days to send home those that worked this tragic event.  We have had seasoned Officers come in today, in tears, and still have hugged the grieving dispatchers and consoled each other.  They have set aside their differences to come together for this family and each other.

So even though this week will be hard, I wanted to say that it is so reassuring, uplifting and thought provoking to see the kindness that still surrounds people.  It's easy to become jaded when we deal with our own issues, but today, I'm not jaded, I'm hopeful and blessed with many things.

I really like this.  Harder to accomplish but life would be simpler and it hits on many of the things we all write about here.

http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/

So, even though I haven't been seeing OS/DIL, the window has always been left open a crack for a reconciliation, if they chose to. 

Not anymore.  The window is slammed shut, glued, nailed and has security alarms on it now as far as DIL goes.  OS will only be welcome without her, if he so chooses someday.  She has done her fair share of being a cruel person, but she just crossed my line in the cruelness factor and I want no part of her.  There will also be a "not nice" converseration with SM (Ex's wife) next time I get a chance.  The two of them are perfect for each other (DIL/SM) and no wonder they always got along. 

FDIL calls me last night and I can tell she is upset.  She asked if I had time to talk for a bit.  Well sure.  She proceeds to tell me that something has been going on for about a month that she hasn't told me, because she was trying to fix it.  She says that she hasn't been able to, and needs my help but at the same time, it is going to be very painful for me and she didn't want to cause it, but was out of ideas.  So she says, "So the question is:  If I know something that will cause you pain, but will help YS, do you want to know?"  Bless her heart, I could tell she was struggling trying to figure out what to do.

So I said, "If it helps YS and you, then yes."  She tells me the story of what happened when YS was in, and over at his Dad's.  When they arrived, SM runs out and meets them in the driveway, holding her smartphone and yelling as soon as they got out of the car, "Look what I have!"  She shoves her phone in YS's face and there is a recent picture of his daughter.  She starts scrolling thru her pics and has 4 different ones of her.  FDIL said that YS was devastated and is about to cry.  SM is gushing about how beautiful she is, how grown up she is looking and on and on.  YS just walks in the house.  Remember, he hasn't seen her in over two years and has been trying unsuccessfully to see her.

FDIL looks at SM and says, "Where did you get those?"  SM shrugs and says, "DIL sent them to me" and walks off.  So apparently, later, YS breaks down on her and is all upset about SM having them when he hasn't even seen her.  So after YS deploys, FDIL has been on a mission to find those pictures for him.  She texts SM and asks if she will send them to her.  SM says that she needs to ask DIL because they were not hers to give.  She does tell her that DIL found them on a photographers website and downloaded them.  So FDIL has been searching every photography website for a couple of weeks, trying to find them.  Since DIL sent her the FB friend request the other day, FDIL emails her and asks her about them.  DIL tells her that she found them.  FDIL asks her where.  DIL says, "Somewhere", etc.  She will not tell her.  FDIL is very upset for YS and is still looking for them.

So, me being the CSI person that I am, FDIL wants to know if I have any suggestions on how to find them.  She tells me she didn't want to ask for my help, because she knows how much I miss GD too and if I found them, knew I would probably be upset.   So 3 hours later, I find them.  Yes, I shed a few tears but it was great to see her and how much she has grown.  I emailed them to FDIL.

I am furious at DIL and SM.  I can't believe that they would be that cruel, on purpose to YS.  Pardon me, but it's none of DIL's business.  SM, yeah I can't even say what I want about that one here.  If would have been different if either had asked YS, "I stumbled across some pics and saved them in case you wanted them."  If they were doing it for him.  But to flaunt them to him and then not offer to send them to him or tell them where they found them?  After they offered no help with us trying to get visitation for 15 months, but yet when we did, wanted to see her?  We let them see her even though I had to be present because I was legally the supervisor on the court documents for the first 3 months.  I sucked it up, even though I didn't want to look at SM and Ex, and did this because YS wanted to.  Arrgggg! 

Yes, I'm furious at them.  And OS and Ex?  If I find out they knew? Yeah, man up and tell your wives they are being cruel.  Tell them they can't treat your Brother/Son that way.  I'll be done with them too.  They can be as mean as they want to me, but what they did to YS was beyond cruel.  It was cold, calculating and unforgivable as they know how hard this has been on him and how much he misses her.

Well, let's start off with the great news.  YS did propose Sunday and she said "Yes!"  He called me afterwards to tell me they were officially engaged.  I'm very happy for them both.  They went and saw my Mom afterwards, took her and my Dad to lunch and shared all their news with them.  My Mom was thrilled.  They then left there to spend the evening through today with his Dad and Dad's FOO.  They will be coming to my house this evening and we leave in the morning for the cabin we rented in the mountains.  We will leave there Friday and take him to airport, tissue box in hand.  I am so looking forward to this. 

SD - umm....hmmm.....24 days til graduation!!!!!  That's all I'm saying.   

Now me.  You guys know we have had a rough go of it lately with the whole /SDSF thing, etc.  Well, it finally got me.  I know my disease flares with stress so I have been working very hard the last months to keep my stress levels down.  The whole SD thing apparently caught up with me last week, probably compounded my the infor on the OS/DIL pregnancy.   First of the week, the pain in my arm increased X10 and I developed a knot over my elbow that was very painful.  Started feeling terrible...so knew I was in a flare.  By Wednesday, my entire hand would go to sleep.  Couldn't feel my fingers.  Would have to constantly move it around to keep it awake.  I knew I had a Dr's appointment Friday (my regular one) so I waited.  Thursday morning, I woke up to find my "ridge" indention had grown.  It has been the same since this started.  Starts at the top of my arm and stops right at my elbow.  It has now crossed my elbow joint and goes down past it about two inches.

I saw my MD Friday and they have ordered the EMG/Nerve conduction studies.  He's concerned the inflammation/knotting in my elbow joint is pressing on the Ulna nerve which would cause the numbness and to check the muscle damage.  They wanted me to go tomorrow....ummm....no...I'm going out of town!  Not missing it!  So I now go the 30th because that's the next time they have an opening.

So that's why I haven't been around for the last week much.  I can't type long as it hurts and goes to sleep eventually.  I have been reading everything and keeping up with everyone.

Had a couple of things happen this weekend.  My YS called and sent me a picture of an engagement ring he was staring at in the jewelry store.  He was all, "What do you think of this one for her?"  It was gorgeous, so when he comes in next week, he will be asking her to marry him.  I'm very happy for both of them.  She is a doll, tons of fun and full of life.  I appreciate her honesty and candor, she texts me every few days to see what's going on and me and DH took her to dinner Friday night to get her out of the house (she's going stir crazy after this last brain surgery).  She likes to be around us, even without DS...Lol...that's a change.  They really are suited for each other and I am so glad they found each other.

So he gets the ring and says, "I need to talk to you about something else, but it's going to upset you."  Oh boy...  He proceeds to ask if I have spoken to OS.  No, not since they showed up on Thanksgiving, haven't heard from them since then.  He then tells me his Dad called him and said he was at a local retail store, when a young girl recognizes him and comes running up to him.  She starts asking how DIL is feeling, still sick...blah..blah...blah.  My Ex said he had no idea what she was babbling about and finally he said, "I'm sorry, has DIL been sick?"  She blurts out, "No, her pregnancy!"  So Ex finds out that DIL is 2 months along, due on OS's birthday.  He's floored and devastated to find out this way. 

So apparently OS/DIL are expecting.  I'm not shocked that OS didn't call to let me know.  I'm hurt, but not shocked.  He didn't call his Dad, and they have stayed in contact with him and SM, or so I thought.  According to my YS, Ex tells him that he doesn't know what their problem is, that nothing has happened but they haven't heard from them since Christmas either.  He told him that OS will not return his calls, will not come around...etc.  The pregnancy is not a secret, as DIL's Mother works at this retail store and had told everyone...imagine that.   My Ex wanted YS to tell me.  He told him, "Please don't let your Mother find out like I did, from a stranger..she deserves better than that."  So he didn't tell me, his Father, his brother, his GM (my Mom whom I haven't told because she will be so hurt that they didn't tell her)...apparently no one on our side.  Her FOO all know, according to Ex.  Her friends, co-workers and others around town knew.  He was hurt and confused.  Apparently there has been no issues between him and OS, nor DIL and he's scratching his head trying to figure out why they did this.  Remember, this is Ex that sucked up to both of them after our divorce and did whatever they wanted, so they came around him and SM all the time.

Welcome to my world there Ex....welcome to my world.

YS will be in next week, for one week before being deployed next month.  We have rented a cabin in the mountains for me, DH, YS and FDIL (by then  ) for 3 days to have some fun. 


 

This topic has been moved to Grab Bag.

http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php?topic=6115.0

I'm sorry for not being around much.  I will catch everyone up on everything as soon as I can catch my breath.  The highlights of my last two weeks:  YS flew in for 3 days because GF had to have brain surgery.  Spent many hours at the hospital, she's doing ok and he had to fly back out.  That was an ordeal as his flight got cancelled, reschedule for the next day, delayed again...and on and on.  I'm ticked at this airline (will tell you what they said to him later) and it took us 2 days, lots of money and multiple road trips to finally get him back on base.  SD has pulled some crap again that we just found out about today, and I'm leaving work early and DH took off to confront her after school today.  I'll fill you in and let you know how that's going, but let's just say, I'm ready to pack her bags and kick her out over this one if it turns out what my instinct says.

Love you all and will get back as soon as I can.  I've been playing catch up the last 2 days with everyone, and I am reading everything if not commenting much.  I'm at my max stress level right now and trying to keep under control so I don't throw myself into a flare.

Miss everyone!

So my YS is getting deployed.  I knew it was coming and have been preparing for it.  What I wasn't prepared for was a phone call from him this weekend.  One of the big issues with his DD and not seeing her is his inability to get back in court, being in the military.  Long story that I've told before, so I will not bore you again.

The call is because he is being deployed, he had the option of giving me full power of attorney over his affairs.  In researching it with the military's legal department, if he gave me full power of attorney, I can act on his behalf in regards to court and DD.  I can also assume his visitation on his behalf, because of a military law in our state.  So the call was to ask me if I wanted to do that.  Well of course I want to see GD.  I told him that if he granted that to me, I would then seek the opinion of an attorney after getting it to see what my options are.  So here I go again..... 

So I go to bed last night because SD wanted to talk to her Dad.  I kind of hung out for a little bit, around the house, not eaves dropping but just monitoring the volume level.  Sounded fine so I went to bed.  About an hour later, I get awoke to a slammed door and DH's raised voice in the hallway outside our bedroom (SD's bedroom is there too).  He is basically telling her that he will not tolerate her disrespect, name calling nor attitude and she can pack her bags right now if she doesn't like it.  She's screaming at him that he is not listening, he's yelling back that what does she think he has been doing for the last hour but that the answer was no, is no and will always be no.  She's not going to change his mind.  It went on for a few minutes with him finally telling her the conversation is over, her arguing and him reiterating the conversation was over and he wasn't listening to her any longer.  Subject closed.  She slams the door and he comes into our room in a huff.

So he proceeds to tell me that the issue was she wants to go to NY for Spring Break and look at apartments.  First, we're not stupid.  She wants to go to NY to see BF.  Second, her contentions that it's not that, but that's she's found a very nice apartment on line for $200 a month is the main reason.  Ok, if you can find me a VERY NICE apartment here for $200 a month, I have a bridge to buy too.  Anyway, it boiled down to him telling her no, that she could not.  With her pulling everything from the "I'm 18, you're a bad father, you're crazy, you're off your rocker" during this conversation, thus his reference to the name calling.

I'm so tired of her hurting him.  I swear she doesn't care who she hurts to get her way.    I was very proud of him for not caving and not letting her get away with it. We are not 100% sure she'll even come home tonight, but her stuff was still there when I left.  Give me patience because if she starts on me, it's going to go downhill quick.

Thanks to Doe and a great article she put on another thread that was very enlightening to me, I wanted to start this one.  I'm asking everyone to post a positive thought for the day here....nothing negative.  We have control of our thoughts so let's start with a positive thought every day.


Mine for today is:

I am stronger than the negative.

I'm soooo excited.  YS's plane lands in an hour!  He's almost home for Christmas!  He is scheduled for deployment in May, so I know that he will not be here next year, so I want to make this Christmas very memorable for him!

This topic has been moved to Grab Bag.

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