Your direct experience in the matter is very useful for me. I'm in the phase now where everything is raw and I know I made a mistake telling DS that I don't think it's right for him to see the children with new GF. I'm not taking sides at all but I felt I had to say what I was thinking and not keeping my feelings hidden. (I did this all the time when he was married to xDIL and it has almost made me ill.) I think my relationship with DS is strong enough to weather the storm. But he is in love now and as the old saying goes: Love makes blind.
I have decided to be open to him about what xDIL and FOO tell me and be open about my replies to them, if any. I have to reply to the email my xDIL sent, that's only common courtesy on the one hand but on the other it also allows me to see the GC soon, I hope.
I really feel like a bamboo swaying in the wind into all directions. I love peace and harmony (who doesn't?) and this strife and conflict is just too bad. But there is a big positive in this scenario. The GC are in this world and they are wonderful.
NewMama, it was useful to hear the GC's point of view of a break-up. The bottomline is that they are part of me and to loose contact with them would just be too sad. On the other hand I have to think about the future. DS is only 31 and there may be more GK's. This means I can't ignore a future DIL.
Justandoldgrandma. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply in detail quoting an actual case and the outcome. I'll be able to read it again and again when things get rough. I wish there'll come a time when our family will unite in the love for the children and make their lives as good as possible under the circumstances.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.