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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - DixieDarling

31
@lilly, I agree. @ Monroe, VERY funny.  :D
32
Pooh, Where my youngest son is concerned you are completely right. That young man loves his wife deeply and that right there is why I am going to try and handle what ever comes. It is still up in the air if I can succeed.
At times he even glows. His wedding day is the happiest I do believe I had ever seen him. And I love him so much that it makes me happy when he's happy. (If that makes sense?)
When they told us they're were expecting it melted my heart to see the pure love and joy on my son's blushing face.
He was raised in a all male household except for me and he saw his father stand by me and protect and honor me. He is repeating this with his wife. I am so proud of him!!
I'm sad about his wife not wanting us as family much but our son says he will always be here for us and see us weekly. He thinks we will see his son also. Time will tell.
But yes Pooh, Love is the key here and as moms we all want true love and happiness for our children I believe.
Our youngest DIL is an only child and only grandchild in her family. No cousins. So it would stand to reason this young lady has never wanted anything that she did not get. When it comes to doing stuff the way she wants she gets her way. But as far as behaving spoiled and wasteful I haven't seen it. Maybe it's because she comes from a family with plenty of money? But she doesn't spend a lot. Actually like my son she seems very tight with money. LOL 
33
Women are raised now to not need anyone. They are strong,make good money etc. so maybe the need for family and all that comes with it is just not worth their time nor trouble?
Times have changed. Family is becoming a lost art.
34
Lilly, I didn't dream a dream like that or think of the man I've loved heading on 30 years that way. But who knows? Some may? I've ALWAYS been the odd duck!
I think I'll adopt Luise's saying. "Can't make sense of the senseless." SO TRUE!
35
Still, about this;
I wonder if, when we do not get the attention we believe we deserve, we start acting like clingy friends.  One way to never get a good friend is to act like you cannot live without them >:(

I don't about everyone but this is so far from me . I am more of the person who doesn't want that constant attention. And I don't like anyone's company more than my own. LOL
guess that's why I'm here. I'm not the hang out type of gal. Never have been.
I am a loner.
36
I personally would never expect to take my DILs mothers place or be equal to her in the same role. I didn't mean to ever imply that. I'm sure that is a special bond.  But on the same hand I don't expect her mother to replace me either.  My children were males but they were loved,cherished and cared for no less than a female child. That is what I was trying to say.
I am happy for my sons. I want them happy,loved and living their own lives. I'm happy to stay on the outline of that new circle.
I only hope not to become a memory before I'm buried is all.  :)
37
Pooh and the others here, Why do you suppose these young women want to hate us? Why do they jump from the start making us into something we never thought of let alone are?
I don't have any daughters and I will admit I'm clueless at raising one. But Mother raised 3 of us girls and I will tell you being hateful wasn't part of it.
And why do you think our sons are so ready to swallow hook, line and sinker what they are told about someone they know better than the person talking to them?
I was always defending something for awhile with my 2nd son after he married. He'd call upset saying his wife said I did so and so or said so and so.. Of course I wanted everything good and I had no hate for this lady at all so I would say, " I'm sorry I didn't mean that or sorry she thought so and so.." Then one day I just lost it and told him to stop acting like he didn't have a brain anymore. He KNEW ME and DIDN'T NEED his wife to explain what I meant or what my actions meant to him. He should be explaining them to HER. And that I NEVER EVER wanted to have him ask me something so darn stupid again.
I also told him if that was the life he wanted always going between his mom and his wife that was fine but I wanted no part in it.
It stopped. Years have went by now and I haven't gotten another phone call again concerning such stupid stuff from them. As a matter of fact I really love my DIL and we get along great.
Now the new DIL is a different story. She hasn't went to my son saying I have done or said anything. Nothing like that. Instead she has said up front that she has a family and we were his. And she didn't want any part of it. Breaks my heart though that our son has agreed to something like that. So that is where I'm stuck at. The girl doesn't want to know me. AT ALL!
Our oldest son before he married he told his wife that he talked to his parents at least once and most the time twice a week. That would never change. So if it was going to be a problem for her tell him now.. So all is great with them also.
Do you think maybe we should be raising our sons to have a little more backbone where their own FOO are concerned? Why is being a Mommas boy like a curse word? But being Daddy's girl or Mommys Angel a wonderful thing?
That to me is where we as parents MAY be missing the boat? Just some thoughts and questions I ask myself often. I only wish I had all the answers. Do any of you?
38
I am sorry to Lauren. I know this hurts something awful!! And there probably isn't anything you want to do more than spend time with someone you love so much. I would be confused at why after all this time. But it is what it is, as they say.
The ladies here seem to have found ways to move on and have a good life. So you and I will live and learn. Right?
Sending you warm thoughts and big hugs....
39
I do a nice card and cash to the adults and a nice gift and a few little things for each child. Then the AC can go get what they want and leave me out of it. We all are happy,
love the lollipop!!
40
trying, You sound like a very smart and strong woman. I am glad your boys are starting to do right by you.
I'm only having some small issues starting to appear with my youngest and newest DIL. The other two are really good people. I believe if ever our sons divorced them I'd be like Luise is with hers and stay family.
I spent the entire day with our middle sons wife today. She is the sweetest person I know. I don't know if she has a hateful bone in her body. My husband says if the new one ever spends any time around us as a family she will see how silly she's being. I on the other hand don't think she will ever admit a mistake.
41
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Feel left out
December 10, 2013, 05:44:09 AM
Good for you Debbie!
42
BUT.. you never really know anyone do you?
No Lilly sadly we don't. At least with your son hearing it first hand you know he knows. Has that helped any with how you're treated by her?
43
My parents taught us children many things. (I was very blessed in the parent area of life!!) but our 1st golden rule was, "treat others how you would want to be treated. Not how you believe they deserve."

I've lived by that code my entire life. And I can honestly say I've never been ashamed of who I am. Disappointed in myself sometimes yes but I jerk myself in line when need be.

That doesn't mean that I am treated good all the time by others because  I'm not. And I make mistakes daily. I get stuck in the "I'm right" mode to Luise, so I got that.
But at the end of the day I want to always be proud of who I am.

I'm learning so much here and I find myself saying, "why have I never looked at it this way before?" On many issues.
I've always believed if we stop learning we're dead.
44
Lauren, I'm sorry you're sad and feeling alone. I agree that maybe cutting back on things will save what relationship you have left with your DS? Maybe it's not all your DIL? With what you've told us you expect more from this son than his brother and sister who live close to you. If I read that right?
And what you insist on is a big amount of pressure on your DILs life.
Every family is different I know this. But I have two of the best DILs anyone could hope for out of all 3. And I don't think they'd want to be front and center with me that long either. Sending you a big hug and hope all gets worked out for you.
45
Sorry for my typos ladies.
I meant what little (time) I've been here.
And I JP not JPEG