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And baking is so much healthier then deep fried.  I love taco salads! 

lol do you mean a "maternity" for Mothers?

Just a simple question;  Does he know how she treats you?

If so then I would say nope, I'm done helping the both of you. 

If he does not know, then I would probably do it, but on my time.  Enjoy your boating

This is only my opinion. 

LOL @ Louise quote.

I am not a saver either, I would rather have a phone call today then look at a card sent 10 years ago, when I can barely remember what was going on.
I am seriously not looking forward to going through MIL hoard when the time comes.  I know BIL's family wont be there and DH will want to save everything.  BUT...we live in an apartment and do not have room for everything.  Recently we were going through some things at IL home and found things that had been stuffed into a trash can from DH GM death 15 years earlier.  UGH! 

And no, DIL's do not take up the role of card sender....etc.,  in fact I made a comment to my DIL's this past Mothers Day, that I made sure to always help my DH remember his DP on special days.  They did not like that much....

This all reminds me of a quote a read years ago when I was an antique-er  "Grandmother used it, Mother threw it away, I save it."  I think we should add to that "DS has no use for it, DIL doesn't even want to look at it."  lol.

I wish I could "like" something.  I would like that 100 times, Doe!

I agree with pam. 
My MIL has always been very melancholy on all holidays when she does not hear from her two DS.  She tries to lay a guilt trip on DH.  I have always done my best to remind him of her birthdays and Mothers day, sending cards signed with his name, but even then she expects to see her DS's every holiday and birthday. 

It's hard because both families live 3 hours either was from them, they are in the middle. One is now retired, but DH has a full time job in retail and cannot always fit holiday's with family in.

They are 80 now and I try my best to encourage DH to contact them often, just to see how they are doing.  I have tried to offer them help with services for home care, etc.  They do not like my advice.  And the boys do not offer it.  They are not bad off financially just do not like to loose their independence.

Anyhow I stray....I do not understand it, but I try to help DH out as much as possible to remind him.  To help make their days a little brighter I guess.

Pooh, I wish I had the nerve to get another Tattoo....got my 1st at 33, when I was feeling so great with life. 

@Begonia, Have you ever tried a Non-Holiday holiday?  Last year my FOO decided to have Thanksmas on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  DM bought Subs, and frozen lasagna and we all chipped in with other goodies.  I think we sometimes have to change in order to move forward keeping in touch.  I find it's not about the turkey or pumpkin pie, the presents or stockings.  Maybe you could make new memories for the youngsters, and have Chinese at Christmas in July? 

I live in an apartment so too many animals is out of the question.  We just moved and there is an animal rescue organization just around the corner from us.  My YS and I have been discussing volunteering there to get the puppy love we desire.      We do have out two beloved cats, Mo and Lisa.

Besides that, well, I am disabled and cannot sit, stand or walk very long and I do not have a scooter, (which would help me keep up with my DH and YS.)  I used to love to go hiking with DH and loved it!  Actually I am most comfortable laying down, which can be frustrating.

We are all very active with Scouts.  I do the sitting at fundraisers and at home stuff, while they do the physical activities.  YS is First Class while  DH is and always will be an Eagle. 

I used to be (well I still am) very good at fundraising and designing brochures and signs and stuff.  So I still play around with that.  I am always looking for things that interest me, sometimes they last for awhile, sometimes it's a craft that lasts for one season.  I guess I am a bit ADHD...Canning one summer, making wreaths one Christmas...my life goes kinda like that  lol

Two things I have learned over the years;
1.) Our AC have to make their own mistakes, we cannot protect them from the world or themselves.  We can only be there to pick up the pieces when they fall, if they will allow us.

2.) Until they change, they will believe until the day we die that we are superhuman, without feelings, without weakness.  The day they see us as human is the day they realize we can die someday.  That is the day they begin to realize their own mortality. 

This I have found through my own personal experience with  DM and early on with DF ( he was near death when I was 16.) 

Dear Constantmargaret,
It is good to see that you can keep a sense of humor about this subject. 
I hope you do not choose to involve your children in this rift between your DS and yourself.  They will feel like you are asking them to take sides and that is not fair to any of them.  When you are long gone they will need to rely on one another and you would not want to ruin their chances at happy sibling relationships.  And if they were not to speak for you they would feel like they were letting you down.  That would create problems for all of you.

I have, however, in the past asked my own siblings how I should handle the situation with my AC.  They give some good advice, some of which I had already used before I spoke with the Siblings, I was able to let my siblings know I had tried that.  They are actually closer to my AC then I am, geographically and emotionally.  I feel like my siblings had some insight, since they have children of their own ( if not AC yet.)  I would never ask them to speak to AC for me, though.

My parents, I have kept out of the entire thing.  I love my DP, but our own relationship has been rough in the past and I don't want to put that stress on them.  Besides, DF would say it's none of his business or don't get him involved.  I think because he loves us all.

I guess what I am trying to say simply is that you will really be asking anyone to take sides if you ask them this one favor.
Hope and Love to you <3

Hi
My DD cut me out of her life about 7 years ago, after I put a lot of money into the Wedding of her dreams, and I made her Wedding cake at the very end of having 30 radiation treatments.  For those who do not know, this completely drains you for months after radiation.
I am not welcome in her life at all, I do not get photos, or phone calls.  I might get lucky to see her and the GC at a family holiday celebration.  I always tell her I love her and I am proud of her, I try for a hug, usually to get shut out.  That is going to stop, as of now.
I have gotten a lot of feedback from the wonderful women here at WWU.  I have decided not to feed into her ego and not to let her see me cry.  I believe I have found acceptance with the way our relationship is going to be, only to find out my AS is also feeling the way she did, did she influence this?? She always has said she "raised him."  Not true, but that doesn't matter, I'm sure she had a big influence on his decision to cut me out now too.
And so we begin again, finding peace and seeking our own acceptance for our distant relationships. 
Read here, read lots.  You will find wisdom in other threads too.
Hope and Love to you <3

http://www.wisewomenunite.com/index.php/topic,6336.0.html

Here is my Biography, bring the popcorn and a cup of coffee.  It is pretty in depth.  It felt good to get it all out there. 

You have all been so incredibly comforting for me.  Reading your kind words and words of wisdom have brought me peace already.

I do hurt and cry just out of the blue sometimes, but I have done this before, every time I have seen my AD, so it is not strange to me.  I have reached out to a counseling center, but I'm not sure I will follow through.  I was in counseling for three years and it seemed like I was always talking about the same things, and getting no help solving my issues.  I read in another post someone had the same problem. She/he got more solace here then from the counselor.

I have decided to focus my energy on my YAS and DH.  We finished with Foster care when one of the children made advances on our YAS(youngest adopted son) at 4 years old.  He is living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and that takes plenty of attention from both his parents.  He is active in sports and Scouts, which makes me active in the same.   

I have decided I probably will not go to my DB Wedding, because it would give others an opportunity to berate me. It is his second wedding, and a very long drive.  I love this DB very much and he is having much the same problems, but my FOO sees things his way, whereas for me they see things my AC way (because they live closer to the most of the FOO.)

I just think it will be hard to go on every day knowing that the AC that I gave birth to, and have loved so hard, for so long, reject me because I wanted to do something good with my life.  Something that gave me worth within myself.  Even though things in my life have been so messed up for what seems life for ever.

I can see, reading this that I have to stop the self loathing, and negative self talk.  How do you do that when your past seems to have created a negative present?  I have to look toward the future and work for a better life, free of the past.  I tell myself now, "It's over, you can't change it, move on" But do I really believe that?  I don't know.

I will post in another thread all bout my life if you want to read more about me.

Thank you, once again for all of the kind words.

Thanks for the pointers, I had visited the welcome page, and looked around but didn't have enough patience, I guess to delve too deeply.  I have since revisited those topics.
I am sorry for my misgivings.  Please forgive. 

Dear All,
Thank you for your kind words, I can tell they come from a place of caring.  That is something I need right now.

@Doe, you and my Husband seem to agree.  I am sorry if I don't use the initials you all use, I have to get used to them.  It's very hard to move forward when all I get is more pain with every visit.

@Ruth, I can tell you went through much the same thing, I do feel like this was a mistake that I regret every day for at least the last 7 years.  The only things good that came of it were my 11 year old adopted child and I am close to a very good medical clinic.  I do know, however that the more I try to communicate over the years, the worse things seem to get.  I think I just may have to plan that this, here in my current home, is where my focus should be, as long as my parents are healthy and do not need me to help them out.  My focus is My son and husband and their needs. My health and my community.

@pam and Pooh, I have tried to talk to them, especially my Daughter, I have apologized for things I have done, even things I have not done.  I have literally said "For everything I have done wrong to you, I am very very sorry, I cannot change those things, I did the best I knew."  The response I have gotten from both is "I am tired of you whining and pitty party and excuses."  I feel like they are adults now, 27 and 26 and they make the choices of how they feel about me, I cannot change them no matter what I say or do.  I have asked for time for them to sit and "bash" (not what I said) me, they want nothing to do with me.
I know that they are eaten up inside with this, but I cannot help them or force them to forgive.  That part kills me.

I will just keep reading this forum and looking for new ideas and answers, hopefully something will pop out at me.  In the mean time, I will try to accept my fate. I know it will be a very emotional time for awhile, but I always come out on the other side still alive and with a new focus. Thank you all.

On another note, can someone give me a link to the initials and what each one means, please?  If there isn't one perhaps a new sticky could be added.   

Hi Everyone,
I'm new but I see I'm so not alone here.

My son text-ed me yesterday and told me off.  I made a comment on Facebook about his beautiful new daughter born just two days ago.  His GF made a comment back that I thought she might have been upset with my comment.  I messaged her and told her I was sorry if i upset her, and I would leave them alone if that's what they wanted.

See this goes way way back, like 12 years.  My children were 13 and 14 and they decided to live with their controlling, deceitful father.  At this point in my life I had been living only for my children.  A very good opportunity came to me that I really could not afford to deny, unfortunately it was a job 200 miles away.   I talked with the kids and they said they wanted to stay in our hometown, with their father.  I was sent court papers to pay a ridiculous amount of support, because he gave the court false information.  I had been remarried about 6 years by this time, so my husband and I made the best of it. 

My daughter would call me whenever she wanted a new $300.00 prom gown, or money for anything.  I fell for it.  I gave them each a large sum of money when my disability came through. My son never called me.  They never wanted to spend weekends with me.  My daughter has been to see me 2 times in 12 years, my son, never.  After paying for her wedding, my daughter officially wrote me off. This was  7 years ago.  My son just yesterday, after the birth of his new daughter, told me off, among other things.

I really think it comes from my leaving.  He said something about when I left a daughter whose relationship was strained and a son who felt alone.  What they do not realize is they were manipulated by their father to live with them.  Why should I not live my life for me? They almost never made a move to see me, in 12 years!

So for my life, I was fired from my job after only two years, but my husband had secured a decent job.  We were foster parents for about 6 years, and got to adopt our new son ( I think the others are jealous of him) I had very serious health problems, including depression, and cancer (none of my children came to see my during this struggle)   I continue to have chronic neurological problems.

I have tried to be cordial to my daughter in the past at family functions, both kids are still very close with my family, mother, father, sisters and brother.  I tell them both when I see them I am proud of them and I love them very much.  I try to spend a little time with their children, when I can.  They do not say much in public.

Now I feel like I should not even return to my hometown.  I feel like what's the point.  My daughter has won over her brother, their father has won over both of them.  One of my sisters is definitely against me.  I have had a strained relationship with my own parents when I was young, but we are in a good place now.  My youngest sister, whom I never really knew due to the age difference is very loving to me.

How do I handle this?  How do I live each day?  I feel like a failure as a mother.  I feel like I am at a place where I should just write off my entire family unless they come to me.
Help....