My adult son has some mental issues but uses this as an excuse to do nothing in life. He wont get a job. He is mean to me and cold to me, his dad and sister whenever he just decides to. I try to motivate him but then he gets angry with me. Im heartbroken over this.
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Your issue is one that others here are working with. I have had some tough issues but not the one you are facing. My take, without any experience to back it up, is that your are underwriting your son's choices no matter what causes them by providing him a home and subjecting yourself to his abuse. He isn't going change...it's working for him. You can change...that's the only option I can see. You can set boundaries and mean it...and send him out into the real world if he isn't interested in respecting you and yours. I know that may sound harsh. The alternative may be letting it destroy you.
Wise advice from Luise and well worth taking. If you carry on with having him at home and abusing your kindness, he is not going to change at all. He needs to stand on his own two feet and find his own way in the world. How you achieve this is not for me to say, it is not an easy thing to deal with.
Glad you found us, G. It's important to set boundaries and expectations for your AC, but it can be scary if you don't know how they will react. Is there anyone who can help you two set a contract? A counselor or pastor or ?
One of my acquaintances went through some horrible times, but her DS finally went back to school and got a job. She set a reasonable time limit and told him he had to go if he wasn't registered in and attending school by then. He was also expected to get a part-time job to pay for car insurance and incidentals. She would support him as long as he stayed in school.
He seems to have hit that magic age (26+) when men these days grow up. I hope your DS does so as well.