WiseWomenUnite.com

Hi everyone,
Some of you may remember my story.  I have two dds, odd and I are estranged, and she is keeping my gd from seeing me.  Ydd and I do not have a close relationship, but I do see her when she needs me to babysit, I will be spending Christmas Day with her and gss.  Today I received an email from my gd, I get them once in a while, usually in response to a little video I send her, she will be visiting her aunt (ydd) on Christmas eve, and is hoping she will see me there.  I have not been invited Christmas eve and this is the only opportunity I will have to give her the gifts I have for her.  I have not sent them by mail because I was hoping I would get to see them sometime.  Ydd does not want me there because I will see her Christmas Day, and I know she can visit with her sister without me. But this is the only opportunity I will have to see gd.   Ydd is now mad at me, I am really sad about not seeing gd.  I will have to send her gifts next week by courier,   right now I feel like spending Christmas Day under the covers.  These two girls and my grandchildren are my only famiy, I have been divorced many years, Christmas used to be my favourite time of the year.    I am feeling really sorry for myself and just had to post.             Jill

Hi everyone,
I have been a member here a year now and I thought I was progressing.  My odd and I have had very little contact just at grandchildren's birthdays and last Christmas, no birthday cards, mother's day cards etc.  I do email my gd, send her little videos, and she occasionally replies.  Last week she wrote saying she missed me and had not seen me for ages, and wanted to come and sleep over.  I asked odd if she could sleep over and she said no, she has other things to do.  This was just another knife through my heart.  I feel dead inside.  I love my gd dearly and obviously she wants to see me.   I don't want her to forget me or think I don't love her.    Odd has hurt me so much, I don't think I can forgive her.      Is it possible to have a relationship with my gd, without contacting her mother?     I know my WWU friends will have advice on this..........Jill     

Hi everyone,
I was just wondering how all you moms who are estranged from your adult children are feeling, and how you will handle Mothers' Day this weekend.  I know I will not see my ODD, not sure about YDD, but this is the day we are supposed to be celebrated and treasured.  I have been feeling down all week because of this, and can't wait for it to be over.   I always used to spend it with my dds.     It is especially hard when friends ask "How are you spending Mothers' Day?  I'd love to hear from my WWU sisters on this.....................Jill

I don't seem to be able to get into my personal messages any more.  Usually when I am logged in the menu is there, but is not any more.  Is anyone else having a problem?...Jill

I have just talked to my odd and she has pretty well let me know she wants nothing more to do with me.  I hardly spoke the last time I saw her, as I was afraid she would twist anything, but apparently I looked at her the wrong way, which I was not aware of.  She said there is no hope we can ever have a relationship.  I was hoping we could at least have a civil relationship but it seems she does even want that now.  She has taken my granddaughter, the light of my life, away from me.  What do I do now?  Should I write a good-bye letter, she does not believe I love her, and I want her to know I do. She hung up on me.  Everything I do is wrong to her.   I am back where I started 8 months ago.   We had no contact for about 4 months last year and it was the worst time of my life.   I really need your wise words now...................Jill       

I was hoping that my daughter had wanted healing from this rift between us when she wanted to meet a few weeks ago.  But I am thinking it is not so.
I had my gd stay for a couple of days which was wonderful, we played games and it was just wonderful having her here.  And I was very grateful to my dd for letting her come.  But when her mother dropped her off, she was short and snippy with me.  When she picked her up she was again short, and I asked her if she could just help me with something which took about 2 minutes.  She did help but berated me all the time.  I think she enjoys being horrible to me.  I will see her over the holiday, but don't know where it will go from there.

Merry Christmas to you all.

My odd who I have not seen for four months and spoken to once, called me this evening to tell me she wants to come over next Sunday morning and talk to me about how she is feeling.  I am very worried about this meeting, I don't know if she is trying to reach out or she has decided to never see me again.  I am glad for the opportunity to speak one on one, but I do need to be prepared.  I think I will have to have everything written out as if she starts shouting at me, I will get upset.  That is one thing I do not want to do.  I am hoping she will be able to speak rationally.   
I was beginning to think I was starting to heal a little bit, and I am afraid this will open old wounds.  But of course more than anything I want us to patch things up, but I don't know if I can trust her again. Do I tell her that my expectations have been too high, that if she doesn't want to see me again it is okay?  I don't think I can bear it if it is the last time I will see her.  I also want to have some connection with my gd.   
I have heard so many wise words from you ladies.   Please give me some feedback as to how I should be prepared.....................Jill

I spoke to my granddaughter for 5 minutes today.  I called to ask her what she would like for Christmas, and fortunately she answered the phone, so I did not have to go through my dd. Anyway we talked for a few minutes which was wonderful.  I asked if her mom was there, and she said she is busy.  She is 10 so is old enough to know that things are not right with her mom and me.  But at least I got to talk to her which makes me feel a lot better.  Just had to share this with you ladies.  I don't know if I will have the opportunity to see her at Christmas, but I feel it is one little step.

I had left a message for my older dd to see if I could take over Halloween treats, of course no answer. She is seeing her sister this weekend, should I send the treats with her?  Then will that give her a reason not to call (if she was planning to). 
Then my younger dd has said I can visit for two minutes to see my gc in their costumes, so I may not want to drive that far.  It is obvious they want don't want me in their lives, unless my ydd wants me to babysit.  I am just so hurt by all of this. I don't want to jeopardize seeing my grandchildren, but I don't know how much more I can take.  I am dreading the holidays.  Do I buy Christmas presents for my kids and grandkids.    Is that any way to treat your mother, to say you can visit for two minutes?  I know they have busy lives, both working moms, but they have no time for me at all.  But they are the only family I have.  What would you ladies do?     

I left messages for my older daughter, she ignored them and I finally managed to reach her.  She said she didn't feel comfortable speaking to me or having me in her home   any more.  She shouted at me for an hour, I cried all the time.  I get so confused when she yells at me.    She cannot accept me, unless I fit into the mold she wants.  I have tried to do this, but it is not good enough.   My worst fear is she will turn my granddaughter against me.   I think she blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life.       My younger daughter and I seem to getting along better.   

I have been watching this website for a few days and am hoping it can help me feel better. I have 2 grown daughters, both married.  I love them more than anything in the world, but we are not close and it breaks my heart. My older daughter told me I have treated her terribly all her life, but I have never intentionally hurt her, and always loved her.  I have been seeing a counsellor, and she has basically told me to accept the situation and just concentrate on my own life.  How do you stop living for the children you gave birth to?