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Problem Solving => Daughter in Law's or Son in Law's Parents => Topic started by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 02:13:54 PM

Title: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 02:13:54 PM
With all the talk of babies and I just got an invite to another grandma baby shower....I'm wondering what you all think of these things?  I already RSVP'd no b/c I don't do showers anymore lol. 

But I can't help but feeling this is a strange thing to do and honestly, it leaves me with a negative impression of this particular Grandma.  I don't really understand a lot of stuff people think they need for a baby, I found that babies use way less and showers aren't typical in my growing up culture.  But I realize that we aren't so mainstream sooo

Your thoughts?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 02:16:19 PM
I think they are strange, strange, strange and I would probably not ever attend one.  Just seems like an attention grab or gift grab.  Weird.  And it would definitely leave me of a negative impression of the Grandma who wanted this attention for herself.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 02:19:32 PM
Yes, the attention and gifts are what struck me.  How much does this kid need?  lol and why is grandma getting it?  Is there something I'm missing here?  lol
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 02:21:16 PM
I can deal with showers, but not for someone who was not involved in the conception of said baby!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 02:28:29 PM
LOL OW, if I get lucky enough maybe our fertility docs will throw a shower for our baby! 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 23, 2011, 03:06:11 PM
I'm thinking .. can I have a MIL-to-be shower?  I wouldn't mind the trip my dd is looking at
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 23, 2011, 03:27:07 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 02:21:16 PM
I can deal with showers, but not for someone who was not involved in the conception of said baby!

LOL!!! Hilarious!

I completely agree. I think it is tasteless for a G-ma to have a "baby shower." And it comes across as "I better be baby-sitting a LOT because my friends got me all these gifts." lol
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 23, 2011, 03:57:03 PM
but do the gifts stay with the grandmother or are they passed through the grandmother to the mother and new baby?  I mean is it a shower for the baby that excludes the fat lady?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 03:59:22 PM
From what I know, it stays with Grandma.  I was looking at this invite and just checked out the link to the registry, it's under Grandma's name.  I also have the invite and link to Moms registry and she has all of her stuff on there, most has been purchased.  I doubt she's looking to get a second crib, so I'm betting that is staying at Grandma's.

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 04:09:27 PM
THis is so werid to me why would a Gma need a shower.  It sounds like woman who want attention because she wants to get the attention away from Mother to be.  The one your invited to is this the MIL or mother of the woamn? 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 04:18:22 PM
This is the mother of the mother to be getting the grandma shower.

They are old family friends and I really haven't kept up with them too much, I should ring my sister to get the scoop on the family dynamic lol.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
SassyDI, I don't think we can assume she wants to TAKE the attention AWAY from the mother to be, but I think she does want attention for her daughter's pregnancy.  Not to take from someone else, just to feel important herself.  We don't really know her so we can only go on what we know- which is...well, she doesn't mind the attention. :)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 05:35:25 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 05:31:18 PM
SassyDI, I don't think we can assume she wants to TAKE the attention AWAY from the mother to be, but I think she does want attention for her daughter's pregnancy.  Not to take from someone else, just to feel important herself.  We don't really know her so we can only go on what we know- which is...well, she doesn't mind the attention. :)

I wasn't just talking about just this woman.  In general I would think if a grandma was to have a shower she wanted attention that mother to be was getting. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 05:36:13 PM
Heck my sister just had a bridal shower can I start a trend where the older sister of the bride gets one.  LOL I want some new kitchen stuff
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 05:38:55 PM
I think they just want attention for being a grandma...they're a little confused about what the title really is and means. :)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:39:59 PM
LOL, can I have a shower since my dog is knocked up?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 05:43:15 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:39:59 PM
LOL, can I have a shower since my dog is knocked up?

HAHAHAHAHA maybe we could start doggie mommy showers that would be cool.  Surprise someone hasn't thought of that.  I need to market that.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:44:00 PM
Yeah, it would probably be a hit.  Have you seen those doggie spas?  They make my head spin.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 05:49:08 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:44:00 PM
Yeah, it would probably be a hit.  Have you seen those doggie spas?  They make my head spin.

Nope not really a dog person.  Crazy beagle a cat along with DH's injury and new baby turned me off.  We had to give him away because he was just to much with no fenced yard.  Then my cat attacked me(he never was the same after DD was born) and so we had to put him down because the humane society wouldn't take him unless I quanitined him for 10 days and after he attacked me that wasn't happening.  So yeah animal free here until she is older then we shall see.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 05:52:15 PM
Wow, that's really sad.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:54:35 PM
Oh beagles are tough!  They are the toughest dog I think I've ever trained.  I have one now that is half beagle and I can't keep him in the yard, the whole neighborhood knows him though.  He's like a rockstar, so they all bring him back and play with him.  Heck, he is how I met most of our neighbors, they come up to the fence saying his name and giving him food lol.

Pugs are easy peasy if you are ever in the market for a dog.  I know you got your hands full now, but really they just like to eat and sleep.  they stay puppies for a loooong time though, so if you do, look for one older than 2 lol. 

LOL, I'm not pushing you or anything, I'm just a huge dog lover.

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:00:57 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:54:35 PM
Oh beagles are tough!  They are the toughest dog I think I've ever trained.  I have one now that is half beagle and I can't keep him in the yard, the whole neighborhood knows him though.  He's like a rockstar, so they all bring him back and play with him.  Heck, he is how I met most of our neighbors, they come up to the fence saying his name and giving him food lol.

Pugs are easy peasy if you are ever in the market for a dog.  I know you got your hands full now, but really they just like to eat and sleep.  they stay puppies for a loooong time though, so if you do, look for one older than 2 lol. 

LOL, I'm not pushing you or anything, I'm just a huge dog lover.

Oh we had a pug too.  We had to put him down though because he was DH's dog and at 13 years old he was starting to get really mean towards me.  He loved me but he was very protective of dh and bite a Caregiver in the process.  He would snap at me too.  It was really hard on both of us.  He also had gotten a hold of a bottle of tums and after that he had run every day.  It was a lot of work on me.   DH and I decided together it was time to let him go.  BIL got mad at me when DH asked him to take the dog he said no.  I think he didn't want the dog pooping on his brand new carpet. 

I would get a pug not so hyper and easy to take care of.  DD loves puppys and I want her to have one but when she is old enough to remember getting one.  I want her to remember the puppy years.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:03:45 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 05:54:35 PM
Oh beagles are tough!  They are the toughest dog I think I've ever trained.  I have one now that is half beagle and I can't keep him in the yard, the whole neighborhood knows him though.  He's like a rockstar, so they all bring him back and play with him.  Heck, he is how I met most of our neighbors, they come up to the fence saying his name and giving him food lol.

Pugs are easy peasy if you are ever in the market for a dog.  I know you got your hands full now, but really they just like to eat and sleep.  they stay puppies for a loooong time though, so if you do, look for one older than 2 lol. 

LOL, I'm not pushing you or anything, I'm just a huge dog lover.

Yeah I didn't think about all the energy a beagle has and he now lives with a wonderful family with a large backyard fenced in to run until he can run no more.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:09:49 PM
Ok now back on subject I don't get why a Grandma needs a crib thats what a pack and play is for.  In this econmy I don't see why people would want to got to two showers.  I just plain think its werid and I would not go if invited.  So glad my mom isn't like that, thats for sure.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 23, 2011, 06:13:31 PM
I have a friend who has a daughter who is registering for college dorm necessities. I have another friend who registered for a housewarming. I think this stuff is getting to be the norm, unfortunately.

If I knew both women, I wouldn't be buying both G-ma and mom-to-be a gift. Thus, I think I would get the mom a gift. In fact, I think that will be my rule. If I get invited to a G-ma shower, I will always find the mom-to-be to get her a gift off of her registry instead.

My mom has a carseat base and a crib, that's it. She's used each about 3 times (that is considering all 3 grandgirls).

A lunch/afternoon tea where G-ma celebrates with her closest pals about the good fortune sounds a bit more my style.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:18:06 PM
Quote from: Holly on May 23, 2011, 06:13:31 PM
I have a friend who has a daughter who is registering for college dorm necessities. I have another friend who registered for a housewarming. I think this stuff is getting to be the norm, unfortunately.

If I knew both women, I wouldn't be buying both G-ma and mom-to-be a gift. Thus, I think I would get the mom a gift. In fact, I think that will be my rule. If I get invited to a G-ma shower, I will always find the mom-to-be to get her a gift off of her registry instead.

My mom has a carseat base and a crib, that's it. She's used each about 3 times (that is considering all 3 grandgirls).

A lunch/afternoon tea where G-ma celebrates with her closest pals about the good fortune sounds a bit more my style.

I bought DD a carseat for my parents because well I was sick of taking mine out of my car all the time.  SO they have one that my sister and parents use.  They are the only people that take her in the car when they watch her.  DH and I are a bit picky on that due to his injury.  But thats it everything else is brought to the house when we go.  My parents don't have toy in their house unless its my old toys. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:22:00 PM
A college dorm registry and housewarming registry? Oh those are both so ridiculously tacky! All these free.gifts I've been missing out on at every stage in life.  Hmm..my half birthday is coming up soon, I think I'll start a registry for that.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:24:18 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:22:00 PM
A college dorm registry and housewarming registry? Oh those are both so ridiculously tacky! All these free.gifts I've been missing out on at every stage in life.  Hmm..my half birthday is coming up soon, I think I'll start a registry for that.

I have done Christmas lists on toys r us but I only tell the people who aske me what to get dear daughter for Christmas.  I don't give a link or tell people about it unless they ask.  I think housewarmings are really dumb don't do them myself.  And if I go I will buy something simple but nice.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:26:26 PM
I didn't even know you were supposed to bring a gift to a housewarming party..I thought it was just to show off a new house?  Geez, I guess I need to get with the times..
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 23, 2011, 06:30:18 PM
Yes, registries for any old occasion now. Some of them I just don't bother anymore. I've been invited to all of these...but never a bridal shower...which is one thing that I can justify a registry for along with a baby shower, lol.

SassyDI, I'll be honest, I bought my mom the carseat base. I wanted her to just use the carseat I had, so the base made the most sense to me. So, she really only bought the crib, and that was because DB told her "I'll be up Tuesday, you got a place for YOUR GD to sleep?" (It was Sunday). He's a charmer. If you ask me, he absolutely should have brought a pack n play, instead of expecting my mom to make accommodations.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:31:15 PM
I've made it a point to not buy off of anyone's registry, I dislike the practice.  It seems like it takes away the meaning of the gift to me. 

I will take a hostess gift to a housewarming party though, like a bottle of wine or plant.  I did get my sister a spiritual cleanser for her first home, that was a fun party! 

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:33:12 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:26:26 PM
I didn't even know you were supposed to bring a gift to a housewarming party..I thought it was just to show off a new house?  Geez, I guess I need to get with the times..

LOL I always buy a candle or a vase. I think we were deemed rude when  FIL and his wife a gift for their "wedding."  I say wedding like that because they were already married.  They got married in secert the only reason FIL finally told his son's was a friend of the family found out though their builder(they were building a condo and the builder knew the friend and didn't know their marriage was a secert).  GMIL was so mad that they didn't get married in a church and she said they were not married more like sister and brother.(I never go that one)  So they got married in a church and had a party at their house after.  I was pregnant and sick so DH went to the wedding part alone then called and begged me to come to the after party.  i really didn't want to go because I thought it was dumb.  They were married it was their dumb idea to get married in secert. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:34:30 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:31:15 PM
I've made it a point to not buy off of anyone's registry, I dislike the practice.  It seems like it takes away the meaning of the gift to me. 

I will take a hostess gift to a housewarming party though, like a bottle of wine or plant.  I did get my sister a spiritual cleanser for her first home, that was a fun party!

See I think it makes things less confusing if I buy her a bouncy and this person buys a bouncy and another it means more work for the mother to be.  Or even the bride to be.  But I am a homemade gifter.  So I like to make something and buy on thing off the regerstery.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 23, 2011, 06:35:59 PM
Quote from: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:31:15 PM
I will take a hostess gift to a housewarming party though, like a bottle of wine or plant. 

This is all I do too. Mainly b/c if I ever threw a housewarming party I would like everyone to bring me nice wine. That, and I love orchids.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:40:29 PM
We have some friends that got married at a destination wedding with only family invited.  The bride was a Russian immigrant (legal of course).  After their wedding, they came home and had a party boat with a bunch of people- food, and drinks.  In the evite, they flat out said "we are not registered anywhere because we really don't need anything, but would love a donation to help with [bride's] immigration attorney's legal fees."  My jaw dropped when I read it.  I almost didn't go, and even when I went, I didn't give much b/c I thought it was so tacky.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:44:13 PM
SassyDI, I'm just a grinch  ;D  really.  I can see the need for some people to have registries.  I personally don't want stuff and asking me to make a list is like asking my dog to tell you the time.

I never want to buy people the ordinary stuff, I look and look and look for things they wouldn't buy themselves or a very new gadget or a spiritual cleanser or a singing telegram etc.  It's rare that anyone gets the same thing I finally pick out for the giftee lol.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:46:14 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:40:29 PM
We have some friends that got married at a destination wedding with only family invited.  The bride was a Russian immigrant (legal of course).  After their wedding, they came home and had a party boat with a bunch of people- food, and drinks.  In the evite, they flat out said "we are not registered anywhere because we really don't need anything, but would love a donation to help with [bride's] immigration attorney's legal fees."  My jaw dropped when I read it.  I almost didn't go, and even when I went, I didn't give much b/c I thought it was so tacky.

Now that is funny.

I almost appreciate the outright rude behavior a lot more though.  At least there is entertainment value.  You know that party had to be interesting.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 23, 2011, 06:49:06 PM
I had DD's cordblood banked. That was $1200...I paid it, lol, but they sent me a registry link to mail out with baby shower invites. They said, "If you prefer, make a donation of your choice to preserving our baby's cord blood. The best gift you can give is security."

I didn't send those out. I still have them, lol...b/c they make me laugh.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:50:46 PM
DH told me when his mother passed away people were asking where to donate money.  FIL told DH they should give him the money to help pay for his wife funeral cost.  DH told him not to that was rude I don't think he did.  What brought it up was DH's uncle just passed away and I asked his aunt where to send a donation and he then told me that story.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:51:10 PM
Yes, that it was.
We have another friend (okay technically both of these people were DH's friends first, haha) that got married spur of the moment after dating for about a month.  Just went to the courthouse.  That's cool, nothing wrong with that.  But they're planning a "party" for September to "celebrate" and I'm just DYING to know if they will include a registry.  Even better, are we supposed to bring a gift if we go?  I mean I found out through fbook- this friend hasn't even called to let my DH know he's married.  Not to mention he didn't RSVP to ours, and didn't show up.  Are we supposed to get them a gift for their 5 month anniversary or whatever they will call it? LOL
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:51:35 PM
Oh my....my flabber is gasted.  They really do have registries for everything now...

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:54:34 PM
HAHA, Holly, that is unreal!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 23, 2011, 06:55:02 PM
Now that is a trend that has to go.  I've been seeing that a lot too, I think facebook and all the social networking is making these type of weddings popular.  Put out the least amount of work you can to get a mountain of presents.  Isn't that precious?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 23, 2011, 06:55:25 PM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:51:10 PM
Yes, that it was.
We have another friend (okay technically both of these people were DH's friends first, haha) that got married spur of the moment after dating for about a month.  Just went to the courthouse.  That's cool, nothing wrong with that.  But they're planning a "party" for September to "celebrate" and I'm just DYING to know if they will include a registry.  Even better, are we supposed to bring a gift if we go?  I mean I found out through fbook- this friend hasn't even called to let my DH know he's married.  Not to mention he didn't RSVP to ours, and didn't show up.  Are we supposed to get them a gift for their 5 month anniversary or whatever they will call it? LOL

I wouldn't I felt no guilt not giving a present for their "Wedding."  She also got mad when I mad a scrapbook of all the boys weddings and didn't put her's in it.(this was before the "wedding")  I only used photos from my camera for his two brothers weddings and then used my pictures that my photographer used.  I did take any pictures at their wedding because well it was a secert. The kicker of it all they were living still with us in the house and came home the day of their wedding and didn't say a word.  Not one word.  DH was on bed rest at the time and when he told him he was over because I had a Christmas party for work. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 05:44:34 AM
Wow, since it seems to be a huge "no, no" on here, I am sooo glad that DH and I didn't go with our one plan. We did not want to live together before we were married. When we bought the house (about 2 months before the wedding). I was to move in because we couldn't afford my apartment and the house (DH still lived at home). Well, MIL (who was very opposed to us "living together" before marraige) kicked DH out. So he ended up on the couch and the guest room for a while. We were going to have the pastor marry us then to avoid the negative "you lived together before you were married" comments (It just isn't proper in my religion). So would that have meant my wedding wasn't real?

I think it happens a lot now. Especially with young couples who can't afford the wedding right away, but can after a year. I don't see anything wrong with it and would still treat it like a normal wedding.

When my DF was killed suddenly, our church had a love offering for US to help pay the cremation costs. Over 400 people showed up at his memorial service and they raised close to $10,000. It was very helpful for us. When a tragedy hits like that, you can use all the help you can get (we were very poor btw.) It's nice to donate money to "Save the Whales" or a "Scholarship Fund," but sometimes what the family really needs is the "Save the House" fund.

Anywho, that's just MHO. A little background so you can see where I am coming from.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 05:55:28 AM
I haven't seen anyone on here condemn living together before being married, or even doing a quick courthouse wedding.  There are members who did that because it's what they wanted.  That's not what we were talking about at all...I lived with my DH before we were married, too, but I didn't randomly go to the courthouse after a month of dating to get married and then expect everyone to get me presents when I decided I wanted them 5-6 months later.  I just think there's a big difference.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 05:59:46 AM
We would have had a "quick" marraige ceremony, just DH/I and the pastor and a witness, with the actual wedding 2 months later.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:01:40 AM
I don't understand that..how can you have a wedding when you're already married?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:02:34 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 05:44:34 AM
Wow, since it seems to be a huge "no, no" on here, I am sooo glad that DH and I didn't go with our one plan. We did not want to live together before we were married. When we bought the house (about 2 months before the wedding). I was to move in because we couldn't afford my apartment and the house (DH still lived at home). Well, MIL (who was very opposed to us "living together" before marraige) kicked DH out. So he ended up on the couch and the guest room for a while. We were going to have the pastor marry us then to avoid the negative "you lived together before you were married" comments (It just isn't proper in my religion). So would that have meant my wedding wasn't real?

I think it happens a lot now. Especially with young couples who can't afford the wedding right away, but can after a year. I don't see anything wrong with it and would still treat it like a normal wedding.

When my DF was killed suddenly, our church had a love offering for US to help pay the cremation costs. Over 400 people showed up at his memorial service and they raised close to $10,000. It was very helpful for us. When a tragedy hits like that, you can use all the help you can get (we were very poor btw.) It's nice to donate money to "Save the Whales" or a "Scholarship Fund," but sometimes what the family really needs is the "Save the House" fund.

Anywho, that's just MHO. A little background so you can see where I am coming from.

No one was talking about living together before marriage being wrong at all.  I lived my DH, FIL and his wife before we were married.  DH and I even shared his room.  I also could careless where people get married.  I just don't think people who get married in secert then have a "wedding"(after all its a "wedding"  because they already had a wedding but didn't tell a soul) need to get presents.  Or people who marry in a court house and then several weeks later have a party. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:04:38 AM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:01:40 AM
I don't understand that..how can you have a wedding when you're already married?

I agree.  Now my cousin did that but that was because she was engaged and then later found out after she booked everything that she was pregnant.  She was due before her wedding and wanted her son to come into this world with his parents married and she had already booked her wedding and couldn't get her money back.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 06:12:00 AM
I'll attempt to clarify more.....

Sept. '09. GOT engaged.

Wedding Booked for Aug. '10.

House Bought. Jun '10

MY religion (I am not in any way applying this standard to anyone on here this is just my personal viewpoint) states that it is WRONG for two people to live together as if they are married before they are married in the sight of God.

Sooooooooooo, with our personal religious convictions, we would have been happier to be MARRIED in the sight of God BEFORE my fiance moved into our home together. Resulting in us being Married in June 2010 with out Wedding in August 2010.

It is exactly what you were all talking about. Being "married" before the wedding occured. I see nothing wrong with it. The wedding is just a big party anyway. JMHO
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:17:50 AM
But your not invited the wedding thats my whole point.  If your not inviting to when they actually got married well then why would you be invited to the party after?  When one goes behind someone's back keeps a secert about being married while living with the person.  Then because someone deems them not married because it was not done in the catholic church so they have a "wedding"  Well thats not the wedding thats to make someone happy. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:19:44 AM
Okay, well the etiquette rules of life are broken when you include a registry on the invitation for people who are coming to see a redo of your vows.  A big party is not a big deal, but expecting people who weren't important enough to share the big day with to now bring you presents is the problem.  And I don't think its a "no-no" on THIS site, it's just a real world etiquette rule.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 06:34:42 AM
I got married twice.

We had a date and a wedding plan. It would have taken 6 months for my visa to go through to move to Italy. So, DH called and said, let's hit the courthouse, not tell anyone but our parents, and we'll do the real thing later. It was only for paperwork purposes. I didn't want to be apart from him. I also wanted to wear the poofy dress.

I don't think I was looking for  gifts, I never registered anywhere. I just wanted a party for my big day. Dancing, good food and drinks. A courthouse rush job didn't allow me that option.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 06:38:07 AM
The poofy dress is a BIG deal ;-) I had bought my dress long before I ever met DH! LOL

I couldn't care less about gifts, it was about celebrating with the people that I love.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 06:38:35 AM
My family paid for a party because I wanted my friends to celebrate with us. They were also at the second ceremony. Just not the courthouse part.

This is also how it is done in Austria...you have a courthouse ceremony to obtain your marriage license (requirement) and the next day, you have your church ceremony and party. It's a two day affair.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:39:20 AM
Holly, I am not disputing that at all. My whole point is the inclusion of a registry on the invitation is rude.  ADIL, you haven't said whether or not you did that.  If you did, I don't mean to offend you, it's just proper etiquette.  If you didn't, then no one is disputing you.  Are you also the one who had everyone bring food as well?  I guarantee you if you had your guests not only help cater your wedding, but also required them to bring gifts on top of that, there were people who went who thought it was rude. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm basing this off of real world etiquette and what the common person expects.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 24, 2011, 06:44:11 AM
I agree with OW.  I know people who have done that for various reasons and that is fine.  But it's no longer considered a wedding, it can be a reception or vow renewal though.

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 06:47:14 AM
I'm sorry, I must have missed the part where anyone stated that registry information was included in the wedding invitation. I think the quote was

Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 23, 2011, 06:51:10 PM
But they're planning a "party" for September to "celebrate" and I'm just DYING to know if they will include a registry. 

I was under the impression that this hasn't occured yet. Including registry info in the invitation is a boorish thing to do, but I have seen it done. My wedding was supposed to be a potluck reception in leiu of (as in, instead of) gifts. Due to an interfering MIL, we were not able to have the wedding that I wanted.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:48:53 AM
FIL and wife got married is secert to hide the wedding from his children.  DH wasn't the happiest they got married but he said it was kind of hurtful that his father lyed by ommission to him.  After all FIL and wife were living under with us still(they moved out a couple weeks after their wedding and about three months after we got married).  And only told his sons because he caught by a friend keeping the secert.  They told him flat out tell them before they find out first hand.  DH's mom had only passed about two years before that.  He started dating his wife and another woman only a few months after her passing.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:50:34 AM
Quote from: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:48:53 AM
FIL and wife got married is secert to hide the wedding from his children.  DH wasn't the happiest they got married but he said it was kind of hurtful that his father lyed by ommission to him.  After all FIL and wife were living under with us still(they moved out a couple weeks after their wedding and about three months after we got married).  And only told his sons because he caught by a friend keeping the secert.  They told him flat out tell them before they find out first hand.  DH's mom had only passed about two years before that.  He started dating his wife and another woman only a few months after her passing.

Opps didn't finish my point:  What I am trying to say is you don't get to have a party and expect gifts after you do something like that.  Futher DH was the only son who showed up to the 2nd wedding.  My BIL didn't take time off and the two from out of state choose not to come.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:50:39 AM
I'm just dying to know if they will include a registry...because that was the main issue.  ADIL, it doesn't sound like anyone is disputing you.  If you didn't include a registry (on your invitations) then nothing I've said about it compares to your situation.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 06:50:57 AM
LOL, I would have had a registry had I not been going overseas with all the stuff I would have acquired. This courthouse wedding then wedding ceremony and reception later has been a common link to the weddings I've bene to overseas, and no on there thought the gift registry for the second wedding was rude. Plus, more  kids are footing the bill for their own wedding these days. That extra income before the actual date meant I could pay for the food out of my own pocket whereas otherwise I would have borrowed it. That meant for a slightly better party than I had planned on.

Besides, I didn't know until later I'd be getting marred before the ceremony. If people thought I was just schilling for gifts during my redo, I would have gladly explained. I think it would have been misunderstood.

Turns out, most people knew we were married and gave us a ton of money anyhow. They also gave me grief and told me it was inappropriate that I did not have a registry b/c 1.) they knew I needed everything and 2.) they didn't want to be locked into money.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:51:41 AM
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 06:50:39 AM
I'm just dying to know if they will include a registry...because that was the main issue.  ADIL, it doesn't sound like anyone is disputing you.  If you didn't include a registry (on your invitations) then nothing I've said about it compares to your situation.

I always though it was tacky to have regerstery on you wedding invitation isn't that what the shower is for?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 06:52:33 AM
I think this is a thing where there is just no pleasing everyone. Some people are offended by the lack fo a registry, while others are offended by the presence of one in these circumstances. There's probably not a one-set rule...just a person's opinion about it.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 06:54:08 AM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 06:52:33 AM
I think this is a thing where there is just no pleasing everyone. Some people are offended by the lack fo a registry, while others are offended by the presence of one in these circumstances. There's probably not a one-set rule...just a person's opinion about it.

Right the look on my DH's face when they got gifts was priceless though.  He whispered to me "were we suppose to get them something."  I told him flat out "Sure if we had been invited to the first wedding."  He just laughed
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 06:58:21 AM
I wouldn't have registered with the expectation anyone get me a gift anyhow...a registry just seems to go hand-in-hand with a wedding...which I think is why so many people were upset that I didn't have one. I thought the regsitries were there to pick from if you chose, and if not, you could do something else or nothing at all.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 07:00:49 AM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 06:58:21 AM
I wouldn't have registered with the expectation anyone get me a gift anyhow...a registry just seems to go hand-in-hand with a wedding...which I think is why so many people were upset that I didn't have one. I thought the regsitries were there to pick from if you chose, and if not, you could do something else or nothing at all.

I had a regestery for wedding and baby shower.  But that was for the shower.  No gifts were mention on wedding invitations for the actual day.  If people got gifts it was something they picked out like I got waterford crystal wine glasses that I never asked for.  They are pretty and I have never used them out of fear of breaking them hence why I didn't register for that stuff.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 07:01:55 AM
I just try to err on the side of caution, which to me means at least having Miss Manners or Emily Post backing you up. :). To me, I would prefer my guests think I was rude for not giving them a registry than think I was rude for basically forcing them to buy me something.  Just me though.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 07:03:50 AM
Our registry information was on our wedding website or spread by word of mouth.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 07:24:45 AM
And Holly, I hope I didn't offend you because I think being overseas kind of exempts you.  I'm talking about people 3 hours away that live near all their friends and family.  And they still haven't told us they're married.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pen on May 24, 2011, 07:25:55 AM
IMO, we tend to pick and choose when it comes to etiquette; we bring out the Miss Manners or Emily Post when doing so validates our agenda but ignore points of etiquette if those points don't validate our desires, LOL.

Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 07:28:58 AM
I just think sometimes rude behavior often is a result of exemptive (did I make up a word?) circumstances. My brother's ILs showed up to my wedding with 5 more people they had RSVP'd with and didn't bring a gift. As it turns out, my dad thought this was rude.

Scratching beneath the surface, they didn't want to be rude for not showing up, but had guests drop in on them for a few days without notice (also rude).

As for the gift, oh well. It wasn't a requirement.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 07:43:51 AM
Well Pen, all I can tell you is that I don't really have an "agenda," so I don't really know what you're referring to...the only thing you could call an agenda would be me scouring etiquette resources to make sure *I* didn't offend anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.  I wasn't really looking for validation for anything, so...
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 07:46:04 AM
As a matter of fact, I would have preferred to do a couple things differently- but it was an etiquette no-no, so I didn't.  Not quite an agenda here.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 24, 2011, 07:48:32 AM
I think that Pen's statement was a generalization and not directed at any single person.

I have to agree.. most humans pick and choose how we view something and our reactions, based on how it suits us at the moment... you see this is, in your face type of thinking often... but again I do not think that Pen was picking out you directly ow, not by any means.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 07:56:35 AM
Yeah, I think we were all just giving opinions on a subject....that is what we do here. I don't think anyone meant anything personally.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 24, 2011, 08:04:53 AM
ok.. can you tell I was distracted when I wrote that reply.. lol  .. I was busy creating a gift registry for myself :)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pen on May 24, 2011, 08:07:30 AM
Quite true, I wasn't referring to you, OW. Just pointing out that as humans we tend to ignore some rules but are sticklers for others. Or, we expect more from some people than from others. For example, when I offered my SM Thanksgiving day left-overs she was aghast, saying that I was not following rules of etiquette, but didn't say anything when her own daughter offered her leftovers the following year.

Speaking of etiquette: http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117810.html (http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117810.html)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 08:14:55 AM
Lol!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 24, 2011, 08:25:57 AM
Quote from: Pen on May 24, 2011, 08:07:30 AM
Quite true, I wasn't referring to you, OW. Just pointing out that as humans we tend to ignore some rules but are sticklers for others. Or, we expect more from some people than from others. For example, when I offered my SM Thanksgiving day left-overs she was aghast, saying that I was not following rules of etiquette, but didn't say anything when her own daughter offered her leftovers the following year.

Speaking of etiquette: http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117810.html (http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/117810.html)

Oh my god Pen.. of all people you should know better... you posted a link to a very very very questionable and unacceptable topic..

English language vulgarism most commonly used in reference to flatulence ... I think I've been edited and pubicly scolded for that 'word'
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 09:17:01 AM
Laurie, I don't think what Pen did was offensive, I rather thought it was funny. I'll take it down if someone finds offense, but it was a joke...not even a mean one.  I haven't edited anyone for using that word and I haven't scolded anyone either.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 09:32:04 AM
If someone could invent a sarcasm font, they could be a multi-millionaire!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pen on May 24, 2011, 09:34:06 AM
LOL
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 09:36:26 AM
Oops if I hit report to monitor didn't mean to on my phone.  I for one found it funny
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 09:37:49 AM
SassyDI,

I think Laurie and I  were talking about this...I reported myself yesterday somehow.

These Droids are out to get us.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 09:41:26 AM
Oh NO! It's Skynet all over again! When will the Terminators be arriving? Anyone have an emergency bunker for us to live in?
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 09:42:56 AM
I see what you did there. LOL.

...I'm also well-versed in the language of Laurie. Haha.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on May 24, 2011, 09:44:10 AM
Check these out Adil.  http://disasterbunkers.com/photo-gallery.php  I read you can live there for 5 or more years with air and food.

One day I'm gonna get one.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pen on May 24, 2011, 09:47:30 AM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 09:37:49 AM
SassyDI,

I think Laurie and I  were talking about this...I reported myself yesterday somehow.

These Droids are out to get us.

LOL, I just texted my friend that I'd "be over in a jiff" and my D-uh Droid told her I'd be over "in a huff."
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 24, 2011, 12:21:38 PM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 09:17:01 AM
Laurie, I don't think what Pen did was offensive, I rather thought it was funny. I'll take it down if someone finds offense, but it was a joke...not even a mean one.  I haven't edited anyone for using that word and I haven't scolded anyone either.

I was being sarcastic and it wasn't you Holly who edited me, but you knew that :)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 12:49:28 PM
I guess I am finding this a tad ironic.  Many of the issues we have here are with people telling people how to do things. Offering up suggestions, opinions or demands on what is considered "their event".  Yet, I'm reading this post and finding that everyone has definite opinions on what people "should" or "shouldn't" do, but very little tolerance for people that want to offer them suggestions on "their event". 

If I am happy for them, even if I wouldn't have done it the way they are, I go and support their decision to be able to have any type of party, event or ceremony that they want.  I don't feel obligated to buy anything, I do it when I want to.  I have actually attended two different weddings where they had already been married at a courthouse (each had their own reasons) and I took them a present.   I always like to practice manners, but I am not a big follower of etiquette.  I feel like if I decided to have a "Hey!  My colorist did great on my fake blonde color this time!" party, I can.  I would send out invitations to those that I would like to have at my party.  It's their choice if they participate, and it's my choice to have it.  If I got that invitation from one of my girlfriends, I would take her some new barrettes!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 12:56:09 PM
I do believe if I ever get these split ends cut off....I will throw the event if the season...maybe twice.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: LaurieS on May 24, 2011, 12:59:23 PM
hey I was excited when I streaked my hair gray... so far 5 weeks later you don't see a big color difference with new growth.. now if it hadn't cost me 170.00 I'd have money for a party.... maybe I can register for a veggie tray
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 01:04:30 PM
My Mom gave my YS a "Toddler Shower" when he finally got to see his DD.  It was a great way for people to meet her and even though he didn't register anywhere, many people brought presents.  It helped him out to have some things for her since he had spent pretty much his last dime and mine on lawyers.  My Mom and I caught some flack from people saying it was inappropriate to have that shower.  Gifts were not expected, but they were appreciated.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 01:09:08 PM
I was 3 at the shower my mom had for me. I think they registered. She was still my mom then. I do remember getting a Cabbage Patch Kid that day too, lol.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 01:16:34 PM
This one kind of turned into a big ole' "get toys" party for DD too.  That's ok, she loved it and it allowed us to spend money on the more practical things.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 01:18:40 PM
Quote from: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 12:49:28 PM
I guess I am finding this a tad ironic.  Many of the issues we have here are with people telling people how to do things. Offering up suggestions, opinions or demands on what is considered "their event".  Yet, I'm reading this post and finding that everyone has definite opinions on what people "should" or "shouldn't" do, but very little tolerance for people that want to offer them suggestions on "their event". 

If I am happy for them, even if I wouldn't have done it the way they are, I go and support their decision to be able to have any type of party, event or ceremony that they want.  I don't feel obligated to buy anything, I do it when I want to.  I have actually attended two different weddings where they had already been married at a courthouse (each had their own reasons) and I took them a present.   I always like to practice manners, but I am not a big follower of etiquette.  I feel like if I decided to have a "Hey!  My colorist did great on my fake blonde color this time!" party, I can.  I would send out invitations to those that I would like to have at my party.  It's their choice if they participate, and it's my choice to have it.  If I got that invitation from one of my girlfriends, I would take her some new barrettes!

I totally want an invite!!!! Is your hair long or short? I need to know what kind of hair accessory to get. ;-)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 01:21:54 PM
Pooh, the "Toddler Shower" sounds awesome. Did YS get custody at that point?

Think about it. Say you adopt a 2 year old. The kid is going to need a LOT of stuff. Why not have a "Welcome to the Family Shower."
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: holliberri on May 24, 2011, 01:35:14 PM
I know I keep talking about adoption...lol. But, the social workers asked us to wait until tehe adoption was finalized stateside (6 months after the child is brought home) to have a welcoming party. They have found that parties are traumatic on the children that are adopted at an older age, so it is a requirement to wait. LOL, you get so excited about this and you want to celebrate...forgetting that a little one is going through major adjustments.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: AnonymousDIL on May 24, 2011, 01:37:27 PM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 01:35:14 PM
I know I keep talking about adoption...lol. But, the social workers asked us to wait until tehe adoption was finalized stateside (6 months after the child is brought home) to have a welcoming party. They have found that parties are traumatic on the children that are adopted at an older age, so it is a requirement to wait. LOL, you get so excited about this and you want to celebrate...forgetting that a little one is going through major adjustments.

That would be sooo hard for me too! I would just be soooo excited to have a child in my life that I would want to introduce them to everyone that I know!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 01:38:39 PM
I see nothing wrong with having a shower for someone who is adopting or like your YS did.  Here we call a 2nd shower a sprinkle.  We had one for our friend infact she had several.  She didn't regestor though she had all the big stuff but we got her a big cookie that said congrats and we bough her a gift. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 01:42:13 PM
Quote from: Holly on May 24, 2011, 01:35:14 PM
I know I keep talking about adoption...lol. But, the social workers asked us to wait until tehe adoption was finalized stateside (6 months after the child is brought home) to have a welcoming party. They have found that parties are traumatic on the children that are adopted at an older age, so it is a requirement to wait. LOL, you get so excited about this and you want to celebrate...forgetting that a little one is going through major adjustments.

Adoption is a special thing and when it comes to older children I truely believe it takes a special person.  I hear so many stories about people adtopting struggling because the kid isn't adjusting right or they feel plain out the kid doesn't love or trust me.  Well of course he or she doesn't they have had a pretty rough life.  If I adopted I would probably go for the older child but not older then DD and that would be far down the road.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: overwhelmed123 on May 24, 2011, 01:53:05 PM
FWIW, Pooh, I really don't know how my post got so misconstrued.  Nobody said anything about should or should nots when it comes to throwing a party.  The center of it was including a registry- therefore expecting people to buy you things.  Making them feel like they have to. 

My gosh, I think this is the first time I have felt like my words were completely taken out of context on this site.  I don't know how to say it differently than I've already said it.  I wasn't saying anyone should or shouldn't have a party for whatever the heck they want to have a party for.  But if you have a "hey I colored my hair party" and picked out a registry, and included it on your invitations...well, then that's a different level. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 02:00:55 PM
I don't know OW...does "Goody's Hair Products" have a website????  You know I know what you mean.  I really haven't had many people send me registry info.  A couple of weddings, a couple of showers and a niece that registered stuff on amazon because we kept asking what we could buy for the little one (she lives a couple of states away from everyone).  I just looked at the kinds of stuff they picked, and then went with what my budget could afford.

ADIL, I'm growing it out...it's shoulder length!  ;)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on May 24, 2011, 02:02:55 PM
Quote from: Pooh on May 24, 2011, 02:00:55 PM
I don't know OW...does "Goody's Hair Products" have a website????  You know I know what you mean.  I really haven't had many people send me registry info.  A couple of weddings, a couple of showers and a niece that registered stuff on amazon because we kept asking what we could buy for the little one (she lives a couple of states away from everyone).  I just looked at the kinds of stuff they picked, and then went with what my budget could afford.

ADIL, I'm growing it out...it's shoulder length!  ;)

I heart regesteries for wedding and baby showers.  Because then I know I am not getting something they may already had.  And if I am buying dishes I want to buy something the like.  Or the right bouncy.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: willingtohelp on May 29, 2011, 07:01:53 PM
Wow, so many things to talk about...

To start with the original topic, I think grandma showers are odd.  First off, a Baby Shower is named that because you're showering the new mom with things for the Baby, so what is a grandma shower?  Shouldn't you be showering someone with things for the grandma?

Second, very traditional etiquette disapproves of a shower for any children after the first, so the idea that the mom can't have a second shower when she's going to be raising the kid 24/7, but grandma should get one to stock up just seems like it doesn't mesh with etiquette in some way.

Third, I have to wonder how this works.  Does the new mom come?  Is she not invited even though she's the one carrying the child?  I really have never understood this. 

As far as wedding gifts and getting married twice and whatever, I give gifts to people because I am happy for them and want to give them something.  I've given wedding gifts to plenty of people who didn't invite me to the wedding because they got married and I wanted to congratulate them.  And I've had a couple of friends who've had a civil marriage and then had a blessing of the marriage (the religious aspects) after the civil marriage.  One was having an overseas wedding (which became a blessing) and it was easier to take care of all the paperwork on US soil.  Another friend had to be married to her DH to move with him in the Army when he got orders but their wedding was planned for a few months after he shipped out.  So instead of paying a fortune to rebook, they got married at the courthouse and had a blessing on the original date.  Their invitations were worded to reflect this and said that Mr. and Mrs Bride's Parents request the pleasure of your company at the blessing of the marriage of their daughter's name and Mr. their son in law's name on blah blah date and time at x church.  A separate card noted the reception to follow.  But I have never (thank goodness) received an invitation with a registry included.  I agree it's bad manners to include it in the invitation. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: FAFE on June 02, 2011, 05:45:58 AM
My book club had a "book shower" for me when my daughter adopted baby girl.  Everyone picked out a book that their children loved when they were little.  The books went home with the baby.  I took pictures of BG with each book and gave them to the book club member who had given it to her.

OS and DIL had a civil ceremony in NYC (immigration stuff) and then had a small church wedding for family and friends. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: lancaster lady on June 02, 2011, 09:16:18 AM
fafe :

That's a lovely idea ...my GD loves books . :)
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on June 02, 2011, 09:17:55 AM
I think that's great too, what a novel idea.  I do think the difference is it was for the baby but appropriate because you were in the book club.  Nice.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: pam1 on June 03, 2011, 09:05:26 AM
Now that is a good idea in my books. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pooh on June 03, 2011, 09:42:43 AM
Oh Lol!
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: SassyDI on June 03, 2011, 12:23:09 PM
Quote from: FAFE on June 02, 2011, 05:45:58 AM
My book club had a "book shower" for me when my daughter adopted baby girl.  Everyone picked out a book that their children loved when they were little.  The books went home with the baby.  I took pictures of BG with each book and gave them to the book club member who had given it to her.

OS and DIL had a civil ceremony in NYC (immigration stuff) and then had a small church wedding for family and friends.

I see this different first you did not ask for it or plan it.  2nd it was a book club giving books sound pretty cool idea to me.  A shower where Grandma is getting things like a crib or bouncey chair just seems odd to me.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: herbalescapes on July 23, 2011, 07:25:48 AM
I think Grandma Baby Showers are a trendy thing that has arisen because too many people have too much time and money on their hands (ironic, given the economy as it is, but these started before the economy tanked).  They can be harmless fun or a definite plot for grandma to take attention away from the mom (whether the daughter or DIL). 

I think all showers have gotten out of hand.  I mean, if a couple has been living together for several years and they have all the towels, dishes, etc. they need, why have a bridal shower?  It used to be that a woman got a baby shower for her first child only.  Now people have one for every baby.  This can be a financial drain on one's friends and family.  I think a sense of entitlement has seeped into our culture and is driving all these showers.  There is no shame in declining an invitation and not sending a gift.  Do what you feel comfortable with. 
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: RedRose on July 23, 2011, 07:46:27 AM
I am a grandma that does a lot of babysitting...I could of used a shower...I need everything from diapers to crib and car seat...just like a new mom. I don't think attention would or should be taken
away from mom. It would be making things easier for mom because she would not have to drag those things back and forth everyday.

I like the idea.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Pen on July 23, 2011, 07:34:57 PM
We borrowed or bought used stuff when necessary, but I suspect most new moms now would rather their babies had all new items. For that reason alone, wouldn't it make sense to have a way for a care-giving GP to get some of that stuff w/o having to spend a ton of money?

I would have been so thrilled and grateful to have GPs who were involved in my children's lives it would not have mattered to me at all if someone gave them a shower. The more love for my kids the better, I felt. Too bad for them, and me, we were not so blessed.
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: Belle on August 01, 2011, 02:45:14 PM
I agree that Grandparents may need some of the standard stuff (crib/pack-n-play, sheets, bath stuff, etc.) so it makes sense to pick up those necessities so mom doesn't have to drag them from place-to-place. 

But I always thought that Grandma was supposed to, you know, buy/borrow them from friends, pick stuff up at yard sales/consignment shops, Freecycle, etc.  Maybe I come from a weird place, but that's just what I've personally known all the Grandmas I know to do.  The Grandma generation I know is "resourceful," and they just know how/where to get things without spending an arm-load...I'm always asking my mom and grandmother where to get stuff cheap! 

And didn't Grandma already have her "showers" when she got married/had children?   

An actual "shower" implies that friends were throwing it for her, which indicates they 1) thought it was a grand idea, OR 2) they think she's nuts but went along with Grandma's wishes to avoid hurt feelings.  An actual "shower" with invites, a registry, cake/punch/mints...just seems "a little much," IMHO.     
Title: Re: What do you think of grandma baby showers?
Post by: FAFE on August 02, 2011, 07:57:56 AM
After my granddaughter was adopted I bought a new car seat for my car.  Other things such as high chair, walker, play 'n go (play pen) was given to me.  I am ready for any emergency!  Or any chance to keep her. 

I think I stated earlier that my book club had a "book" shower for me.  But, it was at our regular book club, etc.  So, it was not a big affair.  When I wrote my thank you notes, I included a picture of baby with each book.  I think I will go back now and make copies of her with each book and paste them in the book.