And now we're getting ready to visit them. My DH just came in and saw my face asked what is wrong and said I just need to learn when to "deflect them, to zig when they zag, to anticipate when they are coming my way and veer off before they get to me and he doesn't know how to teach me to do it" Is this how people interact with in laws? I am just dreading going into a situation where I know I am talked about (they talk about EVERYONE), disliked, will be ignored, all bad is due to me all good is due to them or my DH. I just need to find the strength to walk in and not care. Everything that is OK for them is not for me – it IS their family and I don't expect it to revolve around me/my wishes. But when it all goes down, regardless of what role I've played it is ME they ignore. Maybe this time I'll just bring books and smile a lot. I should not care that they STILL know nothing about me, don't speak to me unless no one else left to talk to. I have tried joining their conversations but they either tell the same old stories (usually humiliating the person they are talking about) or talk about people that I don't know. I have asked questions, tried to seem interested, voiced my opinion (BIG mistake –will only do that again if they are abusing someone –emotionally/verbally). All in an effort to find some common ground yet all there is are comparisons. I don't want my daughter involved in that so I am the wrong one.
The sad thing is – its like the elephant in the living room tension. Even my DHs own pain and sadness – always trying to be acknowledged by these people who we'll be travelling 2000 miles to see yet they'll just ignore him. His entire demeanor changes around them. I boil for how he feels/has felt since childhood and it seems that's what they reduce him to – a boy. His mom thinks he's shy – he's not, he just learned not to say anything lest he draw their poison towards him. How am I supposed to go to these people with an open heart? How am I supposed to honor them as my DH's parents... they don't really talk to each other. The depth of my DHs sadness that he shows me is unbearable – it makes me dislike them. Yet I should come and bring our child to them to love? Put her heart out there to be manipulated, guilted and compared to, talked about negatively by them?
We leave in a week... not sure how I'm going to do this.