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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Glenda

1
Grab Bag / Re: Another Milestone In Sight
May 24, 2012, 08:23:04 AM
Thinking of you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.
2
Grab Bag / Re: Another Milestone In Sight
May 24, 2012, 08:21:45 AM
Thinking of you you Keys Girl & sending love & hugs.
3
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 24, 2012, 08:14:46 AM
Hi herbalescapes & constantmargaret.  I understand dil trying to have a better relationship with her mom.  There are other ways to do that though, then giving something her ds made to her mom when it was meant for someone else.  I wonder how dil would feel if her ds made her something, & my ds gave it to me & she found out about it.  I would most likely be told I have to give it to dil.  There would be fireworks, yelling, & crying involved., & how dare anyone do that to her!  sigh....  It's just wrong. 
I am dying to know what was in the letter.  Maybe I will ask gs if he would like to recreate it. 
Pooh, ds has been a little more receptive to talks than he once was, but I don't think I will say anything.  I love my gc & I do have a good relationship with them.  The letter would have been nice to have, I would have put it in the scrapbook I have for him, but having contact with dgs is far more important.  :)
4
Grab Bag / Re: Very rough day
May 22, 2012, 09:11:56 AM
So sorry Pooh.  Sending much love....
5
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 08:39:56 AM
Just to clarify, when I say no one's ever cared how it affects me, I mean family members, not WWU members!!  Here is a great community of loving, caring, wonderful people.    :)
6
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 08:07:06 AM
Yes Pooh, the very same dil who pitched a fit a while back.
7
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 08:06:07 AM
I worry about what dil will do too, that's why I said I "may" talk to son, but am still leaning towards not saying anything.
Louise, exactly!!  There is no reason, there is sense, & no one has ever cared how it affects me, but I care how it affect's my gs, so I probably won't say anything.  I want to keep the lines of communication open between my gc & my dh & myself.  I think that is the most important thing.
As I said, it's just so frustrating, always having to be the one to bite the tongue.
8
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 07:38:05 AM
Hi Pen.  Yes I am concerned about gs, how he feels, & thinks.  I feel that dil did what she wanted to do, & not what gs intended. I wonder how things like this will affect him going forward. 
Pooh, that is a great suggestion, I may mention it to ds, from gs's perspective. If gs makes a lot of stuff at school I haven't received any of it.
9
Hi Simplysad.  I am so sorry you are going through all that stuff.  Keep coming here, it's a great place.  I come here often to read, & have learned so much.  Keep your chin up.
10
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 07:18:36 AM
Thanks Doe.  Ya, that's pretty much it.  I try to put gc first, & do what I think is best for them.  It's not always easy when I really want to scream!!  I am very lucky that my gs feels he can talk to me.  After years of dealing with this kind of stuff you'd think I'd have a thicker skin, but I still get hurt.  Sometimes I just can't believe the things dil & her mom do.
11
Grandchildren / Re: Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 06:20:17 AM
Hi Pooh, & thanks.  I was leaning towards letting it go, again.....I am hurt, but I will get over it.  This type of thing happens often & it's just so frustrating to me to always have to be the one to let it go.
Dil & her Mom have a tumultuous relationship at best, so maybe she is seeking to have something better.  I wish she would find another way to do it tho...taking something that was meant for us, & giving it to her Mom, I don't think gs gets it.  I worry about him, watching his Mom reward someone for bad behaviour, has to be very confusing for him...I wonder how gs felt when his Mom took something special he created for us, & just gave it away to someone else.
12
Grandchildren / Grandchild's letter.
May 22, 2012, 05:14:26 AM
Hi all.  This weekend my ds, dil, & gc came for a visit.  My oldest gs, he's 6, told me, in a moment alone, that he had written my dh & I a letter titled dear grandparents at school.  He brought it home & wanted to give it to us....but after talking with his Mom, our dil, they decided to give it to her Mom.  Gs said that they gave it to her because they don't see her as often.  I have to say I am hurt by this action.  Those little grandchildren things are such big things to a grandparent.  I told my gs not to worry about it, told him he could write us another letter.  It is obviously weighing on his mind if he felt the need to tell me.
Now a little background.  His other gm, & her boyfriend, live 5 minutes away from ds & dil, the same distance as us.  The reason they don't see Gramma as often is because she has a lot of problems.  She drinks too much, dresses like a teenager, makes promises she never keeps, & pulls huge, attention seeking stunts.  Gramma had a fire in her oven in her home, she blamed a poltergrist, there were knives sticking in her wall, she again blamed a poltergeist, even going so far as to have a priest come & bless their house.  There is never anyone else around when these "poltergeist" activities happen.  My dil doesn't believe for a minute there is a poltergeist, she told me that herself, she believes her Mom did it.
So...why does my dil reward this behaviour with the special little things from gc?   My dh & I are the ones that are always there for them, & these little things our dil does really hurt.  I am the full time caregiver of my gc so to know dil took something that was meant for us, & gave it to her Mom, well.....that's unbelievable, & I feel gs was confused by his Mom doing this, or he wouldn't have mentioned it to me.
Should I just let this go as I do a million other things, or should I talk to my ds about it?  This one really hurt!!
13
Grab Bag / Re: Sad news.
January 09, 2012, 10:03:17 AM
Hi Everyone, & thank-you all for your warm, comforting thoughts.  We made it through Christmas & the New Year.  My Mom spent the Holidays with us, & we only had a couple of melt downs.  I miss my Dad every single day, & as I'm typing this, tears.  I wonder if the tears will ever stop.  My Mom is doing ok, but I know she misses Dad so much.  She puts on a brave face, but I can see the sadness in her eyes.  We are all trying to keep Mom busy, inviting her places, taking her out, etc. 
I made a special Christmas ornament, with Dad's photo in it, for my Mom, all my siblings, & all the adult grandchildren.  Every year, at christmas, my Dad's ornaments will be hanging on all of our trees.  We won't ever forget him.  I hope he sees those ornaments every year, & smiles!!  When I put my ornament on the tree, it wouldn't hang straight & kept turning toward the door, just like my Dad, always has to see who's coming in.
We told stories about Dad, & laughed at some of the memories.  I know Dad was there laughing with us.
14
Another ding, ding, ding.  My dils Mom is also not a very nice person, my son was raised to be respectful, so never comments on his in-laws behaviour.  My son is very easy going & has a "whatever" type of attitude.  There are times in life though, when one is required not to be so easy going. 
15
Grab Bag / Re: Sad news.
December 06, 2011, 07:09:52 AM
Thank-you RedRose, you brought a smile to my face.  Knowing my Dad he does still hear me!  :)