My 4 adult children who have a very wealthy abusive father ,do not respect me and verbally abuse me, I have tried by helping 1 get a house, giving what little money to the others, but I can not get their love their Father and I are divorced over 20 years I work hard I am kind and loving but nothing works what do I do
Dear Greeneyes,
I just know that there will be someone who can help on this board. I've seen this happen so many times, where money takes over instead of love for people. It is a sad commentary on our society.
I know someone here has some wisdom for what you have to deal with. I'm so sorry you have these things going on.
Quote from: greeneyes100 on December 22, 2009, 02:20:58 PM
My 4 adult children who have a very wealthy abusive father ,do not respect me and verbally abuse me, I have tried by helping 1 get a house, giving what little money to the others, but I can not get their love their Father and I are divorced over 20 years I work hard I am kind and loving but nothing works what do I do
Hello GreenEyes...I'm so sorry this is happening to you...yanno, the more we give to our children, the more they will take...and in this case, your enabling them to do this to you and to treat you as they do. Tough love is the hardest thing on the face of this earth to do...respect has to be earned...and it's up to you, to find the courage to talk to them and tell them you will not be talked to like this...and they may leave and not see you...but will come back when they want something...actually, you've allowed them to do this to you...for a long time...and it will be hard to break...the question is, can you deal with not seeing them if you do put your foot down. One thing, do not do anything until you know you would be able to deal with the consequences of your actions, b/c once they become adults there is not much you can do but demad respect...and if you do, as I said, they may retaliate and become very nasty and not come around...I'm wondering, do they ever do anything for you...or do they come around only when they need something...and if they do, and you give them what they want, then basically what your doing is rewarding bad behavior...does that make any sense? What do you think?
Your wisdom is perfect, Creme. I am so glad I found you! I can learn a lot from this too. Bless you!
I'm so glad I found you to!!!!!!
Hi Creme, I know you are so correct in what you have said. No they do not do anything for me, not a card for christmas or birthdays. I suppose I was hoping that even 1 may love me but in my heart I know none of them do. It is only what I give. Thanks so much. It is really crazy I am so wise in all other aspects of my life and these are the only people I allow to treat me like this. If they were neighbours or anyone else I would not want to know them. Merry Xmas and thanks agian D
Quote from: greeneyes100 on December 23, 2009, 03:14:33 PM
Hi Creme, I know you are so correct in what you have said. No they do not do anything for me, not a card for christmas or birthdays. I suppose I was hoping that even 1 may love me but in my heart I know none of them do. It is only what I give. Thanks so much. It is really crazy I am so wise in all other aspects of my life and these are the only people I allow to treat me like this. If they were neighbours or anyone else I would not want to know them. Merry Xmas and thanks agian D
Boy do I hear you...I've said that same thing many times to myself...but for me, deep down inside, I gotta tell ya, I don't really mean it...it's hurt despair and anguish talking...
darling, know there are different kinds of love...and your children must love you...but not in the way that you would like...
When you are connected to a problem personally, it is really hard to see things realistically...as you would if you were hearing someone else's problem. Hun, have you tried counseloing? It's never to late, and you might learn how to deal with tough love and say no to them...I bet when they come around your heart is so happy...so, you will take anything you can get, even if that means...giving giving giving...and we mom's tend to do that...
You want to hear tough love...I have a chinese friend...for years..she just phoned me...she told me her daughter, has lost 3 lunch pails and a pair of eye glasses...plus a coat and sweater...therefore she told her daughter, who is 8, that Santa is not coming this year...I commend her, but honestly do not know if I could do that. Also, they live a simple life...and she feels we give our kids way toooo much for Christmas....and we do...really we do...
So I told her, I wished more People would be like her...she said, they are all going sking for a week, and that's enough of a present from them...but Santa, is absolutely not coming this year until her daughter can learn to become more responsible...those eye glasses were 150.00. Plus she take violin lessons, swimming lessons, chinese lessons...and I'm so so glad she is giving her daugher those kind of opportunities...
Anyway, sorry for the rant, I don't know if you can take something from this or not...just wanted you to kow...and please know, my thoughts and paryers are with you...
Creme
I should have been that strong...but I wasn't. This is really teaching responsibility in the best way. I'll bet she doesn't lose anything anymore!! Good lesson.
I bet she doesn't either Chickie...but I think about when all the kids ask her what she got from Santa...how much it will hurt her...like I said, I commend my friend...but I do not know if I could do that...
My friend told her, that perhaps she will learn a lesson and be good this next year so Santa comes next year...
Ohhhhh my....
The Chinese culture means business when it comes to discipline and we don't. I couldn't do it either but I wish I had done more things like it.
thanks for your replys. Christmas here in Aussie tomorrow I am helping serve lunch for the disadvantaged, really looking forward to the day. I do get sad when I hear other people talk about their children and what they will be doing but that little prayer The Serenity Prayer puts me in my place. Yes I have tried counciling but my daughter wont go with me, because I am the one with the problem. It is good to write as I have to think about what I am thinking and it makes it clearer to me what is happening, also your words of wisdom are so helpful. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR D
Hi! New to site - Luise sent me here after pouring my heart out! To make a long story short, six years ago I finally had the courage to leave a thirty emotional and verbal abusive marriage and now my adult sons hate me. Mind you, I was very close to them all their lives until I left. I have never seen two of my grandchildren. My 25 year old daughter is very dysfunctional and has been for years. Her father never liked her and made it clear to her since she was young. It is all a mess. I have to work really hard to keep from feeling so guilty and still working on it. I would have never imagined disrespecting my parents like this no matter what! I continue to pray and build my relationship with God and to learn to let go. I learned about codependent behavior a few years ago and understand that I can't "fix" anybody but me. Feel so much compassion for all the moms in pain!!
I know how it feels when your own children are not close to you or even like you. No cards,phone calls for Cristmas day, I hear other Mums about what they are doing with their chidren and it just breaks my heart. My children just use me and then dont want to know me. I have cut off from my daughter as she is so verbally abusive to me. My childrens dad only liked 1 child out of the 4 so it is very messed up.
Greeneyes, I hear the hurt in your words! And it is so painful because you gave birth to your children and lived and breathed your children. And my case, when I walked out on such an abusive marriage, they couldn't handle and and erased me from their life. I know it must have been very difficult for them, but it wasn't about them. There is nothing I can do now to change their minds. Time, patience and prayers. Remember, they have two sides influencing them. Let it go for now and just pray. My son made it very clear that he did not want having anything to do with him and as far as he sees, I am dead to him. So what can I do? Let go! He has made his decision and I can't change. I must move on and take care of my mom and the grandchildren I am allowed to see. It hurts, it sucks, and it's not right, but our children think differently and we, as their mom cannot dictate to them right now what is right or wrong for them. So the only thing we can do right now is to give them time, pray and let God handle it! Not easy at all! Find happiness with the other children who love you and keep praying.
greeneyes,
It does hurt us so much that our children don't even like us and use us on top of it.. I have even thought it was funny that I am such a bad mom and grandma but I am still the one they call if they need money or a sitter.
Welcome peace !!
You came to the right place and my prayers are with you !!
Mom 2 it is the same for me. I am always there when they want something. 3 months ago I gave a deposit for my daughter and her boy friend to buy a home, then his credit card debit of $19.000 had to be paid so they could get a mortage. His credit card debt ws a loan as he would have to pay that to the bank, now he says I owed him that for the stress I cause them. My daughter is having a baby girl in a weeks time and the ignore any emails from me. My friends say I must make him repay his loan.. any suggestions
I am not sure if my last reply was posted. I gave my daughter and boyfriend a deposit on a home. I paid out his credit card which was $19000 so they could get a mortage this was a loan the deposit was a gift, now he says I owed it to him to pay his credit card. Should I take legal action to try to retrieve my money on the loan
Hi...new here. Now...that is a tricky thing to address. Please please don't take this the wrong way. I know how this pain feels.
But...you paid it..it's done and as long as no threats or whatever were made if you "didn't" help them..please understand that when we are truly honest with ourselves in these situations..we know deep down that we are "probably" setting ourselves up for a hurt....yet, we do it anyway....perhaps always will.
I'm a grandmother who quit a successful job...practically raised my first 3 grandchildren...was suppose to be paid for what time I did keep them..that stopped totally after a few months...I went without pay for months before just asking when I "might" get paid again..to being told to "find a job". It is a long long story. I adore my grandchildren only to have my daughter cater to a mother-in-law who has money.As I said it is a long long story.
That baby is coming...right now that is all that matters. Please don't listen to others. You did this...you may never ever be repaid...and that looks like the case. Remeber that baby and how much you will love it no matter how you are treated. Trust me, it's not worth it dear.
Quote from: greeneyes100 on December 27, 2009, 02:09:37 PM
Mom 2 it is the same for me. I am always there when they want something. 3 months ago I gave a deposit for my daughter and her boy friend to buy a home, then his credit card debit of $19.000 had to be paid so they could get a mortage. His credit card debt ws a loan as he would have to pay that to the bank, now he says I owed him that for the stress I cause them. My daughter is having a baby girl in a weeks time and the ignore any emails from me. My friends say I must make him repay his loan.. any suggestions
Greeneyes100.. I suggest we have our heads examined !! I have loaned ( never got a dime back ) and gave and gave and gave until I quit counting what was owed and chalked all that up for a loss ( couldn't even tell ya what they owe me now ) .
Are you saying you gave them the money to pay the credit card debt off ? and now they feel you owe them that for stress ?
If so, that is just another way to say ' we are not going to pay you back ! )
You sure don't owe anyone cash for stress.
Greeneyes100,
I didn't see it at first but noticed you had two different posts on the loan to DD and BF.. by all means, for that kind of money, Take him to court. I know I would !!! good luck !
Hi I am not going to see my grandchild. Last time my daughter was having a baby I was told not to go to the hospital to see her and I didnt see the baby until he was 10 months. He is now 2 1/2 and I have been baby sitting etc. After giving the money my daughter does not want to see me. The money to pay out the credit card which is a large amount was a loan and discussed in front of my solicitor who wanted me to take a 2nd mortgage on their home for that amount,but my daughter refused. I feel she uses the grandchildren as a weapon against me.
thanks I missed your reply before I wrote. I gifted the deposit of $45000 but his credit card debt was a loan, he agreed and so did my daughter as they would have to pay the bank like they had been paying but could not get a mortage unless I cleared his credit card debt. I am sad that this has happened when she is about to have another baby and I wouldnt think about taking action until after the birth. I have not received a cent since August and the interest when I borrowed the money is mounting up, I borrowed all this money to help them.
OHHHHHH!!! I am just guessing here but when there is money involved like this, I wonder if the people who took the money feel guilty about not paying it back so they get rid of the guilt by getting rid of you?
Owing the money makes them guilty but if they avoid you, it will go away in their minds. I've heard of this before a lot. If you owed someone money, unless you paid it back, you'd make them the scapegoat to ease your conscience? Goofy, I know but I think it's true.
Quote from: greeneyes100 on December 27, 2009, 07:44:48 PM
thanks I missed your reply before I wrote. I gifted the deposit of $45000 but his credit card debt was a loan, he agreed and so did my daughter as they would have to pay the bank like they had been paying but could not get a mortage unless I cleared his credit card debt. I am sad that this has happened when she is about to have another baby and I wouldnt think about taking action until after the birth. I have not received a cent since August and the interest when I borrowed the money is mounting up, I borrowed all this money to help them.
Oh Greeneyes,
It is just amazing to me how our own children can be so heartless toward us... I would have rather been shot than to have my mother do such a kind kind thing for us and just stick her with the debt. I just don't get it.
Hi Mum 2 yes it is funny how they always want us when they need help and I couldnt help but be there. I sure have to harden up but it is tough I would dearly love for my children to love me for me
2 chickybaby amazing you said that. A friend of mine said if I wasnt in their face it would be easier for them to avoid the situation. Dump me and not worry about what is owed Thanks
Chickie,
I agree. By getting rid of Mom and saying she caused them stress ( to them ) justifies what they did !
How do they sleep at night ? how does DD sleep with him when he treated her Mother so badly ?
I really believe that is exactly what this is!! Their guilt over all you've done for them is what is making them do it. It's not you, it's the money they know they took from you!!
because she is the same unfortunately. I know I will go ahead with legal action against the boyfriend. In Aussie fortunately it is not expensive as we have a small claims court where he will have to mediate first. I believe I must do this so he knows he can not take me for granted and in life you must be responsible for your debts
thanks girls for you imput, I really appreciate it. Maybe I can help in some other area for someone else
Best with family and friends to just give it if you can...it gets so weird when they squirm about paying it back. Greeneyes, that's quite a chunk of change you're out! You must be one amazing mom. I hope this gets resolved for you, and that your kids come to their senses. You deserve to be appreciated!
thanks.. I have worked very hard raising 3 children on my own,,I have 4 children... I am nearly 62 and still working. Remember I said these children were of a narcisstis of the worst kind and unfortunately for me I still try to see the good in them. Usually you have 1 in 4 that has a prob. not all. that is the really sad part. After speaking on this forum I have come to the conclusion my daughter has recieved her inheritance and I will take legal action against the boy friend after the baby is born. As I said I mortaged my unemcumbered property to help them and his credit card debt was always a loan which he agreed to. Life is not easy and that is why I do not sweat the small stuff as there are too many big issues to worry about.
by the way I put that pic on my profile to feel good
Quote from: Anna on December 28, 2009, 08:27:27 AM
My son & dil are the same, but now we don't have money to give. We had to refinance our house & consolidate our own loans to get ouselves out of debt. We gave & gave to our children until we just couldn't do it anymore. Now we don't see them as often cause we can't afford to take them out to dinner all the time, pay their bills, loan them money etc.. We just can't do it anymore. We have to look forward to our retirement, will our children help us the way we helped them? I doubt that they will be able to, & I don't think they would. What will happen to us if we have no money for our retirement? As it is we will be retiring with far less than we thought we would have. I think the more we give our children, the more they expect, than they get mad when you can't give anymore & cut you off. Selfish.
That sucks. How can anyone be grown, with kids, and think it's ok to live off of mom and dad? I don't get it.
Do you mind if I ask how old your son and dil are. I see much the same attitude with my brother...who while only 6 years younger than me seems to be a different generation. I bend over backwards NOT to take help from my parents. I really appreciate the things they do when I can't avoid it, but they need to be taking care of themselves first. My bro just has his hand out 24/7.
Quote from: Peace on December 26, 2009, 03:05:05 PM
Hi! New to site - Luise sent me here after pouring my heart out! To make a long story short, six years ago I finally had the courage to leave a thirty emotional and verbal abusive marriage and now my adult sons hate me. Mind you, I was very close to them all their lives until I left. I have never seen two of my grandchildren. My 25 year old daughter is very dysfunctional and has been for years. Her father never liked her and made it clear to her since she was young. It is all a mess. I have to work really hard to keep from feeling so guilty and still working on it. I would have never imagined disrespecting my parents like this no matter what! I continue to pray and build my relationship with God and to learn to let go. I learned about codependent behavior a few years ago and understand that I can't "fix" anybody but me. Feel so much compassion for all the moms in pain!!
Hello Peace and welcome, so glad you joined in...however, I am very sorry to hear about what is going on in your life...perhaps together, we can lean on each other for support...and learn from each other
The ladies here are very compassionate and kind...as well as the DIL's....I find they're feedback so helpful....
Ladies, as far as giving your money away, the next time anyone asks you for a loan, if your considering accomodating them, then make them be responsible and set up something legal and binding...ask them to figure out how much they can pay you back a month and then draw something up legally and have them sign it....? Yes?
Dear Peace,
I have found that in almost all cases the children turn their anger with their parents towards their Mother. Easy prey.
I know someone who is a Mother of 4 sons. If it had not been for her, their family would have gone down the tubes. Her husband was of zero help so she had to support the whole family. Now, the kids use her as their scape goat. Can't blame the poor helpless father! They blame their Mother!! For what, I don't know. She is one strong lady and doesn't let it bother her. I admire her so much.
It seems to be a common thread, though. Easy target. We'll be here for you.
I agree with so much that has been said. In the end you will do what you must..I certainly support your decisions. Unfortunately my son in law wouldn't learn a thing about responsibility...I pray that yours will for the sake of everyone.
Our situation is one now that we are starting to realize that our daughter is afraid of her mother-in-law and her husband. We aren't aware of any physical abuse...cause my husband would "take someone out" if that occurred and I doubt that I could stop that.
Apparently the mother-in-law, now that she lives one minute for the place they rent, is becoming the problem we "always" knew she would. We decided to mend fences and stop the criticism about anything and to let our daughter know that no matter what...the door is open here. I have a sister-in-law who has opened my eyes to some things and it has helped.
Although my daughter has allowed this "boy" of almost 40, which is what he is, do many things to us, we realize that to alienate her any more would be to our disadvantage. Sort of the whole"keep your ememies closer" theory.Since I have not kept the children and managed her household,for a few years now, she has had the total dose of him. Up until then everything I did was enabling them both to refuse to step up. My daughter has however been trying.It wasn't until I learned she'd talked to my niece that I learned just how serious it all is now. She would leave him except she won't because of the kids. I'd describe him but no one on earth has that much time.
So...I've prayed and prayed she get free. His mother will make it another kind of Hell but I know we can weather it. He's on Add drugs because when she was mad at him at one point when he quit a job while she was pregnant, he went to an old frined from high school who is a quack doctor. Since the son in law had a degree in special ed...which it took him 7 years to get..he's an idiot, this nut doctor just handed the drugs out to him on the first visit. No background checks, nothing. He just did it to find an excuse to give my daughter. There is nothing wrong with him excpet being a spoiled lying brat.
Well..every time he was out of work he tried to drag our oldest grandchild to the ped. to get her on these drugs. Well..I took care of that gifted wonderful child and there is nothing wrong with her.
She was tested to have the comprehension of a sophmore in high school and she is nine. She is a normal child, strong willed but sweet and gracious.
Well, my stupid daughter finally filled out some papers at school and without any background checking..without any family visits, they took her to this ped and that very day he put her on them.We are terrified for this child. My daughter is a nurse and he actually taught(well,babysitted) special ed.This kid didn't stand a chance. She has a tic now but other than that we weigh her weekly when she's here and take others precautions to make sure nothing is going on with her. However, my brother is an attorney and there isn't one thing we can do to either of them for puttuing this well adjusted,good child on these drugs.
We can't touch the doctor because the parents consented.It's horrible for us.My son has a masters in Social Work and works for University of Ky..he tried to talk to my daughter..he was totally appalled at what they did to this child..he could do nothing.He's worked with Add and everything else. He knew it was her father and the fact that this shut him up ..so my wonderful daughter did it.
Sorry I got carried away. But, just making the point that there are people in this world who will never step up...jail won't change them even..nothing will.
After all these years though I have finally stopped trying to talk to her...we don't fight but I do try to reason with the girl. Now, all I care about is letting her know..since she at least told my son she would leave him..that we are here and the door is open.
She was a wonderfully talented girl..never a problem to us for one minute...then she met him.I want her to be that person again, to believe that there is light at the end of the way, and I know she can make it, I want my grandchildren out of that situation before it's too late.
He's a sociopath and I have reason to know it, his mother's a nut, and I want them safe..or at least as safe as we can get them. I fear every day of my life what that boy will do though if she leaves.
He shoved me in my own house when she was dating him. I had merely told him I wanted him to leave because the matter I was discussing with my daughter was none of his business.Luckily my son was there and he's scared to death of him,although my son has never hit anyone. Her dad was hunting and I had to get his brother to come to our house and be here when I told him, I knew he'd kill him. Nothing happened, but it would have if not for my brother-in-law being here.
She still married this worthless jerk. He rides around on the coat strings of his parents who are nobody but have money.
Who the heck can ever figure out why these things happen. My daughter became very large in high school..she was popular but would not diet. She met him and he paid attention to her..of course he did..no one else in that school ever dated him.
She miscarried a baby one year after they were married. He was a fireman..his daddy paid someone to give him that job..he got fired though because..guess why? He's afraid of fire.You have my permission to "laugh".
While she laid in the hospital in terrible pain..he stopped by after work..left her to go and take a shower and eat and let his mother's stupid poodle out to pee at her house. Needless to say the whole thing was over before he showed back up.
Later my daughter brought it up so..I for the first and I promise you,only time during this 11 year marriage..went rabid.I tried to make that girl see that if he would not be there when she was losing a baby cause his mommy told him to go and take a shower and eat and let her dog out...he'd just never "be there" for her.She cried of course..yes..I felt awful..but as a mother I couldn't let it go...and..she brought it up how much that had hurt her.
Folks the girl stayed and her life has been nothing but lies and deceit...no women though..no woman in her right mind would "look" at him..if I thought someone would I'd sell my house and "pay" them to commit adultery with this boy.
Now, don't I sound like a wonderful mother-in-law. Well..truth is..I love my daughter..we have kept our traps shut for the remainder of this marriage, and it was only after his mother told a horrible blatant lie about me..in a church parking lot,which of course it got back to me, did my daughter call me and start telling me about her life,course most of this I knew as I was there keeping the kids anyway.
If I live to be 100 yrs old I will never ever know what has happened to that delightful little girl who enhanced and enriched our lives. All I know is that "girl" is still in there and I'm not giving up. I will stand by her inspite of her treatment to us ..the past is what it is.
I pray for her continually..I believe a miracle is going to happen..not in my time however.My prayers are being answered.
When this lie was told..my daughter left her house and parked her car somewhere and called us. She didn't skip a beat as she told me and said that not for one instant did she believe this horrible lie. I knew in my heart at that monet that he and his mother had pushed it all ...a very close final step too far.
She told my son-in-law that I called my daughter a "fat a--" and that she took up fo her.We'd had a casual conversation on the phone...I have no idea what precipitated this attack...now mind you..I've got one mean temper even though it takes a lot to bring it out...I'm a preacher's kid...we have feelings too. We were in that parking lot in our car leaving when all this happened..she apparently tried to catch us and she said she was going to let me have it. Well..her son said that to my daughter..my daughter just smiled and told him he might want to stand back so as not to get hit when his mother came flying across the concrete.
People were in the parking lot...my grandchildren were there. She missed us. So...I never went to her house and caused a scene as I'm sure she thought I would..I told my daughter that we were finished with them but whatever she had to do to keep the peace at her house..we would understand.I told her to tell her husband(who of course said he believed his mother) that I did not say it and I was sorry he was angry. All of this difused the whole situation.
She didn't get what she wanted.But, I finally realized how scared my daughter is of them and what they will tell the children,etc., if she ever leaves their son.She said she must stay in order to control some of their power as she would have no say if she left him.She said they would never stop degrading her and us to the kids..she doesn't believe even a judge could stop it.
People, there is hope...I would have told you that this would never ever happen. She has taken up for that boy for years..she also knows that when the incident occurred at our house when they were dating..that her (step-dad..I'd been divorced since she was 7..he loved and raised both my kids)had gotten that boy alone once a long time after it had happened. He warned him if he ever lost his little temper and laid a hand on his daughter and it got back to him..he would kill him.
Now..this is the sweetest,most loving,wonderful ,honest man I've ever known including my own father..I had no idea he'd done this. So...sort of figures the boy isn't fond of us.I'm gald he told him...he'd held it all inside when it happened and I begged him not to do anything.
Now..I see that there is hope, and we as a family can support her more than ever,give her hope but not push her. We've suggested counseling which we learned that they tried but he quit going and blamed her. I don't really want to see a divorce, I wish he could be a man..stop lying,love them and take care of them..the kids love him, but it's out of anyone's hands but hers.
We've never had words with this man..he was here in my house for Christmas and that was 4 days after the big lie his mother told. He was treated well, no one said anything and was kissed good-bye.I don't feel hate..my daughter has made her choices..she's not perfect either..none of us are. I just don't want anyone physically hurt..in any way..and I'm now afraid after what her dad told him years ago..she'll never tell us.
I have to pray..there is nothing else I can do...you see..she had a shiner a couple of years ago and told me something else happened to her.She would never say anything else.There was nothing we could do.Trapped she is...for the moment...but I like all of you, have to move on in faith. I won't give up on the child we had once...she's made of better stuff than this.
Please read my posting in LOVING YOURSELF
Welcome Peace !!
May you find some support and comfort here !!
Hi Creme, regarding your post on 22/12/09. I thank you for your comments. What you said I did with my other children and for some reason I hung on to my only daughter. I read what you said and thought about your words and you are so correct in what you said. I thought I would let you know that I stopped contact with her and her boyfriend which includes my grandson before Christmas day. Even though she gives birth next week I will not tolerate being abused. I will be taking legal action against the boyfriend over monies he personally owes me, my solicitor will start actions in January. I feel so much better making a stand. If I do not love myself,respect myself how can I expect others to treat me with the respect I deserve. Thanks again for prompting my mind to take action. D
Quote from: greeneyes100 on December 29, 2009, 02:23:05 PM
Hi Creme, regarding your post on 22/12/09. I thank you for your comments. What you said I did with my other children and for some reason I hung on to my only daughter. I read what you said and thought about your words and you are so correct in what you said. I thought I would let you know that I stopped contact with her and her boyfriend which includes my grandson before Christmas day. Even though she gives birth next week I will not tolerate being abused. I will be taking legal action against the boyfriend over monies he personally owes me, my solicitor will start actions in January. I feel so much better making a stand. If I do not love myself,respect myself how can I expect others to treat me with the respect I deserve. Thanks again for prompting my mind to take action. D
I do understand and agree with you, but it will be a very tough road ahead for you...but your focus is right on, and realistic...I will be sending you as much good karma as I CAN FOR STRENGTH...
Hugs Creme
thanks Creme, I am fine now I have made a decision it was making it that was hard. As I said in loving yourself. I am setting my goals for next year, I have more to add. I have chosen to only be with people who like me,care for me and treat me with respect. My friend says to be a friend you must be a friend. D
Thanks to all for your warm welcomes :) I feel so much compassion for all the mothers who gave their heart and soul to their children. When I deemed my unlovable a few years after I was married, I wrapped myself around my children and completely enabled them (out of love) but found out that this behavior was more damaging than good. They placed me high on a pedestal thinking I was so strong and of course they got everything they wanted from me, but when I could not take anymore emotional abuse from my ex, I left and they were done with me. Mind you, these are adult children. Of course, their dad gave them lots of money to control them. He is so manipulative and controlling so their loyalities are to him. My ex is such an angry human being, and he places stipulations on the children - HER OR ME!!! My daughter finally stepped up to plate and told him that he would not control her anymore and she would speak to me and share her children with me. Now, there is no relationship at all between them. What is so sad is these adults are bringing their adult issues and using control to keep their children away from people who love them dearly. They are teaching "hatred". This is so very sad to me! I have not and will not ever speak badly to my children about their father. IN fact, I told my daughter to make sure she calls her father to wish him a Merry Christmas even if he won't pick up the phone. Then she will know that she is doing everything she can to reach out and won't regret anything.
That's so good, peace! I did the same thing with my son because he has not spoken to his father in three years. His father was abusive, but he is still the only father he has and I don't want my son blaming himself someday for not speaking to him. You are so right! This way, they have done everything they can and there is no blame in that!
Absolutely, cocobar! Sometimes it may be hard to find good things about people who hurt us but we gain so much wisdom and knowledge from our trials and errors. I continually talk to my daughter about integrity and forgiveness and how important it is for her to break the cycle of dysfunction not only for her but for generations to come....her children, grandchildren and on and on. I told her to learn from our mistakes and change it because she will surely make some of her own.