March 28, 2024, 03:31:54 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Grammie

1
When I came to WWU I was in a lot of pain trying to accept the reality of what was happening to DH and I.  Now I am at a point where my life is peaceful without DS, DIL and GC.  I have moved on.  We have been in GP "time out" since Nov. 2011.   We have been let out a couple times but it never lasts. Last week DH celebrated his 60th birthday.  When he came home from work that day he told me that DS had called his office early in the morning and left a happy birthday message on his voicemail. The call ended with "love you".   Cards arrived in the mail that day which DH opened later that evening.  There was one card from DS/DIL and another from GC.  Generic cards with no mention of D, GP or 60 years.  Have a nice day anonymous person!  However they were signed "Love".  Certainly not the same warm message as the one earlier in the day.  DS signed the GC cards.  GS is 4 and certainly old enough to scribble his own name.  So what does all of this mean?   Remorse? Expression of true feelings?  Or manipulation and abuse using false hope?  This is not the first time we have gotten mixed messages.  In Jan. DS professed his love for us and desire for us to have a relationship with our GC.  Have seen them three times since then for only brief supervised visits during large gatherings.  We live 8 miles away!  In Jan DS lamented his desire to alternate holidays between us and DIL FOO.  We have not had a holiday visit yet this year.  Since they refuse to speak with us, the rest of the year isn't looking promising either.  We celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in May.  A generic card arrived.  No mention of 40 years, no M and D, no phone call, no email.  So I'm thinking that when my 60th birthday arrives in a few months I'm going to put my unopened cards in a box with the 300 kind, loving cards that I saved over the last 38 years.  When I'm gone he can have them back!
2
Grab Bag / Holding a Grudge
August 09, 2012, 06:43:06 AM
Diva, Holding a grudge serves no good purpose.  How is MIL supposed to get to know her DIL if there is no communication?  MIL was wrong to make assumptions so prove her wrong!  It takes some time and a lot of communication for a MIL to understand her roll in your life, we aren't mind readers.  Just like children don't come with instructions neither do ILs.  At least there is interaction in your family and still a chance to mend those bridges.  A relaxed friendly relationship is so much more pleasant than a tense silent one.  I know I never raised my children thinking, I can't wait till they grow up so I can get them out of my life.  I wanted to add daughters to my family not compete with them. My career was being a mom with the hope of a promotion to GM.  Now at 59 I've been told that my services are no longer needed and that I've been a failure at the only job I've ever known.  That tears your heart out!