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Thank you for the feedback- To conclude what my experience has been over the past several months, things finally came to a head. I had to confront my AD about something unkind she said about a gift she received from us.I asked her about it and she replied that it was just a joke....I asked her to explain the joke as we did not find it funny....I then told her to grow up and accept responsibility for actions and that she has no reason to lie to us about ANYTHING as she is an adult. I told her that the line has been drawn in the sand and if she wants to continue to alienate us from her life that she could, but that we would go on with our lives no matter what.She then, near the end of a very long conversation began to cry and told us a few things that we felt counseling may help with.She will be seeking counseling about her private issues, but still tries to say that what we saw was still just a joke...I reminded her that every time something like this occurs, and she says unkind things about us, she claims it was only a joke..... I told her that no matter what we love her and we want to remain in her lives, but only she can decide if we get to still be a part of her life moving forward.My spouse and I will talk about everything we want to do for our future in private conversations and plan accordingly. Parenting is definitely  not for wimps. Good luck to everyone in the parenting process. We have learned that sometimes a parent's heart get broken, but with time, it will heal!

Thank you so much for sharing your struggles too. We are not sure this will turn out for us. I think where we went wrong in parenting her, is that we gave 100 % of ourselves and our resources financially and otherwise.I think she grew to have an expectation of us and anything less is unacceptable to her. But, she is not truthful about her future plans with this boy or about her intentions with us. I think maybe she doesn't bring the boy around either because she tells him how awful we are and if he came over he would see that she isn't telling the truth, or if she brings him over we will see that he isn't a good fit for her..Either way, she is 19 and we do not parent her on that level anymore.We have laid ground rules for just letting us know when she will not be home so we don't worry and she has been very good about that.She just isn't truthful to others about how we treat her and how good she has it at home.We are going to take a stand and tell her that since she feels his family treats her so much better than we do, she can ask them for money when she needs it or they can help her out from now on where we will keep our purse strings tightened.

Hello everyone- I think I found this forum by mistake, but certainly glad I did. I will try to share my story as succinctly as possible.Eight years ago me and my female spouse were asked to take in my two nieces.One was 3 the other a year and a half. The eldest left home at 17 because she didn't like the rules we put in place.Nothing out of the ordinary, no sleepovers during the school week, no boys in the bedroom, help with chores etc... We were not sad that she left as she was very difficult and had a lot of issues that years of counseling couldn't help.She left and never looked back. My other niece who we refer to as our daughter is now 19 and we are starting to feel confused about our relationship with her. Since  she turned 18, there has been little sharing from her to us.She decided to begin dating a boy with whom we really don't know besides his name and what he looks like.She shares nothing with us about ANYTHING their anniversary, what he gives her for gifts, plans that they may be making etc. However, they share everything that they are doing with his parents.She stays with his parents over the summer and seems to feel very at home with his family, but won't bring him around our house.Yes, he knows that we are a same sex couple. Lately, I spotted some very unkind things that our AD was saying on social meeting and it was extremely hurtful as we have been nothing but gracious, understanding, loving, and kind but yet we aren't worth her sharing things with us. She gets money when needed, asks for help with her car repairs and the like.However, now we really don't know where to go from here.Maybe we have been too nice. I don't want our relationship to be damaged, but we are tired of getting "dirt kicked in our face." Thanks