"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler. Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough. How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering? What do we do when there are communication problems? How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden? And how do our family members feel about these issues? We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."
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Quote from: Pen on May 04, 2012, 03:17:19 PM
Good post, Lilly. It's true, everything is out there forever and can be used against us.
Re: speaking up - I too hate walking on eggshells. I was always a direct, speak my mind gal; my friends can't believe I'm not letting my thoughts be known to DS/DIL. The only reason I don't speak up now is because I'm afraid of losing my relationship w/DS. How does one get over that fear?
Quote from: Vasilisa on May 04, 2012, 10:59:19 AM
I have learned that it's best not to share personal troubles with my mother. She will always take my side, which can feel good at the time but doesn't give me needed perspective and tends to feed any animosity I may be feeling. Plus then she'll always look askance at that person. I would guess most mothers are like that. We should probably take our complaining to a mature, trusted friend, preferably one who isn't likely to have a relationship with the object of our complaints.
Quote from: Vasilisa on May 04, 2012, 08:37:10 AM
Do you think DIL could have some sort of depression? Was there a time you two got along? Did things go wrong when the babies came? Many young mothers are not getting enough sleep, are malnourished and rundown, and that really does affect temper and outlook.
Or maybe she is just unreasonable and mean like a junior high girl, or maybe having problems with her marriage that she is blaming on you, as suggested by others.
Don't approach her mother. If DIL hears about it, the sky could fall in. Search your conscience and if you decide you did something wrong, make it right and leave the rest. Don't look at anymore of her comments and just try to be yourself. I hope things get better.
Yes.... She mentioned PPD in several of her writings.. and in looking back, things got worse and worse between us after each baby. There are 3 now..another boy. Her animosity toward me seemed to jack up a notch or two after each baby. After this last baby the obvious distaste could be cut with a knife.
I believe she comes from a very close female dominated family who have little desire to include an outsider.. particularly another female.
No I'm not going to approach her mother. As I said, there is no truth to this story. I'm not sure if it's DIL making it up.. OR her mother. From the gist of her writing... her mother told her about this.. Do mothers of daughters intentionally try to cut out the other mother? Is there a competition there? I can't imagine ever wanting to alienate part of my child's spouses family. Could SHE have lied to dil? I'll never know.