I heard that my DIL has said she does not want me to be alone with the GC because I will turn them against her! That is not the person I am, but I think it describes the person DIL is because it is something DIL would likely do (and is doing?). It was because of her jealousy and mean-spirited treatment of me, using GC as pawn, that I had to go no contact with DIL/DS/GC. What does it say about DIL/DS's relationship that she does not trust DS alone with me, or DS and GC alone with me--that is, without DIL being there to monitor everything said! She started her control slowly, and DS adjusted trying to please her.
My alienation from DS and GC is sad, but it's remarkable that I have learned to move on emotionally this year and not dwell on it. I do still have problems interacting with small children because I am reminded of my loss, but I think in time I will do better.
P.S. I gave up giving personal gifts even before the estrangement because DIL got rid of every gift, including family keepsakes. Instead I gave money or took them out to dinner. (No thanks from DIL either.) Otherwise, I would have enjoyed continuing to give gifts to GC, even if the parents weren't grateful.