I can only share my problem. There is no solution. Nothing is going to magically change the outcome. As some of you know, I lost my only child as the result of a motorcycle accident. He was married and has a daughter. My ex-daughter in law considers herself to be an angry rebellious hard rocker chick. Her priorities in life are: drugs/alcohol, sex/promiscuous lifestyle, and music/attending concerts.
Since my son died she has covered herself with tattoos. She loves Kat Von D and wants to look like her. My ex daughter in law has tattoos on her neck, back, butt, legs, even her hands. Now you ask me how do I know? My daughter in law takes nude photos of her self and posts them everywhere on-line. I mean naked...no clothes. She wants to be a nude model.
If all of this is not bad enough, I am not allowed to see my only grandchild. I am considered the bad guy. She tells my granddaughter bad things about her father. I realize this woman doesn't have both ors in the water, but there is nothing I can do about the situation. I live in Florida and we have NO grandparent rights. In this state it would be extremely difficult for me to do anything. All I can do is stand back and watch.
Hi Invisible-
How does all this information come your way?
I mentioned in previously, she posts everything on line.
Just to ease the wear and tear on you from trying to solve an unsolveable problem, can you block all access to the usual places she posts? Hide her from your FB feed and any other social networking site you use. If she has a blog, there are filters you can set up in your browser that make those sites "off limits," which I find helps me until I can get out of the mental habit of checking. It's like poking a sore tooth to see if it's still sore, KWIM? Spend a month or two in an "ex-DIL-free zone" and get some of your peace back, then decide if you want to stay in that zone. Doesn't mean you've cut her off from contacting you if she or her daughter choose to, but it does give you some space to heal.
Invisible, it's good to hear from you but I'm sorry things have not improved with your ex-DIL. I agree with Elsie, although I understand the compulsion to keep connected in a round about way to your only GD.
I've been thinking about you. Sending warm wishes and good thoughts towards a better outcome.
I am hoping she will say something or do something that will allow me to persue legal avenues.
What a terrible situation. How old is your GD? If she's a minor, and your DIL is leaving her to do drugs or is bringing in unsavoury people into the home can something not be done to remove the GD from that situation? My thoughts go out to you, I wish I had more to offer.
My Take: Staying connected to what's going on isn't giving you anything but grief. I doubt that "just cause" is about to show up there. I would close the door...not to my heart...but to tracking ex DIL. If you continue to monitor her, your life is going to be about that...and you deserve so much better. And I also think I would be making a scrapbook for my GD so that someday she might get to know her dad in retrospect. As in all of these things...that's what I think I would do. If it happened to me, I have no idea if I could pull that off or not. Sending love...
Quote from: luise.volta on January 21, 2012, 11:25:55 AM
My Take: Staying connected to what's going on isn't giving you anything but grief. I doubt that "just cause" is about to show up there. I would close the door...not to my heart...but to tracking ex DIL. If you continue to monitor her, your life is going to be about that...and you deserve so much better. And I also think I would be making a scrapbook for my GD so that someday she might get to know her dad in retrospect. As in all of these things...that's what I think I would do. If it happened to me, I have no idea if I could pull that off or not. Sending love...
You are correct. I have put together a scrap book and I am in the process of writing my GD a letter ( just in case I never see her again). I don't have a life. Nor do I want one. All my family is dead. My son and my granddaughter were my life. My holidays are comprised of puttin flowers on my son's accident site. I know there is nothing at the site for me, but I go because that was the last place he was alive.
I visit my Ex-DIL's computer site. Yes, I know there is nothing for me to do but get hurt, but that is life. My son put his faith in his life with this women. I suppose I am looking for something I will never find. I am not ready to close any doors that involved my son.
Oh, I., there are other choice besides having that be your life and having your life be over unless that's what you really want and you need to defend it and continue it. Life is life. It's precious. It doesn't have to be lived through others. My eldest son is dead, too. I'm not saying losing him isn't part of who and how I am...but he would never have wanted me to stop living. He's "someplace" reading WWU and my other Website over my shoulder and cheering..."Way to go, Mom!" I know he is.
I journal with him, once in a while. I have even written answers from him to me because I know what he would say...and he's been gone for 12 years in June.
Sending love...
Quote from: luise.volta on January 21, 2012, 12:05:41 PM
Oh, I., there are other choice besides having that be your life and having your life be over unless that's what you really want and you need to defend it and continue it. Life is life. It's precious. It doesn't have to be lived through others. My eldest son is dead, too. I'm not saying losing him isn't part of who and how I am...but he would never have wanted me to stop living. He's "someplace" reading WWU and my other Website over my shoulder and cheering..."Way to go, Mom!" I know he is.
I journal with him, once in a while. I have even written answers from him to me because I know what he would say...and he's been gone for 12 years in June.
Sending love...
I have made my choice. Life goes on long after the joy of living. It is good you have a strong faith to support your beliefs. I am sorry for your loss.
Take care
To my way of thinking, "Life goes on long after the joy of living" is a perception you have chosen, not a fact. My life is full of joy because that's what I choose from one moment to the next...and I have no beliefs to confirm that. Just like I have no beliefs around my son's death and what may or may not be beyond that. I just make it up to suit myself because I would rather be happy than sad. My heart goes out to you that such a concept has no appeal...
Quote from: Invisible on January 21, 2012, 10:40:34 AM
I am hoping she will say something or do something that will allow me to persue legal avenues.
I would venture to guess that she's aware of your intentions. If someone was monitoring my life in order to get me in jail, I think I would keep my children away from them, too. Not judging if she's right or wrong, just sayin'...
Right, D....and that has got to take you down and keep you down, I.
Hi Invisible,
It sounds like she is a little narcissistic to me. I believe she and my dil could be related. I hope that your gc one day will get the book from you personally. My dh called our ds today to try and resolve things so we can see our gc. Wrong....dil was letting baby cry in background my dh sd.... guess she was listening to ds when he was on the phone. Can you believe that? Well, I told him he tried. Sounds like you will have to wait out her need for you to help her with the gc like us. When there is no one else to keep the gc. It's easy to give advice because I am in the same boat but pull up your bootstraps and hang on because she will need you at some point. And you will get to see the gc.
Beth
Invisible I too am sorry for your sadness. I can relate since I do not get to see several of my grandchildren either, and some of them also live in a very questionable environment filled with prescription drug abuse and illegal activities relating to that. However, that being said, I still feel sad at times about the situation, but most of the time I still find joy in other areas of my life. I do understand the pain involved in your situation trust me, but I refuse to let the situation beat me! I find joy in hobbies, my great friends, the job I love, and just the simple things like a day of lovely weather, or a clean house for a day, or a good movie or book, or even some great music. I do hope you find some joy again even though you have suffered losses. I too lost a son as a child, and it was painful. I still 33 years later remember his birthdays and the anniversary of his death. But I had to go on with my life. And I am so glad I did. I am sure your son would wish you to find joy again too. I'll keep you in my thoughts.