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One minute I'm OK with all this craziness and want things to carry on status quo....the next minute I might get tearful if I think on it too long....and then I might just get an attitude also thinking, "these kids are self-centered spoiled brats.  To heck with them...."  haha   
Welcome to humanity.

That is hurtful huh.  I have been scratching my own head lately where did I go wrong....I suppose you could always do something different this year and buy yourself some gifts for under the tree and tell the kids you're going to the movies and not doing anything to celebrate.  I am considering it myself this year.   I know that is a big step though and takes courage.  Not sure if I will go through with it but it's on my mind and I just might do it.  It's that darn word "change" again that no one likes.     Love to you as you go through this difficult time.  One thing I found out on this site is we aren't alone!   Don't let anyone steal your joy! 

The most painful part is this behavior is fairly new and she was such a wonderful, smart young woman.  VERY painful to stand by  helplessly as you watch someone spiral downward and can't do anything about it. 

Thank you.  I need the good wishes.  I am bawling mostly.  I tried to talk to my daughter in a loving way before I made that call but her husband was only rude and beligerent as usual in the background and she ended up hanging up on me.  I wanted to try to reason with her but there is a lot of denial on her part and her husband's so there is no reasoning at all.  I am afraid that even though I did it out of love and caring only after the inability to talk to her, I have destroyed whatever future I might have with my only grandchild (and my daughter).  I am hoping she will see all this ugliness that she is living in time and that some day, there will be repair of our relationship.  I think things are going to get darker before they get brighter.  Where are you Christmas?  I can't find it.  I'm going to do my best to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and try to get through it.  Not feeling real good right now....

It wasn't my ex husband that was there even...but the rest of my inlaws and they are all very concerned....I agree I can't go by  heresay but I did witness something a little over a month ago....and now this has removed all doubt.  I am going to make the call now.  It really IS killing me.  My granddaughter is happy and healthy and not "abused" per say , but I believe there are drugs involved now in her living environment and the potential for things to go awry is definitely there.   My daughter loves her daughter very much, but she is obviously clouded by other things and I don't want to hear about any accidents or otherwise happening to my granddaughter. I want to go get her but my husband said I can't just take her without possibly going to jail...which a social worker told me I could just last night.  Wish me luck and if they're any praying ones out there, I'm happy to have them....the more the merrier.  I am going to do what I have to do.  Thanks for responding so soon.  I have been on the phone last night for hours and now today.  If anyone would have told me I'd be doing this a year ago, I wouldn't have believed them.  I'm just SICK.....I'm hoping Child Protective Services will also offer help to them.  Othewise, it might be me raising the babe till they clean up their act.  Lord, give me strength.  I'm off to make that call....  :-(  I feel shattered.

Change is hard for everyone...for parents and for adult children.  And they are that:  Adults.  I would tell them that and also you want to see them blossom into their adulthood and be happy and independent.  Some day you won't be around and gently pushing them toward this goal will only benefit them in the long run.  You are a woman besides a mom and now that they are grown, you are going to have a life that makes you happy:  and that includes not only your kids, but your BF as well.  They should want the best for you and for their mother to be happy finally.  Whether this BF is good for bad for you (I am not sure what it is they are seeing they don't like other than your time is spread out now), it is YOUR decision to make.  They can cook for themselves and if you feel like having a nice meal together, it will be of a time of your choosing.  I would tell them after lovingly stating my mind:  "I'm sorry you feel this way.  I hope that, in time, we can move past this."  And let it be.  You have been more than generous but I also know that when you're children say hurtful things, it is crushing.  It seems like you ARE trying to break free somewhat though by your decision of even allowing a BF....keep moving foreward.  It seems like the children need a hobby and are focusing all their attention on what you're doing.
I have an aunt who used to control my grandmother (God rest her soul) for many years.  It was OK for my aunt to do whatever she wished, but the controlling and manipulative behavior of my grandmother only worsened as my grandmother aged.  It got to the point where if anyone asked my grandmother a question, my aunt wouldn't even let her answer and grandma was perfectly capable.  For some reason, she allowed this bullying to go on up until the day she passed.  We would all ask grandma how she could stand it but she would just say she couldn't stand fighting with her.  She would receive the reprimandable "wrath" as you put it.  So, please, life is short....we are all on our own journey and in 20 years it's not what we did that we look back on and regret, it's what we didn't do.  Please continue to live your life that makes you happy and let your kids know you want them in your life also and your love for them will never stop, but that it's time to grow up.   You can still be their mom but you're the one who calls the shots.  At this point of their adult life, they might still like to have your support and advice which is fine to an extent, but their controlling behavior toward you will ease when they see you're serious.  It's just a change that will take practice.   With warm thoughts and prayers for you....         

I am considering calling child protective services on my own child and I think I  might throw up.  My heart is shattered into a million pieces.  I don't know what to do.  I am worried about my granddaughters well-being at this point.  I got a call yesterday from my daughter's dad's side of the family and got an earful of how Thanksgiving went at their home.  Apparently, drugs may be involved with my daughter and son in law along with the very poor life choices.......  I'm dyin' over here.  I do not want to do this....I feel I have to.  I'm hating on it.

Hi, I just viewed the start here first and then the other form of the preferred conduct.  Do I need to change my user name somehow?  I'm sorry I didn't go to those places first, I just stumbled on the site and then didn't read those things first.....I also have a strong faith in God so by the looks of the conduct issues it asks we refrain from our spiritual beliefs....I would still like to stay on because it's a really helpful site for me and I am happy to tone it down....however, not sure how to change my user name.  Should I re-register under a different one if this one is not acceptable?

I can totally relate to your comment "we used to be so close, now I feel like a failure."  I have said that myself and thought due to being a single mother for so long that I was hard on her and ruined her life....I feel like I beat her down maybe but not purposely.  The shoulda, coulda, woulda's creep in.....  Looking back that's how it feels.  My daughter graduated with honors and a scholarship....then barely into starting her college at 18 yrs old, she met a man with 2 kids from a few different moms and bad credit with no HS diploma.  She dropped out of college and walked away from her bright future.  They are now struggling severely with their baby in tow.  I am scratching my head.  Even though I used to say all her life, "when you go to college" not "if you go to college" it didn't matter because she did her own thing.  So you have been a success in at least the college finishing part.  I love my daughter more than anything and she has made some poor life choices but I know that God has a plan for her and it's out of my hands at this point.  No one loves my daughter more than I except God so I have to let go....but it is SO hard. I am trying to count my blessings and reading that you were into art is really something I would love to fall back on if I had the talent....I think it is just going to take time and adjustment and then you will be able to slowly get back into your passions that you once had. I am also thinking I have to do that also.  It will keep us busy and focused on something else besides our child.  I also have just 1 daughter (and a step son who is on his own too).  I am wishing you the best and for strength to get through it.   

I feel your pain and my daughter doesn't even live out of town.  My heart is with you.  I am so glad to have found this site.  I doubt it is a coincidence.  It is very helpful that we can vent our feelings here and no longer feel so alone in this.  A lot of tears lately.   I found a quote that I nabbed and it says "it gets darkest before the dawn.....try not to panic."  So true.  I hope you try to have a somewhat Happy Thanksgiving, even if that means the pumpking pie with Cool Whip is the highlight of the day.  I am struggling also but bought a dab of fixins to get through it.  Thanking God for my blessings and praising Him for what He is doing in our lives, even if I don't understand it right now.   

I have just stumbled on this website and it couldn't have been at a better time.  I'm really thankful to have found it.  Reading all the posts about problems everyone is having lets me know I am far from alone in my heartbreak with my adult daughter.  This time of year is killing me and I am tearful much of the time, wishing things were the way they used to be, or at least different than they are now.  Funny how I am feeling so very homesick for the good old days.  Wishing my daughter wanted to be around me.  I have a beautiful granddaughter 10 mos old that I am allowed to see but daughter doesn't seem to want much to do with me.  She has had her own issues lately and has made some poor life choices.  I am praying for her continuously and missing her so very much.  Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and I'm really glad I'm not alone because it feels that way most of the time.  The holiday times are so hard to get through with all the pressure and memories of a better day.  I'm hoping to find the joy and trust God that He is in control.