Show posts
I wanted to share the story of my precious granddaughter with you and the trials that my youngest son is enduring because I am having such difficulties with my older son; I wanted to give praise to my younger one for becoming such a great man. Sorry, it is going to be long to give you the entire story so I decided I would give you the beginning and then if you are interested, I will give you the rest. It will not hurt my feelings if no one wants to hear it, because it is long. Lol.
When my youngest son was 17 and beginning his senior year, he came to me and said he needed to talk to me about something very important. I was prepared to hear about a college decision or something about sports. What I got absolutely floored me. "Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant and it's mine." His girlfriend was 16 and starting her junior year. I cannot even put into words everything I felt at that moment. I was so angry, disappointed, shocked and felt like such a failure. My sons and I had always been close and talked about everything, so we had spoken at length about sex and protecting yourself. I had decided I wasn't going to be a naïve parent and think my sons would wait until they were married to have sex, so the conversations had covered how to protect themselves and the female. Both boys were honor students, very popular at school and sports jocks their entire lives.
After I could catch my breath and stop crying, I unloaded on him. "How could you be so stupid. I taught you how to protect yourself. What have you done? Etc." Not the proudest moment in my parenting career, but I was angry. He sat there and just nodded at me the entire time going, "I know Mom. I know." He allowed me to vent for a long time until I was spent. He had tears rolling down his face but took it well. After a little while, I was able to speak more rationally and asked some key questions. "Do you want to get married?" His answer was no that they had discussed it, and neither one of them wanted to do that yet. They wanted to make it through the pregnancy and birth, finish school and then get married. I was very proud of both of them for thinking it through like adults. I really liked this girl. She was very smart, funny and had a great personality. She ended up coming over and we all talked about it together. My son said he was going to drop out of his sports and go to work after school to start saving money for the baby. He wanted to be part of the pregnancy and support her any way he could. The very next day, he found a job.
Two days later, her mother dropped in on me at work and asked if we could talk. I left work and we went to a park and talked for a couple of hours. She was understandably upset and vented for a while. I listened and told her I completely understood. I was catching on to the fact that she was blaming my son for the pregnancy but I just listened. Then, during the last part of the conversation she began telling me what the kids were going to do. She was going to take them to get married and move my son in with them. She would take care of the baby so her daughter could finish school and take care of everything. She even made the comment, "Well, I was always worried when my daughter graduated, I would be left alone, so now I don't have to worry about that." My red flags were flying high and I pointed out that the kids didn't want to get married and were just asking for our help and support until they both got out of school. She became very angry and demanded that I tell my son he was going to marry her. Needless to say, we both left angry because I wouldn't agree. I did everything I could to reassure her that my son was going to help every way possible and would be there for her daughter and the baby. Her final words to me were, "You are crazy. He's a man isn't he? He will abandon her."
The next day my son came home and said, "XXXXX told me that her mother says I can only see her if I come to their house. She's not allowed to come to our house or go anywhere without her mother. If we want to go somewhere, she has to go with us. I am to never be alone with XXXXX again." I felt so bad for him but told him, "You will have to abide by her rules, no matter how bad they are until she calms down." He agreed and for the next three weeks, went to her house every day he wasn't working to be with her. I noticed a big change in him, he seemed so depressed but I attributed it to the situation. He finally came in the last night and started crying. "Mom, I can't do it anymore." When I asked him what was going on, he told me what he had been enduring the last three weeks. The mother had been putting both of them in hard chairs and pulling the bible out, reading to them for hours. She told them she didn't want to see them touch each other at all. No hand holding, nothing. She refused to leave them alone for even a minute and when her daughter would leave the room, she would berate my son and tell him how horrible he was. I was sitting there listening, getting angrier and angrier but holding my tongue until he told me the final thing that had happened this evening. She had made him go outside and walk with her. When they reached the edge of the woods, she stopped and pulled a shotgun from the bushes and told him, "If I ever see you touch her again, I will use this and kill you. Understand?" He had just nodded out of fear and then left.
Ok, I knew this was going to be long to give you all the background....so I will leave it up to you guys if you want the rest of the story. I don't want to bore anyone.
When my youngest son was 17 and beginning his senior year, he came to me and said he needed to talk to me about something very important. I was prepared to hear about a college decision or something about sports. What I got absolutely floored me. "Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant and it's mine." His girlfriend was 16 and starting her junior year. I cannot even put into words everything I felt at that moment. I was so angry, disappointed, shocked and felt like such a failure. My sons and I had always been close and talked about everything, so we had spoken at length about sex and protecting yourself. I had decided I wasn't going to be a naïve parent and think my sons would wait until they were married to have sex, so the conversations had covered how to protect themselves and the female. Both boys were honor students, very popular at school and sports jocks their entire lives.
After I could catch my breath and stop crying, I unloaded on him. "How could you be so stupid. I taught you how to protect yourself. What have you done? Etc." Not the proudest moment in my parenting career, but I was angry. He sat there and just nodded at me the entire time going, "I know Mom. I know." He allowed me to vent for a long time until I was spent. He had tears rolling down his face but took it well. After a little while, I was able to speak more rationally and asked some key questions. "Do you want to get married?" His answer was no that they had discussed it, and neither one of them wanted to do that yet. They wanted to make it through the pregnancy and birth, finish school and then get married. I was very proud of both of them for thinking it through like adults. I really liked this girl. She was very smart, funny and had a great personality. She ended up coming over and we all talked about it together. My son said he was going to drop out of his sports and go to work after school to start saving money for the baby. He wanted to be part of the pregnancy and support her any way he could. The very next day, he found a job.
Two days later, her mother dropped in on me at work and asked if we could talk. I left work and we went to a park and talked for a couple of hours. She was understandably upset and vented for a while. I listened and told her I completely understood. I was catching on to the fact that she was blaming my son for the pregnancy but I just listened. Then, during the last part of the conversation she began telling me what the kids were going to do. She was going to take them to get married and move my son in with them. She would take care of the baby so her daughter could finish school and take care of everything. She even made the comment, "Well, I was always worried when my daughter graduated, I would be left alone, so now I don't have to worry about that." My red flags were flying high and I pointed out that the kids didn't want to get married and were just asking for our help and support until they both got out of school. She became very angry and demanded that I tell my son he was going to marry her. Needless to say, we both left angry because I wouldn't agree. I did everything I could to reassure her that my son was going to help every way possible and would be there for her daughter and the baby. Her final words to me were, "You are crazy. He's a man isn't he? He will abandon her."
The next day my son came home and said, "XXXXX told me that her mother says I can only see her if I come to their house. She's not allowed to come to our house or go anywhere without her mother. If we want to go somewhere, she has to go with us. I am to never be alone with XXXXX again." I felt so bad for him but told him, "You will have to abide by her rules, no matter how bad they are until she calms down." He agreed and for the next three weeks, went to her house every day he wasn't working to be with her. I noticed a big change in him, he seemed so depressed but I attributed it to the situation. He finally came in the last night and started crying. "Mom, I can't do it anymore." When I asked him what was going on, he told me what he had been enduring the last three weeks. The mother had been putting both of them in hard chairs and pulling the bible out, reading to them for hours. She told them she didn't want to see them touch each other at all. No hand holding, nothing. She refused to leave them alone for even a minute and when her daughter would leave the room, she would berate my son and tell him how horrible he was. I was sitting there listening, getting angrier and angrier but holding my tongue until he told me the final thing that had happened this evening. She had made him go outside and walk with her. When they reached the edge of the woods, she stopped and pulled a shotgun from the bushes and told him, "If I ever see you touch her again, I will use this and kill you. Understand?" He had just nodded out of fear and then left.
Ok, I knew this was going to be long to give you all the background....so I will leave it up to you guys if you want the rest of the story. I don't want to bore anyone.
